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This comes from the thread on "Happening Bars Are Ok, But Couple Kissas Are Better". How to get women to go to a Happening Bar, however, is a different topic and thus the creation of this.
Unless she is experienced with a HB/swinging or does some type of work where going to a HB/swinging would not be shocking at all, like P4P or a stripper (even so, could be a jump for her), you have to talk and prepare your lady.
1) The first part is to get an understanding about her views on sex in general.
This can be done in 1 conversation or it might take several conversations. Depends on the woman, situation, relationship, etc...
You talk about being open-minded about sex, conservativeness, body complexes, kinky, likes or doesn't like lingerie, jealousy, etc...
Such a general talk about sex and views on sex forms a blueprint of how to move forward about going to a HB and how far away or close she naturally is from the possibility of going.
2) Agreeing to try a HB or Swinger Party, but in general, without specifics.
This next step for going to a HB or swinger party can be at the same meeting of the general talk, as that went so well, or some days or weeks later.
You describe the bar or the swinger party, in general terms and not specifically yet, and the desire to go to such a place. With a HB, you would express a desire to go to such a place soon, but with a swinger party you would simply express the wish, dream, or desire to experience one. Small point, but key difference.
You don't want to get into specifics, as that can be information overload for a newbie, she can't imagine how it really is as she has no experience, or you may unnecessarily scare her or she is scaring herself with irrational paranoia.
You are at first seeing if she agrees in principle and in generally with trying it out. You would leverage any sexual fantasies she told you about it in the general talk. Like my present lady friend told me about her fantasies to have sex outside and to do a 3-way. Clearly, this can show interest in trying out a HB/CK or swinger party.
For some women, like say a stripper or some sexually liberated women, the general talk and general intention to go to a bar or swinger party, can progress very rapidly and within that same night or even within a 30min conversation. Even, it pops into her mind to ask you, because she already may have went to a HB, she is kinky, or done group sex in the past (though she may or may not tell you specifics about her past). But with other women, it's best to go step by step and it could take days or weeks to reach step 2, as they may need to warm up to the idea (or may never do so). It's her prerogative.
3) Going to the HB
This is where going to a HB and swinger party diverge. For a swinger party, see step 5.
On the day you agree to go or on the way, you break down various scenarios and things to avoid. You should not be negative in anyway, but positive and encouraging.
Again, many newbies may have no clue what you are talking about and have no similar past experiences to relate in her mind about what you are saying to her. So often, it will come down to her following your lead and her trust in you to make sure things go well.
4) In the HB
The best place to continue the explanation is actually IN the HB or CK. Now she can see exactly how things go with her own eyes. You then explain how things work and if possible, show her around the place. Even introduce her to friends or acquaintances, if they happen to be there. It is also best if the guy explains about a place and not only the staff. Hopefully, the guy has come there before as a single or couple and understands the flow of things. This is because the club staff or other customers may have their own agenda. As you are a couple, it's best for the both of you to decide how you feel and what you want to do.
At the point she feels comfortable, you can proceed or not. It all depends on her comfort level (and yours), your relationship, and the situation.
5) Bringing your lady to a swinger party, 3-way, or couple swap.
It is usually easier after you tried a HB or CK first. Also a Couple Kissa is much closer to a swinging party, so there is only a slight jump between the two. If you go the bar route first, it would be HB first, then try a CK, and then try a swinger party.
Sometimes, the situation is you want to try a swinger party first. However, if your lady is a newbie, then it's best to try a 3-way or couple swap first. You talk to a friend or couple who has experience with group sex. This is very important. Your lady should be the only newbie, as everyone being a newbie can create a very awkward or bad situation. By your friend(s) being experienced, things can have a smooth flow.
The exception to his is if your lady is bi-sexual and you are doing the 3-way with another woman who is bi-sexual too, in that case things can go smoothly. That's because the ladies are already experienced with being with other women, and it's just adding a 3rd dimension of the guy being there.
Important point- your lady may NOT be bi-sexual and wants 2 guys on her (MFM) and not another woman. Don't try to force your lady into FFM, if she doesn't want to play with another woman. If you want to swing, and she wants 2 guys on her (MFM), then go that route. Also, MMF (2 bisexual guys with 1 woman) is a different situation and different bar scene. Happening Bars and Couple Kissas are not for bi-sexual or gay guys. They go to specifically and clearly gay bars for that. Swinger parties for heterosexual guys and bi-sexual women are different from parties for gay/bi-sexual guys. Don't confuse this. Don't confuse MFM (both men are heterosexual) with MMF (both men are bi-sexual).
If you don't have any swinger friends or bi-sexual female friends, then you might want to try Craigslist or AdultFriendFinder. CL and AFF are horrible for single guys to meet single women, but works well for swingers and bi-sexual women. Meet the person first in a kind of interview at a public place like a coffee shop. If you like the person, then arrange to take it to the next level. Preferably, do the 3-way or couple swap in a hotel, and not your house. Only bring people to your house that you know you can trust.
