How to have a successful Tinder date

[Malcomy]

ok i see

 

[Acid Burn]

I think my problem is that I am not aggressive enough; some of my dates have actually made remarks about whether I am gay

Exactly when are they saying this to you?

Anyway, if kissing and touching is uncommon in public and especially on the first date anyway, what could make my dates think that I am gay.

Western style PDA is in general uncommon in public here. So move to a love hotel.

I've been on 3 Tinder dates since starting this thread, all of them went great: we laughed a lot, there was touching from both sides and definitely attraction. Yet, none of the girls wanted to go on a second date with me. They just stopped responding to my texts. I clearly must be missing something, I just don't understand what it is. All 3 dates were short (2-3 hours) and to the point, only 1-2 locations each. What I noticed is that all the good byes felt really awkward - is it not common to hug each other for a good bye in Japan?

If it goes as good as you think during, perhaps because instead of a goodbye, they expected you to invite them to a love hotel.

 

[magiczebra]

Exactly when are they saying this to you?

It happened at the end of the dates.

Western style PDA is in general uncommon in public here. So move to a love hotel.

I don't know what PDA means (not a native speaker), but I guess you're right.

If it goes as good as you think during, perhaps because instead of a goodbye, they expected you to invite them to a love hotel.

Probably. I just went for it yesterday night and got turned down. But she seemed to expect that question. Probably more about timing and how I said it, plus we didn't really click emotionally.

What's a good time to ask? Immediately after Dinner/Bar? Just as casually as inviting her to the next bar? Still feels awkward to never bring up sex before and then just straight out asking that.

 

[oLUXo]

It happened at the end of the dates.


I don't know what PDA means (not a native speaker), but I guess you're right.


Probably. I just went for it yesterday night and got turned down. But she seemed to expect that question. Probably more about timing and how I said it, plus we didn't really click emotionally.

What's a good time to ask? Immediately after Dinner/Bar? Just as casually as inviting her to the next bar? Still feels awkward to never bring up sex before and then just straight out asking that.

PDA - Publuc Display of Affection maybe. You should ask before you leave the first place to see if she would like to join you at a bar. From there, have a few drinks and then ask if she would like a more private place, but only if she is getting touchy feely.

 

[Ddddd]

What's a good time to ask? Immediately after Dinner/Bar? Just as casually as inviting her to the next bar? Still feels awkward to never bring up sex before and then just straight out asking that.

One thing that you need to understand is that there is not an algorithm that you need to learn in order to get laid.

You start a date with a probability of ending up having sex, and depending on how you play your cards, this probability will go up or down at the end of the night, but there are lots of factors that are out of your control. Mainly the other person.

The first thing that you need to learn is to stop worrying, and enjoy the process. You will become better, but the first thing that you need to do is to learn to accept defeat.

Again. You are good looking enough to be able to get dates out of Tinder, so you don't need to worry about the most difficult part.

About your question, the best moment to talk about love hotels is when you guys are a bit drunk and you lost the last train.

The second best moment is after you have been making out in a bar and she is dripping.

The third best moment is when you are having a dirty online chat with a girl you already went to a date with.

 

[oLUXo]

I'd offer to be a wingman, but I might end up taking both girls for my enjoyment. This of course would leave the OP blue balled...

 

[Frenchy]

I'd offer to be a wingman, but I might end up taking both girls for my enjoyment. This of course would leave the OP blue balled...

Hey you already have a wingman like that ! (who even went as far as writing here he would refrain from encounters with the fair sex for a while )

 

[magiczebra]

After two more dates last weekend, I am now too broke to go on any more dates until the end of the month. Overall, except for maybe 2 or 3, I felt most of the dates were fun, even when at times there wasn't much chemistry between us, we always laughed a lot and the girls were comfortable opening up to me. But then, I feel like I somehow don't meet the girls expectations of what's supposed to happen during/ towards the end of our date. I just can't figure out what it is. Honestly, I have a really hard time imagining what other people do on first dates.

I tried getting more physical in the last two weeks, but that didn't really change much. Maybe cause most of the time I don't really know what I am doing lol. In retrospect, I am worried that maybe some girls just followed along in order to not make things awkward rather than because they were into it. Japanese girls are so good at being friendly, I have a hard time figuring out if they actually enjoy something or if they just follow along out of politeness.

I have a hunch my dates expect me to be dominant/assertive since I am a foreigner, when I am really not at all. I feel like this is a common stereotype here in Japan? Could that be? Well I guess the biggest turn off is probably that I am so fucking inexperienced lol

About your question, the best moment to talk about love hotels is when you guys are a bit drunk and you lost the last train.

Would it be wisest to schedule dates on weekends then? Usually my dates end before the last train cause we meet on weekdays. I usually prefer to hang out with friends on weekends. My dream date would be after work dinner, bar, hotel (and possibly last train home). Is that an unrealistic plan?

