Never Get Rejected Again

[Sinapse]

Guys looking from the outside in or from a beginner point of view often think that success ratios, percentages of rejections vs. bangs, or other such metrics are indicative of pickup success or are the goal.

The reality is that this kind of thinking is not only harmful to you (and your interactions), it's false.

True pickup is not a binary of "success" or "rejection". It is merely testing for chemistry. The idea that if you talk to 100 girls and 70 of them don't come to a date with you that 70% are "failures" implicitly means that you should want to have sex with all of them. This is not true. In reality, you should want to simply approach a girl to test for your affinity with her. You go up to and talk to a girl NOT thinking "How can I get this girl into my bed?" but rather: "This girl seems like she might be interesting. I wonder what she's about? What kind of energy does she have?"

In short, the mission of pickup ISN'T to rack up numbers and bang lots of girls, it's to find girls who you have an affinity with. So why talk to lots of girls? Put simply, you're digging through many girls who you have no interest (or just platonic interest) in and finding the ones who are a great match for you, and you for them.

If you kick yourself after an approach and feel "rejected" it's because the girl sensed you only wanted an outcome. You weren't testing for affinity and enjoying the moment with the girl. In short, if you feel rejected it's because your own beliefs created the feeling of rejection through your wrong view.

The true nampa-shi knows that, no matter the outcome of the interaction, as long as he communicates himself honestly and openly, and creates a mood of relaxation and fun so the girl can relax and communicate herself honestly and openly, that everything else will be taken care of. Attraction will build naturally. After that it's a simple matter of leading and logistics to put two beings with affinity together.

Imagine you are a quartz collector with two options. One option is to sit at your house and get a rock delivered every day.. It might be granite, sandstone, a ruby, or what you're looking for: quartz. If a sandstone comes, that's fine, but it's not what you're looking for.

The other option is to leave your house to the nearby mountain, and climb up the path. Along the way there will be many rocks, and while you have to spend effort climbing the mountain, you get many more chances to find the quartz. You aren't mad if you see a sandstone, you simply don't bend down to pick it up. But you are happy in the knowledge that you're exertion and walking up the mountain leads you to many more quartzes than sitting at home and getting a single random rock in the mail every day.

I'm sure you've guessed what the analogy means by now. Waiting for your perfect girl to come to you might happen, from your workplace or social circle or just by being a wallflower at the bar and she comes up and talks to you. But it's a whole lot slower than going out there and finding her yourself. If that quartz never comes in the mail, you might start to look at that granite and think "Well, I guess I'll never get a quartz, I'll just try to like this granite instead. It doesn't look so bad, actually it has its own charm. Not everyone can have a quartz, after all."

Similarly, it would be foolish on your travels up the mountain to become angry every time you found a sandstone, just as it would be foolish to carry home a bunch of sandstone when you're actually out there looking for a quartz. Remember that you are merely checking all the rocks out there for the one you like - you are NOT expecting every rock you encounter to be the quartz you are looking for.

In short, "rejection" is only the case if you perceive every single girl as something to be owned or "gotten". This mindstate comes from a desire to be loved and wanted by everyone, which is understandable, but unreasonable. It arises from an ego that doesn't want to appear fallible, or imperfect. But there will always be people who don't like you, or are simply neutral. But you aren't worried about them because you're trying to find the people who you really like, and who like you too.

Finally imagine, that if you are only pure to your intentions about finding a quartz, if only you could temper your anger and worry about finding sandstone or granite or other things you don't like, that all the other rocks could sense this energy, and they started to roll downhill to you. Many kinds of rocks - granite, etc - want to you to want them and try to get close to you and make you pick them up. But critically, so does the quartz. The quartz sense that you are not merely looking for ANY rock, but a quartz, and the quartz wants to be with a stone connoisseur with your integrity, so it rolls downhill towards you. Imagine that in the past your eyes might have missed some quartz because they were a little dusty and didn't pop out to you right away. But after enough times up the mountain path, you have the sharp eyes to see the dusty quartz as well, and you realize that it's what you're looking for as well.

