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Japanese women hitting on gaijin men?

Sitting around and waiting to be approached may be a passive strategy but not necessarily a weak one for those who have women approach them. The man in consideration may have different priorities and reactions to the phenomenon associated with the art of "gaming" as you people call it. The passive man may even perceive the mass "approacher" as weak for his lack of control over his insatiable appetite for attention and companionship. Perhaps the passive man is content with his situation and understands that an overly ambitious disposition does not necessarily correlate with, nor act as a catalyst toward the "end goals" he has in mind, namely a happy existence absent of toil that entail a "go getter" mentality. A man who is comfortable with himself and who may not approach things the way you do is not weak from an objective apriori standpoint. He is weak from a socially constructed standpoint, originating from the societal apparatus that deifies a productive ambitious disposition.

Perhaps the man in question, through his wisdom and his life experiences, has come to a realization that having a more 'stoic' approach to external phenomena has rendered him happier. This may sound overly sentimental to the reader, but if the reader were to disregard arbitrary standards and attitudes towards such sentimentality than my point becomes clearer, and free from the fetters of being subject to ridicule and humiliation.

My point is not to say that approaching is bad or that getting a gym membership should be avoided
By all means, go for it. But perhaps you should consider that the man sitting in the corner not approaching may actually be the strongest man in the bar. As long as this man isn't avaricious or green with envy toward the approacher

Right, and my point is not that running around nonstop is more noble and you aren't like some better person if you are approaching instead of sitting back.

But a lot of people lie to themselves and have negative self talk and all manner of excuses as to why they can't/don't/won't approach (or, for that matter do anything in life: start a business, go to a gym, do anything at all proactive). IMO this is FAR more common and very much the social zeitgeist. Its very deeply rooted in our psyches from a young age that we are very good at using intellectual arguments (or financial ones) to persuade ourselves that we don't actually need or want to approach.

If you're happy with what you have, by all means keep doing what you are doing. I wish nothing more than for people to be happy where they're at!

All I illustrate is just a way to build a life of your design rather than wait for what falls in your lap. For those who think they can do better. I firmly believe most can. But whether they choose to is another question

Yes, I understand it's controversial and yes, I understand many won't get it or will resort to random attacks on my character. I've dealt with that as long as I've been on this site. It's fine and par for the course
 
that, or he is just loaded and can get sex with cute ladies anytime he wants

Some people simply don't want paid girls. I know this is a common argument on the p4p board but believe it or not, a large % of guys actually want women to like them for their personality from the start. Nothing wrong with paying for it, but it scratches a different itch IMO.
 
Right, and my point is not that running around nonstop is more noble and you aren't like some better person if you are approaching instead of sitting back.

But a lot of people lie to themselves and have negative self talk and all manner of excuses as to why they can't/don't/won't approach (or, for that matter do anything in life: start a business, go to a gym, do anything at all proactive). IMO this is FAR more common and very much the social zeitgeist. Its very deeply rooted in our psyches from a young age that we are very good at using intellectual arguments (or financial ones) to persuade ourselves that we don't actually need or want to approach.

If you're happy with what you have, by all means keep doing what you are doing. I wish nothing more than for people to be happy where they're at!

All I illustrate is just a way to build a life of your design rather than wait for what falls in your lap. For those who think they can do better. I firmly believe most can. But whether they choose to is another question

Yes, I understand it's controversial and yes, I understand many won't get it or will resort to random attacks on my character. I've dealt with that as long as I've been on this site. It's fine and par for the course

You know, I actually like you. You would be a great sales guy , and those are few and far between. And I sincerely respect them. When I was younger, closing a deal had this kind of «I finally got the girl » feel , except that it was (usually) a profitable endeavor , not a wasteful one (and no, I don’t talk about P4P here... « normal » girlfriends can be higher-maintenance)
Anyway I kinda agree with everybody in that thread coz I’m in a good mood and not afraid of cognitive dissonance anymore :)
 
Nice straw man and random ad hominem (With a nicely bundled attack on Japanese culture as "backwards")

I think you misunderstood. I am not saying how I wish the world is. I would love nothing more than to be approached by endless streams of beautiful women. But this is not reality. This is pretty much the same experience as 98% of foreigners I speak to and I suspect it we run a poll here it would be the same.

"Sit around and wait to be approached" is a weak, passive strategy. Do you do this with your career and fitness as well? "I'll wait until the gym/promotion comes to me..."