The second best moment is after you have been making out in a bar.

So making out in public is a thing?


Sorry oLUXo, my ego is too fragile to deal with that potential outcome

 

[oLUXo]

After two more dates last weekend, I am now too broke to go on any more dates until the end of the month. Overall, except for maybe 2 or 3, I felt most of the dates were fun, even when at times there wasn't much chemistry between us, we always laughed a lot and the girls were comfortable opening up to me. But then, I feel like I somehow don't meet the girls expectations of what's supposed to happen during/ towards the end of our date. I just can't figure out what it is. Honestly, I have a really hard time imagining what other people do on first dates.

I tried getting more physical in the last two weeks, but that didn't really change much. Maybe cause most of the time I don't really know what I am doing lol. In retrospect, I am worried that maybe some girls just followed along in order to not make things awkward rather than because they were into it. Japanese girls are so good at being friendly, I have a hard time figuring out if they actually enjoy something or if they just follow along out of politeness.

I have a hunch my dates expect me to be dominant/assertive since I am a foreigner, when I am really not at all. I feel like this is a common stereotype here in Japan? Could that be? Well I guess the biggest turn off is probably that I am so fucking inexperienced lol



Would it be wisest to schedule dates on weekends then? Usually my dates end before the last train cause we meet on weekdays. I usually prefer to hang out with friends on weekends. My dream date would be after work dinner, bar, hotel (and possibly last train home). Is that an unrealistic plan?



So making out in public is a thing?


Sorry oLUXo, my ego is too fragile to deal with that potential outcome

Young couples make out anywhere nowadays. I see young couples kissing everywhere. Your best best is a Friday or Saturday night since most don't work the following day. Also, don't be a clock watcher on the date. Never even pull out your phone. Also, try to focus on one girl and try to get to know her. Make lots of eye contact. Women can tell where you are looking so focus on her eyes. Make small gestures lightly touching her hand or shoulder. Don't stay at one venue too long. Change the place so it doesn't get boring. For example, have dinner and 1 drink and suggest moving to a bar. Have 2 drinks and talk not rushed and move to another bar. By this time, after the 3rd place, last train will probably be ending soon so just enjoy the last bar and then go to love hotel after.

 

[DireWolf98]

Young couples make out anywhere nowadays. I see young couples kissing everywhere. Your best best is a Friday or Saturday night since most don't work the following day. Also, don't be a clock watcher on the date. Never even pull out your phone. Also, try to focus on one girl and try to get to know her. Make lots of eye contact. Women can tell where you are looking so focus on her eyes. Make small gestures lightly touching her hand or shoulder. Don't stay at one venue too long. Change the place so it doesn't get boring. For example, have dinner and 1 drink and suggest moving to a bar. Have 2 drinks and talk not rushed and move to another bar. By this time, after the 3rd place, last train will probably be ending soon so just enjoy the last bar and then go to love hotel after.

I firmly believe that this is excellent advice.

 

[Kawap]

MagicZebra it's good and brave that you reach out. A couple years ago I was in my quantitive phase and had over 1000 tinder matches and a CRM system to do over 80 dates in 2 months, of which a part in Europe and a part in Japan. My maximum amount of dates in one day was 5. I was very inexperienced when I started (a total otaku) and became to master the Tinder -> Date -> Sex algorithm quite well. I did it all, expensive wining and dining to just have a free coffee at the supermarket. In the end I married a Japanese Tinder date (and yes Japanese wives are indeed expensive, think at least 2000 USD / month or something). I can help you and if you want I will help you. But not online, that just doesn't work.

 

[Desktop]

Just start your dates later at night.
Better yet if you are clubbing with friends over the weekend start your date with that.

 

[magiczebra]

Young couples make out anywhere nowadays. I see young couples kissing everywhere. Your best best is a Friday or Saturday night since most don't work the following day. Also, don't be a clock watcher on the date. Never even pull out your phone. Also, try to focus on one girl and try to get to know her. Make lots of eye contact. Women can tell where you are looking so focus on her eyes. Make small gestures lightly touching her hand or shoulder. Don't stay at one venue too long. Change the place so it doesn't get boring. For example, have dinner and 1 drink and suggest moving to a bar. Have 2 drinks and talk not rushed and move to another bar. By this time, after the 3rd place, last train will probably be ending soon so just enjoy the last bar and then go to love hotel after.

Thanks so much, that sounds like very applicable advice. I guess I should pick the bars beforehand? Is it important to only keep to light touching and not go for more? I am kind of worried about having more than 1 or 2 drinks, I don't want to be drunk. Usually, girls don't want to drink more than that, either?

Just start your dates later at night.
Better yet if you are clubbing with friends over the weekend start your date with that.