The longer you walk the path of game, and the better you are at putting yourself out there honestly and the better you get at knowing what you are looking for, the affinity you seek with the specific type of girls you want. Strangely, the less you want to get every girl, the more the girls you really want (and even girls who you don't want) come to you and make it easier and easier for you to end up with them. It seems almost magical, but actually it's all communicated in every interaction you have. It's know as "not being needy". You need nothing from her, since you are complete, but at the same time, you recognize that the two of you could become something great together and share many beautiful experiences together. But this is predicated on your ability to see her as a human being and not just another target for your ego to fulfill its petty games and desires.

When women talk about nampa as "annoying" or "mendokusai" it's because the guy who tried to pick her up was not communicating honestly. In other words, he couldn't see that there was no affinity there, and his ego was too large so he was caught up in trying to bring her home even though the connection wasn't true. A woman will never think it annoying to meet a guy who is genuinely and honestly interested in her and her world. If you meet a woman with a sense of curiosity, rather than the desire to bring her home, you open yourself to actually meet and end up with the women you truly should be with.

That, my friends, is making your own destiny.

 

[DCSI_Lockers]

The reality is that this kind of thinking is not only harmful to you (and your interactions), it's false.

Totally agree with you there. I also agree with what you have said before that near stations is a great place.

I used to be extremely shy when approaching girls, until I realized that it doesn't do any harm (within reason of course) to me at all. In England I had no problem at all, it was probably the language barrier when I first moved the hindered me, and made me shy in case I embarrassed myself. but as my Japanese improved I still used that as an excuse. I then just started looking it all differently and boom completely changed my results.

For me, every approach I do needs three things. 1, I need to enjoy the interaction. 2 the girl needs to enjoy the interaction. And 3 (probably the most important) I need to be respectful, for example I mean if she's busy let her go, if she seems uncomfortable respectfully let her go.

As soon as I did this, I noticed that my success rate improved so much.

 

[Ladylisa]

Okay... I don't usually like the PUA posts, but this I like

 

[jacqueh]

This is a very important thing about relationships, and I don't think it is limited to nampa.

Some guys might get this fear of rejection because they see how happy girls are when they talk about rejecting guys, as it flatters their ego (he wanted me and I didn't want him, therefore I'm standing above), but paying attention to this is very bad. If that makes you feel better, know that the type of girls enjoying denying you dates will get mad when they see you happily rolling with your quartz.

It's also very important to understand that there is not only one dimension in the game, as people are not numbers from 0 to 10. It's not "it didn't work because I wasn't good enough", it's "it didn't work because we didn't match, even though I'm cool and I know it". Understanding this makes life much simpler. I'm not talking about ego tripping of course, and I'm also not denying that some will inevitably attract more people than others, but working on fears and framing the world as a place where people are compatible/incompatible rather than scores on a scale is important.

Happy quartz collecting.

 

[Ladylisa]

a.

S

people are not numbers from 0 to 10. others
framing the world as a place where people are compatible/incompatible rather than scores on a scale is important.

Happy quartz collecting.

Okay this is also one of my pet peeves when I see PUA talk about "getting a 9" or "she was only a 5" like there is some absolute scale - and that somehow he has succeeded in life because he scored a 9 not 5 (regardless of who he is more compatible with)

I've also heard Japanese guys say that gaijin guys only end up with the women who aren't considered hot by Japanese guys... As if somehow the gaijin guys are stupid to be fooled about what is attractive.

Yes there are some people who are pretty much universally considered beautiful, but for the most part there are so many factors when it comes to attraction - and everyone has their own preferences.
What we all really just want is someone we are attracted to who is also attracted to us ... No matter where on the "scale" we or they might fall - and if we are compatible and have great sex then that is as close to perfect as it gets.

