Nanpa And Being A Creep...

[Newhere]

Just a question for guys used to it. Here are the 3 patterns I get lately with Street Pick Up:
1) She doesn't seem interested at all from the beginning. There I just say something, she looks at me with a neutral/uninterested face, doesn't really answer (or basic stuff) despite me smiling. Sometimes she will answer because the question/joke was genuinely interesting, but if I try to ask about her, she'll do the "I'm busy" face. These are ok.
2) (Most often) She will listen to me, without warmly welcoming me nor smiling, not saying anything. Kind of a challenging "go on, try to entertain me", and looks with a patronizing face or walk away at any attempt to establish connection (like "too easy"). A few times it picked up when I noticed a truly unique thing about them out of their appearance (though things didn't go any further). No generic or wrong affirmation will work though.
3) (Very rarely, happened 4 times out of 100+ attempts I think, but used to happen almost 1/2 in my 20s) She smiles, seems happy that I talk with her. She picks up on my small conversation and then the actual "game" starts: I'd just have to lead and bring the discussion somewhere better than basic stuff in order to know each other and see whether it's a match. Which until now seems to not have been the case but that's another problem

How do you react to 1) and 2) usually? Do you just dismiss them and try on another one?

 

[Sinapse]

There I just say something, she looks at me with a neutral/uninterested face, doesn't really answer (or basic stuff) despite me smiling

The "despite" here seems to indicate that you expect that she should talk to you if you smile. Often, guys can have a "trying for rapport" tone and facial expressions, and nothing will turn women off faster than this. Instead, try reducing your smiling, even down to nearly nothing. Smile only when you feel genuinely happy or when something is funny.

Kind of a challenging "go on, try to entertain me"

Your goal here is to connect with her, on anything real. She is waiting for this. Succeed, and she will open. Fail, and she will reject you. Stagnate, and the interaction will be over

 

[Sinapse]

On another note, if you are keen on going out, take @Shades Of Jae up on his offer. He's a guy who is well on his way to being very good at this

 

[Jennifer Maddingly]

As someone who gets nanpa'd on a daily basis I find that a few factors about the guy make me slow down or stop or perhaps even run away or insult the guy.

Don't be holding your phone. It's so obvious and looks like you're hunting multiple targets. Girls don't wanna be a victim of a serial nanpa they wanna be the one girl in the crowd that made your heart pound and make you just need to say something to her. Phone in pocket boys!

Girls walking slowly, looking around, girls in groups, girls with pets are all good targets. Just walk up to her, smile and say hey, you look cute, would you like to exchange line or if you're not busy get a coffee? If she laughs but keeps walking, stop and let her think she's lost you for 1.5 seconds then catch up with her and say "how about your yuubin bango?" Dumb cute smiles are great to get girls. Plus the very Japanese joke might intrigue her...

Girls with headphones, angry stressed faces, walking fast, staring at the ground - these are all signs to back off.

As far as yourself goes, dress clean, bright clothing, (beige/white/baby blue are all winners), smell nice and brush your hair and your teeth. Stand up straight but bend down when talking to her so you don't freak her out towering over her. Smelling good is so so important. Getting close to you should be like a holiday.

Even if the most you get is her slowing down and blushing when you say she looks cute, I gaurentee you'll be on her mind later when she's kicking herself for being too shy to reply.

 

[Newhere]

Thanks for your nice post @Jennifer Maddingly it's a pleasure to read a feminine, reasoned and down to earth opinion. It is indeed true that those "targets" never work very well.

Yes, I took @Shades Of Jae 's offer and actually met him already. He seems very good indeed, unfortunately he left me too quickly I took also some time to observe Japanese nanpashi in shibuya and while alone none even came close to impress me, in groups of two they're awesome. They make them laugh, seems friends forever; I don't understand what they say, and neither have the smallest idea how they're opening.

I still feel like it's a whole other world compared to what I do. For now I believe one of my problems to be that I don't know much how to open other than a compliment (and it's sincere, or in Shibuya I often have something like "今友達を待ってるけど[...]さっき見て話しかけないといけないと思った"). In hachiko this is almost always warmly welcomed and then I can build on that. On the streets it's close to zero (as hard as I try, and I'd so much love to make it work because that's the French way and it is awesome!), and even if it "works" I struggle to go past that. There seems to be a red signal in any direct attempt to get to know/test her (like 趣味はなんですか？), because it turns down even those who seems happy to talk at first.

In any case thanks a lot for your replies!!

 

[Newhere]

Oh and I'm curious, what is the yuubin bango joke? Asking her postal number instead of phone?

