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So how do you do a "go to club"?

If you think you can balance your life by gaming 90% of the time and going to sex clubs and renting women for the 10% you need human interaction and sexual release, well to put it nicely, you are really fucked up. In my opinion. As others have said. You need to cut down on the gaming and other online shit and go outside and meet real people.
Sorry if I am too harsh on this point. I am currently dealing with a person who is spending too much time on Steam and
Life is beginning to pass him by. It’s breaking my heart. There is a point where you have spent so much time in an online fantasy world that you begin to fail at functioning effectively in the real world. It happens. I’ve seen it. Gaming plus occasional P4P and the absence of non-financial relationships might not be a big problem in a lot of cases. I’m not one to tell people how to live. But in the spirit of free exchange of opinion, I think it is not a healthy, and I would encourage you to go out in the real world and get slapped in the face or preferably get a blow job from a real person who is not being paid.
 
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“Maybe try to meet nice single girls through an activity you actually enjoy.“

Yeah, that’s not gonna happen. I don’t enjoy any activities except gaming in my home. Probably why I’m still single. (I have 15k hours on Steam).
Are you mic’d up? Playing any MMO’s or other multiplayer type games? Maybe meet up IRL. Turn on your mic and hit on the girl who’s whooping your ass in the games. I know a few guys who met their girlfriends and wives through offline meetups from games they played.

First of all, how do you deal with the constant worry of being judged by others? Do you just accept that you will be constantly judged... pretend that nobody's wondering about why you're... The guy behind me's judging me... Or just girls looking at you like you're where you shouldn't be. Bouncer looking at you... All seem like very likely to happen.
You deal with it by realizing it doesn’t matter. Strangers don’t care about you. You’ll get judged for two seconds and then you’ll be forgotten about soon after. You seem anxious about being judged by others at a club. But once you posted your “15k hours” on a video game platform you opened yourself up for judgement by everyone here. How did you deal with that? It didn’t even matter, right? It’s the same thing, just a different venue.
 
First of all, how do you deal with the constant worry of being judged by others? Do you just accept that you will be constantly judged or do you act like it doesn't exist and pretend that nobody's wondering about why you're moving awkwardly all alone on a dance floor? The guy behind me's judging me for trying to approach a girl way out of my league and getting rejected. Getting a flat out non-response or "ew" when approaching a girl. Or just girls looking at you like you're where you shouldn't be. Bouncer looking at you like you're not dressed well enough. All seem like very likely to happen. Specially being a single guy with no wingman, I'll probably get more side eyes than the usual folk. This all seems a little degrading. With that said, I don't like half-measures so if I just approach women with "may I approach" is that allowed or what?

As a gamer maybe you'd appreciate:

Nothing is sacred, everything is permitted.

Basically, you make the rules. And the great secret to it all is fuck what everyone else thinks, pursue what you want even though the whole world might oppose you and through that action you will achieve. But spend too much time looking in the rearview or checking to see who is or isn't looking at you isn't gonna end well. That's also the secret to being "cool" is to act with integrity to your goals and desires without care for others opinions.

Like the guy who is dancing his ass off on the dance floor by himself. Everybody wishes they could just let go that much. Or the guy talking to the girl. Everybody wishes they could do it too. So when they look at you, as long as you're not pretending to be cool or smooth or anything like that, and instead going for what you want, people will either respect you or hate you (because your ability to do it highlights their lack of ability to do the same thing).

Ok, girls at the club just want free drinks. You'll spend more money on overpriced drinks at the club leaving you up all night with the hopes that she will go back to the hotel with you. It doesn't happen that often.

I strongly disagree with this. If you don't want to buy drinks, there's an easy way to get around this -- don't! With enough charm, not buying drinks is never a problem. And if you sassume that buying drinks somehow gains you something, ties their fate to yours, or otherwise gets you some control over the girl you've already lost.

This really seems more in my avenue. How do you approach people in a bar? Scratch that, am I allowed to approach people? Scratch that, I’ll just brush up on some bar etiquettes and not-to-do’s and wing it. Actually, I could use a tip or two. You’ve all been very helpful btw.

Yes you're allowed. Anywhere. Any time. Don't worry about etiquette just go in guns blazing, risk being bold, risk offending, risk coming across as weird or creepy and you will do just fine. Not with every single girl. But with the right ones and with more and more over time. It's a skill you just have to put in the hours.

The important thing is to not go to a place where you are the oldest guy in the room and clearly out of place. I guess some very fit and cool older guys can get away with it, especially if they are wearing money (high ¥ watch, shoes, suit) but in general, if you are more than a few years out of the range, you will get no play.

