if your sb is not spending 'important' days with you

[bennycheung]

If you ask your sb to spend christmas/new year/birthday with you and she decline. what is your reaction to this? i mean i know this isnt a real relationship and she has no obligation to spend those days with me, but in the back of my mind, i feel like if she is not appreciative enough to spend a least one of those days with me, then its a deal breaker for me?

 

[Frenchy]

If you ask your sb to spend christmas/new year/birthday with you and she decline. what is your reaction to this? i mean i know this isnt a real relationship and she has no obligation to spend those days with me, but in the back of my mind, i feel like if she is not appreciative enough to spend a least one of those days with me, then its a deal breaker for me?

Then tell her so.
Mine was invited to my bd party but didnt reciprocate (tbh I didnt ask her) and then I felt like shit .

 

[User#8628]

Thats really entitled! Those days are for family and friends.

Your own birthday, yes, if you have a very close relationship with her she may want to do her best to be there.

But her family will always be the priority for her own birthday and the holidays, and its really not selfish if she wants to attend some holiday parties with friends.

No matter how much you spend, you don’t own her.

 

[Frenchy]

Thats really entitled! Those days are for family and friends.

Your own birthday, yes, if you have a very close relationship with her she may want to do her best to be there.

But her family will always be the priority for her own birthday and the holidays, and its really not selfish if she wants to attend some holiday parties with friends.

No matter how much you spend, you don’t own her.

Fine but then no gift giving either. Can’t always have the best of both worlds...

 

[Durg50]

Birthdays i kinda understand if you are immature enough to make a big deal of your own birthday over the age of 21, but expecting a SB to be with you on christmas? There’s gotta be some things you cant put a price on. Let her be with family without feeling bad about it.

 

[DanniCake]

If you ask your sb to spend christmas/new year/birthday with you and she decline. what is your reaction to this? i mean i know this isnt a real relationship and she has no obligation to spend those days with me, but in the back of my mind, i feel like if she is not appreciative enough to spend a least one of those days with me, then its a deal breaker for me?

I'd say it depends.

Christmas and New Years depending on her nationality are very important days for Friendships and Family. So asking her to ignore familial obligation for you, even if you had a traditional relationship of Boyfriend and Girlfriend might even be asking a lot.
Certainly one way or another you have a relationship, but I don't know the details of that relationship to really make any judgement if your request here is fair or not, after all if your relationship is one where you are polyamourus, she is a married SB, you are a married SD, you and/or she have other relationships, or a lot of big obligations elsewhere, then while I would hope she would spend a substitute type day with you, (i.e not Christmas day but a Christmas party sometime in December for just the two of you) it's a little demanding of you to expect her to spend these big holidays with you, or to expect her to invite you to parties or events where maybe you won't know anyone and there would be an uncomfortable explanation of who you are and why you are there.

Your birthday however I would hope she would try to celebrate that with you if you invited her! I mean life happens and she may have another engagement that day if you don't ask far enough in advance but it is your special day so she should try at least a little to do something special with you.

Her birthday it depends on her feelings towards it (and if you know when it is.) Maybe she doesn't celebrate (I haven't since I was 14) maybe she likes to have a big event with her friends, maybe she just doesn't plan anything for it and that would be up to you to ask and do something for her.

Honestly all of these depend on the exact nature of your relationship, my roommate does special events with her SD but that's the nature of their relationship, if these all feel like dealbreakers for you then tell HER that, the whole point of a sugar relationship IMO is to have a relationship where you can actually be genuinely honest with your partner about what you want and expect. If she doesn't agree then you can offer more money to get her interested or cut her loose and find a SB who will connect with you in the way that you want.

 

[Desktop]

Maybe she’s with her real man. Better for someone to say honestly no than to say yes then make the usual excuses like they got sick or had some sudden emergency (oh and they still need the money).

 

[Sudsy]

If you ask your sb to spend christmas/new year/birthday with you and she decline. what is your reaction to this?

I'd honestly think I was insensitive for asking in the first place. Those are times for family and/or their real partners.

 

[Mr 3]

If you ask your sb to spend christmas/new year/birthday with you and she decline. what is your reaction to this? i mean i know this isnt a real relationship and she has no obligation to spend those days with me.....

Yes! This! Stop thinking at this. If you live with these rules running the show, you have a good chance to continue a beautiful relationship for what it is.

but in the back of my mind, i feel like if she is not appreciative enough to spend a least one of those days with me, then its a deal breaker for me?

Oh, no! Don't do this! If you feed this thought and then try to gather evidence with each encounter that she is not appreciative enough, you will ruin this relationship. It's amazing how human beings are so willing to end something potentially good or amazing over an imaginary slight. Like you said, she has no obligation to spend those days with you. That's it. Leave it at that. Anything else will be the ego dragging you down a deep imaginary hole.

 

[Simonka]

Some of us come from countries where social services don’t come to your rescue if mum thinks you deserve a lesson and her slipper is airborne & approaching. We can’t miss Christmas or New Year. My mum’s magic slipper can travel across continents for instance.
Maybe find a Jewish Sugar Baby?

 

[Wwanderer]

If you feed this thought and then try to gather evidence with each encounter that she is not appreciative enough, you will ruin this relationship.

This.

In almost any reasonably sane and significant relationship (or other situation...but let’s stick to relationships here), you can find ways in which you are being treated well and ones in which you are being treated badly. It is a “glass half-full, glass half-empty” sort of thing. And once you start taking one of those perspectives consistently or more seriously, you will be caught by “confirmation bias” and only be *able* to perceive (or even remember) “evidence” that supports the bad/good perspective. Only one of these choices leads to a happy place.

It is a very very common pattern in relationships and life in general.

