Good Adult Jokes

[Majestyk]

She looks nice and gentle.

 

[shadowboxer]

And at the same time to be sure it works.

And remember the second shot after few weeks!

Only after a few weeks?
I forget so easily. So better to go for a shot every day for a few weeks. I am sure that works too.

 

[Frenchy]

She looks nice and gentle.

View attachment 16059

she sure knows how to handle a cock

 

[MikeH]

she sure knows how to handle a cock

It was a trap. He was just waiting to see who will do that exact comment. We persevered for almost four half hours before you had to do it.

 

[Frenchy]

It was a trap. He was just waiting to see who will do that exact comment. We persevered for almost four half hours before you had to do it.

Yeah well I get a pass. It’s our national emblem after all. I just noticed she showed the proper level of respect for this beautiful animal

 

[shadowboxer]

The French, they sure love riddles.

 

[Majestyk]

Sure

 

[Majestyk]

Looking for healthy cereals.

 

[Majestyk]

A DAY AT THE LIBRARY

A guy enters a crowded university library, looks around for a place to sit and spots a vacant seat next to a pretty young student.

He approaches the young lady, gets her attention and asks: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

She replies in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

Immediately, all the students seated near and around the young lady as well as the library staff nearby look daggers at the guy.

Embarrassed, the guy quickly walks to another side of the library, far from the young lady.

He finds a table with no students, takes a seat and keeps to himself there.

After 20 minutes, the young lady walks quietly to the guy's table, stands beside him and says with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy looks at her and responds in a very loud voice: "US$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ... THAT'S TOO MUCH!"

Almost in unison, all the people in the library stares at the girl in shock.

The guy then whispers to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people."

 

[Frenchy]

A DAY AT THE LIBRARY

A guy enters a crowded university library, looks around for a place to sit and spots a vacant seat next to a pretty young student.

He approaches the young lady, gets her attention and asks: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?”

She replies in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!"

Immediately, all the students seated near and around the young lady as well as the library staff nearby look daggers at the guy.

Embarrassed, the guy quickly walks to another side of the library, far from the young lady.

He finds a table with no students, takes a seat and keeps to himself there.

After 20 minutes, the young lady walks quietly to the guy's table, stands beside him and says with a laugh: "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy looks at her and responds in a very loud voice: "US$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? ... THAT'S TOO MUCH!"

Almost in unison, all the people in the library stares at the girl in shock.

The guy then whispers to her: "I study law, and I know how to screw people."

love it! Thanks !

 

[Majestyk]

The Refrigerator

At a doctor's clinic late one morning, a large and very muscular guy arrives complaining of serious back pain.
During his examination, the doctor asked: "Tell me, what happened to your back?"

The guy replied: "I work security at a local night club. When I got home early this morning, I was alarmed by noises from my bedroom.
As soon as I entered the room and saw my naked wife in bed and her undergarments on the floor, I knew someone had been with her. He must’ve rushed to escape because the door to the balcony was open.
So I went straight to the balcony, but found no one there.
As I looked down from the balcony, I saw a man stepping out of the building and hurrying to dress himself.
I got so angry. So I grabbed the refrigerator, dragged it across the bedroom to the balcony, lifted it and threw it at that man with all my might!
That was how I strained my back.”

In the afternoon, a disheveled-looking man arrived as if he had been in a car wreck.
The doctor said: "My patient this morning looked bad, but you look terrible. What happened to you?"

The man replied: "You know, doc, I’ve been unemployed for a while now.
I just got hired this week and today was the first day at my new job.
I forgot to set the alarm last night, so I woke up late this morning.
I was rushing to dress myself as I stepped out of the building and — you won’t believe this — a fridge fell on me out on the street.
I don't know how that happened!”

Before closing for the day, a bloodied dude with bruises on his face, ripped clothes and no shoes walks in.

The doctor is shocked. He asked: "What the hell happened to you?"

He replied: “Well, it started like this. I was inside a refrigerator ...”

 

[Majestyk]

Saturday Night Live classic: “Is it hard to get into the Paris Hilton?”

 

[Majestyk]

Eddie Murphy spoke the truth back in the day.

 

[just4fun]

 

[SugoiBoy]

An oldie, but I couldn’t resist:

Valentine’s Day is abbreviated as VD.

 

[Majestyk]

I miss spending a lovely day on a fine white-sand beach with a few good friends.

 

[Majestyk]

When your relationships haven’t been working out

 

[just4fun]

 

[Majestyk]

Dream on

 

[AMcguyver]

Sex is like a game of bridge. If you’ve got a great hand, you don’t need a partner.

 

[MikeH]

Why deaf guys make the best gynaecologists?

Because they’re good at reading lips.

 

[Majestyk]

It’s all in the mix.
He offered her Scotch and soda. She declined.
He offered her Scotch and sofa. She reclined.

 

[SugoiBoy]

Another oldie:

What do you call couples who practice the rhythm method?

Parents.

 

[Majestyk]

Pretty large trainers

 

[MikeH]

Pretty large trainers

If those are for training I really would like to see the ones used for competition purposes.