Starting later at night is probably a good idea in general. I am not really a club person, but next time I go, that sounds like a fun idea. Never thought about it before.

MagicZebra it's good and brave that you reach out. A couple years ago I was in my quantitive phase and had over 1000 tinder matches and a CRM system to do over 80 dates in 2 months, of which a part in Europe and a part in Japan. My maximum amount of dates in one day was 5. I was very inexperienced when I started (a total otaku) and became to master the Tinder -> Date -> Sex algorithm quite well. I did it all, expensive wining and dining to just have a free coffee at the supermarket. In the end I married a Japanese Tinder date (and yes Japanese wives are indeed expensive, think at least 2000 USD / month or something). I can help you and if you want I will help you. But not online, that just doesn't work.

A crm system haha you're a bigger nerd than me even. Maybe I should consider doing that, too. Yeah, please share your experiences with me. But how do you think you can help me? How many unsuccessful dates did it take for you to become good at it? What does your Tinder "algorithm" look like? Did you do two dates or tried hooking up on the first date? What were the main things you found out that helped you improve?

 

[oLUXo]

Thanks so much, that sounds like very applicable advice. I guess I should pick the bars beforehand? Is it important to only keep to light touching and not go for more? I am kind of worried about having more than 1 or 2 drinks, I don't want to be drunk. Usually, girls don't want to drink more than that, either?

You should at least go by yourself to check the bar first. Taste some drinks so you can recommend ones that she might like. You also want to be able to see the atmosphere in the bar. An overcrowded bar can be fun or it can be a disaster or disruptive.

The light touching helps to know if she is really into you. Don't keep touching her if she doesn't like it. That would just make it worse for your date.

 

[Desktop]

I would even suggest that if you are getting girls to come out to invite 3 of them to some club event with friends. You have nothing to lose & usually one will start to show more interest in you.

 

[Avivi]

I have the opposite problem.
No connects on tinder. ( Unless it's for a scam)

But if I do meet someone in the flesh, the ratio of ending up on my bed is decent
My theory:
Girls categorize guys as one of 2 types:
- Fling material, or
- husband material

Fling material carries the bad boy image. Good looking. Sexy. Callous. Not too sensitive. Confident. A bit brash. Takes the lead. Etc etc.

Husband material is the guy that carries the image of a good person. Sincere, loving, caring, soft spoken, career oriented, polite. Etc.

If the girl is looking for a fling, and you are presenting a husband material; nice guy image, it won't go far.
( And vice versa if she's looking for a long term relationship, you can't get far with the bad boy image )

So play to you audience.

I wonder what the ladies here think of my theory ?

 

[DireWolf98]

I have the opposite problem.
No connects on tinder. ( Unless it's for a scam)

But if I do meet someone in the flesh, the ratio of ending up on my bed is decent
My theory:
Girls categorize guys as one of 2 types:
- Fling material, or
- husband material

Fling material carries the bad boy image. Good looking. Sexy. Callous. Not too sensitive. Confident. A bit brash. Takes the lead. Etc etc.

Husband material is the guy that carries the image of a good person. Sincere, loving, caring, soft spoken, career oriented, polite. Etc.

If the girl is looking for a fling, and you are presenting a husband material; nice guy image, it won't go far.
( And vice versa if she's looking for a long term relationship, you can't get far with the bad boy image )

So play to you audience.

I wonder what the ladies here think of my theory ?

I’m a guy, but I think this is the exact approach to take.

 

[monalisaoverdrive]

If the girl is looking for a fling, and you are presenting a husband material; nice guy image, it won't go far.
( And vice versa if she's looking for a long term relationship, you can't get far with the bad boy image )

Exactly this (from my experience). When I was single I used Tinder for about nine months. Connected with four girls. All four of them thought I was "husband material" because I'm usually very polite and super nice. I hooked up with one of them only after I honestly told her that I just wanted to fuck around and that there was no way we were going to have something long-term.

 

[Sinapse]

Sounds like you basically just need to move things forward faster and more assertively. Don't worry too much about reading signs she is giving, most will be very subtle if at all. Rather than trying to piece together subtle signs (which guys are pretty bad at doing in general), it's better to have a plan and stick to it.

Find 2-3 love hotels (or if you're using your house that's fine too). Just in case one is full. Then, find a bar about 4-5mins walk from those hotels/your house. Then, find a restaurant or izakaya another 4-5 mins from that bar. More or less these are just guidelines. Walk to all of these places so you know the way.

Take her to the restaurant/izakaya first. Spend about 60 minutes there. Maybe even less. Take her to the next place, a bar (a game center or karaoke would also be fine).

At the first venue just have light fun, basic questions. Second venue get a little deeper. Talk about relationships, yours or hers or friends. Laugh and keep eye contact. Maybe take her hand for a second but nothing too aggressive here. No overt kissing or anything heavy handed necessary.