Other than that walking shibuya for a long time and having been "stolen" a girl I was running to get to by another PUA 3x, helped me realise how legitimately they could appear pissed and (to answer that topic) likely doesn't truly mean "you're a creep for doing that". Well funnily it does, and it does target you at that very moment, but that doesn't mean "for anyone at any time", basically try again.

 

[Sinapse]

Oh and I'm curious, what is the yuubin bango joke? Asking her postal number instead of phone?

Yeah, I think one of the guys in the Great Happiness Space said it as well.. Silly line and gets a giggle

Girls walking slowly, looking around

Slow walkers!! Yes

Don't be holding your phone.

Totally agree. J nampa boys always do this haha

I gaurentee you'll be on her mind later when she's kicking herself for being too shy to reply.

Great point. It's nice to see and know that some girls want to reply but are just shy.

Making them feel comfortable especially if they seem like a shy girl is always good.. Not getting too close or being jumpy or aggressive in any way, just be light hearted and speak clearly so they can understand you as well

I don't know much how to open other than a compliment

I usually try not to compliment girls on just their looks but rather their choices (which could be fashion or lifestyle) or values so it's rare for me to give a compliment right off the bat as the opener. I usually just start talking much as if she was my girlfriend.. Inquire about an accessory of hers or just talk about whatever thing is on my mind or I'm doing. If you're relaxed talking to her your more likely to be creative and funny than if you're nervous.

 

[Newhere]

I had a session today and besides trying various other approaches, I think I'm also progressing on my way to making my "French way" work here

This is no rocket science, and I don't know what I'm doing better than at first. I believe I'm slowly adjusting my projected level of confidence: appear less confident than you would in Europe, while being actually way more confident deep within about what you're doing. Typically trying to stop her and listen to you may be too much. Same for talking too loud, with frank gesture and too perfect Japanese. I show hesitation like I don't know how I should tell her, yet I still want to be honest about my intentions because I believe girls love that (and I am 100% sure they do). I also took some of what @Sinapse said there; do not bring too much energy, just talk like you know her (I can start by something like "I saw you[...]" -- even a non-directive sumimasen, and mention my intentions when I have her attention). When I don't get her attention at all (she doesn't even look at me despite me following her a few meters -- just by basic politeness I'm expecting her to have a "gtfo" look at worst, but I'm also not a creep to follow her back home), which is very rare in the end and never the case for women I truly like, I just assume she's not interested, not willing to talk or whatever, so I'm doing the right thing by leaving her alone.
Of course I might also just have been lucky, and I still have a long long way to go.

I ended up my session on the worst note: while I'd ask some girl the direction of the exit in the escalators (I was genuinely looking for my minamiguchi~) she told me it was the opposite way and even suggested to go together. She was the most beautiful girl from the day (yes @Shades Of Jae) by far, we talked and kinda clicked. I guessed about her, we laughed, talked about fashion (starting on her and the unusual way she made an all-white outfit stand and look balanced with her skin color) and when arrived I told that I didn't expect to but I not only enjoyed the trip but actually wanted to see her again. She said like また会うといいね (which is usually not a good sign, like if we happen to meet again by chance her that'd be nice) and then dropped the b-word. She wasn't done though, and expressed visible regret when I told her goodbye without taking her LINE as I asked first. That's a bit dick-ey, since it's pretty rare to have a connection and her having a boyfriend doesn't mean much. Fucking PUArtistry.

 

[Sinapse]

She said like また会うといいね (which is usually not a good sign

It's most definitely a good sign, basically a full invite she just wants you to make it happen

 

[static]

I ended up my session on the worst note: while I'd ask some girl the direction of the exit in the escalators (I was genuinely looking for my minamiguchi~) she told me it was the opposite way and even suggested to go together. She was the most beautiful girl from the day (yes @Shades Of Jae) by far, we talked and kinda clicked. I guessed about her, we laughed, talked about fashion (starting on her and the unusual way she made an all-white outfit stand and look balanced with her skin color) and when arrived I told that I didn't expect to but I not only enjoyed the trip but actually wanted to see her again. She said like また会うといいね (which is usually not a good sign, like if we happen to meet again by chance her that'd be nice) and then dropped the b-word. She wasn't done though, and expressed visible regret when I told her goodbye without taking her LINE as I asked first. That's a bit dick-ey, since it's pretty rare to have a connection and her having a boyfriend doesn't mean much. Fucking PUArtistry.

