How to have a successful Tinder date

[magiczebra]

Title says it all. I have no problems getting Tinder dates, but never do they lead to anything.
Usually we meet, then we go drinking or dinner or both, maybe a walk through the park. Maybe a combination of these things. I feel we have a good conversation, I start getting a little more touchy, maybe putting my arm around her. And then that's it, I bring her to the station, she doesn't want to see me again.
Do I need to be more aggressive? I feel like I do, but I don't really know how. Japanese girls are so conscious about how they are perceived in public. What is a good location to go in for a kiss?

I think my problem is that I am not aggressive enough; some of my dates have actually made remarks about whether I am gay. One girl even straight out called me a pussy. I mean, not that she was wrong. I legitimately don't know what to do. I have a hard time knowing if a japanese girl is comfortable with me, because they are always so passive. I take it as a good sign if they laugh about my stupid japanese jokes and let me take the lead, but other than that, I am always afraid to make them uncomfortable with being too pushy. In hindsight, maybe that's just what they expect from me. Being the aggressive foreigner. I don't know. Can any of you guys give me a rundown for a successful Tinder date?

Like, where do you go, in what order, when do you go in for a kiss and then how to close. I am hopeless lol

 

[chaztagster]

What is a good location to go in for a kiss?

The lips initially.

 

[Frenchy]

The lips initially.

The lips down under , afterwards

 

[chaztagster]

Because I'm not a total asshole and I know how to use the forum search function, I looked up this previous thread for you
https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/how-to-close-escalate-on-dates.22426/

 

[chaztagster]

The lips down under , afterwards

Tits first. Unless she's got a train to catch.

 

[Frenchy]

Tits first. Unless she's got a train to catch.

You’re a scholar and a gentleman ! Respect!

 

[magiczebra]

Because I'm not a total asshole and I know how to use the forum search function, I looked up this previous thread for you
https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/how-to-close-escalate-on-dates.22426/

Oh yeah I read that thread! That's why I made an account and opened this one. I am really specifically looking for an example of a successful Tinder date. I mean, the reason why I don't get laid is because I am inexperienced. I would really appreciate to hear some examples. My dates always go like this: grab food, walk, bar, bye bye. No action and none of the girls are down for a second date. In Japan, is it even a thing to kiss in a crowded place such as a bar? I have literally never seen it since I came here a month ago.

Edit: The reason I am confused is because I read about a lot of success stories from people who just hook up with girls from Tinder right away. I really want to do that, but I fail. I am positive that at least some of the girls I went on dates with were expecting that, too. But I failed to initiate anything.

 

[TAG Manager]

Edit: The reason I am confused is because I read about a lot of success stories from people who just hook up with girls from Tinder right away. I really want to do that, but I fail. I am positive that at least some of the girls I went on dates with were expecting that, too. But I failed to initiate anything.

You lack confidence. Women are probably dropping signals and hints and you're probably not picking up on it. Just take a risk and suggest something a little more intimate.
Don't overstep personal boundaries, but just test the waters. It can be a thin line, but "you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take".... etc.

Some, or most, actually enjoy following someone with confidence and knows what to do. Some men take advantage of this in a negative way, but when used correctly, it can lead to a nice encounter.

 

[magiczebra]

You lack confidence. Women are probably dropping signals and hints and you're probably not picking up on it. Just take a risk and suggest something a little more intimate.
Don't overstep personal boundaries, but just test the waters. It can be a thin line, but "you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take".... etc.

Some, or most, actually enjoy following someone with confidence and knows what to do. Some men take advantage of this in a negative way, but when used correctly, it can lead to a nice encounter.

I guess that's it, but I don't have an idea of what "a little more intimate" would be? That's why I would be super thankful if anyone could give some examples! I know, to more confident people these things may come naturally; but I am probably too insecure, so they don't come naturally to me (yet).

 

[Frenchy]

I guess that's it, but I don't have an idea of what "a little more intimate" would be? That's why I would be super thankful if anyone could give some examples! I know, to more confident people these things may come naturally; but I am probably too insecure, so they don't come naturally to me (yet).

In my case (and many others here) it gets much easier with a few man-en bills... the best lubricant, really
You don’t want to consider this option?

 

[MikeH]

That's why I would be super thankful if anyone could give some examples!

It's not so much what you do but how you do it. That's the confidence issue like @TAG Manager said.

In Japan, is it even a thing to kiss in a crowded place such as a bar? I have literally never seen it since I came here a month ago.

Well, the fact that you never seen it should be a clue. The dating and hooking up culture is different in every country; you have been here a month and it's clear you haven't figured out the dos and don'ts yet. The times when white boys got laid in Japan for just being white are over so you just need to accept there is a learning curve.

In my case (and many others here) it gets much easier with a few man-en bills... the best lubricant, really

And success with money can lead to more self confidence which then leads to more success without money which then leads to more self confidence. It's a dangerous cycle!

