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How To Do 1 Minute Nanpa/pua?

While a ludicrous and funny video, it does emphasis the point of how much more complex interactions are than many people realize, where the right action is difficult to determine.

Instead of a time machine, a PUA has to guess or get hints from the woman's facial expression, body language, comments, and other indicators. In addition to quelling fear, insecurity, and self-doubt in himself. The better a person is at physically "reading" others, often the better the results.
 
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While a ludicrous and funny video, it does emphasis the point of how much more complex interactions are than many people realize, where the right action is difficult to determine.

Instead of a time machine, a PUA has to guess or get hints from the woman's facial expression, body language, comments, and other indicators. In addition to quelling fear, insecurity, and self-doubt in himself. The better a person is at physically "reading" others, often the better the results.

Well, better to say that every time a PUA fails, it's a part of him that dies ;)
Like some concept of forcing yourself into committing a series of "social micro-suicides" (figurately speaking of couse).
 
Well, better to say that every time a PUA fails, it's a part of him that dies ;)
Like some concept of forcing yourself into committing a series of "social micro-suicides" (figurately speaking of couse).

Actually this is right to some degree. Except, instead of the PUA himself dying, it's the bad beliefs, unnecessary nervousness, self-induced failure, cognitive dissonance, internal lack of congruence, and EGO which dies, gradually and slowly. You can imagine the difference between a light without a lampshade, where the light is diffused all around, and a spotlight or even a laser, where the entire force of the light is pointed in the same direction. This is congruence, and whether with business, fitness, or our women, having congruence with your thoughts words and actions can lead to some incredible results.

The one thing that is nice about the situation in the video is, most variables are controlled for him. In real life you have to adjust and learn when the girls, scenarios, topics, time frame, etc are all constantly changing which makes getting good a process which takes far longer than the five minutes of the video.
 
it's the bad beliefs, unnecessary nervousness, self-induced failure, cognitive dissonance, internal lack of congruence, and EGO which dies, gradually and slowly.

Interesting.

First, mostly as an aside, what in the world does "internal lack of congruence" mean?

Second and more importantly, it appears to me that you are assuming (implicitly or at least without giving any explicit reason) that whatever aspects of your personality and behavior are eliminated by PUA training/learning are negative ones that you're better off without. You use lots of normative words in your list, like "bad" and "unnecessary" and "failure" and "lack" etc, but there seems to be no reason to take these negative connotations at face value. Put a bit differently, is there any reason to think that whatever qualities you have that don't *immediately* appeal to *most* women as desirable in a mate are worthless or bad qualities? I think not. You are in effect setting up the *immediate*/*first* reactions of *most* women to your *surface* and most quickly obvious qualities as the ultimate determinant of who you want to be as a man. Basically you are letting women's impulsive (sexual) reactions sculpt your personality and character. In this sense, PUA/gamers are granting women vastly more power over them than more conventional approaches to starting relationships. It is my impression that this is not how the community sees itself.

-Ww
 
"internal lack of congruence"

A lack of congruence means your thoughts, words and actions are not aligned. Put simply, you are unsure of what you desire. If you are unsure of what you desire, you sure won't get it!

Second and more importantly, it appears to me that you are assuming (implicitly or at least without giving any explicit reason) that whatever aspects of your personality and behavior are eliminated by PUA training/learning are negative ones that you're better off without. You use lots of normative words in your list, like "bad" and "unnecessary" and "failure" and "lack" etc, but there seems to be no reason to take these negative connotations at face value. Put a bit differently, is there any reason to think that whatever qualities you have that don't *immediately* appeal to *most* women as desirable in a mate are worthless or bad qualities?

You are assuming that what I'm referring to as "bad" is what is unattractive to most women, which is false. Rather, what is "bad" is what brings you away from expressing yourself honestly and taking action. People have all sorts of reasons for behaving the way they do, but the reality of the matter is that very very few people act with congruence of desire. When they do, it can be very powerful and if they set their mind to something they will achieve it.