I also disagree with this. I regularly take MUCH older students out and they do very well. When listening to advice in this thread, be wary of people bringing their unfounded preconceptions based on how they imagine the world to be rather than what they've seen and experienced themselves. Older guys are certainly a specific demographic but can do very well in all environments. And OP is 30 right? Age shouldn't even come up as a talking point here imo

So you have tried all the other activities in the world and none of them caught your fancy? Well, that's a bummer.

But if instead you are just like some of us were younger (ahem) then I would suggest you get your ass up from that chair and go out. There is no excuse in Tokyo to not try to find something interesting to do; the place is literally full of people with different hobbies, normal, strange and outright weird.

Remember that trying everything once is OK, unless it's your cousin or line dancing. Yes, that means homo too. Try one hundred different things and then come back to tell us there was nothing that you enjoyed.

MikeH, as usual, with the on point thoughts. I agree, you really need to find some real-world activities you like. Gaming is cool as a distraction but if it's really you're sun and stars you're not going to be able to relate to other people very well. It's time to confront your social anxiety so props for coming here and saying basically exactly that.

My advice is a little different.

Just talk to everybody, everywhere. Start with people who will already talk to you - go into apparel stores and chat up the female clerks. Start by talking about the clothes and then move on to something unrelated.

Hit up combini staff. Old ladies waiting for the bus. Ask them what time it's coming and if they take it daily. Ask if it'll rain today. Etc. And so on. Get comfortable chatting and gradually switch to less "small talk" and more personal chats. Have fun, spread smiles.

Find activities you like, clubs or sports or something. Exercise is good for you and not really optional in my book. We only get one time around on this Earth you gotta maximize it and get out of the chair, get your body moving, get your mind flowing.

Clubs might be a bit overwhelming. Bars might be more friendly and yeah IPs certainly so. Can also try speed dating and meetups. Hit them all up!!
 
I agree that a 30 year old can do fine in even the youngest clubs. You are right. I glossed over that. But most 40 year olds, if they look 40, will be at a disadvantage to the younger guys in the younger club going after the younger girls - all other factors being equal. How much of a disadvantage is debatable. And I am sure even fat, ugly 60 year olds will overcome their disadvantage and slay the ladies if they have been sprinkled with Synapse Magic Pixie Dust Training. Age is a selection criteria. It matters. It is indelibly imprinted on the DNA of every sophisticated living organism that is looking for a mate. Even pigs.
 
Just talk to everybody, everywhere.

This is the best advice you can give. And don't limit yourself to females only either. By talking with everyone you will first get used to talking with people and secondly will actually find some of them are pretty interesting. Thirdly you'll become more interesting when you learn more about other people.

Not only you'll eventually find someone you want to share a bed with (or a kitchen table or whatever tickles your fancy) but you can actually make some friends also without even noticing it.
 
How about game cons or other otaku stuff? Enough girls who have the same hobbies boys have
Just to clarify, Japanese otaku stuff is very different from western pc gaming. They’re mostly consoles. There’s maybe one or two pc gaming cafes in Koreatown, other than that the pc gaming in Japan is basically dead here. But I get what you’re saying.

This is going to sound a bit cheesy, but look up some "international parties", they're a good way of practicing meeting people and making conversation
I .. will do that sir. Just had my hair cut today. No idea about fragrances n stuff, I’ll get something somehow and *big sigh* go.
You need to cut down on the gaming and other online shit and go outside and meet real people.
Well... gaming is when I enjoy life the most. Every second of that 15k hours was worth it. And it’ll continue to be part of my identity. So I don’t see any point in cutting down on my gaming. It’s kind of subjective l, so i suppose there’s no point on arguing on this point. However, I will do my best to try and enter the... social world.

But once you posted your “15k hours” on a video game platform you opened yourself up for judgement by everyone here. How did you deal with that? It didn’t even matter, right? It’s the same thing, just a different venue.
Hmmmm good point. But it’s a bit different though, getting judged in person, they have 100% of the info, so it feels more real than debating life choices, which can be complicated and there’s no point scale to put on, meanwhile you could look at me and give 4.0/10 right away and I don’t wanna feel like a 4. Maybe I should just accept it beforehand so I kind of expect it... :(
pursue what you want even though the whole world might oppose you and through that action you will achieve
Sounds good. But ummm.. what if I’m wrong. I don’t wanna be a net negative in this world. What if I shouldn’t bother pretty ladies with my weirdness. I guess it boils down to self doubt.


Thanks everyone for the sincere tips. You all had various interesting inputs. I will *cold sweats* try and enter a place and ughhh report back later. I suppose just like gaming, I’ll have to put in the hours and effort to see some positive results, so that’s what I’ll do.
 
