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How comfortable do you feel in advance payment for sugar baby?

okayspot

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So let me just bullet point my situation. Thoughts on how you handle it with your own sugar babies?

Background:
- Met a very amateur girl at a ichya pub who needed to pay back the money she spent on her defunct band renting out live houses. Girl meets my type and interests / we went to same school / close to exactly.

- Said she was using the money to pay back her loan and for daily expenses.
- Spent 300,000 on her at an Ichya Pub for 20 hours. Moved to the fact this is ridiculous that she is only getting 1/3 of the money, "let's go private" and she agreed to 300,000 for 40 hours(non sexual time)

Info about Girl:
- Recent university graduate, started job Feb.1st but her paycheck for first month doesn't come in till March.15
- Said she needs money for food and to pay back the loan

- By her being stupid with social media id tags, have found out her real info and confirmed her workplace(they had a posting on her blog introducing her as new employee)
- Confirmed her personality ( very innoncent gentle), school and that the only thing she has lied to me about is the time she canceled a date because she was invited out by some Music event organizer.

Payment Info

- I paid in advance 100,000 to prove I was serious about moving private. I've been giving her money every time we meet for 2 hours a week, under the expectation she will fulfill the 40 hours and that she doesn't have as much need for money come March 15th.
- Have paid 210,000 now, met her 3 times in private for 6.5 hours.
- She keeps asking for more each time and told me tonight that she just wants to meet as friends and it would be great to get the entire 300,000 now

I wouldn't have paid her in advance, besides for the fact that I've determined who she is and all her private info/workplace etc(she doesn't know I know this). Is there any reason not to pay the rest in advance?
 
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I would definitely not give up the whole amound upfront and unless she has some burning loan or something there is no need for her to receive it all at once.
 
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I'll be the first to admit that I don't understand the concept of compensated non-sexual companionship.

I'm not commenting to make fun of you at all.

Just because it sounds crazy to me doesn't mean it is crazy, but dude!

This sounds crazy!

Whatever need you have, I'm guessing there is a better way to satisfy it than what you are describing here.

My advice is to cut your losses and find companionship elsewhere.

Best of luck.
 
Also she does not know that you know her real name and workplace, right?

And she may be sweet and innocent but some girls are selfish and if its mendokusai for her to hang out with you she probably wont feel bad about not meeting you anymore after receiving the money.
 
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Also she does not know that you know her real name and workplace, right?

And she may be sweet and innocent but some girls are selfish and if its mendokusai for her to hang out with you she probably wont feel bad about not meeting you anymore after receiving the money.


Thanks for the replies, she knows I know her real name but not the kanji. She is extremely defensive about me finding out the more rare kanji for it(I already know it)
She told me where she went to school and that wasn't a lie.

She told me she works at chain clothing shop as a full time career employee. She does not know I know the name and location
Her Instagram account proves the shops name and from there found the blog of the shop(In Harajuku).


If for some reason she steals my money It would incredibly freak her out to have me show up in the store she works at...

I'll be the first to admit that I don't understand the concept of compensated non-sexual companionship.

I'm not commenting to make fun of you at all.

Just because it sounds crazy to me doesn't mean it is crazy, but dude!

This sounds crazy!

Whatever need you have, I'm guessing there is a better way to satisfy it than what you are describing here.

My advice is to cut your losses and find companionship elsewhere.

Best of luck.

After spending 400,000 in a single month on mid-range sex services, I realized it wasn't sex I was looking for, I was buying 20,000 an hour extensions just to be alone with girls that relax me.
Paying 7000~ an hour for dates that leave me just as satisfied is far more economic.

*Market rate for non sexual services is actual closer to 5000 an hour
 
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Thanks for the replies, she knows I know her real name but not the kanji. She is extremely defensive about me finding out the more rare kanji for it(I already know it)
She told me where she went to school and that wasn't a lie.

She told me she works at chain clothing shop as a full time career employee. She does not know I know the name and location
Her Instagram account proves the shops name and from there found the blog of the shop(In Harajuku).


If for some reason she steals my money It would incredibly freak her out to have me show up in the store she works at...



After spending 400,000 in a single month on mid-range sex services, I realized it wasn't sex I was looking for, I was buying 20,000 an hour extensions just to be alone with girls that relax me.
Paying 7000~ an hour for dates that leave me just as satisfied is far more economic.

*Market rate for non sexual services is actual closer to 5000 an hour
Sure it would scare her if you show up at her job, but better to avoid a conflict where possible, right?
She may or may not give back the money if she finds out you know so much of her personal information, but its better not to let it get that sour.
In other words, do not give her all the money upfront, it will not make the situation better.

I'd generally encourage to pay upfront to put someone at ease, but there is really no need to pay so much money, for time that is smeared out over multiple days, all up front if you are not sure you can trust someone.
If she pushes so much that it makes the situation unpleasant, better to find another girl.