In the case of cold approach pickup, one prominent example of a "lack of congruence" is that most guys go to talk to a beautiful girl and simply want to extend the interaction (by simply keeping on talking). I refer to this as "treading water" or "playing not to lose" as opposed to "playing to win." Usually this means that the guy is focused on simply keeping the interaction going on at all costs, which might mean faking shared interests, talking about things he think will impress her (showing her pictures of his car, bragging, etc), or other roundabout ways of avoiding the issue - that he is interested in her romantically. If he wasn't interested in her romantically he wouldn't even do that. So, these are examples of what I would consider incongruent, poor, or weak behavior.

An extreme example of this is the "friend zone" which we recently discussed. In what seemed to be mostly a consensus arrived to by many members on that thread, the man seems to want to (superficially) have a friendship with the girl (extending the interaction) despite his true motive of actually being romantically interested in the woman. So in this case, a congruence of the man's thoughts, words, and actions would be to interact with the woman in a way that communicated his romantic interest - such as inviting her out on a date, or trying to kiss her and flirt with her. NOT doing those things when he wants to is what we would call "incongruent." He is trying to hide or "mask" his true intentions behind a smoke screen. Now there are shades of gray with this. Obviously you don't need to go into a date telling the girl upfront "I want to have sex with you at the end of tonight." But, the vibe you convey should be as congruent with your actions and thoughts as possible.

In this sense, PUA/gamers are granting women vastly more power over them than more conventional approaches to starting relationships.

If you are tied up in the reactions of women and you base your personality around that, then yes you have failed, PUA or not. Second, calling other approaches "conventional" is doing what you just accused me of - being normative!! Pickup, which simply involves applying learning and improvement to dating and romance rather than random action or what society assumes is best, can be applied to any situation - whether it is a social introduction, online dating, even an arranged marriage. Cold approach, which I think you mean, is not something I would call "unconventional". Guys have been talking to women they don't know since the dawn of time. I've never been but I've heard Italy is a great example of this in practice. It only seems unconventional now to some since there is somewhat of a negative stigma surrounding it.
 
A lack of congruence means your thoughts, words and actions are not aligned. Put simply, you are unsure of what you desire. If you are unsure of what you desire, you sure won't get it!

The puzzling phrase was "internal lack of congruence". What does the "internal" mean? Could/do we have external congruence?

You are assuming that what I'm referring to as "bad" is what is unattractive to most women, which is false. Rather, what is "bad" is what brings you away from expressing yourself honestly and taking action.

My point is simpler than that really. As far as I understand it (not very, you may be thinking), learning PUA/gaming (by whatever mechanism) means getting better at meeting and seducing/romancing/wooing women, and cold approach means doing it quickly to complete strangers in a venue not explicitly about meeting people. My point is that changing yourself in ways that make you better at cold approach (or PU of other sorts) is not necessarily going to make you a better person or make you change in a good way. Let's use your example:

what is "bad" is what brings you away from expressing yourself honestly and taking action.

This asserts that it is always better to express yourself honestly and take action. It may well be true that it is helpful to express yourself honestly and take action quickly in cold approach PUA and in some other areas of life, but it definitely is better to be guarded and act cautiously in others. Imo and as I have said before, if you personality, your basic nature, is to be a bit shy and cautious, it may make you unsuccessful at cold approach PUA, but it does not follow that you should either become or pretend to be someone different. It simply means that you have a personality that is poorly suited to cold approach PUA but may be better suited to other (and perhaps more important) things in life.

If you are tied up in the reactions of women and you base your personality around that, then yes you have failed, PUA or not. Second, calling other approaches "conventional" is doing what you just accused me of - being normative!! Pickup, which simply involves applying learning and improvement to dating and romance rather than random action or what society assumes is best, can be applied to any situation - whether it is a social introduction, online dating, even an arranged marriage. Cold approach, which I think you mean, is not something I would call "unconventional". Guys have been talking to women they don't know since the dawn of time. I've never been but I've heard Italy is a great example of this in practice. It only seems unconventional now to some since there is somewhat of a negative stigma surrounding it.

I don't actually see "conventional" as being normative, only as being descriptive, but I'm happy to ditch the word for this purpose...probably "other common" or "more common" would have been better.

-Ww
 
This asserts that it is always better to express yourself honestly and take action. It may well be true that it is helpful to express yourself honestly and take action quickly in cold approach PUA and in some other areas of life, but it definitely is better to be guarded and act cautiously in others.

