Practical newbie questions for GF sharing

[GBTokyo]

My gf fantasises about being gangbanged and I've decided I'm happy to let her. We've never done anything like this before though, so we want to gradually build up the intensity starting with a MMF threesome before adding more guys, going to Happening Bars etc. Wondering if anyone has some advice on a couple of points? For reference we're around Tokyo/Kanagawa area.

1) Location
Obviously Love Hotels, but I know as you add more people the difficulty of finding a love hotel that will allow the group increases so I'd like to collect a few options. Are there any other particular types of hotels or chains that you would recommend? Are Airbnbs a good idea for this kind of thing? We can get pretty loud and I'd like a place where we're not going to bother other guests too much, and ideally somewhere relatively affordable.

2) Finding guys
Our plan so far is to recruit from reddits such as r4rJapan, meet for drinks first and go from there if everyone's comfortable. Are there any other recommended places to look online, or dating apps good for this purpose? We're looking for an English-speaker - probably a foreign resident or traveller - so don't need Japanese-focused local sites. I know about the Personals section on here but I'd rather my gf not know about this site so I'm holding off for now 😅

Finally, if anyone has done this kind of thing before I'd be interested to hear your experiences, good or bad, and any miscellaneous advice you might have! Thanks!

 

[kirayamato]

Few people in Happening Bar & Couple Kissa sections can advise maybe.

For example you can also try join something like this
https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/yokohama-group-meetup.35790/

I hope your PM box doesnt explode lol.

Vet properly as you might find people like in this post https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/psa-for-single-guys-who-go-to-happening-bars.34585/

 

[Tabanico]

Hotels are relatively easy for a mmf. There's at least lapia, colourful p&a and Bali an in Shinjuku.

Finding guys is a bit more challenging. in theory there are loads of guys who will want to have sex with your partner. But the vast majority will be flakes, weirdos, or incapable of understanding your terms and conditions.

I would honestly just recommend going to a happening bar in the first instance -you're under no obligation to play but can watch and learn, and in theory the shops generally have rules to protect you from people overstepping the mark.

Writing this on my phone on a bus so forgive me if this post is lacking in nuance.

 

[designer08]

I've tried this with a previous partner in our shared apartment we used to live together and hotels when we travelled (did not use a love hotel, but instead used private onsens in Izu and Kyoto) which were quite pricey for my budget.

(2) We found people through Bumble. We would select them together and then she would continue on the chat, until we all met up.

I wanted to chime in more on the effects on the relationship that this has. It was a long fantasy of mine to watch my partner and see her in all her glory and what sex with other people looks like. It was something I had pushed for, after fantasizing about it for a long time due to watching a bunch of AV in my 20s. At first, we started out with one random person whom we both thought would be a good fit and then it moved to at max 5P. I would usually sit somewhere in the room and watch.

We had some ground rules that we set (1) use protection (2) I could see the Bumble chats whenever I wanted (3) No personal information such as LINE, etc. would be exchanged. We would keep it strictly to the app and when we felt we didn't want to meet certain men anymore, we would just unmatch.

In the long run (over the course of 8 months), even though I was the one that pushed for it and initiated it (of course, with her consent!), eventually, when we would go out to dinner or so, I started to wonder every time she picked up her phone, who she was messaging. It took a psychological tool on my mental health. It turns out one of the individuals we made our regular, was meeting her directly also and they had exchanged private information. Needless to say, I didn't full grasp how it would affect me and that overtime seeing the same individuals, would give a lot room to develop a relationship.

Eventually, she admitted that the physical connection she had with the one individual was amazing and he could afford a better lifestyle for her. We parted (not very mutual from my side) and it left me heartbroken. Fairly enough, she pointed out that this was something I initiated and constantly fantasized about. My point is, be sure you know what you are getting into mentally. I learned I'm not that mentally strong and I've been careful since then about partners I have in my life and expressing sexual desires that involve anyone outside the two of us.

＊Wanted to clarify my partner was Japanese 30s. We dated for 5 months before this, during which we moved in together, so we did build a small foundation before trying this.

 

[Maxblack]

Finding guys is a bit more challenging. in theory there are loads of guys who will want to have sex with your partner. But the vast majority will be flakes, weirdos, or incapable of understanding your terms and conditions.

I would honestly just recommend going to a happening bar in the first instance -

100% this. Happening bar you can control everything; easy to screen guys, easy to do anything from nothing to everything. Cost effective, time effective.

In fact go to Voluptuous on gang bang night.