 

[warubuta]

If you lack confidence/skill in closing, you should break your dates into two. First date should be cheap and planned such that there is no question of sex happening in that date. Daytime. Or meet with friends (hers or yours). Have a hard stop. You need to meet someone later or whatever. Second date should leave almost no question that sex will need to happen. Invite her to your place and make dinner. Or think up something that makes it very obvious that there will likely need to be sex. Dinner and then a midnight movie in Shinjuku is a good one. If she balks at the second date then cut your losses and dump her. The two part process takes a bit more time and maybe a bit more money, but it produces better results. In Japan, the percentage of girls who will fuck on the second date is much, much higher that the first. This is true in most cultures, but in Japan it is really much, much higher.

 

[magiczebra]

It's not so much what you do but how you do it. That's the confidence issue like @TAG Manager said.



Well, the fact that you never seen it should be a clue. The dating and hooking up culture is different in every country; you have been here a month and it's clear you haven't figured out the dos and don'ts yet.

So what to do then? I have been on maybe 10 first dates and I feel like hitting my head against a wall. What are places to get intimate in Japan? Karaoke bar I suggested some times, but the girls said no/ they were too shy. Love Hotel is kind of skipping a lot of steps? I cant ask her to go to a love hotel without even having kissed first. So what are good venues to make a move?

If you lack confidence/skill in closing, you should break your dates into two. First date should be cheap and planned such that there is no question of sex happening in that date. Daytime. Or meet with friends (hers or yours). Have a hard stop. You need to meet someone later or whatever. Second date should leave almost no question that sex will need to happen. Invite her to your place and make dinner. Or think up something that makes it very obvious that there will likely need to be sex. Dinner and then a midnight movie in Shinjuku is a good one. If she balks at the second date then cut your losses and dump her. The two part process takes a bit more time and maybe a bit more money, but it produces better results. In Japan, the percentage of girls who will fuck on the second date is much, much higher that the first. This is true in most cultures, but in Japan it is really much, much higher.

None of my first dates lead to second dates. I am not ugly (hence I have no problems getting the first dates) and while I am kind of a dork, I feel like we usually laugh a lot and are very playful on the dates.

At one point, usually the girls start moving in a little closer on me which I take as a sign to put my arm around them, but then nothing ever comes after that. No kiss, no second date.

 

[TAG Manager]

Love Hotel is kind of skipping a lot of steps? I cant ask her to go to a love hotel without even having kissed first.

You'd be surprised. Seriously.

 

[MikeH]

You'd be surprised. Seriously.

That made me laugh because it is so true. I don't even remember when my first kiss with a girl would not have been in a love hotel. Oftentimes the first kiss is on the lower lips.

 

[Sudsy]

That made me laugh because it is so true. I don't even remember when my first kiss with a girl would not have been in a love hotel. Oftentimes the first kiss is on the lower lips.

Hell, I can’t count the dates that had me inside her before either of us kissed anything....

 

[oLUXo]

At one point, usually the girls start moving in a little closer on me

When this happens, you should ask if they would like to go to a more private venue (i.e. Love Hotel). Seriously though, how old are you? I feel like you must be around 21. Kids need to be hand fed what to do these days. That's also why they think you're gay. Japanese women and pretty much most women want the guy to lead. If you're not confident or scared, women can see that instantly.

 

[Ddddd]

In my case (and many others here) it gets much easier with a few man-en bills... the best lubricant, really
You don’t want to consider this option?

OP is is quite probably a shy, good looking, young guy.

The man-ens are technique is probably more appropriate for the balding post-middle-age-crisis men of the forum.

 

[chaztagster]

None of my first dates lead to second dates. I am not ugly (hence I have no problems getting the first dates) and while I am kind of a dork, I feel like we usually laugh a lot and are very playful on the dates.

Just this once I'll spoon feed you:
Your dates don't lead to second dates because you're not tuned in to whatever verbal and non-verbal cues these dates are giving you. After more experience you'll develop a sense for those cues but for now, you must compensate for being a dork by going in with a plan and putting effort into some trial and error.

Buta's advice is to go to the first date with a two date plan. You haven't tried his approach yet, so don't whine that your first dates don't lead to second dates. Try his approach ten or twenty times - set up a short, cheap, first date with a defined end and clearly not about sex. Be charming, good looking, and punctual. Then set up the second date that is clearly all about sex. Review your success rate. Try the "Let's go to a love hotel" approach ten or twenty times too. Review your successes and failures systematically and hone in on an approach that works for you. Come up with your own plans and try them too.**

** If you're stuck for inspiration for a new plan, read Sinapse's posts about how to develop interests in the things that your dates are interested in, how to dress to impress them, how to listen to them etc.

But whatever you do, please develop the spirited initiative and resourcefulness to be able to read a thread about dating and understand how to apply it to Tinder dating, or read some advice from the Buta and understand that whinging is not the right reply.

 

[Frenchy]

OP is is quite probably a shy, good looking, young guy.

The man-ens are technique is probably more appropriate for the balding post-middle-age-crisis men of the forum.

