Real Talk!!!

RightOn6975

A Dark Knight
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Okay, real talk. I don't care who it is, or what you are going through, but if you have inner demons, if you are going through anything that is too much for you to handle. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! PLEASE!!! Reach out and talk to someone, ANYONE!! Hell, me if you wish.

I just found out an acquaintance that I knew and somewhat close to committed suicide last night. I am not going to shame you for seeking help, but please go and get that help.
 
I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm fortunate enough to have never been in a position to contemplate suicide. When I was in grade 10, though, a classmate decided to step in front of a train one day. I wasn't really friends with him, but some of my friends were very close to him, and it hit them really hard.

There's no shame in asking for help.
 
Seriously, something had a profound effect on me a while back. I read a post about how a woman was crying in a Starbucks, the man asked if she was okay and she had just found out her father had passed away. He tried to console her and was nothing was working. What was hitting her was the fact that the last words to her father that morning were, "I hate you!" From there on out, I have made a valid attempt never to say I hate you to anyone, at least I try to end the argument as nicely as possible, and will always say that I love you even if it is not reciprocated. I have gotten into the habit of saying to friends saying that I love them, even though I get, "what are you gay?" to which I reply, "No, I just want to let you know that I love you and that if it is the last thing you hear from me, know that I love you." I say it to my family, though I tend to put my mother through anxiety attacks when I do this, though I know she can take it (inb4 obvious immaturity joke). Unless you have done something really messed up to me, I will not hate you, my hate is reserved only for those who TRULY deserve it, and unless you're a dictator or Tom Brady will not get my hate. I wish nothing but the best for people, and honestly, it pains me knowing that this guy who I had more than a few watches with and joked around with is no longer here. To all those who I may have hurt or disappointed in the past, I am sorry. Seriously I AM! To all those here who are interested in knowing how I am doing and whatnot, I love you, I am doing good, this is hitting me pretty close, as many of my close friends are taking it really bad as they were closer to him. One friend is really taking it badly after they called them and said that they were unable to hang out due to being extremely tired after duty.
 
What was hitting her was the fact that the last words to her father that morning were, "I hate you!" From there on out, I have made a valid attempt never to say I hate you to anyone, at least I try to end the argument as nicely as possible, and will always say that I love you even if it is not reciprocated.

Good advice. For friends and family, I do always try to end things well and extend the olive branch even if some huge argument happened and I'm pissed. You never know if the next day will be their last (or yours). I'm out on the road and traveling a lot for work. Lots of things can happen and I really don't want my last words to someone I care about to be unkind ones.
 
Two years ago, I watched somebody step out and kill themselves on the platform, in front of me. There was only one other person on the platform, and while she stood there shocked, I was left to push the alarm sending people running, and true madness which erupted and continued for the next 60 to 90 minutes. I was not self-aware enough to realize that what would happen next, I didn't want to see. After all, I still needed to take the train to work (I thought). What I saw was a nightmare, and it has seared a hole, and then a scar, on my brain. wheew ~ ~ The other thing I want to say is that around the break-up of my relationship, I had a long string of other personal losses, and deep depression followed for about 2 years. I felt alone and unable to fix myself. I ruminated about suicide for many months. What stuck in my head was this thing I heard (was taught) that you know someone is serious about suicide, when they have an actual plan for how they would do it. I got stuck on that. How would I do it? How would I do it? How would I do it? I never could answer THAT question. What I did begin to realize is that suicide was at least a way out, a backdoor. That if I really could not stand the depression and anxiety any more, there was a choice to get away from it all. I found that comforting, ultimately. For me, realizing that suicide was a possibility, helped me to go forward.
 
This also applies to your friends & family with mental health issues. Don’t encourage them when they are having breakdowns. Try to help them get better.
 
Two years ago, I watched somebody step out and kill themselves on the platform, in front of me...What I saw was a nightmare, and it has seared a hole, and then a scar, on my brain. wheew

A friend of my Dad was a subway driver here in Toronto. He was lucky enough to have never had to deal with a jumper, but he said that most drivers would have someone jump or fall in front of their train at some point in their career. A fair number of them would manage to stop before hitting the person, or the person would end up flat between the rails, and the train would clear them, but even that experience could be traumatizing.
 
It was quite terrible. I sat down, and waited, when I should have gotten the hell out of them. Station staff came down with plastic bags and tongs and walked along the tracks filling up their bags. And while they did, some of them vomited violently.
 
@RightOn6975 Sorry to hear that, and especially sorry to hear his pals are blaming themselves when they had no clue. :(
 
I’m sorry to hear that. Definitely seek help if you know someone or you yourself are having trouble.