My point was saying ‘its the role of the man to approach’ is just a bit silly, and in my opinion quite dated.

Of course I agree we should all be proactive.

Believe it or not I agree with a lot of what you write here and as Frenchy points out, Im sure you are a great sales guy. Persuasive and you tell a great story. Id hire you over some of the wet farts that claim to be sales people at my company.

I just think a lot of people that arent so smart, charismatic or socially well adjusted as you will read what you write, attend your seminars and then scare the shit out of random women on the street ‘practising their day-game’ or whatever they think it is theyve learned from you.
 
I got a LINE contact from a girl (who was with a friend) doing each others eyes at Tokyo Dome Shake Shack as they were getting ready for the Black Pink concert tonight. I smiled, she smiled and I simply asked "why's it so busy today" and in broken english she told me. Little chit chats but one thing led to another.....closer was she wished she could understand English better.
 
My point was saying ‘its the role of the man to approach’ is just a bit silly, and in my opinion quite dated.

Pick up a women's magazine in Japan. They have surveys all the time in what they want from a man. Usually the #1 response is "リードしてくれる人" "I want a man who will lead (for) me."

Or, if you prefer, ASK women if they would rather approach a guy they like or be approached. I think you're a smart guy so you pretty much know the answer here.

You can think this mindset is outdated or silly, or you can get triggered at me saying something (true) with bad optics "in 2019" (love it when people say the year as a rhetorical tactic). And you can think Japanese culture is backwards (wonder if it's ALL non-Anglo-European cultures you think are backwards, or if it's just Japan). But you can't really deny the truth on the ground here. Women here don't want to be the ones approaching or leading. You can call me sexist or chauvinist if you like. I don't mind - really, go ahead. I know it's 2019 and we're not supposed to ever insinuate that men and women should be different in ANY way. It's the era of doublespeak where speaking uncomfortable truths is taboo, and I'm perfectly happy to be the pariah if that's where society is going.

I just think a lot of people that arent so smart, charismatic or socially well adjusted as you will read what you write, attend your seminars and then scare the shit out of random women on the street ‘practising their day-game’ or whatever they think it is theyve learned from you.

In the end, men are going to approach women. Isn't it better that they do it in a smart, effective, and respectful way? That's my role. Without me, you just have catcalling and butt pinching because dudes don't know how to effectively talk to girls. Bad approaches have existed since the beginning of time and without nanpa. Having a body of knowledge on how to do it well is a good thing for society as a whole - yes, women included. Men that would otherwise be out there groping girls on trains or following them down dark alleys or Doing otherwise creepy things now have a healthy, legitimate, and face-to-face way to confront their interest in women that will actually lead to positive responses and dates. That's a win for both men and women.
 
I just think a lot of people that arent so smart, charismatic or socially well adjusted as you will read what you write, attend your seminars and then scare the shit out of random women on the street ‘practising their day-game’ or whatever they think it is theyve learned from you.

Wouldn't these same guys be pestering random girls on the street anyway? If someone at a seminar tells them it is not OK to grab a boob then maybe attending one is a good thing for all?
 
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closer was she wished she could understand English better.

I hope you were a pal and volunteered to help? Because we need more unselfish people and volunteers for our community.
 
I hope you were a pal and volunteered to help? Because we need more unselfish people and volunteers for our community.
Of course I'm not demanding any coinage for services rendered. I hinted that a place quiet and remote would be best........:p :p :p
 
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Of course I'm not demanding any coinage for services rendered. I hinted that a place quiet and remote would be best........:p :p :p

You are such a sweet soul. Obviously you considered the noise and clatter of the surrounding to be hindrance in learning the right pronouncing.
 
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You are such a sweet soul. Obviously you considered the noise and clatter of the surrounding to be hindrance in learning the right pronouncing.
Of course. Especially on how to use the mouth on words like "Open".
 
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Pick up a women's magazine in Japan. They have surveys all the time in what they want from a man. Usually the #1 response is "リードしてくれる人" "I want a man who will lead (for) me."

Or, if you prefer, ASK women if they would rather approach a guy they like or be approached. I think you're a smart guy so you pretty much know the answer here.

