Relationships becoming boring

[Frenchy]

View attachment 9126View attachment 9126 Like this @Frenchy

Yeah! Would kill it wearing that at the office!

 

[MikeH]

Its been decades she has not worn anything but black

She must be really looking forward to being with you. In your funeral.

 

[Frenchy]

She must be really looking forward to being with you. In your funeral.

That I have no doubt !

 

[all4naughty69]

@all4naughty69 ... I understand what you are saying and can agree to a small degree, but you are the one to pull the trigger to start the relationship. Why so serious ? Why so many expectations? When you have expectations then you are bound to get disappointed in some way or fashion. If you are bored then that's on you... mix it up with her... do different things with her - if she is willing and open to it.. then push the boundaries of her comfort zone and when you are done discuss with her if it made her feel anxious, excited, nervous, etc.. but in the end if she enjoyed it, then it lets you know you can do more (I'm not talking just about sex, but outside stuff too) Just because she is not "educated" does not mean she is stupid (although I could be wrong) Why not teach her something that interest you.. Sounds like you have a block of clay you could mold into what you want... I get that it takes time and effort and if you don't want to put that effort into it then so be it.
If I get bored with a girl then I mix it up... from trying to teach her something I enjoy doing or how to do something she may enjoy, it's a learning process you can both share... as for her being hot... that's completely subjective - unless you provide photographic evidence ...
What does she enjoy doing ? what are her hobbies ? Does she like going to see live music ? does she like to cook ? enjoy riding a bicycle ? Bi-curious ? curious about bondage ? submissive ?
You get the idea... If there is one of these question you can not answer, then..... how much effort have you put in to getting to know her ? It's a 2-way street my friend, and sometimes you need to turn off your GPS and both find the way together... I'm saying marry the girl, but you can squeeze more time and excitement out of what you already have.

Summary: Your boredom is on you.. has nothing to do with her... Up to you to introduce something between the two of you to address Your boredom. BTW: Don't ever tell her you are bored with her... when you decide to end it... just let her down easy and put all the blame on you... since she has nothing to do with your boredom. Just my 2 cents....

Good advice thanks for taking the time I think I’m just thinking too far ahead. We always do cool stuff and have fun but I think it’s passion rather than love and the passion is beginning to fade a bit. I’m always worried she’s thinking about marriage because of our age difference. I think I just need to change my way of thinking to enjoy the here and now and see where it goes.

 

[Mr 3]

Unmet expectations are the mothers of suffering. No human being in the entire world could ever meet your expectations of them, and you will never meet anyone's full expectation. Love is giving the other person the space to be exactly who they are, and they don't have to be any other way.

How can you ever be fully present to who she really is when a lot of what you focus on is what she is not? She is what and who she is. She will never be what you want her to be. If you can really accept that, who knows, perhaps your experience of being with her could be different. Often times, relationships fail because we take our insecurities and try to twist them into our partner's flaws.

 

[Majestyk]

Unmet expectations are the mothers of suffering. No human being in the entire world could ever meet your expectations of them, and you will never meet anyone's full expectation. Love is giving the other person the space to be exactly who they are, and they don't have to be any other way.

How can you ever be fully present to who she really is when a lot of what you focus on is what she is not? She is what and who she is. She will never be what you want her to be. If you can really accept that, who knows, perhaps your experience of being with her could be different. Often times, relationships fail because we take our insecurities and try to twist them into our partner's flaws.

I can’t agree enough, sir. Thank you.
Expectations, especially unreasonable ones, have only frustrated me and led to failed relationships. Over the years, I’ve learned to prepare more, hope and accept whatever happens next.

 

[BB0523]

Best to go in with no expectations at all... just get to know the person, ask questions and listen to the responses... then as the conversation progresses so will other things maybe.. you have to know the signs she is giving you to let you know she is interested in you... like physical contact (hand on your arm, or a light hit on your leg, etc) messing with her hair equals Notice Me Please.. or similar things like that.. maintain eye contact - but don't be a Creeper... all these little subtleties are physical cues that you need to identify and pick up... Most communication is non-verbal.. Right ? So how are your non-verbal communication skills... If she keeps looking at her phone or watch, means she is not interested... Let her do talking, ask leading questions, like What are your hobbies, or what do you do in your free time, what's her perfect idea of relaxing day or dream date... remember the response and then add some of these elements into your next encounter if there is one... But again don't expect anything.. just lead the way... I'm sure @Sinapse can provide you with much more details and actions - maybe offer a course on the subject Just my guess tho....

