Act 1. Tinder in Japan
So I found myself thinking a little too much with the wrong head last night. I am on Tinder and a nice looking girl matches with me. I message, she messages back. We start talking about meeting and we set a time. The whole time I am thinking this is a little too easy, but I also think I can handle myself in most situations pretty well.
We decide to meet at Almond, the cafe right by Rappongi station. I am an hour late with comms and she’s still there (1st Sign I ignored). She’s pissed, but must not of had anything else to do. We go to a bar of her choice...I started seeing warning lights at this point (2nd Sign I ignored; Lesson: Always keep it on your terms). I am horny and she’s looking pretty good. Oh did I mention she’s Romanian. Yeah, I know....(3rd Sign I ignored). Any way, I had a good time with a Romanian girl last September when I was visiting Tokyo so I was thinking it could turn out that way.
We sit down and I take it all in. A few other dudes were there. Westerners and Japanese. Two girls at the bar, Japanese. I am thinking it seems safe enough. I have one drink, a gin and tonic, she wants a white wine. The guy brings out the menu, we look it over and she picks a bottle. We drink, we talk, she drinks the whole bottle, and she’s loosening up. She tells me her life story,little too much info for a first meeting, but I can have that effect. I am a gentleman and I am nice looking. She leans over kisses me, we talk some more. She eventually brings up the fact she had a friend plan to meet her if things went poorly with me. She asks if she can join us. I say why not, it would be rude not to invite her to join us. While waiting for her friend to show up she tells how cute her friend is and she’d fuck her if she was a lesbian, but she’s not. She also asks if we can get another bottle. I said sure. Her friend shows up and she is a cute Japanese girl. We’re talking, they’re talking, eventually the Japanese girl says I am shy. The other girl then says to me she understands if I want both of them and she wants all of us to be together. Now I am getting excited. I pull the other girl in and am thinking to myself, fuck! Am I going to have a threesome with these girls (4th sign, if it’s too good to be true, it’s probably not true; Lesson don’t get too big of head, stay humble).
Act 2. Pseudo Blindside (I kind of saw it coming)
About this time a guy shows up at the table asking to hold my card. I say no, I’ll pay cash. The Romanian girl says I probably don’t have enough cash. I am thinking what the fuck are you talking about? I have 40,000 yen on me. Now it’s important to mention I purposely didn’t bring my credit card with me and had 24,000 yen in a separate inside coat pocket. I get up and go to the bar. I ask to see the menu and my bill. The menu shows the bottle was 60,000 yen, and I had 2. I am like oh no mother fucker, you just got played! My fucking gin and tonic,1000 yen. Normal price. Now this wine, it was nothing to write home about. And on top of that she was adding sparkling water to each glass to make a spritzer. It was cheap wine!
Act 3. Oh no you don’t mother fucker
So I am pissed and at the counter. Everyone in the place knows I am pissed. Mind you, I was not drunk. One gin and tonic, one small glass of wine. I had my wits about me and was sizing up the situation when this African motherfucker shows up. Now they all must have figured me for a nice mildly mannered white guy just looking to get laid, someone they could play. Mostly true, but I am also a combat veteran of war zones...meaning there is darker side to my life.
I take out my wallet. I know the African sees I don’t have a credit card. Cash only. He says’ “how will you pay?” I said, this is what I will give you, show the man $16,000 yen (all I have in my wallet). He’s like no, you pay 148,000 yen (per the itemized bill). I am like No fucking way am I paying over a grand for Walmart boxed wine. This is all. I tell him, the girl, and the bartender this is all bullshit. That that is cheap ass wine and they can take it or I’ll call the police. I get out my phone. Now the Nigerian is saying, he will. Sure he will, he’ll call his buddies, and then maybe the police. I throw the money on the counter and say that’s it and walk to the elevator and hit 1F. The Nigerian blocks the door, I shove the motherfucker backwards he gets inside and the door closes. The whole time he’s saying you cannot leave. Police are coming. I tell him you can’t stop me and I am calling my friends that are down the street in another bar. I actually call a friend and start talking with him. Elevator door opens and now it gets physical. I hang up and tell the fucker to get out of my way. He blocks me. I surprise him and push him out of the way. I was stronger than him. I get out the elevator. He tries holding me again, I fucking head and arm hip toss the motherfucker down 3 stairs onto his fucking back. He gets up pretty quick but now I am fucking gone. He tries catching up but stops (Side Note: I was a Sprinter once upon a time). As I am running I pass two Nigerians that were coming my way. For a second you can see they consider the chase, but I am on the main street now blowing by people. Waive down a taxi and boom...I am fucking gone.
Act.4 HE massage and GOT
I honestly don’t know if the menu was changed or I just overlooked the price to begin with. The girls backed away and didn’t say much when I was getting into with the African about the price. The Japanese bartenders were just quiet the whole time. In all taxi ride and cash added up to about 18,000 yen. Not a bad price for a good story, but I should of just stuck with the original plan. Two hour oil massage at Asian Feeling and Game of Thrones episode.
I know, I was stupid and lucky as hell.
