This has happened to me before with Japanese guys, but recently it happened (for the first time i can recall) with a non Japanese guy, so i thought it may be usefull to ask you guys advice on this matter.
I wont share anything about this guy's identity and don't wanna post screenshots of private messages, but i'll try to explain this recent situation and the similar situations i had with Japanese guys before.
The events i'm talking about occured with guys that i met through "date clubs". Date clubs are a bit troublesome to work with, quite some communication problems between all parties, but i have a weakness for them because they feel soooo classy to me. Rich, classy guys who have had a "background check" who put down a sweet sum of money just to MEET you and will then give you some sugar directly! I like it!
However, a problem has occured in here. I usually don't have a problem at the first date because the clubs discretely communicate what a girl is expecting and the guys are usually excited for the meeting and already paid a lot so usually want to do more than having a dinner.
My problem is with repeat dates. Sometimes these days are at different times of the day or in different settings... So i usually ask guys to give me a general idea what to expect so we don't have a misunderstanding and no one gets disappointed. However, some guys take this the wrong way. Especially Japanese guys seem sensitive about money questions, it can be a benefit to propose a monthly support to Japanese guys who think a gift per date is not romantic or are paranoid about legal issues.
However, with someone who doesn't live in Japan that usually doesn't work well.
I simply want to ask guys if i can expect the same from the second date as from the first one. I can understand some guys want to go with the flow rather than commit but they must have a general idea of what they want and they leave me hanging by not telling me. Its hard to enjoy a date if you are not sure on what purpose you are there. And there are actually guys who think a girl depends on their mercy. When i just started sugar dating (quite before escorting) a guy i saw regulary asked if he could give me a bit less than we agreed on before because he made a loss at stocktrade. While that was not my fault however i was understanding about it and he was a good regular so i gladly agreed on the discount. The nasty thing about this was that he asked me after we had spend the date, not before. However, i was naive and didn't blame him. He continued to give me the lower agreement on our next dates but again, he was a good regular so i was just happy about his support. Until one day after a date we went shopping and then he wanted to go home. I asked him if he didn't forget about something and he said that the thing he bought me was "expensive" so that he didn't expect he had to give me an allowance. Not a problem per se but we didn't agree on that before and i may have needed he money more than the cloth so he should have told me before really. He gave me the allowance and we never met after that. I don't like to end things on these terms but guys make it difficult for me. Also this guy in question.
The real question i wanted to ask is if there is any way to confirm there will be a compensation without sounding sleasy or greedy.
I tried to set up a meeting with this non japanese guy recenly and first casually asked if things would be the same as our first date. He said he didn't know what i meant. So i asked him as nicely as i could if it would include a meal, private time and the same compensation as before. I didn't mention any hard numbers and tried to word it as carefully as i could. I wonder if "private time" sounds sleasy or nasty. I think a term like that also turned a japanese guy off previously but i just dont know how to word it any nicer and still make it clear what i meant.
Anyway, this guy didn't take the question too well and didn't want to meet anymore. Maybe there were some other factors but this was definitely the last straw. I still don't know what he expected from the meeting he proposed.
So what i wanted to say and ask to guys: if you do sugar dating, i'm sure your baby would appreciate if you are clear about your intentions in a classy way, especially when there is no monthly allowance in place.
And my question: is there any way to ask what i can expect on a repeat date in a classy way which makes it still clear what i mean? Is it better not to ask anything and how will i know a guy's intentions in that case? I really wonder if there is any way to solve problems like this in a nice way or if it's better just to write guys off if they want you to totally depend on their generosity and mercy and think any clarity is too cold and businesslike?
I wont share anything about this guy's identity and don't wanna post screenshots of private messages, but i'll try to explain this recent situation and the similar situations i had with Japanese guys before.
The events i'm talking about occured with guys that i met through "date clubs". Date clubs are a bit troublesome to work with, quite some communication problems between all parties, but i have a weakness for them because they feel soooo classy to me. Rich, classy guys who have had a "background check" who put down a sweet sum of money just to MEET you and will then give you some sugar directly! I like it!
However, a problem has occured in here. I usually don't have a problem at the first date because the clubs discretely communicate what a girl is expecting and the guys are usually excited for the meeting and already paid a lot so usually want to do more than having a dinner.
My problem is with repeat dates. Sometimes these days are at different times of the day or in different settings... So i usually ask guys to give me a general idea what to expect so we don't have a misunderstanding and no one gets disappointed. However, some guys take this the wrong way. Especially Japanese guys seem sensitive about money questions, it can be a benefit to propose a monthly support to Japanese guys who think a gift per date is not romantic or are paranoid about legal issues.
However, with someone who doesn't live in Japan that usually doesn't work well.
I simply want to ask guys if i can expect the same from the second date as from the first one. I can understand some guys want to go with the flow rather than commit but they must have a general idea of what they want and they leave me hanging by not telling me. Its hard to enjoy a date if you are not sure on what purpose you are there. And there are actually guys who think a girl depends on their mercy. When i just started sugar dating (quite before escorting) a guy i saw regulary asked if he could give me a bit less than we agreed on before because he made a loss at stocktrade. While that was not my fault however i was understanding about it and he was a good regular so i gladly agreed on the discount. The nasty thing about this was that he asked me after we had spend the date, not before. However, i was naive and didn't blame him. He continued to give me the lower agreement on our next dates but again, he was a good regular so i was just happy about his support. Until one day after a date we went shopping and then he wanted to go home. I asked him if he didn't forget about something and he said that the thing he bought me was "expensive" so that he didn't expect he had to give me an allowance. Not a problem per se but we didn't agree on that before and i may have needed he money more than the cloth so he should have told me before really. He gave me the allowance and we never met after that. I don't like to end things on these terms but guys make it difficult for me. Also this guy in question.
The real question i wanted to ask is if there is any way to confirm there will be a compensation without sounding sleasy or greedy.
I tried to set up a meeting with this non japanese guy recenly and first casually asked if things would be the same as our first date. He said he didn't know what i meant. So i asked him as nicely as i could if it would include a meal, private time and the same compensation as before. I didn't mention any hard numbers and tried to word it as carefully as i could. I wonder if "private time" sounds sleasy or nasty. I think a term like that also turned a japanese guy off previously but i just dont know how to word it any nicer and still make it clear what i meant.
Anyway, this guy didn't take the question too well and didn't want to meet anymore. Maybe there were some other factors but this was definitely the last straw. I still don't know what he expected from the meeting he proposed.
So what i wanted to say and ask to guys: if you do sugar dating, i'm sure your baby would appreciate if you are clear about your intentions in a classy way, especially when there is no monthly allowance in place.
And my question: is there any way to ask what i can expect on a repeat date in a classy way which makes it still clear what i mean? Is it better not to ask anything and how will i know a guy's intentions in that case? I really wonder if there is any way to solve problems like this in a nice way or if it's better just to write guys off if they want you to totally depend on their generosity and mercy and think any clarity is too cold and businesslike?