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How to handle falling for your SB?

I’m curious, how did you ask her to end it?

I know I posted that my SR would end soon. I even renewed my premium SA membership and been looking for another POT. But its really hard to find a good SB in my City. So for now I will still see my current. She just disappoints me sometimes. Frenchy posted about why SBs take so long to respond to texts. This is happening again, even though I complained to her about it before. She made an effort for a few weeks, then back to the delayed responses again the last couple weeks. And I know she is on FB messenger because I can see the green dot. She will have some excuse like usual. Ugh, I dont get why she cant even fake it, it takes so little effort to make me happy.

It was something we talked about early on. I've had girls tell me that they have had much older men talk about the girl dropping out of school/having children/marrying them, even early on in the relationship.
When I start dating a much younger girl I always tell her I understand she's much much younger so I'm not thinking we will get married and have kids. I want us to stay together for as long as she is enjoying it and it makes sense for her life. That could be six months, it could be a year, who knows, it could be even longer. I told her "All I ask is, if you want our relationship to become friendship only and you want to date other guys or move away, tell me; don't ghost me. I will understand your feelings and I'm happy to be friends without any sexual component."
I think a lot of girls ghost or stop responding in a timely manner because they are afraid how the guy will react to rejection. Don't forget that women are stalked, beaten up, killed by guys who won't let go all the time so girls are justified in being worried about how a guy will handle rejection. By taking that off the table, I think she will be more honest with you about where she is in the relationship, what her goals for it are (just want to go on a few trips, just want someone to take care of her while in school, while she's just starting out with work, etc) and what her life plans are. From talking with my former girlfriend, I knew she was always planning to move away from Tokyo at some point and it made it easier for her to tell me when the time came, rather than just disappearing.
For your current situation, does she have read receipts turned on (blue check marks for Whatsapp, "read" for Line, not sure about Facebook messenger)? If yes, I would send her a text something like this:
Just wanted to check how you're feeling. It only makes sense for us to keep our current relationship if it's working for both of us. I'm happy and want to keep it going. If you are too - awesome. If you're not, do you want to be friends with no sexual component?
See what she says.
 
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It was something we talked about early on. I've had girls tell me that they have had much older men talk about the girl dropping out of school/having children/marrying them, even early on in the relationship.
When I start dating a much younger girl I always tell her I understand she's much much younger so I'm not thinking we will get married and have kids. I want us to stay together for as long as she is enjoying it and it makes sense for her life. That could be six months, it could be a year, who knows, it could be even longer. I told her "All I ask is, if you want our relationship to become friendship only and you want to date other guys or move away, tell me; don't ghost me. I will understand your feelings and I'm happy to be friends without any sexual component."

That's a good a mature way of handling it. I'll have to say something similar to mine, although I've told her before that I hope we will always be friends if our SR ever comes to and end (she got emotional and teared up).
And regarding the texts, she always responds eventually, just takes longer than I would like. I just saw her last night. I guess I just need to cut her more slack because of her young age. She has a good heart.
 
That's a good a mature way of handling it. I'll have to say something similar to mine, although I've told her before that I hope we will always be friends if our SR ever comes to and end (she got emotional and teared up).
And regarding the texts, she always responds eventually, just takes longer than I would like. I just saw her last night. I guess I just need to cut her more slack because of her young age. She has a good heart.
Maybe a simple solution would be that, if you expect an answer soon , you add something at the end of your message, like « this will auto-destruct within 24hour if you don’t answer , you will need to buy a new phone and get cosmetic surgery for your hands and face » or more simply a ticking time-bomb emoji if there is such a thing.
Otherwise, its just a normal message not requiring an imminent answer , like « today I ate a lot of beans and my farts stink ».
 
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Otherwise, its just a normal message not requiring an imminent answer , like « today I ate a lot of beans and my farts stink ».

I don't understand why wouldn't that kind of news require and get an immediate answer from anyone?
 
I’m curious, how did you ask her to end it?

I know I posted that my SR would end soon. I even renewed my premium SA membership and been looking for another POT. But its really hard to find a good SB in my City. So for now I will still see my current. She just disappoints me sometimes. Frenchy posted about why SBs take so long to respond to texts. This is happening again, even though I complained to her about it before. She made an effort for a few weeks, then back to the delayed responses again the last couple weeks. And I know she is on FB messenger because I can see the green dot. She will have some excuse like usual. Ugh, I dont get why she cant even fake it, it takes so little effort to make me happy.
No offence but you have to remember that this is a paid relationship so if you haven’t gone out on a P4P date for weeks then it’s only natural that this will happen. I hope you both continue to have a great time together!
 