After the bar just say "let's go to the next place" and walk to the love hotel. You don't need to ask her before you go, in fact asking her is definitely going to drop your success rate. Very few Japanese girls will want to verbally agree to going to a hotel as this makes them look slutty. Just walk her there and walk in as if you're walking into a convenience store. Casual, natural, like it's the most normal thing in the world. Like you're going to buy some toilet paper or something.

She might be surprised, she might resist, she might just follow. If she's surprised don't apologise or backpedal. Just tell her let's rest in here. Try again. Often they'll come in if you did you job.

This is all you need. Literally. Read this 5-6 times and do exactly this and you will have a lot of success, as long as you're not creepy or overly lame/friendly/tame.

Good luck!

 

[Lasagna]

It really depends on the date. If your dates have been relaxed evenings drinking wine and discussing art, then shoving your tongue down her throat and groping her melons isn't going to win you points.

You need to wait for the green light.

Here are some of the signs:

• Her constant smiling.
• Her constant laughing with you.
• Her constant agreeing with what you say.
• Her constant mimicking your body language.
• Her constant commenting on how much she likes hanging out with you.

Throughout each date, you should be gauging her comfort level with you. Also, you should be gauging your comfort level with her. If you genuinely feel comfortable with her, she is most likely feeling comfortable with you.

As long as she is comfortable with you, anything will work so don't overanalyze everything. Why? Because you've already established her trust, and trust with women is golden. It isn't the kiss close 'mechanics' that will determine your success; it is her trust and comfort level that will.

What Warutaba said is good advice aswell. Split your dates in two. The first date is a cheap coffee date in the morning followed by an optional walk in the park if you really like her. Shouldn't be longer than 30min. You don't want to drag out your first date. You want to end it right when she is having fun. So she will remember the fun time with you the rest of the day and possibly longer than that. Good thing about splitting the dates is a lot of women (and men too) don't look like the picture so if there's no connection you haven't wasted an entire evening and money on dinner.

Goodluck.

 

[Sudsy]

It really depends on the date. If your dates have been relaxed evenings drinking wine and discussing art, then shoving your tongue down her throat and groping her melons isn't going to win you points.

You need to wait for the green light.

Here are some of the signs:

• Her constant smiling.
• Her constant laughing with you.
• Her constant agreeing with what you say.
• Her constant mimicking your body language.
• Her constant commenting on how much she likes hanging out with you.

Throughout each date, you should be gauging her comfort level with you. Also, you should be gauging your comfort level with her. If you genuinely feel comfortable with her, she is most likely feeling comfortable with you.

As long as she is comfortable with you, anything will work so don't overanalyze everything. Why? Because you've already established her trust, and trust with women is golden. It isn't the kiss close 'mechanics' that will determine your success; it is her trust and comfort level that will.

What Warutaba said is good advice aswell. Split your dates in two. The first date is a cheap coffee date in the morning followed by an optional walk in the park if you really like her. Shouldn't be longer than 30min. You don't want to drag out your first date. You want to end it right when she is having fun. So she will remember the fun time with you the rest of the day and possibly longer than that. Good thing about splitting the dates is a lot of women (and men too) don't look like the picture so if there's no connection you haven't wasted an entire evening and money on dinner.

Goodluck.

And none of your advice has anything to do with Japan or Japanese people. No idea why you feel the need to troll around here, since you're not in Japan and as far as we can tell never have been.

 

[Lasagna]

And none of your advice has anything to do with Japan or Japanese people. No idea why you feel the need to troll around here, since you're not in Japan and as far as we can tell never have been.

You couldn't be more wrong

 

[Sudsy]

You couldn't be more wrong

Uh huh. Go stick your finger in a dike.

 

[Frenchy]

Uh huh. Go stick your finger in a dike.

I would love to do that
But then again as a kid I sticked my fingers in electric plugs and drank liquid detergents so maybe I’m just getting old and playing it safe

 

[BB0523]

If you are being called a pussy and being asked if you are gay, then that means you are not being aggressive enough.... after you leave dinner/bar, grab her hand and head to a LH and say you want more private time.
This is assuming you mean a successful Tinder Date is banging the girl.... Japanese girls need to be lead by a confident man.... )(not a Cave Man) Do not mis-understand, if she says no, then that means no...

As you have dinner/drinks, then start the physical contact, hand on arm, on lower back, bush her hair from her face... if she is touching you then it means she is interested...

Ask the girl what her idea of a great 1st date is... and Listen to what she says... you may have screwed the pooch on that date, but if you try her ideal 1st date with the 2nd girl.... chances are you will be more successful.
If the girl doesn't tell you about sexual things on first date... just ask her... Oh, nothing intimate ? Keep us posted on your progress...