Feeling Alone

[drageas]

Hi guys, I am living in Shimane and I don't know what to do to find a japanese girlfriend. I tried each dating app, but with zero smiles.
I am really feeling alone. I wanna know where young people in small cities like Matsue go to flirt and meet people to dating. I am going to be depressed with this alone routine. Anyone can give me a help?

 

[Ken1988]

I've been to Shimane just once, but I can imagine that the situation is challenging. It's the area where many young people leave after graduating high schools for large cities like Osaka and Tokyo. I'm afraid the local society may not have a sufficient depth to let young boys and girls flirt around just for dating.

You may need to participate in some activities (sport, music, cultural, or whatever available) to meet girls, but, yes, it's inefficient. If you can read Japanese, the below linked forum may help you to find some local gatherings.
https://matsue.mypl.net/community/?c=&a=1515&k=&pg=1

 

[meiji]

I've been to Shimane just once, but I can imagine that the situation is challenging. It's the area where many young people leave after graduating high schools for large cities like Osaka and Tokyo.

This among other reasons is why English teachers and others posted in the inaka try to get a city-based posting within a year or two of showing up in Japan.

 

[Timoleon]

I live in a small city as well, so I can relate with your situation.

First thing I would do is to sit down with Google Maps and pinpoint the tourism and shopping locations both in Matsue and the vecinities. The local government probably has this info on its website, but there are probably places that are not covered, so check with your local friends. These places are where people are flocking and events are happening. Decent places for dates too. After that, do a small research on transportation both inside the city and the nearby towns. If there's some nightlife, is going to be probably close to a station: look up the izakayas, love hotels, taxi and bus stops, karaoke, etc. If Matsue is the biggest city in the area, people from nearby small towns are going there too. Then, check the nearest big city and see how far you are: that place can be useful both for chatting girls or inviting a date along with you. Matsue's young people are in the same situation as you, so they are likely going there during weekends. Finally, think about your own logistics: where do you inside the city, can you drive, where the trains and buses are, etc.

With that info at hand, you can start thinking what to do. You will probably have to get a bit creative though. Events, matsuri, cultural/language exchanges and community gatherings can also be opportunities to meet new people. I wouldn't discard the dating apps, keep them as another method.

I don't know yout Japanese skills, but having a decent level would really help in the countryside.

Take it step by step: small cities are harder than Tokyo or similar cities (fewer people, bad transport, fewer venues, small nightlife, good English speakers are rare) but it can be done.

 

[Ken1988]

Joining a yoga course may be a good opportunity to get to know local people. Besides, even in Japan, the majority of yoga practitioners are young women. There are quite a few schools/classes in and around Matsue. Some of the instructors there were trained in India (according to their websites), which means they can speak conversational English. I can list some of them up for you if you want me to. Yes, it's a detour, but it could be better than nothing.

 

[drageas]

Thanks very much for everybody here!
I will try everything. In future I will back to give feedback

Could you list some of the yoga instructors?

 

[Ken1988]

Sure. I pm the list. Good luck!

 

[curioustokyogirl]

Hi!
How are you today? I hope you have explored some of the things the other people have posted. Or you can try meet-up groups if and when it's quite active. What my friend would do is use a dating app and connects with women and meet with them in a "city" and see where it goes.

 

[impish]

Get this shirt. Wear it around town...

https://jbox.com/shirt-gf1

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

If you are somehow able to practice nampa a little each day and build up confidence talking to/meeting women there in your small town...Tokyo could seem like a cake walk if you visit there once in a while. That has been my experience. Compared to Tokyo or Osaka, meeting Japanese women in smaller cities/towns is a lot more difficult, due to the huge population difference and women being more traditional.

 

[MikeH]

women being more traditional.

And even if the girls aren't traditional in a small city the gossip travels fast if they would hook up with a foreigner...

Tokyo is so big that if you travel a few stations with Yamanote you'll be basically unknown to everyone thus girls can be much more adventurous.

 

[curioustokyogirl]

And even if the girls aren't traditional in a small city the gossip travels fast if they would hook up with a foreigner...

Tokyo is so big that if you travel a few stations with Yamanote you'll be basically unknown to everyone thus girls can be much more adventurous.

Not directly related but I just remembered my own experience.

I had the same thing in mind that you know, probably different stations and the chances of people I went out with knowing each other would be slim.

Unfortunately, it wasn't the case for me. A guy I previously dated knows AND is great buddies with a guy I'm supposed to date.