There's a picture floating around the web of a couple on their wedding day. She's pretty fat and not very attractive with her hair scraped back grinning from ear to ear. Next to her is the incredibly skinny groom - dorky and gawky with oversized features... And a look of proud love on his face.

The comments are always very cruel about them - because they do make a really odd looking couple and neither of them score high at all on the "scale" .... But does it really matter what we think because they are obviously very happy with each other - and that's a beautiful thing.

 

[TAG Manager]

I've also heard Japanese guys say that gaijin guys only end up with the women who aren't considered hot by Japanese guys... As if somehow the gaijin guys are stupid to be fooled about what is attractive.

I've heard this and seen this first hand. But, to be honest, some guys come here all blind with yellow fever and they think everything that has two legs and is Asian, is hot.

The girls that I've been with have been from medium to hot. But it's relative, each person has their own scale of hot. I prefer the Japanese stereo-type... slender, short with smaller breasts. I don't like those girls that are all skin and bones. The girl I met last night was a 9 of 10 on my scale... medium height, toned with 'film my palm breasts', good teeth and skin smooth as a baby's bottom.

Okay this is also one of my pet peeves when I see PUA talk about "getting a 9" or "she was only a 5" like there is some absolute scale - and that somehow he has succeeded in life because he scored a 9 not 5 (regardless of who he is more compatible with)

Yeah... it's all relative and one of the reasons I really don't follow all this PUA stuff. I meet enough people with my own methods and I'm perfectly happy with those I've connected with in the past.

 

[User#6326]

Great post, this for me is a great life philosophy of self esteem and openness.. The trouble I think many have are the names nanpa, pua and gaming.. They lend a sleazy one dimensional slant to the whole thing.. We need new names with more positive connotations

I think the 1/10 scale should be used as a subjective compatability test (does she have what I need, how does she make me feel, do we have a strong connection etc) and not a objective hotness scale..

Of course many out there do not know what they want/ need and hence focus on the physical

If you are not with someone who you think is at least an 8 then what are you doing?

 

[Sinapse]

Yh trouble I think many have are the names nanpa and gaming.. They lend a sleazy one dimensional slant to the whole thing

It's all about how you do it. For that matter, I think nanpa and mongering are unlikely bedfellows in the sense that those on the outside who aren't doing it have a lot of prejudices and think its sleazy and disturbing or shameful, but those who choose to do it realize that it can be beautiful or therapeutic - its all about how you do it. Certainly both of these things have a good, "enlightened" way and a low, bodily-function level way of doing them.

 

[just4fun]

I've heard this and seen this first hand. But, to be honest, some guys come here all blind with yellow fever and they think everything that has two legs and is Asian, is hot.

The girls that I've been with have been from medium to hot. But it's relative, each person has their own scale of hot. I prefer the Japanese stereo-type... slender, short with smaller breasts. I don't like those girls that are all skin and bones. The girl I met last night was a 9 of 10 on my scale... medium height, toned with 'film my palm breasts', good teeth and skin smooth as a baby's bottom.



Yeah... it's all relative and one of the reasons I really don't follow all this PUA stuff. I meet enough people with my own methods and I'm perfectly happy with those I've connected with in the past.

Throw me the skin an bones ones you don't want.......those are right up my alley

 

[Ladylisa]

I've heard this and seen this first hand. But, to be honest, some guys come here all blind with yellow fever and they think everything that has two legs and is Asian, is hot.

Meh... What's the problem with that? As long as everyone is happy. If he thinks the girl he is with is beautiful then that's all that really matters.

It can be a bit annoying of course when those same guys get completely blinded by yellow fever and start saying that *all* Asian women are beautiful angels and *all* western women are hideous pigs

The girls that I've been with have been from medium to hot. But it's relative, each person has their own scale of hot. I prefer the Japanese stereo-type... slender, short with smaller breasts. I don't like those girls that are all skin and bones. The girl I met last night was a 9 of 10 on my scale... medium height, toned with 'film my palm breasts', good teeth and skin smooth as a baby's bottom.

