Making friends in Japan

[tad3239]

Here I am talking obviously about Japanese friends.

I am already here in Japan for a couple of years now , and all of my friends are expats living in Japan without a single Japanese friend .

Is it difficult to make friends in Japan , or it is just me ?

 

[Anna Summer]

Here I am talking obviously about Japanese friends.

I am already here in Japan for a couple of years now , and all of my friends are expats living in Japan without a single Japanese friend .

Is it difficult to make friends in Japan , or it is just me ?

Do you speak Japanese?
Do you have any hobbies or like to do any activities which brings you together with other people?

I’ve found my friends through hobbies (took quite a while to break the ice but they’ve become really good friends now).

 

[MikeH]

Is it difficult to make friends in Japan , or it is just me ?

Not mutually exclusive. It can be bit of both.

As Anna said learn the language and find a hobby you like. And talk to the people. Not just young girls but everyone.

You might even learn to like it.

 

[UnicornHunter]

I made some friends at my Japan office. Turns out one is Korean, the other Chinese.....

 

[Simonka]

I never cared about the ethnicity of my friends, so I don’t remember putting the effort to make friends with Japanese. I want someone to listen to me, understand me, share my happiness or sadness. Even though I have a “Genki” personality, deep down I crave for genuine human connection. Their ethnicity is of little importance to me.

So.. In my case it happened effortlessly with attending dinners at my embassy, or meeting wives of my colleagues. I prefer one-on-one friendships over being part of an “izakaya group” as I have no interest in the latter, so Japanese people with a particular interest in my country are easier to build true friendships since we have a topic to help break the ice. I have also grown fond of a couple of housewives I’ve met via a friend and a colleague. They are clean, mature, stable and reliable, a complete contrast to the boyfriend or office drama and partying habits of some women who are my age. My close friends and I live different lives, perhaps for the better.

 

[newbie]

Try putting yourself in situations where you will meet Japanese people with similar interests. Or even just language exchange, though that route can sometimes make it difficult to tell who actually wants to be your friend.

 

[just4fun]

Pokemon Go!

 

[Joe2017]

Friends are made by affinity, trust and respect. If someone frequents only places where expatriates or tourists go, it will be difficult to make Japanese friends.
As others have recommended, it is better to attend places where people with common interests go even if at the beginning the cultural barrier is complicated. If you show interest and respect they will approach to you naturally.
In my experience, and even I don't speak Japanese well, Japanese new friends come to me by themselves when they see that something special and genuine is shared, and they see respect for their culture. That was also valid to meet my wonderful Japanese girlfriend.
Of course, everything must start slowly. Be patient and enjoy the path.
Good luck!

 

[Joe2017]

Pokemon Go!

TrueI I know people who have made many friends thanks to Pikachu!

 

[just4fun]

TrueI I know people who have made many friends thanks to Pikachu!

I've done ok so far. No home run but getting there

 

[Frenchy]

perhaps for the better.

For you or them?

 

[just4fun]

For you or them?

I'm not speaking for her but it's probably for both.

 

[Frenchy]

After a few decades here and despite speaking the language I can’t really say I have Japanese friends. Colleagues, classmates, clients, acquaintances, girlfriends, sugar babies, heck even a spouse yes, I had, but friends no. Entirely my fault , I don’t even try. To be honest I find them a bit boring

 

[Viggagadye]

Making acquaintances is easy, making friends is hard. Especially as you get older. I wouldn't worry about it too much as long as you have some people to connect with.

 

[warubuta]

After a few decades here and despite speaking the language I can’t really say I have Japanese friends. Colleagues, classmates, clients, acquaintances, girlfriends, sugar babies, heck even a spouse yes, I had, but friends no. Entirely my fault , I don’t even try. To be honest I find them a bit boring

Well said. We find them boring. And they find us intimidating. And they resent our larger penises - with some notable exceptions.

 

[fonto12]

I try to keep things at "arms length". Great people when you're not too close, but things can get a bit toxic and spiral out of control when you start getting closer. This I attribute to differences in upbringing and habituation.

