Last moment mishaps/failure to close

[cytusfubu]

I'm been trying to break out of my shell the past months and had some real good experiences up north in Morioka, but I've noticed a flaw in my game upon recent reflection. Note that I am not educated with the meta-philosophies of the Nampa lifestyle, aside from reading a few articles here, and have just started to shift my attention from Pay-to-Play to Nampa.

I have no problem approaching girls and striking conversations, and getting them comfortable to talk and to leave with me is no problem. But most of the time, it always ends up with me just walking her to the station or going our separate ways. I'm sure that it has something to do with my lack of showing intent for sex, and that's the part that is hard for me.

I can't seem to bring the topic of sex in convos and almost all my lucky breakthroughs are with girls who are extremely horny at the time and basically just presented themselves to me. I want to be able to do the same and not settle for just getting someone's contacts and end up as just another platonic friend.

Any advice is highly appreciated

 

[ShowaJidai]

There are two ways to make the move depending on the feeling.

One is the direct - let's go fuck - or some variation of it .

The other is to say "I'd like to be alone with you"

 

[scorpioni6ths]

i have a friend who is from inaka ... she complained how most inaka girls don't have any big 'dreams' ... after HS or college they just want to get married and have a family, the socially approved behaviour.

if the girls in your inaka are like these ... then they're looking for guys that can be taken down the isle. this might be the reason for them not really opening up ... unless you meet the wild ones.

most girls probably think you just want to practice your J skills.

basically just presented themselves to me

maybe just try it the other way around?

 

[Wwanderer]

If you stop thinking and worrying about the possibility of being rejected by the girl, you'll probably find that it happens very naturally with no conscious effort on your part. Not necessarily easy to do, I realize.

-Ww

 

[Sinapse]

Sounds like the biggest thing you might be missing on is even trying for the pull. Where are you planning on hooking up with these girls? Do you propose "one last drink" there? Go for it and don't accept the "walk back to the station" as the default. Go for the pull. If everything else has been good on the date you should succeed a decent amount of the time. If not, make the next date at your house like a cooking date

 

[cytusfubu]

@Sinapse: been watching your YouTube vids recently and just want to say you have some good content. I'm more interested with SNLs and ONS, with the mindset that even if I make a good impression to the girl, that interest in me declines and the excitement of meeting someone new fades away. Most girls who goes for second dates tend to want a serious relationship, something that I'm not interested in having. So yeah, I might need to improve my pull to get the experience I want here.

@Wwanderer: just got over my nerves of approaching women, but you're right that popping the question (e.g. "so, you interested in some D right now?") is a whole another hurdle to overcome through practice. Doing so without coming across as creepy is a difficult balancing act that I am still afrad of messing up.

@scorpioni6ths: I practiced my approach in the inaka when i was still stationed there until just early this month. Sadly, my company relocated me here in Tokyo so I'm still having a feel of what girls here are like and thinking on the best way to approach them. Most girls in the inaka has this "boyfriend barrier" that even if they are already primed for sex, they will still say no to you unless you date them with the intention of marriage

 

[Rusty Trombone]

i have a friend who is from inaka ... she complained how most inaka girls don't have any big 'dreams' ... after HS or college they just want to get married and have a family, the socially approved behaviour.

if the girls in your inaka are like these ... then they're looking for guys that can be taken down the isle. this might be the reason for them not really opening up ... unless you meet the wild ones.

most girls probably think you just want to practice your J skills.



maybe just try it the other way around?

How Inaka are we talking about here?
In small villages there is the everybody knows everybody mentality, and everyone knows everyone's business, so there may be some reluctance there.
But I find that in any place big enough to have anonymity, then same night hookups are not that difficult.

The PU experts may disagree with me here, but I find planting the seed in their mind before actually trying to close the deal allows them time to mentally prepare. It ratchets up the tension a bit, but needs to be done with humor.

 

[User#8628]

Asking a girl directly to come with you to your place or a hotel or to have sex is a big no no in Japan anyway. And even as a person who is comfortable in her sexuality, i have to say that literally asking “do you want to have sex” can be pretty off putting.

It may sound like tricking, but Japanese people prefer the indirect way, so find a good reason to invite her to your place that gives her some deniability in it being an invitation to sex. Say if you have pets, invite her to see your pet, or if you are good at cooking, invite her for a meal. An Italian told me that Japanese girls love it it he promises them good Italian food. Also a Japanese guy told me that he had a 100% succes rate of inviting girls over after a date if he said “i have some very *fancy brand* chocolate in my hotel room and champagne that goes very well with it, don’t you want to try it?”

Something that also could be good is to invite a girl to karaoke and start a make out session in the room. But i think it still needs a proper invitation to move from Karaoke room to private room, or you need to cover the camera!

 

[Sinapse]

Asking a girl directly to come with you to your place or a hotel or to have sex is a big no no in Japan anyway. And even as a person who is comfortable in her sexuality, i have to say that literally asking “do you want to have sex” can be pretty off putting.

It may sound like tricking, but Japanese people prefer the indirect way.

