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Looking For Tips About Dating A Japanese Girl

Bahl999888

Bahl999888

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first of all, I want to explain how I met her and what happened and I'd like to know if you guys think that she could actually be interested in me.
it basically was just one day, we met by coincidence and spent the day with her (plus some of her/my friends) at some places in Kyoto. we talked for quite some time, she asked about him and I did the same about her.
not long before she and a couple of her friends left she asked for my number/line. which I think is quite rare for a girl to ask that to a guy, especially japanese ones, no?
of course this could have meant that she was just trying to be polite or whatever, and not that she was actually interested in me. the next day she had to leave but I find her again at the station by pure coincidence, wa talk a little and she leaves.
after that we just chat a bit on LINE, for some reason she waits like 2 hours for each reply. (why? Lol)

after a couple of weeks she comments on one picture I made and she says something like "those days in kyoto were great".
now I obviously don't believe that she is 100% into me but what do you guys think? Btw she has some pictures of that time where I think I look like shit. on the other hand if she sees me again she can (maybe) change her mind and think that I'm not as bad as I looked in those pictures.

almost 2 months have passed and now I was planning on going to visit the city where she lives before going back to my country, and also planning on asking her to go out with me when I'm there. I won't be there for long (around 5 days maybe a week) but if she actually says yes (which can easily be for kindness and not for actual interest, she said "if you ever come to my city let me know" but that's really what everyone says to a friend, I believe) how should I play my cards? How should I ask her if she wants to go out again (maybe right the next day)? Considering that I won't have much time should I also be a bit "aggressive"?
 
Dude you have her contact info just ask her. Don't ask last minute just tell her you are coming out I'd love to go for a drink or something.
That would give you a better indication than any advice we could say.
 
I see but can't someone more or less judge from what I wrote if I could actually have some chances? Of course I'll ask anyway but if you can say "well a lot of girls do that, give contact say blablabla come to my city but that doesn't always mean they're actually interested" or "chances are she likes you because he said all of that, she replied etc." that could help.
as you can easily guess I don't really have much experience with dating girls and even less, or rather, none at all, with japanese girls.

also I was looking for tips IF and when I go out with her, then trying to ask her out again and somehow conclude/do some more than just sharing a drink before I leave.
 
Never fear rejection. What is the worst thing if you don't ask her? You get rejected.
What if you ask her? There is a chance she meant would say yes. A chance is better than a zero chance.


From the sound of it, I think you have a really good chance. Be the man and lead.
 
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@Bahl999888 - You are overthinking this, young jedi. Trust your feeling; let instinct be your guide. Use the Force!

(And btw, no, no one here can tell you if or how she is actually interested in you.)

-Ww
 
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Basically there's no details for any of us to determine anything.
From what you described I have at least 30 girls on Facebook I met once that fit the same description. If you are thinking going there because of her without knowing what's up with her you might be disappointed. Don't just chat beforehand talk to her & ask clear questions based on what you want.
 
You'll never know unless you do something about it. Contact her, say you enjoyed Kyoto too and would like to see her again. Just be honest. If you don't, you will be thinking about 'what if' foreverrrrrrrrrrrr! If you are going to her town, ask her for suggestions on where to go, what to do, where to stay - that way she can control things a bit in her own area, but at least say you'd like to take her to dinner (not lunch!).
 
oh, to clarify, it's not that I waited 2 months, I just couldn't leave town for those 2 months.

anyway thanks everyone for the suggestions, I'll tell her something like "I'll be there the next week/ X day, I'd like to hang out when you have time". at worst I can always enjoy the city, which was one of my "must see" cities anyway.
 
Edit the 'when you have time' bit..... Good luck!
 
Good edit by @R.O.B It would be an improvement to add something like, "Would you like to have dinner on <date of first evening you will be there>? I'll only be in town until <date you leave>."

But again, your instincts will serve you better than our advice, imo.

-Ww
 
As @Solong would say, get her to go out with you somewhere like a close knit bar, one where you can preferably sit next to each other and be a bit more intimate... Then somewhere you can be alone like Karaoke, the park, even a smaller bar. After that you will want to escalate, if you haven't already. You'll know... Follow the signals and if she is touching you or holding you in someway, then she is more than likely interested.
 
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again thanks for the responses.

one more general question, I've had experiences (with this girl and another one) in which when I texted they waited like 2 hours to text back, or the other girl when I asked her out she gave me a response (she said yes, lol) 1 day later. did someone have similar experiences?
it seems strange to get responses that late if someone is interested in you, at least to me.

Wwanderer said:
Good edit by @R.O.B It would be an improvement to add something like, "Would you like to have dinner on <date of first evening you will be there>? I'll only be in town until <date you leave>."

But again, your instincts will serve you better than our advice, imo.