 

[jackoffinthebox]

I would say happening bar can be alright, but it is less intimate than a hotel. It really depends on the fantasy your partner has. If she wants to play with a few guys and have everyone be able to see, then a happening bar is the best bet. If she wants a slower buildup and more controlled escalation of adding people then maybe a hotel is not bad at first.
I have introduced quite a few couples to Voluptuous and the important thing is to talk a lot with your partner about different scenarios and situations that might come up in the bar. Do some searching on the forums for "voluptuous" and if you have questions that don't pop up in the search, let us know.

 

[Alice]

If she wants to play with a few guys

That's not really necessary. You can just pick one lucky guy in a happening bar as well.
In some happening bars like Retreat they could just pick one guy and go to a private play room, but if they are limited to Voluptuous because of language and / or health insurance card issues, there is much less privacy. Still possible to be very selective about who to play with, but not completely possible to shut out the audience. Going in the playroom with the see through curtain in the back of the general play room may be as private as can get.

 

[dirtyprick]

Sorry to be a newbie but what is a Happening bar and why does it have that name?

 

[IamLegend]

Sorry to be a newbie but what is a Happening bar and why does it have that name?

https://tokyoadultguide.com/forums/happening-bars-couple-kissas.71/

Please, please read this forum..... Pretty please....... 🙏🏻🙏🏻

 

[kirayamato]

Here's a perspective from the other side (the cuckolder), which aligns with your experience: it's much more enjoyable and fulfilling when it's with couples who've been married for years and share a strong, trusting relationship. The times it went wrong were when only one partner wanted it, or when their motivations and interests didn't align.

agree.

young couple tends to separate much easier.

first hand experience.

 

[Alice]

agree.

young couple tends to separate much easier.

first hand experience.

Depends. To me, having a healthy open relationship works best when it's an open relationship from the start. To open up a relationship as a last resort to spice things up is like opening a can of worms…

 

[J Escort Fan]

Depends. To me, having a healthy open relationship works best when it's an open relationship from the start. To open up a relationship as a last resort to spice things up is like opening a can of worms…

I know only one couple who played that game openly from the very beginning and are still going strong after decades. It's a rare case around me, but I wouldn't try to generalize.

On the other side, I've also seen couples thrive by opening up to cuckolding play after many years together. From what I see, this usually happens when their libidos take opposite paths but their bond and desire are strong enough to motivate and sustain the change. That said, not everyone can handle the shift, indeed, and those are the ones who end up opening your "can of worms."

 

[Alice]

I know only one couple who played that game openly from the very beginning and are still going strong after decades. It's a rare case around me, but I wouldn't try to generalize.

I used to "cheat" when I was a minor, but after I grew up I firmly decided that I would only have open relationships. I'm not gonna let someone limit me and I'm not looking to limit someone. There are a lot of people who would react to that with "then stay single", but I don't think not wanting to be exclusive should make me undeserving of company and affection.

That said, I would not disclose this kind of thing to people in society around me. Definitely not gonna live an openly poly lifestyle. So maybe sometimes you just don't know.

 

[playlol]

My gf fantasises about being gangbanged and I've decided I'm happy to let her. We've never done anything like this before though, so we want to gradually build up the intensity starting with a MMF threesome before adding more guys, going to Happening Bars etc. Wondering if anyone has some advice on a couple of points? For reference we're around Tokyo/Kanagawa area.

1) Location
Obviously Love Hotels, but I know as you add more people the difficulty of finding a love hotel that will allow the group increases so I'd like to collect a few options. Are there any other particular types of hotels or chains that you would recommend? Are Airbnbs a good idea for this kind of thing? We can get pretty loud and I'd like a place where we're not going to bother other guests too much, and ideally somewhere relatively affordable.

2) Finding guys
Our plan so far is to recruit from reddits such as r4rJapan, meet for drinks first and go from there if everyone's comfortable. Are there any other recommended places to look online, or dating apps good for this purpose? We're looking for an English-speaker - probably a foreign resident or traveller - so don't need Japanese-focused local sites. I know about the Personals section on here but I'd rather my gf not know about this site so I'm holding off for now 😅

Finally, if anyone has done this kind of thing before I'd be interested to hear your experiences, good or bad, and any miscellaneous advice you might have! Thanks!

We've done a handful of mfm and quite enjoyed it! I get super turned on watching my gf get pleasured and it just brings out a slutty side to her that I've never seen.

We've communicated about trying this for months before we mustered the courage to find someone.

Fortunately our first try went really well, the guy respected all our boundaries.