You can think this mindset is outdated or silly, or you can get triggered at me saying something (true) with bad optics "in 2019" (love it when people say the year as a rhetorical tactic). And you can think Japanese culture is backwards (wonder if it's ALL non-Anglo-European cultures you think are backwards, or if it's just Japan). But you can't really deny the truth on the ground here. Women here don't want to be the ones approaching or leading. You can call me sexist or chauvinist if you like. I don't mind - really, go ahead. I know it's 2019 and we're not supposed to ever insinuate that men and women should be different in ANY way. It's the era of doublespeak where speaking uncomfortable truths is taboo, and I'm perfectly happy to be the pariah if that's where society is going.



In the end, men are going to approach women. Isn't it better that they do it in a smart, effective, and respectful way? That's my role. Without me, you just have catcalling and butt pinching because dudes don't know how to effectively talk to girls. Bad approaches have existed since the beginning of time and without nanpa. Having a body of knowledge on how to do it well is a good thing for society as a whole - yes, women included. Men that would otherwise be out there groping girls on trains or following them down dark alleys or Doing otherwise creepy things now have a healthy, legitimate, and face-to-face way to confront their interest in women that will actually lead to positive responses and dates. That's a win for both men and women.

when I speak of women "approaching" , I'm referring to the case when a woman comes within a certain vicinity of me, let's say within a 50 cm radius of my standing point.. All I have to say is hi and it's usually a done deal. I'm not sure if you would consider it an approach. It certainly isn't the most proactive method.( This is at a bar). Uninterested women may and usually do stand elsewhere.

In some circumstances i would consider this an approach on the part of the women, while others may not consider this so due to the fact that the woman in question did not say anything.

While Japanese women may not directly approach, I find that they indirectly do it, no less than women from the Occident. This may be the supporting pillar for an argument that says women do "the choosing" and not men. Women in this sense are leading, and only in terms of who they choose to mate with. Women in the magazine's may say they want the 'man to lead'. But women in many cases, as certain misogynists from the "pick up" world claim, that "women never mean what they say". Countless contradictions are inherent in the nanpa paradigm. Im Not saying that they dont want a leader, because to a certain extent they do like leadership, but it's also important to draw a fine line between the latter and overly controlling behavior. In my opinion Nampa fails to do this. I'm not just speaking from a standpoint that's considers the abusive implications, but also from an attraction standpoint(woman toward man). Not many women will say they are attracted to Hitler( a strong leader) but many are to 'chill' surfer dudes.
Furthermore, I see far too many men who follow pick up advice and overdo it with the manliness and "alpha male leader" and end up 'turning off ' the women. In many instances, the women under consideration will subsequently then go for the mysterious quiet guy who doesn't try too hard to be a leader( although they are usually good looking)

I think I may have been over estimating people when I was under the assumption that the action of cat calling and pinching butts were a phenomena only limited to the movies and horny construction workers. I need to go out more often.
 
Pick up a women's magazine in Japan. They have surveys all the time in what they want from a man. Usually the #1 response is "リードしてくれる人" "I want a man who will lead (for) me."

Or, if you prefer, ASK women if they would rather approach a guy they like or be approached. I think you're a smart guy so you pretty much know the answer here.

You can think this mindset is outdated or silly, or you can get triggered at me saying something (true) with bad optics "in 2019" (love it when people say the year as a rhetorical tactic). And you can think Japanese culture is backwards (wonder if it's ALL non-Anglo-European cultures you think are backwards, or if it's just Japan). But you can't really deny the truth on the ground here. Women here don't want to be the ones approaching or leading. You can call me sexist or chauvinist if you like. I don't mind - really, go ahead. I know it's 2019 and we're not supposed to ever insinuate that men and women should be different in ANY way. It's the era of doublespeak where speaking uncomfortable truths is taboo, and I'm perfectly happy to be the pariah if that's where society is going.



In the end, men are going to approach women. Isn't it better that they do it in a smart, effective, and respectful way? That's my role. Without me, you just have catcalling and butt pinching because dudes don't know how to effectively talk to girls. Bad approaches have existed since the beginning of time and without nanpa. Having a body of knowledge on how to do it well is a good thing for society as a whole - yes, women included. Men that would otherwise be out there groping girls on trains or following them down dark alleys or Doing otherwise creepy things now have a healthy, legitimate, and face-to-face way to confront their interest in women that will actually lead to positive responses and dates. That's a win for both men and women.

To be honest, I for one cherish that there is still a place in this world (maybe the only place left) where men can, and are generally expected by women to be, masculine. And women are generally expected by men to be... dare I say it... feminine. In fact, that alone was what was such a big factor about why I liked Japan so much. Women worked as much as men so they were equals there, but they were still trying to be feminine too.