Hmmmm good point. But it’s a bit different though, getting judged in person, they have 100% of the info, so it feels more real than debating life choices, which can be complicated and there’s no point scale to put on, meanwhile you could look at me and give 4.0/10 right away and I don’t wanna feel like a 4. Maybe I should just accept it beforehand so I kind of expect it... :(
I get what you’re saying but in person, other people who don’t know you have 100% of what info? Your looks? That’s not 100% of you. You gave us more % about you in this thread to judge you on than a stranger will get who ‘only’ sees what you visually look like IRL.

Do you have unattractive female friends? You don’t see them as that right? Because you know 100% of them, not just their looks. You don’t only judge the book by its cover right? Look around when you’re outside, see how many visually unattractive guys are with their cute or pretty or even just average girlfriends. And no, it’s not just because they have big dicks and money. Lol. Your IRL avatar isn’t the only thing that matters bro.
I suppose just like gaming, I’ll have to put in the hours and effort to see some positive results, so that’s what I’ll do.
Good for you (y), just don’t expect to bat a thousand from the get go. Think of it this way, the first time you play an FPS and run a negative k/d ratio and are on the bottom of the match and everybody is like ‘wtf check out that noob. lulz.’ Mute them, forget them, then load up the next match. Don’t forget, you can jump lobbies/servers too for better experiences (ie: change venue from club scene).
 
This is going to sound a bit cheesy, but look up some "international parties", they're a good way of practicing meeting people and making conversation,

I .. will do that sir. Just had my hair cut today. No idea about fragrances n stuff, I’ll get something somehow and *big sigh* go.

I said *sounds* not *smells* a bit cheesy ;)
 
Your IRL avatar isn’t the only thing that matters bro.

I like this « IRL avatar » concept. So true. It’s hard to ignore the first impressions though. But then it’s also easy to forget them once you know the person better.
 
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And for the rest of us there is doggie style. The girl can just go to her happy place and think of George Clooney.
Well I meant it also in reverse: first impressions could be :kiss: but then afterwards when you scratch the surface it’s :vomit:
 
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Well I meant it also in reverse: first impressions could be :kiss: but then afterwards when you scratch the surface it’s :vomit:

That has never been my problem; no girl in the world has ever had a good first impression of me.
 
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We have to understand not all girls are mentally strong enough to take that much beauty so suddenly. I do have to act accordingly, great beauty brings great responsibility with it.
I confirm. You were my pimp after all. I have been in many rugby locker rooms and other places of ill repute but this BO, yeah, it’s borderline mystical experience :D
 
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but this BO, yeah, it’s borderline mystical experience :D

If you have seen it then I guess I need to stop having sex in front of the love hotel windows from now on.
 
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so ill be in japan next week! with my 2 friends and cousin
We hit up tinder and found some non escort regular girls to go club with.
it soundz weird but when i go to the club with girls... i always seem to find more opportinity to hit on some single girl standing or dancing alone... when i go solo or with buddies i never see a chance to move in and talk...
 
Here is a simple cheap option. Do the tokyopubcrawl.com. They force interaction. You could fudge the truth and say your mate stood you up or got sick but you still wanted to go. It’s a roving party and they do a good job with some silly games to encourage people to mix
 
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This may be a dead post considering the last reply was 3 months ago but ehh I'm new here and browse the forums when I'm bored at work.

To the OP, it sounds like your lacking hugely in the confidence field. Girls find confidence attractive. And this isn't just a sexist point of view. It's primal instinct. A confident human can eventually provide for and nurture a family. Regardless of if that's what the person is looking for at the time instinct makes us want to interact and be closer to those who we perceive as being able to pass our genes onto successfully.

My advice. Be more confident. Find something your good/passionate about and look for others with the same interest. Building those relationships will help boost your confidence and eventually help you to meet someone who reciprocates your approaches.

Also it's a lot easier to strike up a conversation with someone if you have something in common. Not nearly as awkward if your trying to find something to talk about and constantly second guessing if the person is interested in what you have to say.

A word of caution however. There is a fine line between being confident and obnoxious.

Good luck out there
 
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[A little update]

Quite a few things changed. I changed job again and somehow stumbled on a raise again. This one might last long.

As others have said. You need to cut down on the gaming and other online shit and go outside and meet real people.

I’ve pretty much quit gaming since last October. I’ve thought a lot about why I love gaming and it seemed I was more addicted to that hit of outplaying and winning. I put myself against higher competition and losing everyday helped me quit.

I’ve started working out since last October. But that didn’t continue more than a month.

I’m on r/nofap since New Year and successful till now. I think this one will last at least 6 months. Before I always had doubt, but this time I’m confident.

