You have understood my phrase about friendship in so wrong way that I have never imagined.
Firstly, I have deep respect for women. This comes from single mother education and from fact that I have 5 female cousins with which I have spent probably half of my childhood free time. Secondly, I always try to count separate people as intelligent beings which are seeking for their happiness and are honest in that (well, my life experience telling me that this is actually very wrong and I should stop with this).
So coming back to topic. I have a lot of female friends and with some of them we consider each other very close friends. And I am ok to be good friends with those who refused me. Actually I have one such girl. But if they refused me honestly without milking me to the fullest before that. When I was in university there were 2 girls that was clearly hinting me that they are interested in me. That time I wasn't charmed by them so as soon as I understand their intention I have approached them and told them that I am not interested in them (this comes from my deep respect to women, I could use them till I get bored and then just throw away as, probably, most of men on this planet would happily do). Also I was in same situation. Girl to which I was hinting about my interest have approached me and told that she already has a guy she truly loves and that I should abandon my hopes (we still friends now, though do not communicate much after I came to Japan). Such approach I appreciate and such people I am very comfortable to be friends with.
Now we come to main story regarding abounded friendship. After several awkward relationship, where girls were ok to go out and happy to receive presents from me but always refused next step in our relationship, I had I meet one girl. I didn't like her that much at start. But she was something special. She was calling me out, she was proposing interesting timespending, she was taking the lead when I was doubting. And in less then 2 months from lingering interest I fell in love with her. I started buying her presents, call for dates and of course trying to hint for next step in relationship. And she was ok for everything except for next step. After another 3 months of my soul struggling I asked her directly. And her response just killed one of my lives. She told me that she was doing everything for fun, that she just broke with her previous boyfriend and she just wanted somebody to spent time with. Then I asked her if she understood my intention and that I was for some deep relationship. She told that she understood that immediately after I took initiative into my hands. Then I asked why then she was toying with me. And she replied that my presents were actually charming and my chivalry behavior saved her a lot of money, so she didn't want that to stop. And then she told that phrase - "I was thinking of you as my best friend. Can we remain as that?" That day I was actually dead. She just toyed with me. Just to milk money from me and my time and attention. She used my feelings as short leash. And she didn't cut my hopes because she understood that actual friendship is equal i.e. I will not always pay for her, I will not buy her presents every week, I will not be there for all her whims.
So now if any girl telling me that "she just want to be a friend" not after I start hinting for serious relationship but after several months of such hinting, I always see that greedy smile on her face telling me - "As an ATM you was pretty nice". I hate such girls to the core of my soul. They just see somebody's feelings as a leash that will allow them to milk guys with feelings.
Now about marriage. I am not that kind of guy that would merry anybody just for some own benefits. Since my father left family when I was 6 I perfectly know the pain that my mother felt. I would never inflict that purposely to any woman. So I count marriage really serious. I am planning to merry with the girl I am comfortable to live together till we last.
About fuckdolls. This brought me most of headache since this statement is on different side of our galaxy from what I actually am to. For me sex is not just put my dick in soft hole and cum. Modern sextoys can be even better in this aspect then random woman. For me sex with woman - is stream of feelings and emotions. If I would see that woman wants to have sex with me, is getting orgasm from my cock then I would have orgasm much-much stronger then when I "put my dick in soft hole and cum". This is what attracts me in real sex. This is what I seek spending so much time building this "feelings" between me and woman. And that is why I am so reluctant just to pay for sex, because all those emotions I am seeking for are replaced by mere greed. Maybe I am wrong with last statement, but all "escort girls" I was speaking with in my life, was doing that just for money and actually they almost hated sex with their clients. For me it is almost worst outcome possible. I really hope that there are girls who do this for actual sex and really enjoys all process with payment as nice bonus, but I have to still meet such girls.
I hope I clarified all misunderstanding you got. If you have some other insult to throw in my face - do it. I will explain where you are wrong.