She sounds very lovely, even if she isn't my type.

 

[TAG Manager]

It can be a bit annoying of course when those same guys get completely blinded by yellow fever and start saying that *all* Asian women are beautiful angels and *all* western women are hideous pigs

This is the problem!!!!! They get those blinders on and suddenly go on a white-woman hating rampage and putting the all-glorious Asian woman on a pedestal. I admit, I had friends like this that spent their first two years in Japan dissing every white girl that wasn't some tall model. It was sad...

I don't want to go all inclusive and say I'd go out/sleep with anyone... but I certainly don't discriminate if there's a connection and some chemistry. (pulling on @User#16452 's chemistry statement )

She sounds very lovely, even if she isn't my type.

Thanks.

 

[Ladylisa]

This is the problem!!!!! They get those blinders on and suddenly go on a white-woman hating rampage and putting the all-glorious Asian woman on a pedestal. I admit, I had friends like this that spent their first two years in Japan dissing every white girl that wasn't some tall model. It was sad...

You know .... that's what I really like about TAG ( well as well as the talk about sex and relationships that I like).

Unlike a lot of Japan forums, there isn't any of that nasty dissing here ... And it's really nice not to have to deal with it.

 

[just4fun]

You know .... that's what I really like about TAG ( well as well as the talk about sex and relationships that I like).

Unlike a lot of Japan forums, there isn't any of that nasty dissing here ... And it's really nice not to have to deal with it.

Never should have said that.........it's like ur giving me a warning

 

[Ladylisa]

Never should have said that.........it's like ur giving me a warning

Do you need a warning?

 

[TAG Manager]

Do you need a warning?

More like a time out.

 

[NormalGuy]

I get this all the time from my Japanese friends, "why do you like Japanese women".

I like every kind of women, yes I like the stereotype of short, petite, long hair, smooth skin, but if someone makes me smile inside it doesn't really matter where she's from.

It would be kind of dumb restricting myself to a single race, but living in Japan if I didn't like Japanese women instead of casting my net wide to see what is out there, it would be like fishing in a teacup.

 

[TAG Manager]

fishing in a teacup.

Nice mental image of women swimming in a teacup. Thanks.

 

[just4fun]

Do you need a warning?

Warnings mean nothing (as you know)

 

[split]

It's funny. I used to I have asian fever for a while, especially when I lived in China. Then I moved to Tokyo and saw what the women look like and quickly lost my fever. Ha ha.

 

[Lady_Lu]

Guys looking from the outside in or from a beginner point of view often think that success ratios, percentages of rejections vs. bangs, or other such metrics are indicative of pickup success or are the goal.

The reality is that this kind of thinking is not only harmful to you (and your interactions), it's false.

True pickup is not a binary of "success" or "rejection". It is merely testing for chemistry. The idea that if you talk to 100 girls and 70 of them don't come to a date with you that 70% are "failures" implicitly means that you should want to have sex with all of them. This is not true. In reality, you should want to simply approach a girl to test for your affinity with her. You go up to and talk to a girl NOT thinking "How can I get this girl into my bed?" but rather: "This girl seems like she might be interesting. I wonder what she's about? What kind of energy does she have?"

In short, the mission of pickup ISN'T to rack up numbers and bang lots of girls, it's to find girls who you have an affinity with. So why talk to lots of girls? Put simply, you're digging through many girls who you have no interest (or just platonic interest) in and finding the ones who are a great match for you, and you for them.

If you kick yourself after an approach and feel "rejected" it's because the girl sensed you only wanted an outcome. You weren't testing for affinity and enjoying the moment with the girl. In short, if you feel rejected it's because your own beliefs created the feeling of rejection through your wrong view.