I ended up just letting go of both of them.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

And even if the girls aren't traditional in a small city the gossip travels fast if they would hook up with a foreigner...

Tokyo is so big that if you travel a few stations with Yamanote you'll be basically unknown to everyone thus girls can be much more adventurous.

It is funny you say that because it is so true. As I was leaving the love hotel with this woman, a couple of acquaintances of hers saw us walking together. One of them looked super surprised and his eyes bugged out when he saw me walking with my arm around her haha.

This might actually cause the end of this relationship, if it is like a gossiping coworker...who knows.

Also about women being more adventurous in big cities, that is so true.

 

[Yuma]

Some of English teacher who I know included my home town which is very Inaka often hang out with other ALT friends, Or they made Japanese friends from the local community like Yosakoi dancer clubs, Cooking class, Volley ball or foot ball clubs even Izakaya or bars can be a great place to meet locals especially people in country side are much more innocent and pure, always curious about new people in town and they have strong "Akogare" feelings for foreigners in a good way. (like everyone was dreaming of date with a foreigner!)
Good luck and enjoy Japan!

 

[littlemissalice]

The harder you look the less likely you are to find someone. You will smell of desperation - a huge turn off to 99% of women.

My suggestion, despite how lonely and sad you may be: Just stop caring! Focus on yourself. Treat yourself. Buy some new cool clothes (if you're a dork, ask the retail assistants to dress you). Get that confidence back! Work on yourself and someone will come along without you even noticing...

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

An update, that woman messaged me saying she really looks forward to meeting me Saturday night, so this relationship is not going to end anytime soon.

It is great to have a lot of cute sex friends lol.

 

[Jbagz]

The harder you look the less likely you are to find someone. You will smell of desperation - a huge turn off to 99% of women.

My suggestion, despite how lonely and sad you may be: Just stop caring! Focus on yourself. Treat yourself. Buy some new cool clothes (if you're a dork, ask the retail assistants to dress you). Get that confidence back! Work on yourself and someone will come along without you even noticing...

THIS!

This totally relates to online dating apps.

Sure, they are sometimes a very useful tool, but I'm turned off by 99 percent of the women who are in full husband hunter mode.

It is outrageously crazy they way women and men set out with a goal of finding someone to be in a relationship with.

Nope, might as well dress up in a ridiculous Safari costume and carry a big tranquilizer rifle like you are going out to capture a wildebeest.

It doesn't work that way.

Put yourself in situations where you meet more people and see what happens. Don't expect too much, just expand your social circle, be as happy and as confident as you can be.

You've got a much better chance that way than being agenda driven to find a mate, girlfriend or whatever.

The advice about hitting the gym and being fashion conscious is also good. In terms of being sexually attractive, you do want be the best you can be in that aspect, but without the agenda.

Seems contradictory? Not at all because you just never know when you are going to run into your next fling, romance or life partner.

Don't scare them off by being too desperate or too uncaring. Balance!

 

[RoboReptar]

One of the things I learned during this gap between my last relationship and whatever comes next is that dating apps suck for your mental health, you feel more alone when you're not getting likes/matches/etc after weeks of trying on dating apps. My suggestion would be to put down the apps and, like the posters above stated, to work on yourself and start trying to find happiness alone and within yourself.

When you're able to be happy by yourself, people see that, women see that and it comes with a new found confidence in yourself. You're the master of your own happiness and you shouldn't rely on others to bring your happiness, and while there is that "alone" feeling, you'll be able to find happiness in that loneliness.

Sounds cheesy, but trust me, once you're able to be happy with yourself alone, your life and dating becomes much much easier.

 

[Exnocomment]

One of the things I learned during this gap between my last relationship and whatever comes next is that dating apps suck for your mental health, you feel more alone when you're not getting likes/matches/etc after weeks of trying on dating apps. My suggestion would be to put down the apps and, like the posters above stated, to work on yourself and start trying to find happiness alone and within yourself.

When you're able to be happy by yourself, people see that, women see that and it comes with a new found confidence in yourself. You're the master of your own happiness and you shouldn't rely on others to bring your happiness, and while there is that "alone" feeling, you'll be able to find happiness in that loneliness.

Sounds cheesy, but trust me, once you're able to be happy with yourself alone, your life and dating becomes much much easier.

Right, so access to companionship and sex aside.. A relationship should be between two people who are individually happy with themselves and their lives and find that by being together and investing in that relationship makes their lives both more fulfilling as a result. Most people don't figure that first part out..