Women’s rights and all of that are great, of course we should all be equals in terms of rights, respect, opportunities, etc. And absolutely the groping of women in Japan by men on trains (or anything like that) is bullshit and needs to stop. Women should never be treated like that. Nor should men for that matter, although it’s much less common and there’s not usually a real physical danger to men being overpowered.

Anyway, at the risk of sounding like some super-chauvinist asshole (too late probably), hardcore feminism has damn near fucking destroyed societal/dating relationships between men and women in the West.

In America in most larger cities you basically risk being labeled a creep or a pervert just for trying to TALK to women you don’t know if they aren’t interested in you. They could even say you sexually harassed them just by trying to talk to them and try to fuck up your life. Or they just rudely blow you off in a bitchy manner laughing at you and literally try to emasculate you as if it’s some kind of revenge against ”the patriarchy”. (Of course if you’re hot, the girls want you to do nothing but aggressively approach them with dirty talk, take them home and fuck the shit out of them. But that’s only if you’re hot. If you’re not hot, why the fuck are you even near me peasant?)

The biggest difference I saw in Japan was that if you talked to a woman and she was not interested in you, she would politely try to end the conversation or change the subject or make up an excuse to leave or whatever. She clearly wasn’t interested but seemed to appreciate what you were trying to do (they aren’t naive) and felt flattered, so tried to let you down easy in a way that didn’t make you lose face or embarrass you. There was a mutual respect and as long as the guy got the hint and didn’t try to get upset or aggressive, it was all good. No harm, no foul. They get that men will try to ask women out and that’s okay and they aren’t creeps or bar people or perverts for trying. That right there is what’s sadly being lost in the West...

My point is that I think Sinapse is right, even if he may be a bit blunt in his delivery. In this time and in this place, women in Japan want a man who will approach them, clearly state their intentions (because they like a man who knows what he wants) and lead them. They enjoy it, it makes them feel like a woman. THEY LIKE IT.

Right or wrong, it is their culture and I, for one, adore it. Men who are interested in dating women in Japan should understand this and learn how to become what they want you to be... The good news is you can still be yourself and genuine, just be more confident and willing to play the role of the dude who has the balls to go talk to a girl he likes and talk to her. It is a learned skill that you can get better at if you practice. Some are naturally better than others but anyone can do it with some guidance. The same goes for business communication, public speaking to audiences, etc.

And I also agree, it’s not a bad way to go through life going after what you want with focus and confidence and determination. In fact, it often goes hand in hand with success across any area of life.

For the record, I’m not some paid Sinapse supporter, I just get how he thinks and in my opinion, he’s not wrong.
 
My pick up advice would be summed up as the following.

Don't take yourself too seriously. Women love this.

All this advice of trying to be "manly" "a leader" "confident" "strong" can be disregarded. If your unconfident, that's fine..play with it. Be confident that your unconfident. If your nervous, then be nervous. Laugh at yourself, and if you can't lead then don't. Not taking yourself seriously is key for picking up women.
 
My pick up advice would be summed up as the following.

Don't take yourself too seriously. Women love this.

All this advice of trying to be "manly" "a leader" "confident" "strong" can be disregarded. If your unconfident, that's fine..play with it. Be confident that your unconfident. If your nervous, then be nervous. Laugh at yourself, and if you can't lead then don't. Not taking yourself seriously is key for picking up women.

I agree with this too. Light and fun and funny is always good. You said “be confident that you’re unconfident”. I think as long ad you are in control of your emotions and they aren’t running you, you stand a much better chance. It’s really just a mindset. If you are cool with yourself and appear happy with who you are, it’s almost like women can sense it and it’s refreshing compared to most guys who are just awkwardly trying to come up with the perfect thing to say to impress them or whatever.
 
Don't take yourself too seriously. Women love this.

I agree; and if there is another advice to be had it is: don't be desperate. If you really really need to get laid by anyone, anywhere then you are not going to get laid. Girls smell desperation two blocks away and run.
 
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I agree; and if there is another advice to be had it is: don't be desperate. If you really really need to get laid by anyone, anywhere then you are not going to get laid. Girls smell desperation two blocks away and run.

Yes, and one can hit p4p so things(desperation) doesnt spiral out of control and return quickly back to equilibrium.
 
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Uninterested women may and usually do stand elsewhere.

Interested women may also, for a wide variety of reasons.