The true nampa-shi knows that, no matter the outcome of the interaction, as long as he communicates himself honestly and openly, and creates a mood of relaxation and fun so the girl can relax and communicate herself honestly and openly, that everything else will be taken care of. Attraction will build naturally. After that it's a simple matter of leading and logistics to put two beings with affinity together.

Imagine you are a quartz collector with two options. One option is to sit at your house and get a rock delivered every day.. It might be granite, sandstone, a ruby, or what you're looking for: quartz. If a sandstone comes, that's fine, but it's not what you're looking for.

The other option is to leave your house to the nearby mountain, and climb up the path. Along the way there will be many rocks, and while you have to spend effort climbing the mountain, you get many more chances to find the quartz. You aren't mad if you see a sandstone, you simply don't bend down to pick it up. But you are happy in the knowledge that you're exertion and walking up the mountain leads you to many more quartzes than sitting at home and getting a single random rock in the mail every day.

I'm sure you've guessed what the analogy means by now. Waiting for your perfect girl to come to you might happen, from your workplace or social circle or just by being a wallflower at the bar and she comes up and talks to you. But it's a whole lot slower than going out there and finding her yourself. If that quartz never comes in the mail, you might start to look at that granite and think "Well, I guess I'll never get a quartz, I'll just try to like this granite instead. It doesn't look so bad, actually it has its own charm. Not everyone can have a quartz, after all."

Similarly, it would be foolish on your travels up the mountain to become angry every time you found a sandstone, just as it would be foolish to carry home a bunch of sandstone when you're actually out there looking for a quartz. Remember that you are merely checking all the rocks out there for the one you like - you are NOT expecting every rock you encounter to be the quartz you are looking for.

In short, "rejection" is only the case if you perceive every single girl as something to be owned or "gotten". This mindstate comes from a desire to be loved and wanted by everyone, which is understandable, but unreasonable. It arises from an ego that doesn't want to appear fallible, or imperfect. But there will always be people who don't like you, or are simply neutral. But you aren't worried about them because you're trying to find the people who you really like, and who like you too.

Finally imagine, that if you are only pure to your intentions about finding a quartz, if only you could temper your anger and worry about finding sandstone or granite or other things you don't like, that all the other rocks could sense this energy, and they started to roll downhill to you. Many kinds of rocks - granite, etc - want to you to want them and try to get close to you and make you pick them up. But critically, so does the quartz. The quartz sense that you are not merely looking for ANY rock, but a quartz, and the quartz wants to be with a stone connoisseur with your integrity, so it rolls downhill towards you. Imagine that in the past your eyes might have missed some quartz because they were a little dusty and didn't pop out to you right away. But after enough times up the mountain path, you have the sharp eyes to see the dusty quartz as well, and you realize that it's what you're looking for as well.

The longer you walk the path of game, and the better you are at putting yourself out there honestly and the better you get at knowing what you are looking for, the affinity you seek with the specific type of girls you want. Strangely, the less you want to get every girl, the more the girls you really want (and even girls who you don't want) come to you and make it easier and easier for you to end up with them. It seems almost magical, but actually it's all communicated in every interaction you have. It's know as "not being needy". You need nothing from her, since you are complete, but at the same time, you recognize that the two of you could become something great together and share many beautiful experiences together. But this is predicated on your ability to see her as a human being and not just another target for your ego to fulfill its petty games and desires.

When women talk about nampa as "annoying" or "mendokusai" it's because the guy who tried to pick her up was not communicating honestly. In other words, he couldn't see that there was no affinity there, and his ego was too large so he was caught up in trying to bring her home even though the connection wasn't true. A woman will never think it annoying to meet a guy who is genuinely and honestly interested in her and her world. If you meet a woman with a sense of curiosity, rather than the desire to bring her home, you open yourself to actually meet and end up with the women you truly should be with.

That, my friends, is making your own destiny.

I like how you define the purpose of the game, testing for affinity is realistic and it changes the frame of mind and alleviates anxiety that comes from fear of rejection.
I also like the idea of being open to many encounters as a way of knowing yourself better.