 

[Wwanderer]

Unmet expectations are the mothers of suffering. No human being in the entire world could ever meet your expectations of them, and you will never meet anyone's full expectation. Love is giving the other person the space to be exactly who they are, and they don't have to be any other way.

How can you ever be fully present to who she really is when a lot of what you focus on is what she is not? She is what and who she is. She will never be what you want her to be. If you can really accept that, who knows, perhaps your experience of being with her could be different. Often times, relationships fail because we take our insecurities and try to twist them into our partner's flaws.

This is basically the Second Noble Truth (of Buddhism) applied to (in the context of) relationships. A truly great post. Thanks!

-Ww

 

[JohnnyWalker]

Yes, it's you. The obvious, at least for me, solution is not to be in a traditional relationship with one girl only but to have several girls to meet in regular basis. That keeps things fresh. Or at least fresher.

Of course that requires you need to find girls who are OK with that and also that you are OK for them to meet other guys too.

I have found more girls that start off saying they are ok with it and then after a while they want more. I have also found girls that say they aren’t ok with it but really have 3 other guys themselves already.

It rarely a straight story and when it is, it changes.

Good luck!

 

[Frenchy]

Unmet expectations are the mothers of suffering. No human being in the entire world could ever meet your expectations of them, and you will never meet anyone's full expectation. Love is giving the other person the space to be exactly who they are, and they don't have to be any other way.

How can you ever be fully present to who she really is when a lot of what you focus on is what she is not? She is what and who she is. She will never be what you want her to be. If you can really accept that, who knows, perhaps your experience of being with her could be different. Often times, relationships fail because we take our insecurities and try to twist them into our partner's flaws.

Isnt that some kind of vicious circle though? Having low or no expectations can avoid suffering indeed , but also leads to no one making efforts and the relationship becomes even more boring as a result, then you start to feel... what’s the point?
Reasonable expectations (not wanting the other to be someone different of course) are probably what we should aim for?

 

[Wwanderer]

Isnt that some kind of vicious circle though? Having low or no expectations can avoid suffering indeed , but also leads to no one making efforts and the relationship becomes even more boring as a result, then you start to feel... what’s the point?
Reasonable expectations (not wanting the other to be someone different of course) are probably what we should aim for?

Having (realistic) expectations for yourself and putting effort into meeting them is better, more likely to lead to happy outcomes, than having them for the other person, imo and experience, but even those sorts of self-expectations and self-pressure often lead to problems.

You know...



-Ww

 

[Saitama]

I’m going to bet a dollar that our man @Mr 3 is speaking from a position that includes far more than bare minimums; his posting shows pretty clearly that he and his partner have a dynamic relationship that goes above complacency and is able to embrace third partners on the regular. Consider what perspective he has, as well as what benefit he has to gain from saying what he said - it’s not bad advice to avoid focusing on the flaws rather than the strengths, and allowing for future opportunities. I’m putting words in his mouth at this point, but whatever; dude is not saying “no standards, no problems” I bet.

 

[Frenchy]

Having (realistic) expectations for yourself and putting effort into meeting them is better, more likely to lead to happy outcomes, than having them for the other person, imo and experience, but even those sorts of self-expectations and self-pressure often leads to problems.

You know...



-Ww

Yes, it can also become tedious and exhausting to always expect too much from oneself too

 

[Frenchy]

Having (realistic) expectations for yourself and putting effort into meeting them is better, more likely to lead to happy outcomes, than having them for the other person, imo and experience, but even those sorts of self-expectations and self-pressure often lead to problems.

You know...



-Ww

“This video is not available”
Damn, even that expectation was too much!

 

[Mr 3]

Isnt that some kind of vicious circle though? Having low or no expectations can avoid suffering indeed , but also leads to no one making efforts and the relationship becomes even more boring as a result, then you start to feel... what’s the point?
Reasonable expectations (not wanting the other to be someone different of course) are probably what we should aim for?

The approach I am talking about does not dwell with the superficial issues and circumstances. This goes straight to the root. Unless we address the core issue, then we would just fall in the same cycle of meeting someone, happy feelings in the beginning, oh, now this is boring, breakup, next.... Meanwhile, we go through this process with a sense of emptiness and a gnawing feeling of "Is this all there is?"