"Take action" should not be seen as simply advancing the agenda to sex in all cases. I do not mean simply, kiss every girl or something else similarly broad-stroked. Rather, it means "Take right action." What constitutes right action, specifically, is probably too broad for the scope of this post and thread (perhaps some time I'll get into a proper explanation if it), but it should fundamentally be aligned with both compassion for yourself and others, and lack of attachment to the outcome (this doesn't mean you should have no goal).

Right action of course originates in Buddhist thought:

"[Right action] is not based on considerations of success or failure. It is not based on the results of that action. It is based on the state of consciousness from which that action springs. If the consciousness from which it emanates is egotistic, narrow minded and disorderly, it is a wrong action, even if it produces so-called desirable or good results. If it emanates from a consciousness which is loving, compassionate, non-violent, generous, and so on, then it is right action even if it fails. Such a consciousness is orderly, it has virtue."

So in short, someone cautious could still be taking right action even in caution or even by doing nothing, just as saying nothing is not the same as communicating nothing, and speaking more isn't necessarily better.

Bringing this back to cold approach pickup, I think right action generally looks like:

1. Approach women who attract you
2. Talk to them, express yourself honestly, find out if their values and interests match yours
3. Follow your agenda (whether it is go to coffee, go shopping, or bring her to a hotel)

The key thing to realize is that at each step you lose women (not only do some reject you, but you should reject some yourself if they don't meet your criteria and don't have affinity with you)

My point is that changing yourself in ways that make you better at cold approach (or PU of other sorts) is not necessarily going to make you a better person or make you change in a good way.

Well, perhaps you should witness the transformation of a person through the path of pickup from start to finish to make this judgment. I assure you I have seen many, and in almost all cases where someone has stuck with pickup they have improved their business, income, fashion, health, diet, quality of friends and relationships, social life, got more promotions, not to mention slept with a bunch of really great girls and/or kept a girlfriend / found a great wife they never would have before.
 
@Sinapse - The point I am trying to make here is really a simple logical one, so let me skip over a detailed response and lay out the (simple) basic logic:

1 - In some of our inital exchanges I criticized cold approach PUA/gaming on the grounds that the guy is pretending to be someone whom he isn't, thus deceiving the woman and often leading to difficulties.

2 - You responded that it is not pretending but rather the guy actually changes/evolves/improves in ways that make him better at cold approach pickup.

3 - My current point is simply that qualities in a person which make them good/bad at one thing can easily make them bad/good at another. Our strengths are our weaknesses etc. The personality traits that make someone, say, a great military leader are not the same traits that make them, say, a great nursery school teacher.

4 - The conclusion which I draw is that devoting intense and extended effort to becoming better at cold pickup means (according to you) changing your personality traits (dropping some and gaining others) in ways that let you approach and engage female strangers more effectively.

5 - But there is no reason (no given reason at least) that everything which makes you better at cold pickup also makes you better at everything and anything else. Most likely (imo) at least some of those changes are undesirable in other contexts.

-Ww
 
But there is no reason (no given reason at least) that everything which makes you better at cold pickup also makes you better at everything and anything else. Most likely (imo) at least some of those changes are undesirable in other contexts.

Sure. It is a social skillset. It will help you in areas which have to do with presenting yourself more effectively, communicating better, and making and building relationships, possibly to the detriment to your goals of being a classical pianist or an extremely antisocial computer programmer. Although it does, I think, have more overlap with non-social, yet beneficial areas than other disciplines. For example, I think a gamer is more likely to have a good diet, exercise regularly, have nice fashion, and a healthy friend circle than a classical pianist or a programmer simply because the later do not necessarily have overlap. But, perhaps most importantly - and again, I know the point you made and we've had this back and forth before a bit - it is a discipline, one which requires quite a bit of mastery over yourself and your mind in order to improve at. Perhaps the largest benefit is mastery over your will. It is, in one way of thinking, magickal.
 
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Sure. It is a social skillset. It will help you in areas which have to do with presenting yourself more effectively, communicating better, and making and building relationships, possibly to the detriment to your goals of ...

OK, great...I think we have come to something approaching agreement (for once) on this.