The process you are describing sounds very good but how can anyone learn "not to be needy", for instance ? I don't think it's so easy. Feeling complete is something that other people are looking for a lifetime. I agree that , no matter what technique you use, ultimately, the change you make in yourself will make a difference in your relationships. But there is a lot of work to do.

 

[seeusmile]

Great post. Nice to read something about being real and genuine.

I used to be an active member in pua/game forums and read alot of books revolving around trying to get with women, although read too much into the theory and got myself stuck.
Even got into pheromones with an ulterior motive, done all of this because I got friend/brotherzoned by highschool friends that developed into crushes thinking I could get have the chance and get out the friend/brother/zone.
And yeah they ended badly.. Graduating high school without friends really sucked.

Not proud of it, however can't say I regret it all because made me who I am today and I LIKE the now me. But I'll be damned if I let one thing in the past keep me prisoner there.

Now days just focusing on getting my life together and working towards my dreams because after all that I'm thinking there's gotta be more to life than just chasing women as that forum crowd back then kept making it out to be like that.

Cheers for the enlightenment.

 

[static]

Okay this is also one of my pet peeves when I see PUA talk about "getting a 9" or "she was only a 5" like there is some absolute scale - and that somehow he has succeeded in life because he scored a 9 not 5 (regardless of who he is more compatible with)

Because attractiveness is subjective, getting a 9 or she was only a 5 is more a reflection on yourself rather than the girl IMO. You went for a girl that you only saw as average as opposed to someone who is your Venus, this by no means being a measure of simply looks, it's the whole package. Most guys who are in the seduction game don't care how many 10's other guys have been with, we only care that you are going after your ideal mate as opposed to settling. Hell, most guys can't even agree with what a 10 is! I never found Angelina Jolie to be anything more than average, Tyra Banks was meh, Kim Kardasian bores me, the list goes on and on.

I've also heard Japanese guys say that gaijin guys only end up with the women who aren't considered hot by Japanese guys... As if somehow the gaijin guys are stupid to be fooled about what is attractive.

Having witnessed many foreign guys with gorgeous Japanese girls that japanese guys droll over, (@Sinapse) I know this is complete BS. But it's also just simple ego. Japanese guys aren't losing to foreigners, foreigners are just getting their left overs. Their 30+ year old girls that are socially considered "worth less," etc. It's a way that Japanese guys can save face, and the Japanese society at large can still go on treating foreigners like they're half humans. When I told one of my classes of high school kids that I was getting married, they asked if she was Japanese, and this wave of sheer amazement washed across the room. Like "Wow, this dumb white guy managed to date one of our sacred Japanese women!" type amazement. Me, I look at it as 99% of this country is Japanese, statistically, I'm going to date a Japanese girl.

Yes there are some people who are pretty much universally considered beautiful, but for the most part there are so many factors when it comes to attraction - and everyone has their own preferences.
What we all really just want is someone we are attracted to who is also attracted to us ... No matter where on the "scale" we or they might fall - and if we are compatible and have great sex then that is as close to perfect as it gets.

Like I was kinda hinting at, personally I don't believe in universal beauty. Rest is 100% agreement

There's a picture floating around the web of a couple on their wedding day. She's pretty fat and not very attractive with her hair scraped back grinning from ear to ear. Next to her is the incredibly skinny groom - dorky and gawky with oversized features... And a look of proud love on his face.

The comments are always very cruel about them - because they do make a really odd looking couple and neither of them score high at all on the "scale" .... But does it really matter what we think because they are obviously very happy with each other - and that's a beautiful thing.

