Another oldie: The Repentant Man
Feeling sincere remorse one day, a married Irishman enters the confessional to speak with the priest at his local church.
Irishman: “Bless me father for I have sinned. I almost had an affair with another woman.”
Priest: “What do you mean ‘almost’?”
Irishman: “Well, father, we got undressed and rubbed our bodies together, but then I stopped.”
Priest: “Rubbing your bodies together is the same as putting it in. You’re not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box.”
So the Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box, as the priest watched him.
The Irishman paused for a moment and then started to leave.
Priest: “I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!”
Irishman: “Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box. According to you, father, that's the same as putting it in!”