This. A million times this

 

[fareastmovement]

I'm been trying to break out of my shell the past months and had some real good experiences up north in Morioka, but I've noticed a flaw in my game upon recent reflection. Note that I am not educated with the meta-philosophies of the Nampa lifestyle, aside from reading a few articles here, and have just started to shift my attention from Pay-to-Play to Nampa.

I have no problem approaching girls and striking conversations, and getting them comfortable to talk and to leave with me is no problem. But most of the time, it always ends up with me just walking her to the station or going our separate ways. I'm sure that it has something to do with my lack of showing intent for sex, and that's the part that is hard for me.

I can't seem to bring the topic of sex in convos and almost all my lucky breakthroughs are with girls who are extremely horny at the time and basically just presented themselves to me. I want to be able to do the same and not settle for just getting someone's contacts and end up as just another platonic friend.

Any advice is highly appreciated

Did you escalate things physically (i.e. kino escalation) after you opened them? if you do this right, and combine it with Alice advice on finding the right excuse to take them back to a private space, then there is no need to explicitly say that you want sex.

 

[LeonGRAY]

The PU experts may disagree with me here, but I find planting the seed in their mind before actually trying to close the deal allows them time to mentally prepare. It ratchets up the tension a bit, but needs to be done with humor.

That's creepy man. Never talk about sex. Not even hint at it. Instead change to the subject to something else and give her a reason to go to your place.

You: Japanese food is so delicious! I love okonomiyaki! I wish I could make it someday..
Girl: What? It's easy!
You: Really? No way! Can you teach me?
Girl: Yes

If she's into you this works everytime because every japanese girl can make okonomiyaki (it's actually very simple lol)

Instead of "Let's have sex at my place" change it to "Let's cook together at my place" then take it from there.

The keyword here is give her a legit excuse to go to your place and keep it playful.

 

[NYCDominantGuy]

Long ago, I learned that some things are simpler with Japanese women than Americans.

If things have not changed since the 1990s, if a Japanese woman comes to your house alone, she’s ready to fuck you.

She won’t set foot anywhere near your house alone (at least at night) if she’s not ready to fuck.

This fact has a couple of implications. First, if she comes to your house, you don’t need to wonder if you are misinterpreting her actions. You don’t need to ask yourself if she’s just being nice or just wanted to see your house or if maybe she wants to fuck you someday but not quite yet.

Second, it means that you just need to put in the work to get her interested enough that she wants to come to your house or hotel room. You don’t need to be direct about sex - that could turn her off because in general Japanese are less direct than westerners. There is also the “face” issue: she doesn’t want to be seen as someone who would just hop into bed with you, even if that’s what she really wants. So, you have to give her a good non-sex reason to come to your house. It can be pretty transparent, like champagne and chocolate, like another poster said. But there needs to be a pretext rather than a direct proposition.

Now, just to be certain, I’m sure there are exceptions to every rule. Let’s not get all rapey thinking that she’s *consented* to sex just by coming over. You still might turn her off. She might change her mind.

But just keep in mind that, if she agrees to come to your room alone, then she’s already about 99% sure she wants to fuck you, or she wouldnt even be there.

It’s refreshingly direct, in its own way. Or perhaps easy to understand is a better way to put it.

 

[split]

@NYCDominantGuy
What if she invites you to her place at evening (and not living with parents)? This happened to me a few times with one but nothing happened granted it was my student.

 

[NYCDominantGuy]

Did you make a move or just wait for her? Lots of Japanese women don’t want to make the move. They don’t want to be seen as too easy.

 

[split]

I couldn't read her well. The conversation didn't really feel organic, thus I never made a move other than trying to sit closer to her. She had a dog, maybe she sensed I wasn't into dogs and was the dealbreaker for her. She also knew I was married.

 

[NYCDominantGuy]

Maybe she was kind of frigid. I’ve had 2 experiences with Japanese girls where we were alone and started making out but nothing really happened. No reactions, like they were made of ice. I figured they were scared about being with a gaijin and couldn’t get warmed up. Only happened a couple of times though. Usually it was the other way around. They were ready to get down to business pretty fast once we were alone.

 

[BB0523]

I'm a firm believer of never take them to where u live... Cuz u could be with another girl and a previous one comes banging on the door for a drunk booty call or screaming u never called me back... Either way not a drama scene I want...
I usually say... I really want to kiss you buy prefer to be someplace more private... This shows her 1. That u are considerate of her and shows some respect 2. You let her know u want to kiss her, 3. U want to move to another location.... Love hotel...
If she says no when u get to the love hotel then say OK, where to kiss in private, see where she suggests...
In my experience, it's only happened one time and we went back to her place.
I also had a girl take me to her place.. Saying u can stay but nothing else.. I said OK... And she started kissing me and we proceeded from there...
Just be chill... Not aggressive, and gently lead... No means no and u should respect that... (I'm not saying u dont) Just let her know u enjoy spending time with her and want to kiss her... Even if that doesn't happen... The seed has been planted... And if it never happens who cares... She still has a good story to tell her friends...