Couldn't agree with you more. The thing I don't agree with is where two people "settle" with each other. I think the whole "She's the best he could do, and he's the best she could do, and they figured it out at the same time" mentality is sad, which is why I'm a strong advocate for active methods of finding a partner. You could make the argument that if we waited and found partners we're most compatible with, there wouldn't be something stupid like a 40-50% divorce statistic, and a ridiculous single parent rate around the world. You're looking for your one in a million partner, and hoping to find him/her in a social circle of something around 100 people worth of potential candidates? Good luck. Moreover, when I do see that girl walking down the street singing doo-wa-diddy diddy dum diddy doo, what can I do to increase my chances of getting her in my life. Practice makes perfect, so when my Venus does walk down the street, I don't spend 20 minutes psyching myself out, trying to work up the courage to go talk to her, then when I finally do, all I can do is mutter "hi" before I crumble in a little ball and die a fiery death.

However, the part about this I find amusing is that said couple shouldn't give a shit what people think about them. They love each other, and that should be more than enough.

 

[rick]

When I told one of my classes of high school kids that I was getting married

Here's to a happy marriage!

 

[hkAlone]

I do share your views on the first part of your eloquent post.
If your only intention is to get laid, you tend to be easily read by your "targets" on top of putting some pressure on your shoulders. Looking for affinities, playing it easy as if it nothing really matters is usually the path to success as you are showing how assertive and secure you are. Typical signs of alpha males.

Your analogy with a mine digger is a bit far from my reality. I really doubt that dating hundred or thousand women is the guarantee to find the good one.
I would tend to think quite the opposite from my own experience. Actually dating hundred women seems the best way to avoid getting attached to any.
I know many cases of middle aged guy having attachment issues after a long period of serial dating. Hard to invest yourself with anybody if you keep on thinking there could be someone better. This is the psychological bias of optimizer personalities.

From your own experience, after how many years of gaming, people entered in a long term attachment ?
Do you think your students perfect their approach to find the right gem ?

 

[static]

I really doubt that dating hundred or thousand women is the guarantee to find the good one.
I would tend to think quite the opposite from my own experience. Actually dating hundred women seems the best way to avoid getting attached to any.
I know many cases of middle aged guy having attachment issues after a long period of serial dating. Hard to invest yourself with anybody if you keep on thinking there could be someone better. This is the psychological bias of optimizer personalities.

From your own experience, after how many years of gaming, people entered in a long term attachment ?
Do you think your students perfect their approach to find the right gem ?

Speaking as a former student (not his, but we had the same teacher, @Dorian Gray). Over about 3 years, I probably slept with a little over 100 girls, not counting P4P encounters (unless that P4P encounter turned into a date of course)... I really don't understand this point of view. PUA/Nanpa/whatever you wanna call it is just a tool. It may be that many guys who get into the community are doing this to look for long term committed relationships with the right girl, and like I said above, are in it to learn the skills necessary when you meet your "10." One of the guys who occasionally comes to the boot camps told another student "You wouldn't know what to do with a 10, even if I dropped one in your lap right now." And that was very true for me as well. My current fiance is not just some girl, she's someone who is the result of every other person I met along the way. If I had never been rejected by Girl_01, I would never have enrolled in a class that got me less socially awkward, and actively talking to people, I never would have started talking to this random guy in a bar in between girls who then introduced me to my fiance. During the dating, I never would have lasted as long as I had, had I not experienced a wide range of girls; it goes on and on and on.

Now, to carry this story on further. A couple weeks ago, my wife-to-be left to go on an internship for a year in the U.S. We talked a lot about it and we both gave each other permission to sleep with other people. We both agree that sex is an important part of our lives, so we laid out a few basic ground rules and said go ahead. I went out this past weekend with my friend to Ageha on the heels of Ultra 2016. Gorgeous girls as far as the eye could see, most in a good mood, open to having fun; my kind of place. I wasn't feeling it at all. I had several girls I could have taken home, and I had absolutely no interest in following through, so I ended up leaving. It's only been a week, so I can't really speak to how I'm going to feel in the next few months, but right now, I have no desire to cheat, or to even be with another woman, and this is coming from the position of someone who is in his 30's, and have slept around quite a bit.

You can take from that what you will.