So I found myself thinking a little too much with the wrong head last night. I am on Tinder and a nice looking girl matches with me. I message, she messages back. We start talking about meeting and we set a time. The whole time I am thinking this is a little too easy, but I also think I can handle myself in most situations pretty well.
We decide to meet at Almond, the cafe right by Rappongi station. I am an hour late with comms and she’s still there (1st Sign I ignored). She’s pissed, but must not of had anything else to do. We go to a bar of her choice...I started seeing warning lights at this point (2nd Sign I ignored; Lesson: Always keep it on your terms). I am horny and she’s looking pretty good. Oh did I mention she’s Romanian. Yeah, I know....(3rd Sign I ignored). Any way, I had a good time with a Romanian girl last September when I was visiting Tokyo so I was thinking it could turn out that way.
We sit down and I take it all in. A few other dudes were there. Westerners and Japanese. Two girls at the bar, Japanese. I am thinking it seems safe enough. I have one drink, a gin and tonic, she wants a white wine. The guy brings out the menu, we look it over and she picks a bottle. We drink, we talk, she drinks the whole bottle, and she’s loosening up. She tells me her life story,little too much info for a first meeting, but I can have that effect. I am a gentleman and I am nice looking. She leans over kisses me, we talk some more. She eventually brings up the fact she had a friend plan to meet her if things went poorly with me. She asks if she can join us. I say why not, it would be rude not to invite her to join us. While waiting for her friend to show up she tells how cute her friend is and she’d fuck her if she was a lesbian, but she’s not. She also asks if we can get another bottle. I said sure. Her friend shows up and she is a cute Japanese girl. We’re talking, they’re talking, eventually the Japanese girl says I am shy. The other girl then says to me she understands if I want both of them and she wants all of us to be together. Now I am getting excited. I pull the other girl in and am thinking to myself, fuck! Am I going to have a threesome with these girls (4th sign, if it’s too good to be true, it’s probably not true; Lesson don’t get too big of head, stay humble).
Act 2. Pseudo Blindside (I kind of saw it coming)
About this time a guy shows up at the table asking to hold my card. I say no, I’ll pay cash. The Romanian girl says I probably don’t have enough cash. I am thinking what the fuck are you talking about? I have 40,000 yen on me. Now it’s important to mention I purposely didn’t bring my credit card with me and had 24,000 yen in a separate inside coat pocket. I get up and go to the bar. I ask to see the menu and my bill. The menu shows the bottle was 60,000 yen, and I had 2. I am like oh no mother fucker, you just got played! My fucking gin and tonic,1000 yen. Normal price. Now this wine, it was nothing to write home about. And on top of that she was adding sparkling water to each glass to make a spritzer. It was cheap wine!
Act 3. Oh no you don’t mother fucker
So I am pissed and at the counter. Everyone in the place knows I am pissed. Mind you, I was not drunk. One gin and tonic, one small glass of wine. I had my wits about me and was sizing up the situation when this African motherfucker shows up. Now they all must have figured me for a nice mildly mannered white guy just looking to get laid, someone they could play. Mostly true, but I am also a combat veteran of war zones...meaning there is darker side to my life.
I take out my wallet. I know the African sees I don’t have a credit card. Cash only. He says’ “how will you pay?” I said, this is what I will give you, show the man $16,000 yen (all I have in my wallet). He’s like no, you pay 148,000 yen (per the itemized bill). I am like No fucking way am I paying over a grand for Walmart boxed wine. This is all. I tell him, the girl, and the bartender this is all bullshit. That that is cheap ass wine and they can take it or I’ll call the police. I get out my phone. Now the Nigerian is saying, he will. Sure he will, he’ll call his buddies, and then maybe the police. I throw the money on the counter and say that’s it and walk to the elevator and hit 1F. The Nigerian blocks the door, I shove the motherfucker backwards he gets inside and the door closes. The whole time he’s saying you cannot leave. Police are coming. I tell him you can’t stop me and I am calling my friends that are down the street in another bar. I actually call a friend and start talking with him. Elevator door opens and now it gets physical. I hang up and tell the fucker to get out of my way. He blocks me. I surprise him and push him out of the way. I was stronger than him. I get out the elevator. He tries holding me again, I fucking head and arm hip toss the motherfucker down 3 stairs onto his fucking back. He gets up pretty quick but now I am fucking gone. He tries catching up but stops (Side Note: I was a Sprinter once upon a time). As I am running I pass two Nigerians that were coming my way. For a second you can see they consider the chase, but I am on the main street now blowing by people. Waive down a taxi and boom...I am fucking gone.
Act.4 HE massage and GOT
I honestly don’t know if the menu was changed or I just overlooked the price to begin with. The girls backed away and didn’t say much when I was getting into with the African about the price. The Japanese bartenders were just quiet the whole time. In all taxi ride and cash added up to about 18,000 yen. Not a bad price for a good story, but I should of just stuck with the original plan. Two hour oil massage at Asian Feeling and Game of Thrones episode.
I know, I was stupid and lucky as hell.