In my opinion Nampa fails to do this.

What nanpa resources are you referring to? Or is this just your vague general feeling

I need to go out more often.

On this we agree! :D

Don't take yourself too seriously.

Good advice!

All this advice of trying to be "manly" "a leader" "confident" "strong" can be disregarded. If your unconfident, that's fine..play with it. Be confident that your unconfident. If your nervous, then be nervous. Laugh at yourself, and if you can't lead then don't. Not

I think you're probably straw Manning/ taking pickup advice at it's extreme basic. Your advice is sound and quite similar to some things I teach! "Be manly" is shit advice so please tell me who in the pickup community said that. Be confident isn't really any better as advice, but to be honest these sound like Buzzfeed/clockbait YouTube video "top 10 tips" style advice, not actual, legit advice from people who actually do pickup. But what do I know...

I'd argue that being confident basically means being comfortable with who you are in that moment. Which is great, but only half of the equation. The other half is pushing yourself to do things which feel uncomfortable but are necessary for your goals. For example, taking your ass across the room to the girl who's 100% your type but isn't standing next to you for whatever reason.

Yes, she chooses, but no, you don't get to be lazy. :)

Countless contradictions are inherent in the nanpa paradigm.

There are many paradoxes yes. I discuss these frequently because the existence of a paradox does not mean the teaching is untrue, as anyone who has spent any significant time delving into Zen teachings will quickly point out.

As Bruce Lee said, be like water. Water can flow, or it can crash.
 
Anyway, at the risk of sounding like some super-chauvinist asshole (too late probably), hardcore feminism has damn near fucking destroyed societal/dating relationships between men and women in the West.

Honestly, you said what lesser men are afraid to admit
 
Don't take yourself too seriously. Women love this.

Only women? I like it too. And if im not attracted to the woman Ill let her down in the most face-saving way possible, with massive respect for the courage she has shown.
Honestly Im far from what a lot of people would describe as progressive or liberal, i just really dont think there are as many differences between men and women as people like to make out.
 
i just really dont think there are as many differences between men and women as people like to make out.

And if he shaves properly even blowjobs feel pretty much the same as long as you keep your eyes closed.
 
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How common or uncommon is it for Japanese women to hit on gaijin men? Any stories/experiences you could share about this? Should I always expect to be doing all of the approaching?
depends how you look.
 
Right, and my point is not that running around nonstop is more noble and you aren't like some better person if you are approaching instead of sitting back.

...

Yes, I understand it's controversial and yes, I understand many won't get it or will resort to random attacks on my character. I've dealt with that as long as I've been on this site. It's fine and par for the course
is it ? thought it was the most basic way of thinking. it's the kind of advise a shy kid hears from a buddy in high school.

Some people simply don't want paid girls. I know this is a common argument on the p4p board but believe it or not, a large % of guys actually want women to like them for their personality from the start. Nothing wrong with paying for it, but it scratches a different itch IMO.
yet you'd want guys to change their personality to succeed in a hunt :wacky:
 
Sitting around and waiting to be approached may be a passive strategy but not necessarily a weak one for those who have women approach them. The man in consideration may have different priorities and reactions to the phenomenon associated with the art of "gaming" as you people call it. The passive man may even perceive the mass "approacher" as weak for his lack of control over his insatiable appetite for attention and companionship. Perhaps the passive man is content with his situation and understands that an overly ambitious disposition does not necessarily correlate with, nor act as a catalyst toward the "end goals" he has in mind, namely a happy existence absent of toil that entail a "go getter" mentality. A man who is comfortable with himself and who may not approach things the way you do is not weak from an objective apriori standpoint. He is weak from a socially constructed standpoint, originating from the societal apparatus that deifies a productive ambitious disposition.

Perhaps the man in question, through his wisdom and his life experiences, has come to a realization that having a more 'stoic' approach to external phenomena has rendered him happier. This may sound overly sentimental to the reader, but if the reader were to disregard arbitrary standards and attitudes towards such sentimentality than my point becomes clearer, and free from the fetters of being subject to ridicule and humiliation.

My point is not to say that approaching is bad or that getting a gym membership should be avoided
By all means, go for it. But perhaps you should consider that the man sitting in the corner not approaching may actually be the strongest man in the bar. As long as this man isn't avaricious or green with envy toward the approacher
The Buddha would agree with this argument. Charles Darwin would disagree. The Buta thinks you are throwing meatballs at dogs.