Fundamentally, why do we get in a relationship? Because we want to be happy and joyful. In other words, we want to use the other person as a source of our happiness. If we are happy by our own nature, then relationships can be a platform where we can express our happiness instead of a place to seek happiness. If we are in a relationship to seek happiness, and we are trying to squeeze happiness out of the other person, and that other person is trying to squeeze happiness out of us; after a certain period of time, a relationship like this could get very ugly. On the other hand, if we are joyful as a natural state, and then we form relationships because we want to express our happiness, then that is a solid base to build a beautiful relationship. Now what would it look like if two people are in a relationship with this same mindset? Each person is whole and complete on their own. They don't need the other person to fill a hole that is "missing" in them. They provide the other person the full freedom to just be themselves, because the other person doesn't have to be any other way just to appease our own insecurities. And you yourself feels full freedom to just be yourself, because you know the other person accepts and loves you just the way you are. What would that look like? Do you think this would sound like a situation where you end up settling, or would this be a great start to some amazing possibilities? Let me tell you, my friend, and I say this with full humility, a relationship like this looks like MAGIC!

 

[Frenchy]

The approach I am talking about does not dwell with the superficial issues and circumstances. This goes straight to the root. Unless we address the core issue, then we would just fall in the same cycle of meeting someone, happy feelings in the beginning, oh, now this is boring, breakup, next.... Meanwhile, we go through this process with a sense of emptiness and a gnawing feeling of "Is this all there is?"

Fundamentally, why do we get in a relationship? Because we want to be happy and joyful. In other words, we want to use the other person as a source of our happiness. If we are happy by our own nature, then relationships can be a platform where we can express our happiness instead of a place to seek happiness. If we are in a relationship to seek happiness, and we are trying to squeeze happiness out of the other person, and that other person is trying to squeeze happiness out of us; after a certain period of time, a relationship like this could get very ugly. On the other hand, if we are joyful as a natural state, and then we form relationships because we want to express our happiness, then that is a solid base to build a beautiful relationship. Now what would it look like if two people are in a relationship with this same mindset? Each person is whole and complete on their own. They don't need the other person to fill a hole that is "missing" in them. They provide the other person the full freedom to just be themselves, because the other person doesn't have to be any other way just to appease our own insecurities. And you yourself feels full freedom to just be yourself, because you know the other person accepts and loves you just the way you are. What would that look like? Do you think this would sound like a situation where you end up settling, or would this be a great start to some amazing possibilities? Let me tell you, my friend, and I say this with full humility, a relationship like this looks like MAGIC!

I dunno . Never had such relationship. Once I thought it would be something a bit like that but no, it was still about trying to “squeeze happiness” from the other...
at least when a woman just squeezes money from me I know what its all about. Sad but true (cue Metallica’s song in my head now)

 

[cabbie]

View attachment 9126View attachment 9126 Like this @Frenchy

From the Austin Powers wardrobe department?

 

[Wwanderer]

If we are happy by our own nature, then relationships can be a platform where we can express our happiness instead of a place to seek happiness.

This, very very much this!

Truth and wisdom at this level are hard to find anywhere and most definitely on "adult boards". I am very glad you have joined the TAG discussion threads, @Mr 3.

-Ww

 

[majimekun]

Well, sorry but if you can find so much happiness while being alone why bother being with a partner?

The approach I am talking about does not dwell with the superficial issues and circumstances. This goes straight to the root. Unless we address the core issue, then we would just fall in the same cycle of meeting someone, happy feelings in the beginning, oh, now this is boring, breakup, next.... Meanwhile, we go through this process with a sense of emptiness and a gnawing feeling of "Is this all there is?"

