So, uh... “Hi”.

[California Coast]

Hi everyone,
Discovered the site while trying to learn more about the social scene in Tokyo. After lurking for a few days and learning more about fuzoku and the swinging scene, I’ve joined the forums and thought I should introduce myself. Although I’ve visited Japan dozens of times, I’ve only just moved here in December of 2020.

I am very recently separated from a marriage that has been loveless for over five years, and am just starting to process what that means. Being rebuked for five years has a bit of an effect on your self esteem, by the way. On top of that, I’m also in the process of finding an apartment (which is its own hell, being gaijin with a cat and very basic Japanese skills).

I currently work as a freelance designer for American clients, so the pandemic and change of local haven’t really had an impact on my work. So my schedule is flexible and I’m enjoying a slower pace while I get settled in. (Sitting on my half of the proceeds from selling the house doesn’t hurt either)

I’ve only ever had one p4p experience, which I will write up in the reviews section. Bliss out sounds like an absolute blast (when you catch it on a good night), and I’m interested in exploring that once normalcy returns. (Fingers crossed)

lastly, I’ve discovered that tinder in Japan is an absolute shit-show. I didn’t know what it was like in the US, as I was married, but here it’s a near endless parade of profiles without face pictures and no personal details, or agency manufactured profiles that are obviously part of a Chinese marriage visa scam. What matches I have made are slow to respond, with little spark or flirty chemistry.

(oh, and I chose the profile pic because I get told that I look like him all the goddamn time, and I’ve just decided to lean into it.)

 

[CharlieSimms]

I am very recently separated from a marriage that has been loveless for over five years, and am just starting to process what that means. Being rebuked for five years has a bit of an effect on your self esteem, by the way. On top of that, I’m also in the process of finding an apartment (which is its own hell, being gaijin with a cat and very basic Japanese skills).

It could be worse. A woman could cut off your penis while you're sleeping and toss it out the window of a moving car.

There's always that!

 

[Keihan]

Hi everyone,
Discovered the site while trying to learn more about the social scene in Tokyo. After lurking for a few days and learning more about fuzoku and the swinging scene, I’ve joined the forums and thought I should introduce myself. Although I’ve visited Japan dozens of times, I’ve only just moved here in December of 2020.

I am very recently separated from a marriage that has been loveless for over five years, and am just starting to process what that means. Being rebuked for five years has a bit of an effect on your self esteem, by the way. On top of that, I’m also in the process of finding an apartment (which is its own hell, being gaijin with a cat and very basic Japanese skills).

I currently work as a freelance designer for American clients, so the pandemic and change of local haven’t really had an impact on my work. So my schedule is flexible and I’m enjoying a slower pace while I get settled in. (Sitting on my half of the proceeds from selling the house doesn’t hurt either)

I’ve only ever had one p4p experience, which I will write up in the reviews section. Bliss out sounds like an absolute blast (when you catch it on a good night), and I’m interested in exploring that once normalcy returns. (Fingers crossed)

lastly, I’ve discovered that tinder in Japan is an absolute shit-show. I didn’t know what it was like in the US, as I was married, but here it’s a near endless parade of profiles without face pictures and no personal details, or agency manufactured profiles that are obviously part of a Chinese marriage visa scam. What matches I have made are slow to respond, with little spark or flirty chemistry.

(oh, and I chose the profile pic because I get told that I look like him all the goddamn time, and I’ve just decided to lean into it.)

I don't know why, but reading your post made me think of Kevin Spacey's character in American Beauty. But I must hand it to you, you most certainly just went all-balls with the "FUCK THIS, I'M OUT" thing. Divorce the bitch wife, sell the house, grab the cat and move to Japan? Must give credit where it's due.

It sounds like you're financially stable, so the only piece of advice I can give you, whenever you inevitably stray from the P4P party route is--whenever it is you re-emerge on the dating scene and go out and try meeting women--people are going to ask what motivated you to move to Japan and DO NOT dwell on your past grievances. Telling prospective bedmates about how life sucked, your wife sucked, everything sucked so you sold everything and moved to Japan and need help because shit is confusing...that is NOT going to go over well. Put a positive spin on it. These are challenging times and somehow, some way, you've been given this amazing opportunity to discover a new country and while you know nothing and can't speak the language you're so excited to be here and would be grateful for the opportunity to have someone help you find your way through this new adventure.

And having money will definitely help.

 

[California Coast]

My ex is Japanese, and is here also. We agreed to move here for a better life for our kids, and decided to go our separate ways as a couple. Famous people would put out a press release calling it a “conscious uncoupling”. We’re actually on decent terms, and she’s been helpful. Her family’s always been great to me, and when they were informed of the separation, the response was basically, “yeah, I get it”. I think they would be the first to admit that their daughter can be a bit much to deal with.