No offence but you have to remember that this is a paid relationship so if you haven’t gone out on a P4P date for weeks then it’s only natural that this will happen. I hope you both continue to have a great time together!
This is a huge reason imho that a monthly allowance isn't a viable idea for the payer.
 
No offence but you have to remember that this is a paid relationship so if you haven’t gone out on a P4P date for weeks then it’s only natural that this will happen. I hope you both continue to have a great time together!
Actually it's a good strategy for a SB to get the interest of her SD by replying either immediately or after a long delay in a completely random manner. This creates real addictions. Your brain gets bored when it always has the expected reward or gives up if you never have any. Random rewards are very powerful. Welcome to the world of gambling addiction
 
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No offence but you have to remember that this is a paid relationship so if you haven’t gone out on a P4P date for weeks then it’s only natural that this will happen. I hope you both continue to have a great time together!

I understand what you are saying. But we have been seeing each other for 8 months straight, 1-2 times per week consistently. So its evolved to something past pure P4P. Its a confusing grey area between P4P and a FWB/GF. I know some guys are gonna say stop being delusional, its only about money only for her. How is it different than a relationship between and guy with power/money that's dating a girl who is attracted to him because of that? If that guy all the sudden becomes poor, and can't spoil/support the lifestyle his gf wants, and she leaves him , then was their relationship quasi P4P? See how its not clear from both ways?
 
Most relationshiprelationships between man woman involve money and sex. . That's why these two topics are usual sources of disagreement . .In a SB/SD it is clear what the arrangements are. . If you require additional items from her... Like prompt response to msg or similar things then need to make this clear up front . List ur expectations of the arrangement. Otherwise you will be disappointed . The SB should do the same .. Then based on agreement it established the ground rules so to speak. ...
Address other items as they come up .Communication is critial in any relationship ....

You will need to keep feelings in check ...Otherwise ...It could be source of issues .. If you discuss with the SB it could cause her concern and her behavior changes bcuz you told her about feelings.. .

Enjoy the time together. . You are paying for it .. Remind yourself of that always ...
 
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I understand what you are saying. But we have been seeing each other for 8 months straight, 1-2 times per week consistently. So its evolved to something past pure P4P. Its a confusing grey area between P4P and a FWB/GF. I know some guys are gonna say stop being delusional, its only about money only for her. How is it different than a relationship between and guy with power/money that's dating a girl who is attracted to him because of that? If that guy all the sudden becomes poor, and can't spoil/support the lifestyle his gf wants, and she leaves him , then was their relationship quasi P4P? See how its not clear from both ways?

Good points. And yes, it may be « not only about money » for her as much as it’s certainly « not only about sex » for you.
Heck even with normal clients or vendors (i mean , in a « normal » job) there are some you like more than others, some you’re happy to invite for dinner or events etc, some who may even become real friends. Don’t see why it couldn’t be the same with P4P.
But the danger is if you expect too much out of it « sentimentally » (and/or she expects too much « materially », or lie to you , or just pretends she enjoys your company etc... given how long you have been together already you should be able to see through all that though, even if you’re a bit infatuated)
 
Since Frenchy was wondering, here is an update about my relationship with my SB. 12/13 will make it a year since we started dating. And I didnt think it would last this long. It’s been a emotional rollercoaster ride, but i dont regret it. I prefer feeling something good or bad than being bored an not feeling much at all.

We did take about a month break from seeing each other around Oct (she wanted to because she thought things were getting to serious). But then we resumed dating again and its settled down into a nice, fun, easygoing relationship. Ive learned to not show all my feelings to her, but still enough to show that I really like and care about her. And I think she has learned to show me more of the attention that I want, like reaching out to me more and being flirty sometimes. The sex always has been, and still is pure ecstasy for me, something i can really look forward to each week. And it just feels like we are just really good friends that meetup once or twice a week.

I keep reminding myself to just focus on trying to make it a good time for us both when we are together and not worry so much when we’re apart. Shes just a cute/sexy adorable girl, and I hope we can continue for as long as it works out.

I didnt go to Japan this year and I miss the excitement that Tokyo offers. I plan to make trip in the spring.
Happy Holidays to you all.
 