-Ww

 

[Troilist]

but in the back of my mind, i feel like if she is not appreciative enough to spend a least one of those days with me, then its a deal breaker for me?

Due to the nature of your relationship, if you did not express to her early on that you would like her to spend time with you on those dates, then it is completely unfair for you to have that type of expectations as the relationship progresses. The downfall of most relationships regardless of the setup, is when a person is holding their partner accountable for an unexpressed or uncommunicated expectation. Most people go through life disappointed with either people or circumstances due to an unmet expectation. Furthermore, their unmet expectation was never clearly communicated therefore this leaves their partner with very little opportunity to fulfill the “expected” actions or clear up anything that might have been misconstrued/misunderstood. As a result the relationship fails while one person feels hurt and unappreciated while the other person is left not knowing the truth about why they were dumped.

If you feel that your sb should spend time with you during holidays and birthdays, I strongly suggest you make this request clear in the beginning of your next relationship in order to avoid the same dilemma.

 

[Takeoff1653]

I truly believe a sugar baby is a job. It's a specialized job but still work at the end of the day. The money you pay for the sugar babies is buying "moments" and I feel happy to spend money on these experiences rather than buying tangible materialistic things.
So with that being said if one of my customers at my job asked me to spend time with them during a holiday whether it be Christmas or New Years or a birthday I would respectfully decline.

 

[User#8628]

So with that being said if one of my customers at my job asked me to spend time with them during a holiday whether it be Christmas or New Years or a birthday I would respectfully decline.

I don’t think mister Scrooge will give you a change.

 

[User#8628]

On a serious note, its a relationship but usually not one that goes anywhere (to marriags, children, a lifetime commitment).
So while i like my SDs, i would treat them like a boyfriend who doesn’t see our relationship as going anywhere more serious and permanent (yet). That means for traditional things like holidays and other such commitments he will have a much lower rank than my family and an equal rank to my friends (which means first come first pickings and/or most exciting plan to spend the day).
It has nothing to do with feelings being real or not but rather in who i want to do the emotional investment and memories.

 

[Frenchy]

Some of us come from countries where social services don’t come to your rescue if mum thinks you deserve a lesson and her slipper is airborne & approaching. We can’t miss Christmas or New Year. My mum’s magic slipper can travel across continents for instance.
Maybe find a Jewish Sugar Baby?

Whats this “magic slipper” thing? Sorry , sincerely I dont get what you meant

 

[Simonka]

Whats this “magic slipper” thing? Sorry , sincerely I dont get what you meant

You probably don’t understand because French mums don’t threaten their kids by targeting them with slippers?
Slipper was sometimes used to lightly spank a misbehaving child during my childhood. (I know modern, civilized western people can’t relate)
I was kidding in the above comment, my mum never actually spanked me, but when I really drove her mad she had threatened to do it.

 

[Sudsy]

Whats this “magic slipper” thing? Sorry , sincerely I dont get what you meant

You need to date a few Hispanic girls....

 

[User#6517]

You probably don’t understand because French mums don’t threaten their kids by targeting them with slippers?
Slipper was sometimes used to lightly spank a misbehaving child during my childhood. (I know modern, civilized western people can’t relate)
I was kidding in the above comment, my mum never actually spanked me, but when I really drove her mad she had threatened to do it.

Wait, people get spanked with slippers? My friends and I had slippers thrown across the room at our heads by our parents lmao

 

[Simonka]

Wait, people get spanked with slippers? My friends and I had slippers thrown across the room at our heads by our parents lmao

My mum was too busy to master the ninja art of slipper throwing

THE slipper must have been used for slightly varying purposes in different geographical areas.

Sometimes from across the room mum ordered me, in a loud voice to spank my brother (distribution of household tasks) to intimidate him. Not that she actually wanted me to complete this task but she just wanted to intimidate him:

Me: *pretend to raise my hand with a huge grin so I can mock a slap*
Mum: wait, not his head. I still need him to get good grades​

 

[impish]

You probably don’t understand because French mums don’t threaten their kids by targeting them with slippers?
Slipper was sometimes used to lightly spank a misbehaving child during my childhood. (I know modern, civilized western people can’t relate)
I was kidding in the above comment, my mum never actually spanked me, but when I really drove her mad she had threatened to do it.

The first 3 years of grade school, I went to a Catholic school. The teachers were nuns. You misbehaved, and you got spanked with a thick wooden ruler.

 

[MikeH]

The first 3 years of grade school, I went to a Catholic school. The teachers were nuns. You misbehaved, and you got spanked with a thick wooden ruler.

Was that a free option or did you have to pay extra?

 

[Frenchy]

You probably don’t understand because French mums don’t threaten their kids by targeting them with slippers?
Slipper was sometimes used to lightly spank a misbehaving child during my childhood. (I know modern, civilized western people can’t relate)
I was kidding in the above comment, my mum never actually spanked me, but when I really drove her mad she had threatened to do it.

Well if you missed that experience I am always ready to volunteer to spank you with whatever you want, absolutely free of charge!

 

[AMcguyver]

My mum was too busy to master the ninja art of slipper throwing ​

When we were kids my mom used the Hot Wheels tracks, ‘cause she didn’t want to waste time reaching down to take off her slippers.

She was like Zatoichi with those(used to be much longer than in the picutre). She would carry them around in her purse and if we acted up, she’d take them out, whack us soundly, and have them back in her purse before there could be any witnesses.

 

[Sudsy]

When we were kids my mom used the Hot Wheels tracks, ‘cause she didn’t want to waste time reaching down to take off her slippers.

In our house, it was the wooden spoon from the kitchen if you got in mom's bad graces. Dad would send you out into the woods to cut a switch...