A couple swap (MFMF) or 3-way (MFM) with a guy, prepares your lady more for swinger parties than 2 ladies and you (FFM). This is because the guy must learn to share his lady too, and not have the greedy mind to always get 2 ladies for himself at once. Selfishness, as well as jealousy, isn't compatible with swinging.
If you do a 3-way with a lady (FFM), you should try a Couple Kissa or single couple swap (MFMF), before trying a swinger party with a lot of people. This is to make sure you are both comfortable with sharing.
Bonus 1) Age of the guy and age difference doesn't usually matter, as much as physical condition in Japan
If you are an older guy, but in good shape, you will usually not have an issues in a HB or CK. And the younger or sexier the woman you come with, the less of an issue your age becomes or belly becomes. Also the more stylish (for his age), business looking, or rich looking the older guy than the better off he will often be. So clothes, fashion, and projecting the right image helps too. Older women in very good physical condition and/or look younger for their age, don't usually have too many issues either.
Bonus 2) Lots of Japanese women date and look up to older guys
In Japanese culture, being the older guy often means you are seen as the mentor (senpai/sensei). This can also put you in the position of sexual mentor and sex teacher to younger women, if you are smart and understand how to leverage the dynamics of such interactions.
Bonus 3) Lots of younger Japanese women will form quasi-sugarbaby relationships with older men.
Quasi means that she will expect the older guy to pay for everything, but this is different from paying for sex or P4P. She doesn't want to accept money directly for sex or to be viewed as a professional, and often such younger women are college students or in low paying jobs at the beginning of their careers. So they don't have a lot of money for clubs, hotels, and dinners and hope that the older guy pays. In exchange for you showing her a good time, paying for everything, buying her gifts, or taking her on trips she will have sex or lots of wild adventurous sex as a kind of return payment and show of affection for the older guy.
Furthermore, some Japanese women don't have the intention to marry the older guy. He is for fun and teaching them new things. She may have a younger boyfriend at the same time or her intention is to marry a younger guy later and is having fun now with older guys who can teach her, though it does often happen where younger women marry older men.
Bonus 4) The more you bring women to a HB/CK or swinger parties, the easier it gets to do it
Practice makes perfect. By attempting and bringing women to HBs and CKs, you become better and better at recognizing women that are sexually liberated. You start to become better at spotting differences in body language, behavior, and responses to questions you ask.
Unless she is experienced with a HB/swinging or does some type of work where going to a HB/swinging would not be shocking at all, like P4P or a stripper (even so, could be a jump for her), you have to talk and prepare your lady.
1) The first part is to get an understanding about her views on sex in general.
This can be done in 1 conversation or it might take several conversations. Depends on the woman, situation, relationship, etc...
You talk about being open-minded about sex, conservativeness, body complexes, kinky, likes or doesn't like lingerie, jealousy, etc...
Such a general talk about sex and views on sex forms a blueprint of how to move forward about going to a HB and how far away or close she naturally is from the possibility of going.
2) Agreeing to try a HB or Swinger Party, but in general, without specifics.
This next step for going to a HB or swinger party can be at the same meeting of the general talk, as that went so well, or some days or weeks later.
You describe the bar or the swinger party, in general terms and not specifically yet, and the desire to go to such a place. With a HB, you would express a desire to go to such a place soon, but with a swinger party you would simply express the wish, dream, or desire to experience one. Small point, but key difference.
You don't want to get into specifics, as that can be information overload for a newbie, she can't imagine how it really is as she has no experience, or you may unnecessarily scare her or she is scaring herself with irrational paranoia.
You are at first seeing if she agrees in principle and in generally with trying it out. You would leverage any sexual fantasies she told you about it in the general talk. Like my present lady friend told me about her fantasies to have sex outside and to do a 3-way. Clearly, this can show interest in trying out a HB/CK or swinger party.
For some women, like say a stripper or some sexually liberated women, the general talk and general intention to go to a bar or swinger party, can progress very rapidly and within that same night or even within a 30min conversation. Even, it pops into her mind to ask you, because she already may have went to a HB, she is kinky, or done group sex in the past (though she may or may not tell you specifics about her past). But with other women, it's best to go step by step and it could take days or weeks to reach step 2, as they may need to warm up to the idea (or may never do so). It's her prerogative.
3) Going to the HB
This is where going to a HB and swinger party diverge. For a swinger party, see step 5.
On the day you agree to go or on the way, you break down various scenarios and things to avoid. You should not be negative in anyway, but positive and encouraging.
Again, many newbies may have no clue what you are talking about and have no similar past experiences to relate in her mind about what you are saying to her. So often, it will come down to her following your lead and her trust in you to make sure things go well.
