Good Adult Jokes

WTF :eek:

7169268B-56C0-4116-BF8E-E329ADBFD167.jpeg
 
  • Like
Reactions: Keii and Frenchy
Bought this lovely old painting years ago and decided to donate it as a prize for the annual church bingo.
Not long afterwards, the church suspended me indefinitely.
So I’m not a member anymore. Anyway, some fool hung the painting upside down.

98C83BA4-BF7A-4F87-A9E3-5FBD02EE0A7D.jpeg
 
I wish this was a joke, but … Covid-19 can cause ED.

Sample size of two men and The authors hypothesize

I am not going to cancel my regular condom deliveries yet.
 
  • Like
Reactions: Keii
The Barber

Joe was getting a haircut a day before his family holiday in Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber.

“Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?” the barber asked. “It's crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

“We're taking United," Joe said."We got a great rate!"

“United Airlines? That's a terrible airline,” the barber said. “Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?”

“We'll be at the downtown International Marriott,” Joe said.

“That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city,” the barber said. “The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?”

“We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope,” Joe said.

The barber laughed. “That's rich,” he said. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, Joe came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome.

“It was wonderful," Joe said. “Not only were we on time in one of United’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28-year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel … It was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologised and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!”

“Well, I know you didn't get to see the Pope,” the barber said.

“Actually, we were quite lucky,” Joe said. “As we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the Pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me.”

“Oh, really?” the barber said. “What'd he say?”

Joe smiled and said: “The Pope asked, ‘Where'd you get the shitty haircut?’ “