Two additional comments:

First, perfecting cold pickup appears to me to focus on one rather specific social skillset, namely that of making a good, nay great, *quick* and *first* impressions on (mostly) young women. While there is doubtless significant overlap there are also significant differences from other types of social skillsets, including those for building and maintaining long term relationships or, say, impressing your senior colleagues in a corporate teamwork environment.

Second, even the "discipline" and self-mastery you mention, which are very good qualities in most contexts, are not so in all. For example, many truly great artists are completely undisciplined and often extremely conflicted or even tormented souls.

-Ww
 
First, perfecting cold pickup appears to me to focus on one rather specific social skillset, namely that of making a good, nay great, *quick* and *first* impressions on (mostly) young women. While there is doubtless significant overlap there are also significant differences from other types of social skillsets, including those for building and maintaining long term relationships or, say, impressing your senior colleagues in a corporate teamwork environment.

I think your impression of the benefits is still too small in scope. It is predominantly, but not merely a social skillset. Take, for example, "outcome independence." Merely mastering this one mental shift (very easy to understand conceptually, very difficult to put in place) will improve not only your results with women, but also in many other areas, probably far more than I could even predict or describe here.

Similarly, pickup is not only making a good first impression (although that is important), but being able to manage and maintain a relationship, and communicate more effectively in all social situations. Simply because you do not talk with senior colleagues in your pickup exploits does not mean you do not improve in that area through pickup.

Second, even the "discipline" and self-mastery you mention, which are very good qualities in most contexts, are not so in all. For example, many truly great artists are completely undisciplined and often extremely conflicted or even tormented souls

You assume they are great artists because of their undisciplined nature rather than in spite of it. I'm not so sure, but either way this is unrelated.

Anyhow, this is getting pretty far removed from 1 minute pickups
 
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Sinapse, is the buddhist enlightenment nirvana thing yours, or is it common in PUA circles?

Everybody views things through different lenses, and I've found the Buddhist model particularly helpful for several reasons. I'm certainly not the first person to have seen the similarities, but I might be the first to be so crazy as to take it as far as applying it directly to multiple, complex Buddhist precepts specifically.
 
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Your views rock Sinapse. Just wondering, are you still around Tokyo?

Glad you've been enjoying my posts.. Unfortunately, I'll only be around here until Thursday, then I'm off to southeast Asia. I'll be back briefly in June for a couple weeks and then off to Europe. I still plan on posting on my site and hopefully here a bit as well if I have time
 
Pull out a fat stack of yenjamins, and watch the panties drop
 
Glad you've been enjoying my posts.. Unfortunately, I'll only be around here until Thursday, then I'm off to southeast Asia. I'll be back briefly in June for a couple weeks and then off to Europe. I still plan on posting on my site and hopefully here a bit as well if I have time

Sounds like you are leaving Japan long-term or permanently!?

I'm a little surprised after all you have said about being so into (certain types of) Japanese women and perfecting/tuning your game for them and becoming fluent in Japanese and all. I figured you for a long-term expat here.

Anyway, good luck wherever you go and whatever you'll be doing there. We have not agreed that often, but I have enjoyed reading your posts and participating in the debates they sparked.

-Ww
 
Sounds like you are leaving Japan long-term or permanently!?

I'm a little surprised after all you have said about being so into (certain types of) Japanese women and perfecting/tuning your game for them and becoming fluent in Japanese and all. I figured you for a long-term expat here.

Anyway, good luck wherever you go and whatever you'll be doing there. We have not agreed that often, but I have enjoyed reading your posts and participating in the debates they sparked.

-Ww

I'm leaving for a couple months. I'll drop back by in a little bit.

As much as I do love Japanese women, I actually just love women in general. Japan seems to be a high concentration of nice women, but every country I've been to has at least some nice women!

Anyhow, I think perhaps we agreed more than was apparent.. I reckon you just like debating!!
 
it is a discipline, one which requires quite a bit of mastery over yourself and your mind in order to improve at. Perhaps the largest benefit is mastery over your will. It is, in one way of thinking, magickal.
I'm interested by what you mean by that (what's behind this concept, like how do you get "mastery over your will"? I didn't even think that was possible. :cool: