@kittyotodoke
Let me emphasize the points on which we agree. The most important one is this:
> I just hate the idea of a foreign man being discouraged at the idea of dating a Japanese woman based on
> prejudice that he may not even encounter.
and
> In short: GO FORTH AND DATE WHO YOU LIKE, non-Japanese dudes of TAG.
I completely agree with this and have said the same in most of my posts above. Moreover,
I do it myself! In the last 4 years I have dated (seen multiple times) 7 different Japanese women, ages ranging from their mid-20s to late-40s. In fact
much of what I have said in this thread is based on what some of these women have told me. (In case you are wondering, four of the seven were or are sugar dating situations, and the other three totally np4p situations.)
> I don't claim that a small population sample should suggest the larger national trends, or that my own
> personal experience will be everybody's. I do say however that your assertion that mixed couples aren't
> accepted is as valid as mine is that they are more accepted these days, in that neither of us knows
> thousands of Japanese people well enough to provide the evidence to back up our statements. We're both
> stating 'facts' based on our own experiences, which simply illustrates how different two people's
> experiences can be of the same place.
>
> I do take issue with the blanket statements you're making about 'Japanese women', which I think, with
> respect, are based on your own experiences as a non-resident Anglophone foreigner and are affected by
> your age and social class (though I don't presume to know anything about these) and will not reflect every
> foreign man's experiences.
Yep to all of the above. Both of our personal experiences and everyone else's will give a biased and incomplete impression of the overall reality. That's one reason it is useful to compare them in discussions like this one. Neither of us is the typical TAG male member/reader interested in dating Japanese women and so neither of our experiences will be the same as theirs, as you say. However, perhaps "a non-resident Anglophone foreigner" fits a lot of them pretty well...including GD whose question started this discussion.
As for blanket statements about 'Japanese women', my whole point was that Japanese women who have foreign SOs are at least a bit atypical, i.e., that all Japanese women are definitely not alike in this regard. So again, I agree.
And yes, I agree that the social disapproval of mixed couples in Japan was worse in the past, much worse. I have been spending significant time in Japan for just short of 25 years (and some time before that), and the situation has changed enormously for sure.
It is also worse outside the centers of major cities with relatively large gaijin populations; it is worse among older folks than younger ones; it is worse among less educated and less traveled socio-economic groups; it is worse in blue collar than in white collar work places; it is worse in less affluent than more affluent communities etc. In other words, a well-educated and traveled 20-something white-collar professional working/living in a relatively affluent area of current-day central Tokyo is probably seeing the phenomenon at its very minimum, perhaps at a level where it is neither noticeable nor important.
> God knows I'm the first one to point the finger when Japanese people are casually racist, but it goes both
> ways.
Fwiiw, I don't see the disapproval of mixed couples as primarily racist, at least not in the sense of racism as it exists in many Western countries (definitely including mine, the US). Rather I think that it is mostly a matter of pressure to conform to group norms. This exists in all cultures of course, but it is hardly original or controversial to note that the emphasis on being "like other people" in Japanese culture is exceptionally strong and, in many cases, harsh. In other words, if you are the only one (or one of the few) in a group of Japanese women who has a foreign SO, it is going to set you apart a bit from the others (in their minds and yours), just as it would if you dressed or behaved in some way distinctly different from the others. And in Japanese culture standing out from the group in nearly any form tends to garner disapproval and produce some discomfort.
> I have never in my LIFE seen a subway seat left conspicuously empty next to a foreign man, and have never
> met anyone that it has happened to.
This is probably too much of a side issue and red herring to be worth much pursuing here, but fwiiw, this is the part of you post that most baffles me re differences in our personal experiences. Having "the seat next to the foreigner" be the last one taken or even left open is not only incredibly common in my experience but is something on which I have heard numerous other foreign visitors comment (without me bringing it up). It is even discussed extensively online; try googling something like "empty seat train japan foreigners". Here are a few of the many links I found (not that I have read the material at these links beyond a glance):
http://thisjapaneselife.org/2012/05/23/japan-microaggressions-racism/
http://setouchiexplorer.com/empty-seat-train-gaijin/
http://japanexplained.wordpress.com/2012/12/03/japanese-next-to-foreigners/
I am fairly sure that the topic has been discussed in other TAG threads too. So, whatever the correct explanation for the behavior/phenomenon, I don't think that I am imagining it or that it is something that has anything particular to do with me. I am simply astonished that you have never seen/noticed it.
-Ww