4) In the HB
The best place to continue the explanation is actually IN the HB or CK. Now she can see exactly how things go with her own eyes. You then explain how things work and if possible, show her around the place. Even introduce her to friends or acquaintances, if they happen to be there. It is also best if the guy explains about a place and not only the staff. Hopefully, the guy has come there before as a single or couple and understands the flow of things. This is because the club staff or other customers may have their own agenda. As you are a couple, it's best for the both of you to decide how you feel and what you want to do.
At the point she feels comfortable, you can proceed or not. It all depends on her comfort level (and yours), your relationship, and the situation.
5) Bringing your lady to a swinger party, 3-way, or couple swap.
It is usually easier after you tried a HB or CK first. Also a Couple Kissa is much closer to a swinging party, so there is only a slight jump between the two. If you go the bar route first, it would be HB first, then try a CK, and then try a swinger party.
Sometimes, the situation is you want to try a swinger party first. However, if your lady is a newbie, then it's best to try a 3-way or couple swap first. You talk to a friend or couple who has experience with group sex. This is very important. Your lady should be the only newbie, as everyone being a newbie can create a very awkward or bad situation. By your friend(s) being experienced, things can have a smooth flow.
The exception to his is if your lady is bi-sexual and you are doing the 3-way with another woman who is bi-sexual too, in that case things can go smoothly. That's because the ladies are already experienced with being with other women, and it's just adding a 3rd dimension of the guy being there.
Important point- your lady may NOT be bi-sexual and wants 2 guys on her (MFM) and not another woman. Don't try to force your lady into FFM, if she doesn't want to play with another woman. If you want to swing, and she wants 2 guys on her (MFM), then go that route. Also, MMF (2 bisexual guys with 1 woman) is a different situation and different bar scene. Happening Bars and Couple Kissas are not for bi-sexual or gay guys. They go to specifically and clearly gay bars for that. Swinger parties for heterosexual guys and bi-sexual women are different from parties for gay/bi-sexual guys. Don't confuse this. Don't confuse MFM (both men are heterosexual) with MMF (both men are bi-sexual).
If you don't have any swinger friends or bi-sexual female friends, then you might want to try Craigslist or AdultFriendFinder. CL and AFF are horrible for single guys to meet single women, but works well for swingers and bi-sexual women. Meet the person first in a kind of interview at a public place like a coffee shop. If you like the person, then arrange to take it to the next level. Preferably, do the 3-way or couple swap in a hotel, and not your house. Only bring people to your house that you know you can trust.
A couple swap (MFMF) or 3-way (MFM) with a guy, prepares your lady more for swinger parties than 2 ladies and you (FFM). This is because the guy must learn to share his lady too, and not have the greedy mind to always get 2 ladies for himself at once. Selfishness, as well as jealousy, isn't compatible with swinging.
If you do a 3-way with a lady (FFM), you should try a Couple Kissa or single couple swap (MFMF), before trying a swinger party with a lot of people. This is to make sure you are both comfortable with sharing.
Bonus 1) Age of the guy and age difference doesn't usually matter, as much as physical condition in Japan
If you are an older guy, but in good shape, you will usually not have an issues in a HB or CK. And the younger or sexier the woman you come with, the less of an issue your age becomes or belly becomes. Also the more stylish (for his age), business looking, or rich looking the older guy than the better off he will often be. So clothes, fashion, and projecting the right image helps too. Older women in very good physical condition and/or look younger for their age, don't usually have too many issues either.
Bonus 2) Lots of Japanese women date and look up to older guys
In Japanese culture, being the older guy often means you are seen as the mentor (senpai/sensei). This can also put you in the position of sexual mentor and sex teacher to younger women, if you are smart and understand how to leverage the dynamics of such interactions.
Bonus 3) Lots of younger Japanese women will form quasi-sugarbaby relationships with older men.
Quasi means that she will expect the older guy to pay for everything, but this is different from paying for sex or P4P. She doesn't want to accept money directly for sex or to be viewed as a professional, and often such younger women are college students or in low paying jobs at the beginning of their careers. So they don't have a lot of money for clubs, hotels, and dinners and hope that the older guy pays. In exchange for you showing her a good time, paying for everything, buying her gifts, or taking her on trips she will have sex or lots of wild adventurous sex as a kind of return payment and show of affection for the older guy.
Furthermore, some Japanese women don't have the intention to marry the older guy. He is for fun and teaching them new things. She may have a younger boyfriend at the same time or her intention is to marry a younger guy later and is having fun now with older guys who can teach her, though it does often happen where younger women marry older men.
Bonus 4) The more you bring women to a HB/CK or swinger parties, the easier it gets to do it
Practice makes perfect. By attempting and bringing women to HBs and CKs, you become better and better at recognizing women that are sexually liberated. You start to become better at spotting differences in body language, behavior, and responses to questions you ask.
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