Good Adult Jokes

Good one! Well except I foresaw the ending half-way through but good one nevertheless!
Seriously though, I always wondered why in the era when any joke about race/gender/sexual orientations / body weight etc is deemed offensive we are all (me included) ok with small dicks jokes. Thats probably the last safe zone against PC nonsense. A bit unfair though...
 
A bit unfair though...

Because it's considered to be a white male problem and they are always open for all insults.

And yes, all males of colour have huge dicks. And most females too.
 
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them.

As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.

The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.

The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.

The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.
 
Because it's considered to be a white male problem and they are always open for all insults.

And yes, all males of colour have huge dicks.

Errr... not the color yellow, from what everybody here seem to imply! :D
 
There once was a farmer who was raising 3 daughters on his own. He was very concerned about their well being and always did his best to watch out for them.

As they entered their late teens the girls dated, and on this particular evening all three of his girls were going out on a date. This was the first time this had occurred. As was his custom, he would greet the young suitor at the door holding his shotgun, not to menace or threaten but merely to ensure that the young man knew who was boss.

The doorbell rang and the first of the boys arrived. Father answered the door and the lad said, "Hi, my name's Joe, I'm here for Flo. We're going to the show, is she ready to go?" The father looked him over and sent the kids on their way.

The next lad arrived and said, "My name's Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're gonna get some spaghetti, is she ready?" Father felt this one was okay too, so off the two kids went.

The final young man arrived and the farmer opened the door. The boy started off, "Hi, my name's Chuck… --" and the farmer shot him.

I must admit, didnt get that one o_O
 
Errr... not the color yellow, from what everybody here seem to imply! :D

What I have understood is you have been telling everyone your wife is a huge dick. :confused:
 
What would an over protective father not want a young man to do with his daughter that rhymes with "Chuck"?

(though I still haven't guessed what girl name rhymes with Chuck...)

Aaaaaahhh okaaaay
 
“My name is Buck, and i’m here to fuck.”
So Buck would fuck his own sister BigBoobsRuck ? (With a « u » for « a » towards the end coz really theres no female name rhyming with fuck, sorry)
 
“My name is Buck, and i’m here to fuck.”

"My name's Chuck, I'm here for Buck, we're gonna hop in my truck, is he ready to fuck?"
 
Young farm couple decide to raise their children on a farm in the rural area of town for a better quality of life. Over time, farmer John gets less sex from his wife and begins to think she is fooling around with farmer Brown down the road. One day his young teenage daughter, while beginning to tend to the farm animals hears a rather strange sound coming from the corner of the barn unlike the normal sounds of animals breeding. She investigates and see's her mother on all fours in the hay and Buddy the ram is screwing her mother while her mother moans and groans guttural sounds. The girl is shocked and runs away to daddy.

Daddy, she says "I just saw mom getting fucked by Buddy." Farmer John, while visibly shaken is somewhat relieved that his wife is not fooling around with farmer Brown. He says to his daughter "How do you feel about what mom and Buddy are doing in the barn?" Teenage daughter replies "I feel kinda baaaaaad for you!"
 
really theres no female name rhyming with fuck

You just don't know enough Inuit girls. :)

Amaruq, Aqakuktuq, Arnaaluk, Kanaaq, Nanouk, Nanurjuk, Nuliajuk, Ticasuk, Tulimook....
 
Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn’t. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while, he’d hear an internal, reassuring voice that said, “Dave, don’t worry about it. You’re not the first doctor to sleep with one of their patients and you won’t be the last. And you’re single. Just let it go.” But invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality, whispering “Dave, you’re a vet…”
 
Guy sitting at a bar, his friend comes up to him and asks ‘why are you looking so down?’

‘Well, you know that woman at my office that I get an erection over even just thinking about, I finally got the courage to ask her out’

‘That’s awesome, what happened?’

‘Before the date, I was nervous about getting a hard on in front of her so I taped my penis to my leg so even if I got a boner, she wouldn’t see it’

‘Good thinking, what happened next?’

‘I knocked on her door and she looks absolutely amazing, like proper humdinging’

‘Niiiice. And?’

‘I kicked her in the face’
 
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Four nuns die and arrive at the pearly gates. Saint Peter is there and asks the first nun if she had ever touched a penis.

“Yes,” she admits. “I once touched a penis with the tip of my finger.”

“Dip your finger into the holy water and enter the kingdom of Heaven,” says Saint Peter. The nun dips her finger in the holy water and enters heaven.

Saint Peter asks the same question of the second nun.

“Yes,” she admits. “I once touched a penis with one hand.”

“Dip your hand into the holy water and enter the kingdom of Heaven,” says Saint Peter. The second nun complies and enters heaven.

At this point, the fourth nun abruptly cuts in line.

“Hang on!” she says, pointing at the third nun. “You’d better let me go next, because there’s no way I’m gargling that shit after she sticks her ass in it!”
 
Bob tires of the city life and moves to the mountains where the closest cabin is miles away. After weeks of welcomed isolation Bob hears a truck driving up the road and a man hops out to introduce himself as his neighbor from the next hill over.

The neighbor invites Bob to a party he is throwing at his house on Friday and Bob is finally ready to get back to socializing so he gladly accepts.

As the neighbor heads back to his truck he turns to Bob and tells him, "I must warn you that at these parties there is usually a lot of drinking." "No problem", says Bob, "In my career I've learned to handle my liquor."

Then the neighbor warns him, "And sometimes there's a bit of fighting." "Well" says Bob "I was a wrestler in college, I think I can take care of myself."

Finally the neighbor whispers "Aaand by the end of the night there's gonna be some sucking and fucking. Just to let you know." "Ha ha," says Bob, "In the city we're no strangers to casual sex and I've been alone in the woods for weeks so I'm up for that."

As the neighbor gets into the truck, Bob calls out "By the way, what should I wear for this party?"

The neighbor replies "Wear whatever you like, it's just going to be the two of us."