I dont wanna be nosey but from another post of you it also sounded like another girl who you paid for company was being a bit ungrateful (showing up late without and excuse and such things), i know its hard to find a provider you can really connect with but key is to find someone who is thankful and who also enjoys hanging out with you to some extend (maybe not enough to do it unpaid, but still enough to respect you and have some actual fun when you are together). Young Japanese girls can be quite shallow so dont take it personal but i hope you can find someone genuine.
 
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From what I understand you already paid 70% of the money but only received 15% of the time agreed.
She is pestering you for money every time you meet. Do you really expect that to stop once you paid her all?
If you really want to prepay her, enjoy the February with her and give it to her early March after you consumed at least half of your time.
 
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So let me just bullet point my situation. Thoughts on how you handle it with your own sugar babies?
Don't pay anything in advance......Once she gets that money.....Most likely she will not see you anymore......And there is really nothing you can do about it....Accept write it up as another one of life's lesson.....So you can you will be the wiser next time....I have been in your situation many times.....She is using your lust for her to con you ....Move on my Man....
Background:
- Met a very amateur girl at a ichya pub who needed to pay back the money she spent on her defunct band renting out live houses. Girl meets my type and interests / we went to same school / close to exactly.

- Said she was using the money to pay back her loan and for daily expenses.
- Spent 300,000 on her at an Ichya Pub for 20 hours. Moved to the fact this is ridiculous that she is only getting 1/3 of the money, "let's go private" and she agreed to 300,000 for 40 hours(non sexual time)

Info about Girl:
- Recent university graduate, started job Feb.1st but her paycheck for first month doesn't come in till March.15
- Said she needs money for food and to pay back the loan

- By her being stupid with social media id tags, have found out her real info and confirmed her workplace(they had a posting on her blog introducing her as new employee)
- Confirmed her personality ( very innoncent gentle), school and that the only thing she has lied to me about is the time she canceled a date because she was invited out by some Music event organizer.

Payment Info

- I paid in advance 100,000 to prove I was serious about moving private. I've been giving her money every time we meet for 2 hours a week, under the expectation she will fulfill the 40 hours and that she doesn't have as much need for money come March 15th.
- Have paid 210,000 now, met her 3 times in private for 6.5 hours.
- She keeps asking for more each time and told me tonight that she just wants to meet as friends and it would be great to get the entire 300,000 now

I wouldn't have paid her in advance, besides for the fact that I've determined who she is and all her private info/workplace etc(she doesn't know I know this). Is there any reason not to pay the rest in advance?
 
She's only agreeing to get all the money from you.
If she's really hurting for money then the night job is only temporary. You mentioning any of her private info will get you banned from there, her telling them you paid her & came to her job may also go very bad!!!
You really could use some guy friends who are into whatever makes these ladies so special. Guys do introduce well off guys to women.
 
I had to look up what an ichaya pub is. I found this definition, is this an accurate description of what you are talking about? A slightly more bawdy snack bar or hostess club?

However a red-light district version of the host/hostess club exists, called "seku-kyabakura" or "ichya-kyabakura" in which patrons are permitted to touch their host/hostess above the waist and engage in sexual conversation topics or kissing, although this type of establishment is not common.

 
Also, I can somewhat understand why you looked up her real name and day job, but using that information is crossing a line that you should not cross in my opinion.
Exactly. If you have the options of giving her the money and then showing up at her real job and kind of threating her if she stops meeting you, or just holding on to your money and paying her in bits dispite her asking for all of it, it seems clear to me which one is the better option.
 
You mentioning any of her private info will get you banned from there, her telling them you paid her & came to her job may also go very bad!!!

She only worked there like 15 nights.
It could be lies but she told me that she was happy to enter into the private agreement because she wouldn`t have to go there anymore.
Her twitter account has zero sexy pics of her and is all boyish clothes so I believe her when she says she really dislikes it.


I had to look up what an ichaya pub is.

Correct but without the kissing.

Exactly. If you have the options of giving her the money and then showing up at her real job and kind of threating her if she stops meeting you, or just holding on to your money and paying her in bits dispite her asking for all of it, it seems clear to me which one is the better option.

She will use the line "I used the money from last week to pay off my debts and for food, I will have to go back and work at the pub if I don`t get money", but I will see what happens when I tell her no money or only 15,000 yen tonight. Meet her next time at the 19th, will let you know then how it goes.
 
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She only worked there like 15 nights.
It could be lies but she told me that she was happy to enter into the private agreement because she wouldn`t have to go there anymore.
Her twitter account has zero sexy pics of her and is all boyish clothes so I believe her when she says she really dislikes it.




Correct but without the kissing.



She will use the line "I used the money from last week to pay off my debts and for food, I will have to go back and work at the pub if I don`t get money", but I will see what happens when I tell her no money or only 15,000 yen tonight. Meet her next time at the 19th, will let you know then how it goes.
Yes, maybe a bit of money for food is fine, but dont give everything out of hand.

The problem with some more amateuristic girls is that if they dont like their job they also may not like to do it with you. Or course this can be very different if there is a special chemistry!
 