I keep reminding myself to just focus on trying to make it a good time for us both when we are together and not worry so much when we’re apart. Shes just a cute/sexy adorable girl, and I hope we can continue for as long as it works out.
.

This is all you can do. Congrats on keeping your relationship going! It's not easy
 
Since Frenchy was wondering, here is an update about my relationship with my SB. 12/13 will make it a year since we started dating. And I didnt think it would last this long. It’s been a emotional rollercoaster ride, but i dont regret it. I prefer feeling something good or bad than being bored an not feeling much at all.

We did take about a month break from seeing each other around Oct (she wanted to because she thought things were getting to serious). But then we resumed dating again and its settled down into a nice, fun, easygoing relationship. Ive learned to not show all my feelings to her, but still enough to show that I really like and care about her. And I think she has learned to show me more of the attention that I want, like reaching out to me more and being flirty sometimes. The sex always has been, and still is pure ecstasy for me, something i can really look forward to each week. And it just feels like we are just really good friends that meetup once or twice a week.

I keep reminding myself to just focus on trying to make it a good time for us both when we are together and not worry so much when we’re apart. Shes just a cute/sexy adorable girl, and I hope we can continue for as long as it works out.

I didnt go to Japan this year and I miss the excitement that Tokyo offers. I plan to make trip in the spring.
Happy Holidays to you all.
I keep her company so don't worry so much.....:p
 
hi, new here, but was really interested in this thread and read all of it through, and wanted to post up my case, and see about getting some input from you guys..

so i met this gal on seeking, and we ended up meeting up for dinner, and getting along super well.. ended up going to a bar.. ended up sharing a kiss the first date, and i dropped her home.. after arriving home, we texted back and forth, and we kinda never got to talking about money.. we end up going on a few more dates, and then finally she brings up financial stability being one of the things shes worried for, and gets depressed about, so i decide to send her 2500$ from one day of gambling winnings for her to hold on to hopefully not be depressed.. we continue dating, and have sex obviously.. she ends up staying with me weeks at a time, and everything is cool.. no talk about money.. its like we're bf/gf but not official yet? she sometimes will mention her previous sd's in conversations, and how she doesn't treat me the same as them, and etc etc..

we go shopping and i spend a thousand on her.. so.. now.. i'm kinda confused what we are now.. shes 10yrs younger than me, but i guess being 34, i'm a pretty young sd? maybe more hip than her previous? someone shes not embarrassed to be around? iono.. i'm kinda lost now.. we're about 2-3 months into it now.. and have i totally lost myself in this relationship? is this a real relationship? i'm confused.. she'll stay with me 3-4days in a row, and often times we wont even have sex, then there's times we'll 2-3 times in one sitting.. i spent new years with some of her gf's friends.. and she's met even one of my friends.. shes japanese fob, and i'm chinese abc.. if that maybe matters? thoughts and questions welcome.. i dunno what we're doing.. and if it's ok.. or if i'm in the right forum to be asking about this..
 
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Congratulations on your new girlfriend.
that's kinda what i think/feel might be the case....

and so my next question, has anyone successfully transitioned to this from a semi-SR-like relationship before?
 
i should also bring up, there may be additional factors to consider..

1) she's in the states on student visa, now OPT. (but she found a possible company to sponsor her for H1B visa last week and today's her first day working with them)

2) i'm a gambler and she hates that.. but sometimes i go through droughts, and she's offered to loan me 20k to keep me afloat during one of my low points..

3) personally, she's talked about her previous SD's being super wealthy and such, and I don't think I could compete, so there's a bit of me that feels inadequate, but also, her being a SB previously, does this feeling of like she's still up to some con on me ever go away?
 
2) i'm a gambler and she hates that.. but sometimes i go through droughts, and she's offered to loan me 20k to keep me afloat during one of my low points..
Need clarification, what currency? Sounds like a lot for USD but not really much in yen. o_O
 
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Why does she need a SD if she can float 20k? Something doesn't add up. You should have clarified the terms of the relationship right from the start. What is she expecting and what you are. Now it's going to be awkward for both of you....
I believe she was able to save up this lump sum from her previous SD. She doesn’t spend or told me that she’s saving it Incase any emergency comes up as after this year, her visa would expire.. and she doesn’t have insursnance or anything, but she trusts that u would pay her the 20k easily the following month as I would, if I had taken her loan.. I agree that things are starting to get kinda awkward going forward.. I was just exiting my previous marriage for a year and I guess we just linked up and went with the flow..