I beg to differ, I’m not bald yet!
But apart from that you’re right of course. I’d like to think of it as charity though, trying to spin it positively ...

 

[Lukes]

I find that many Japanese women like dudes that are pretentious douchebags that are used to getting their way. So just go into your date operating under the assumption that you're going to get some and, well... get some.

Unless this chick has somewhere she absolutely needs to be later (doubtful if she's on Tinder), you keep the alcohol and conversation flowing and then you take it somewhere private. If you're not up for walking her right into a love hotel on the first date, get her into a karaoke room, order some more drinks, sing a song or two and then start kissing her and see where it goes.

 

[Ddddd]

Adding to what @chaztagster posted.

Not getting laid is a failure for your date as much as it is a failure for you. Girls are on Tinder to find men to have sex and start a relationship. Don't ever forget this.

Every girl who agrees to meet with you does this because at some point she considered you fuck-worthy. Your only job in the date is to help her fuck you.

Just be a bit more adventurous and try things. I mean, don't be a douche, but act as if it's clear that you will eventually end up on a bed. Try to break the personal distance and see what happens. High five her, kiss her cheek, hold her hand on the street in a joking manner.

And smile a lot, as if you was having the best night of your life. That will make her feel that there is a connection between you guys. And everyone loves to be liked.

Then, the obvious next step is to try to loose the last train. If that happens, say "ohh, it's so late, let's go to sleep!" and bring her to the love hotel. Don't be clumsy. Prettend that you are searching on Google maps and then bring her to an upscale LH that you had already choosen.

If the last-train-thing do not work, don't worry, but in the next chats, make clear that you had soooo much fun with her and that you want to see her ASAP. And in a joking manner, tell her that you know an amazing place to have breakfast.

Basically, you need to make her feel liked, and you need to be opening doors for her to cross.

Enjoy!

Btw, if you end up married to a Japanese girl, just make sure that you end up with a high income job. You will realise why in some years.

 

[magiczebra]

Thank you for the advice guys! Feels like the dad I never had lol
So I tried the two-date strategy and just came back from the first date. I don't think it worked. It's the same as always: we shared some stories, laughed a lot. Then she refused to let me bring her to the station and we had a very cold goodbye.
Writing with her on insta now and I am about to invite her to a second date, but I think she'll turn it down. Is it just a Tinder thing that dates rarely amount to anything?

Is there anything supposed to happen on the first date that I am just not aware of? Like a specific talking point? We usually talk about all kinds of things, but honestly, the conversations themselves are never much different from conversations I would have with a guy.

Could it be a problem that I am too friendly and relatable? Do I need to me more blunt with Japanese girls than with European girls?

Adding to what @chaztagster posted.

Not getting laid is a failure for your date as much as it is a failure for you. Girls are on Tinder to find men to have sex and start a relationship. Don't ever forget this.

Every girl who agrees to meet with you does this because at some point she considered you fuck-worthy. Your only job in the date is to help her fuck you.

Just be a bit more adventurous and try things. I mean, don't be a douche, but act as if it's clear that you will eventually end up on a bed. Try to break the personal distance and see what happens. High five her, kiss her cheek, hold her hand on the street in a joking manner.

And smile a lot, as if you was having the best night of your life. That will make her feel that there is a connection between you guys. And everyone loves to be liked.

Then, the obvious next step is to try to loose the last train. If that happens, say "ohh, it's so late, let's go to sleep!" and bring her to the love hotel. Don't be clumsy. Prettend that you are searching on Google maps and then bring her to an upscale LH that you had already choosen.

If the last-train-thing do not work, don't worry, but in the next chats, make clear that you had soooo much fun with her and that you want to see her ASAP. And in a joking manner, tell her that you know an amazing place to have breakfast.

Basically, you need to make her feel liked, and you need to be opening doors for her to cross.

Enjoy!

Btw, if you end up married to a Japanese girl, just make sure that you end up with a high income job. You will realise why in some years.

Really? Are Japanese women after money that much? On all the dates I've been on, the girls were happy to split the bill. Or is me not paying for them why my dates never work out lol

 

[chaztagster]

Join one of Sinapse's classes. Pay his reasonable fees and he will break it down Barney-style for you.

 

[warubuta]

So what to do then? I have been on maybe 10 first dates and I feel like hitting my head against a wall. What are places to get intimate in Japan? Karaoke bar I suggested some times, but the girls said no/ they were too shy. Love Hotel is kind of skipping a lot of steps? I cant ask her to go to a love hotel without even having kissed first. So what are good venues to make a move?



None of my first dates lead to second dates. I am not ugly (hence I have no problems getting the first dates) and while I am kind of a dork, I feel like we usually laugh a lot and are very playful on the dates.

At one point, usually the girls start moving in a little closer on me which I take as a sign to put my arm around them, but then nothing ever comes after that. No kiss, no second date.

Stop behaving like a high school student! Act like a man and your dates are likely to treat you like one.