Fundamentally, why do we get in a relationship? Because we want to be happy and joyful. In other words, we want to use the other person as a source of our happiness. If we are happy by our own nature, then relationships can be a platform where we can express our happiness instead of a place to seek happiness. If we are in a relationship to seek happiness, and we are trying to squeeze happiness out of the other person, and that other person is trying to squeeze happiness out of us; after a certain period of time, a relationship like this could get very ugly. On the other hand, if we are joyful as a natural state, and then we form relationships because we want to express our happiness, then that is a solid base to build a beautiful relationship. Now what would it look like if two people are in a relationship with this same mindset? Each person is whole and complete on their own. They don't need the other person to fill a hole that is "missing" in them. They provide the other person the full freedom to just be themselves, because the other person doesn't have to be any other way just to appease our own insecurities. And you yourself feels full freedom to just be yourself, because you know the other person accepts and loves you just the way you are. What would that look like? Do you think this would sound like a situation where you end up settling, or would this be a great start to some amazing possibilities? Let me tell you, my friend, and I say this with full humility, a relationship like this looks like MAGIC!

 

[Frenchy]

This, very very much this!

Truth and wisdom at this level are hard to find anywhere and most definitely on "adult boards". I am very glad you have joined the TAG discussion threads, @Mr 3.

-Ww

Yes, Troilist is lucky too!

 

[Troilist]

I dunno . Never had such relationship. Once I thought it would be something a bit like that but no, it was still about trying to “squeeze happiness” from the other...
at least when a woman just squeezes money from me I know what its all about. Sad but true (cue Metallica’s song in my head now)

In any relationship, we all have the choice to either take responsibility or act like the victim, regardless of the circumstances. Ime, taking the first route will leave me feeling much more empowered. It also creates the space for me to take actions that are aligned to what I am committed to within the relationship, such as LOVE and compassion. Whereas, when I play victim to my circumstances, I usually feel resentful, angry, helpless, detached and defeated and the actions that follow will most likely be driven by the ego and we all know how that usually ends.

For the sake of this discussion, I will leave out the context “what is fair” and “what is right or wrong.” So putting all of that aside, taking responsibility for a failed relationship is certainly not an easy thing to do, and on the contrary, it is quite difficult to achieve. But if you are able to accomplish this, you will be left with an immense sense of freedom, vitality, and joy. You might even start to feel happy with your life again. I am a true believer that the energy you emit out is 100 percent correlated to what you attract back whether in people or your own mental state, physical being and spiritual enlightenment. I wish you nothing but love, light, and happiness my friend!

 

[Frenchy]

In any relationship, we all have the choice to either take responsibility or act like the victim, regardless of the circumstances. Ime, taking the first route will leave me feeling much more empowered. It also creates the space for me to take actions that are aligned to what I am committed to within the relationship, such as LOVE and compassion. Whereas, when I play victim to my circumstances, I usually feel resentful, angry, helpless, detached and defeated and the actions that follow will most likely be driven by the ego and we all know how that usually ends.

For the sake of this discussion, I will leave out the context “what is fair” and “what is right or wrong.” So putting all of that aside, taking responsibility for a failed relationship is certainly not an easy thing to do, and on the contrary, it is quite difficult to achieve. But if you are able to accomplish this, you will be left with an immense sense of freedom, vitality, and joy. You might even start to feel happy with your life again. I am a true believer that the energy you emit out is 100 percent correlated to what you attract back whether in people or your own mental state, physical being and spiritual enlightenment. I wish you nothing but love, light, and happiness my friend!

That was beautifully written. Thanks!
I also wish you love, light, happiness... and cheese (and champagne, and chocolates...)

 

[LeonGRAY]

Since living in Japan I’ve had two girlfriends my ex and current. I don’t know if it’s me but I always find relationships boring after 6 months or so. Both girls I’ve dated have a lower education than me and have poor English skills, which may have something to do with it, but at the time it felt right to start a relationship with them. My current gf is so beautiful, kind and fun but just feeling like there is no future. I don’t want to break another girls heart for something they have no control over because nobody is perfect. Just wondering who has had experience with this.

Start learning/improving japanese so you no longer have to date the bottom of the barrel. Your relationships are boring because you are boring. You attract what you are, not what you want. If you want great then be great.

 

[RightOn6975]

So I am responding to OPs first post, with that I’ll say this. In my time since being here I have had 6 gfs. Three of which went about 6 months while the others were nothing more than a week to a little over a month.

Of the three that went 6 months,

One I was a side piece and she had guessing, the other I guess didn’t communicate enough with her but there is a difference between texting and actually talking to them I know that now, and the most recent dumped me because of my low language skill. Of all of them, I can not really say I was bored. Maybe they got bored with me, but from my perspective and being a male, I had fun. These three were the ones who also all dumped me, were as the short term ones I was the one who dumped them.