My advice, regular a nice bar and find a woman there and talk.

Middle of January for the first time in my life I walked into a bar. Bought 3 tickets, went over to the corner table, used 2 and bolted out. Couldn’t take the heat. Next day I went over to the middle table, bought 3 drinks and had to get out of there. Anxiety was too much. Next step is maybe going to the front, the bar, and talk to people? It’s a little much but I’ll try and start with something manageable like eye contact. Baby steps. Little steps. But progress nonetheless.

Btw I’ve walked through pretty much all of Shinbashi and Ginza bars. From outside I saw literally not a single single woman sitting in a bar. All salary men or with people. It’s not like I’m gonna walk over there and “hello” but still. Where are the women?

I’m thinking about going to PLUS TOKYO, but the bars you guys go to seem a little higher end than my paygrade. I think that’s where this tip comes into play:
Do u have any female friends? My guess is maybe not ....But if u do then ask them to help you do some shopping for one outfit that helps you look nice ..He opinion not yours ...
You don't need to break the bank either. ..Just smart casual wear.. . Let her pick the shirt ...Pants ...And shoes if possible.. .

Yeah I don’t have a female friend. I’m pretty clean in terms of appearance. But your tip’s on my to-do.

But if instead you are just like some of us were younger (ahem) then I would suggest you get your ass up from that chair and go out.
I went on a blind date. Mostly Japanese women in their late 30s. The chemistry was pretty good they were talkative laughing and one even excessively flirty. I checked yes on half of about 14 women, I had only 1 match. She ghosted me later. I guess I’m not that attractive or I’m just not their target audience. I asked how often they come, they said 3,4; couple; first; 3 etc.

I got active on dating apps. Although every. Single. Match I got was of body type “ぽっちゃり”. Tbf it’s a pretty low effort profile with toilet mirror selfies and shit. I liked one girl though and we got to talking. Although she lived like 1:30hr from where I live, once she accepted a date, I went there. It was pretty fun. First time dating. Ever. I put the meeting time pretty early at 6pm to make it clear I didn’t want to make it late. Next date is actually this week. Making it at 7pm. I think if we get to 8pm dates she’ll get where it’s going. But that’s for later. I don't even know if I like her that much.

This is going to sound a bit cheesy, but look up some "international parties", they're a good way of practicing meeting people

That’s something on my to-do for sure, they seem a little intimidating for now.

Maybe try to meet nice single girls through an activity you actually enjoy.

This is also on my to-do list. I’m thinking either Salsa or some form of dancing.

Just talk to everybody, everywhere.

This right here is so simple but so hard. I did talk to people who I wouldn’t have talked to, precisely because of what you said here though. I often think about it.

This may be a dead post considering the last reply was 3 months ago

I still read it from time to time. Many good advices.
 
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Middle of January for the first time in my life I walked into a bar. Bought 3 tickets, went over to the corner table, used 2 and bolted out. Couldn’t take the heat. Next day I went over to the middle table, bought 3 drinks and had to get out of there. Anxiety was too much. Next step is maybe going to the front, the bar, and talk to people? It’s a little much but I’ll try and start with something manageable like eye contact. Baby steps. Little steps. But progress nonetheless.

Btw I’ve walked through pretty much all of Shinbashi and Ginza bars. From outside I saw literally not a single single woman sitting in a bar. All salary men or with people. It’s not like I’m gonna walk over there and “hello” but still. Where are the women?

I’m thinking about going to PLUS TOKYO, but the bars you guys go to seem a little higher end than my paygrade. I think that’s where this tip comes into play:

So that good steps that you're off of gaming. For bars, you need to go to the ones that appeal to women. If it's a guy type of bar, unless the girl is with the guy, you're probably not going to find women there. You want to bar hop and probably around 8-10pm, sometimes later. The times can be important so you'll have to judge your area accordingly.

As far as your anxiety, what makes you feel this way in a bar?
 
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So that good steps that you're off of gaming. For bars, you need to go to the ones that appeal to women. If it's a guy type of bar, unless the girl is with the guy, you're probably not going to find women there. You want to bar hop and probably around 8-10pm, sometimes later. The times can be important so you'll have to judge your area accordingly.

As far as your anxiety, what makes you feel this way in a bar?

Ohh, I’ve been walking around about 7-8pm.

It’s not just in bars. It’s just a general anxiety, fear of rejection, fear of doing wrong, fear of having low self worth because of how they see you. I don’t really know. Sometimes this just comes back to “this is not me”. Maybe I’m in my comfort zone and don’t want to leave, idk. If I knew, I’d address it accordingly. Thinking about it is an endless circle though.

I will do the bar hopping thing. Today.
 
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