-Ww
Click to expand...
isn't asking her out for dinner like that a bit too much though? Just my (probably wrong, just correct me if so) opinion but maybe as first meeting after almost 2 months, even if my time isn't long, I think I should go for something more casual? Like asking her to show me the town or something. at the end of the day then I could ask for a dinner together.

btw, she works in a company so she probably isn't available all week from morning to evening, I think my best chances would be during the weekend and maybe the evening if she doesn't have to go to sleep at 10 pm or so.
 
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Bahl999888 said:
isn't asking her out for dinner like that a bit too much though? Just my (probably wrong, just correct me if so) opinion but maybe as first meeting after a long time, even if my time isn't long, I think I should go for something more casual? Like asking her to show me the town or something. at the end of the day then I could ask for a dinner together.
Click to expand...

As I've said above, I think you should go with what feels right to *you*, not to any of *us*, including me. So, yeah, if asking her to dinner seems like too much to you, then play it a bit more casual. It's better to be yourself and attract women with your own personality and style than to follow someone else's.

That said, if it were me, I might well start by asking her to dinner, depending a bit no my impression of her personality and her comfort/confidence level in socializing with (foreign) people she doesn't know well. Given what you described of her behavior in Kyoto, it sounds like she is not super-shy or introverted or anything like that though. Most of my motivation for moving relatively fast and aggressively is that it is just my personal style. It always seems ironic and needless to me when a man and a woman waste a lot of time playing games and wondering/agonizing about whether the other is really interested or not...based on all sorts of ambiguous signals etc. So I tend to make my interest clear and try to get past that stage asap. I'm not (even slightly) afraid of being rejected, and I don't want to waste time and energy on someone who is going to reject m eventually anyway. I'd rather find out asap and move on. Btw, if she accepted my dinner invitation and acted significantly friendly/attracted/interested during the meal, I'd very likely ask her very clearly and explicitly (but also VERY politely and modestly) if she'd like to enjoy a spontaneous week-long fling with me...and try to get it started that very night. In your particular situation, there is the additional factor of very limited available time, but that would be only a secondary consideration if it were me...but it also motivates moving quickly.

However and to be clear, there nothing at all wrong with your plan of going more slowly at first and accelerating (even the first time you see her) if the signals are positive. That is probably a more conventional approach than mine would be, fwiiw.

-Ww
 
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Bahl, do we have to come with you and hand your hand(s)?
Ask her show you around in the early afternoon after lunch and take her to dinner and make it on a Saturday! This give her time to get ready, you have some extended time at the right time, she cannot make the excuse of having something else on and if you are a really good boy you might get to buy her breakfast, too.
 
As I might have mentioned we don't know details
She might be 19 & you might just be 21 in that case we might think different than you being late 20's or 30's.
 
I'm 24, I think she's around the same age. iirc che said that she graduated from college a couple of years ago.

@Wwanderer, I see what you mean. I think I'll go for the dinner but I'll also ask if she wants to go somewhere in the afternoon.

@R.O.B saturday could be perfect but I'll be there thursday, considering I won't be there for too long I was thinking to ask her out friday (after work) and then saturday again, but I'm not sure if that makes me a bit desperate or too aggressive.
 
Friday's good, but she might be tired and a little rumpled coming off work. "Desperate and too aggressive" - you have limited time and you have to decide what your expectations/hopes are and factor in those things.
 
@Bahl999888 - It might be useful to think about objectives rather than means/tactics for a bit. There are just four simple things you need to accomplish as first steps; as far as I can see they are as follows:

- Let her know when you will be in town, arrival and departure, ideally well in advance so that she can make sure that her calendar doesn't fill up so much that she can't spend (much or any) time with you even if she'd like to do so. You should already have done this imo.

- Let her know if there is any realistic possibility of you seeing her again in the foreseeable future after the upcoming week (which probably means of you coming back to Japan I guess).

- Let her know that you are interested in her, at least in spending time with her and perhaps more.

- Give her an opportunity to spend at least a small bit of time with you in some casual social situation so that she can remind herself (if needed) of why she spent time hanging out with you in Kyoto, LINEing or whatever with you afterwards and so forth and to give her a fresh take on whether or not she finds you attractive.

There are a variety of ways of accomplishing each of the items on this list, and discussing ways of doing so comprises most of this thread. But how you get them done probably makes little difference in the end (just so it doesn't take too much of your limited window of opportunity). No matter how she get the aforesaid information, she will then decide for herself how she wants to deal with the opportunity to spend time with you again. And until she has that information, she is not in a good position to make any decision.

-Ww
 
Ahhhh, young love... I feel a song coming on.
 
I think it's ok to ask for some advice/trick here because sometimes your game/intuitions just are reliable enough.
Of course getting late/laconic answers show a 'mild' interest.
That's where you need a real icebreaker, a socially acceptable context, involve some friends, create envy/opportunities etc.
 
@Wwanderer thanks for the tips. I still didn't tell her that I'll be there >_>, well I guess it's time.

btw she could have a boyfriend and all of this will be pointless. : p
but seriously from what she said and did, (like making a trip to another city and her home country alone) it doesn't seem likely. at least, that's what i think
 
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