So met her, she wanted 40,000 yen told me she needed to pay the one year fee + the month's rent and get a new train pass.

I asked her what is the least amount she needed till we next meet and she said 20,000. Started walking towards the station and she basically started begging for 10,000 yen, so I gave her 20,000.
Based on her tweets after that being very depressive, I think she is just very bad with money and not actually trying to trick me or think of the consequences of receiving all the money up front.

Or course this can be very different if there is a special chemistry!

Yeah there is about zero chemistry left. It could be because I'm meeting her after her part time job but lately, she is basically extremely non-talkative and I just make noises at her at times when we aren't being entertained by other things.
 
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So met her, she wanted 40,000 yen told me she needed to pay the one year fee + the month's rent and get a new train pass.

I asked her what is the least amount she needed till we next meet and she said 20,000. Started walking towards the station and she basically started begging for 10,000 yen, so I gave her 20,000.
Based on her tweets after that being very depressive, I think she is just very bad with money and not actually trying to trick me or think of the consequences of receiving all the money up front.



Yeah there is about zero chemistry left. It could be because I'm meeting her after her part time job but lately, she is basically extremely non-talkative and I just make noises at her at times when we aren't being entertained by other things.
Maybe you should move....there are plenty of fish in our sea.....
 
So met her, she wanted 40,000 yen told me she needed to pay the one year fee + the month's rent and get a new train pass.

I asked her what is the least amount she needed till we next meet and she said 20,000. Started walking towards the station and she basically started begging for 10,000 yen, so I gave her 20,000.
Based on her tweets after that being very depressive, I think she is just very bad with money and not actually trying to trick me or think of the consequences of receiving all the money up front.



Yeah there is about zero chemistry left. It could be because I'm meeting her after her part time job but lately, she is basically extremely non-talkative and I just make noises at her at times when we aren't being entertained by other things.


This sounds so depressing for both of you.
 
This sounds so depressing for both of you.

Yeah, it's the beauty of payment in advance, still got another 30 hours to try and see what I can make of it!

She posted in her twitter she needs to be 癒されたい、Feel comfortable relived. Feel like I need to study host style tactics to try and actually get joy out of her! woo-hoo!
 
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Yeah, it's the beauty of payment in advance, still got another 30 hours to try and see what I can make of it!

She posted in her twitter she needs to be 癒されたい、Feel comfortable relived. Feel like I need to study host style tactics to try and actually get joy out of her! woo-hoo!
Man she doesn't appreciate what you bring to the table....so find a women who does....And you will be very happy for sure....
 
You should watch Ushijima The Loan shark on Netflix. It's fiction & funny at times but does show people who can't control their spending, & where the money you give might be going.
 
You should watch Ushijima The Loan shark on Netflix. It's fiction & funny at times but does show people who can't control their spending, & where the money you give might be going.

That's my favorite series at the moment and I just finished with season 3 and the movies.
Definitely worth watching ;) and it really gives an interesting insight, not only people having money problems but also prostitution Szene (not sure how much of that is based on the truth tho)
 
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I know two places that have some of their pretty young ladies because they are introduced by a connected modeling agency & the young ladies don't make enough to live.
 
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Yeah, it's the beauty of payment in advance, still got another 30 hours to try and see what I can make of it!

She posted in her twitter she needs to be 癒されたい、Feel comfortable relived. Feel like I need to study host style tactics to try and actually get joy out of her! woo-hoo!
If you don't get any well being out of it and if she doesn't like it neither, what is the point of meeting her again?
You seem like a victim of a psychological biased called the sunk cost fallacy.
If you have a prepaid non refundable movie ticket, but on that day the weather is terrible, your friends told you the movie is awful and you don't feel that good about watching it anymore, should you still go out and watch it?
Most people say yes. Which doesn't make any sense. The fact that you paid for the ticket is irrelevant. If you don't want to do it anymore, just stay home.
 
First, I'll play for the defense and say perhaps she needed a lot upfront to pay off the various debts. She might also be stressed because of the remaining debt she has and tired out from the new job (mandatory overtime, leave after your superiors and all the other joys of corporate Japan). By the end of it, she's in no mood to hang out or spend time with you.

Realistically however, your description of her doesn't make her seem particularly mature or responsible. Odds are you'll never get your full 40 hours, or it'll be grudgingly spent (i.e. she'll show up late, play on her phone most of the time, and leave early claiming other appointments / fatigue ). The fact that you have her information isn't a guarantee and might actually be more dangerous for you. After all, she can call the cops, scream stalker / pervert / blackmail and get you locked up while the police sort it out.

If my math is right, you've spent 550,000 on her already (counting the shop where you met her). About the best you can hope for is get her to commit to a schedule for the next few months until all the time is paid up and then plan activities that will make her comfortable and relaxed. In your position, I'd choose to cut my losses now. Forget about her as an SB, behave as if the money was a loan and she has to repay the cash by installments in the future. Hopefully that 550K was your disposable income and you aren't surviving on bread and cup noodles.