Why didn't you get her line? She expressed interest, you guys had a human connection for a short time. Even if she had a boyfriend and was deeply in love with him, cute girls typically have cute friends they'll introduce you to, or go out and be your wing woman, or just go out and have a good time together being friends (My god, guys and girls can be friends?! *gasp!*). Then realize that girls with boyfriends sometimes have boyfriends just as placeholders. If you're the better catch, they'll drop him for you, especially if there's no attachment to the guy. I realize that's probably not a popular thing to say, but it's pretty true. =P

 

[rick]

She said like また会うといいね (which is usually not a good sign, like if we happen to meet again by chance her that'd be nice) and then dropped the b-word.

That was like a direct invite man how could you take that as not being a good sign! Line - date - ez life!

 

[Shades Of Jae]

Always Line close.

At best you get a dtf girl who can see you soon.

At worst a horde of kyaba racequeens who, schedule permitting, will one day be amenable to your penis.

 

[Newhere]

Yeah. That's kinda the problem with those big sarge afternoons, it deshumanizes the whole thing.
Tbh I didn't even know who to call back, it's terrible. For some reason Line only highlighted two contacts that evening, and I didn't know who it was out of the whole day (well one of them I did, but I wasn't that interested in the end). And I hate that Line game, takes a lot of time and I don't want to treat girls like a "horde" who I don't care about and keep pushing 'till one wants to see me tonight. Look at how the best interaction was the last one? Why wouldn't that happen out of the previous ones I approached? Probably because there was something more genuine out of it.
I've also been given hints by friends on how my texting [in Japanese] is harsh and impolite. There's no quick fix it would seem, I just need to learn to identify the emotions behind what they say and study better.

About the girl in white above, it's too bad because what seems as a lack of interest is actually just shyness (probably on both sides), me feeling awkward for asking the LINE to a girl with bf, her feeling maybe afraid or whatever.

 

[static]

Line a tool that is way necessary in today's world... It even have this wonderful feature where you can change the name of the user on your list. So usually I'll do very simple notes and a basic numbering system to know how long the relationships been going on, or rather how far the relationship has advanced. So for a girl I just met off the street in Harajuku next to the smoking area:

0 - Keiko - 原宿喫煙所

Japanese is really helpful since you can say so much in fewer characters, but use whatever language is easiest and will fit to give you basic notes to remember where you met the girl Note, do NOT use the "note" feature; she can see what you write there. To quote John Travolta in Pulp Fiction: "Now look, I've given a million ladies a million foot massages, and they all meant something." Quantity doesn't mean dehumanizing unless you're the one who dehumanizes them. I've known a dozen Ayaka's, and I'll remember which is which, as long as I have a point of reference. Made that mistake once when I messaged the wrong Saori once. =P

 

[Newhere]

Yup thanks! Probably I dehumanized it myself, but I just didn't feel like it. None of these Line were girls I absolutely have to see again. Ironically the only that I can distinctly remember from the day is that last one

Tonight I went for the first time alone in Shinjuku in the only goal of hitting up on girls (habitually I choose to walk, work from a cafe, rent a DVD, check out the Yodobashi etc. and that makes it for a Saturday afternoon with a few nice chats). And I realize that I have actually not solved the problem from my first post at all: I had just drowned it under a massive attack of approaches, and by the belief girls expect to be hit upon on big areas/avenues.

But deep inside, I am still not legitimating the fact that I walk to any random girl, that I'm THAT kind of gaijin. I still feel like dogshit for doing that; going to Shinjuku and starting it was an anxious contradictory feeling. I will be looking for a way to work on that, rather than forcing myself because I know that anxiety (feeling illegitimate doing that) ruins most of my approaches.

Oh and I know it's not an excuse but Tokyo is fucking small too. Only TONIGHT I stumbled upon one non-PUA friend who saw me, plus I almost hit on my ex-girlfriend-that-I-still-want-to-see (I was a walking dreamily in Shinjuku -- she lives outside Tokyo and works in Yotsuya so the chances… -- trying to make up my mind for my first approach and thought "she'd be fine" but at the same time the "there's something strange" alarm rang; I almost bumped into her and then talked a bit).

 

[Sinapse]

I think the first step is to start a new, more positively titled thread. Something of an approach journal or the like would be suitable!

 

[Wwanderer]

I think the first step is to start a new, more positively titled thread.

Gee...I thought it was the most honest thread title in this whole forum!

[Note the ]

-Ww

 

[static]

Gee...I thought it was the most honest thread title in this whole forum!

[Note the ]

-Ww

OMG YOU'RE SO MEAN! I AM TRIGGERED! RAGE! RAGE! RAGE!!!!...

=P

 

[Newhere]

Yeah, I guess another topic is in order.
Thanks for everything guys!

Oh and conclusion is, yes you can nanpa, that's not creepy. But Tokyo is full enough of beautiful ladies, so avoid situations that could make her feel awkward unless you know it's the woman of your life (and have something to back that up).