 

[tad3239]

Making acquaintances is easy, making friends is hard. Especially as you get older. I wouldn't worry about it too much as long as you have some people to connect with.

That is what I meant . It is difficult to know them closely and when I tried to approach some of them deeper than the acquaintance level , they were weird and it didn’t last.

 

[tad3239]

I try to keep things at "arms length". Great people when you're not too close, but things can get a bit toxic and spiral out of control when you start getting closer. This I attribute to differences in upbringing and habituation.

Would you please elaborate ?

 

[MikeH]

Making acquaintances is easy, making friends is hard. Especially as you get older. I wouldn't worry about it too much as long as you have some people to connect with.

I have heard it said so that you can make real friends only up to your university days. I am not sure I agree 100% but there is still quite much truth in there. You form true friendships when you grow together and most of us have done our growing when we enter the workforce. Or rather from that point we only grow sideways physically.

 

[Acid Burn]

It is difficult to know them closely and when I tried to approach some of them deeper than the acquaintance level , they were weird and it didn’t last.

Not everyone can be friended. To quote an old song... “it takes two to make a thing go right.”

Similar to how not every date will end up as a long term relationship or even marriage, some people are and will always stay an acquaintance or even just a coworker.

Have a read up on Social Penetration Theory and the Onion model/metaphor as well as de-penetration. It’s an explanation (one theory anyway) of how relationships are formed and what happened when it didn’t progress or last.

Here I am talking obviously about Japanese friends.
...
Is it difficult to make friends in Japan , or it is just me ?

I’m not sure how old you are but as others have mentioned, making new friends as an adult is hard. And the type of friendships and what you do as friends can be so different than what it was like in our youthful school days, college days, 20’s, 30’s, etc., just by nature of the responsibilities of life and adulting. Now throw in some cultural and language differences and you’ve just added an extra barrier for both to overcome.

Are you here indefinitely? If I know someone is only temporarily in my locale, I’ll not try much to get close because I think what’s the point. That’s just me, but I’m sure there are others that feel similar.

Also, there’s that expat bubble that people end up in. That common denominator of being an expat gives you that initial non-work thing in common that makes it easier to bond over at the start.

Good luck with your friendship endeavors.

 

[Viggagadye]

I have heard it said so that you can make real friends only up to your university days. I am not sure I agree 100% but there is still quite much truth in there. You form true friendships when you grow together and most of us have done our growing when we enter the workforce. Or rather from that point we only grow sideways physically.

The sad thing about that is, some of us didn't manage to find a good group of friends in our younger years, or moved away from them.
Nothing wrong with some good acquaintances/surface level friends though.

 

[Anna Summer]

The sad thing about that is, some of us didn't manage to find a good group of friends in our younger years, or moved away from them.
Nothing wrong with some good acquaintances/surface level friends though.

very similar here... While I had good friends during school years, I’m not in contact with any of them these days. Maybe some messages here and there on Facebook at most. I made the best friends later in life and my best friend(pretty much like a sister) I met in japan during my first trip

 

[Simonka]

I have heard it said so that you can make real friends only up to your university days..

That’s the case for me. My BFF is like a sister to me at this point. We studied in the same field, have similar interests, similar sense of humor, but she is a bit more conservative than me. We have blessed each other with so much kindness over the years. I was there when her first born opened his eyes to this world! (I shed so many tears of joy, lol) When you can establish this level of connection, “acquaintances” appear a bit shallow.. I sometimes wonder why we are so close. Maybe because back then we were both “innocent bohemians”, far away from entering the corporate hell, having financial goals, transparent like the crystal clear shores of our city, and not putting the effort to fit in society. Over time you perfect your facade, but it also becomes harder for others to see the real you.
Even though I am thousands of miles away now, it doesn’t matter. We talk every day. Love her so much <3 I made friends with other people in Japan, but she’s “the one”

 

[just4fun]

It's really more difficult to have a friend of the opposite sex. One surely wants to see the other one naked. The friendship can grow after the deeds been done though in my experience.