Now it’s just a matter of finding an apartment within two stops of my kids that doesn’t make me feel like I’m living in a dorm. VERY frustrating to be sitting on a bunch of money, but no bank will give you a mortgage because your income is overseas and that freelance is antithetical to Japanese norms. (Never mind that I can show years of constant earning.)

 

[Frenchy]

My ex is Japanese, and is here also. We agreed to move here for a better life for our kids, and decided to go our separate ways as a couple. Famous people would put out a press release calling it a “conscious uncoupling”. We’re actually on decent terms, and she’s been helpful. Her family’s always been great to me, and when they were informed of the separation, the response was basically, “yeah, I get it”. I think they would be the first to admit that their daughter can be a bit much to deal with.

Now it’s just a matter of finding an apartment within two stops of my kids that doesn’t make me feel like I’m living in a dorm. VERY frustrating to be sitting on a bunch of money, but no bank will give you a mortgage because your income is overseas and that freelance is antithetical to Japanese norms. (Never mind that I can show years of constant earning.)

well it may be more unusual than in the US but its not abnormal. Many people here are freelancers, one way or another. One way you can find a place if you have enough dough is just to pay the lease contract’s 2 year rents upfront

 

[MikeH]

Many people here are freelancers, one way or another.

Yup, just go to the tax office on March and see it full of people posting their blue forms.

The bigger reason for the no loan thingy is you don't have a history of earnings in Japan.

 

[Keihan]

My ex is Japanese, and is here also. We agreed to move here for a better life for our kids, and decided to go our separate ways as a couple. Famous people would put out a press release calling it a “conscious uncoupling”. We’re actually on decent terms, and she’s been helpful. Her family’s always been great to me, and when they were informed of the separation, the response was basically, “yeah, I get it”. I think they would be the first to admit that their daughter can be a bit much to deal with.

Now it’s just a matter of finding an apartment within two stops of my kids that doesn’t make me feel like I’m living in a dorm. VERY frustrating to be sitting on a bunch of money, but no bank will give you a mortgage because your income is overseas and that freelance is antithetical to Japanese norms. (Never mind that I can show years of constant earning.)

Well, that definitely sounds less adventurous and exciting, but probably makes it easier for you. If finding an apartment is your current biggest challenge then you're on easy street.

It's been almost twenty years since I had to find myself an apartment in Japan but assuming things haven't changed, the biggest challenge most gaijin face is finding a Japanese citizen to act as guarantor. Sounds like your ex-wife will likely fill in here. After that, it's just a matter of agreeing on the reikin and you sound financially set so no problem there. Of course, settling into an apartment the size of an American walk-in closet can be challenging at first but I was surprised how quickly I got used to it. I came from a 6BR/3BA home stateside to a 1-room shoebox that was, literally, like 150sf total. You learn to be very efficient. Of course, I put up with that shit for a year and then wised-up and moved into a 2K in the suburbs and spent the rest of my years in Japan there.

If I were forced to move back to Japan and was single again I'd probably go with a nice 2DK just outside the city. Ask your ex to stop by any local fudosan shop in your desired neighborhood and find something suitable with an owner who's agreeable to renting to a foreigner with a Japanese wife. No idea what rent is like in Tokyo now but you should be able to find something quite nice for under $1500/month in the suburbs. Not sure you want to be just two stops from your kids, however. During my years as a high school teacher in Osaka, I lived over ten miles from my school yet somehow, some way, my kids would still manage to see me staggering through the main station, drunk as fuck with some awful skank I picked up at HUB or The Blarneystone, beer in one hand and her bony ass in the other, and rest assured half of my 2-nen students had heard about it before class started the next morning. Shit, once I had gone all the way to Tokyo just for some adult entertainment and was on the train making my way to Shinjuku around noon, pre-gaming like a champ with a couple Asahi tallboys, when one of my former students who was now attending Waseda caught me. Tight jeans, cowboy boots, leather jacket, reasonably drunk...I was obviously not up to anything the principal would approve of.

As the saying goes, you don't shit where you eat.

 

[Frenchy]

Well, that definitely sounds less adventurous and exciting, but probably makes it easier for you. If finding an apartment is your current biggest challenge then you're on easy street.

It's been almost twenty years since I had to find myself an apartment in Japan but assuming things haven't changed, the biggest challenge most gaijin face is finding a Japanese citizen to act as guarantor. Sounds like your ex-wife will likely fill in here. After that, it's just a matter of agreeing on the reikin and you sound financially set so no problem there. Of course, settling into an apartment the size of an American walk-in closet can be challenging at first but I was surprised how quickly I got used to it. I came from a 6BR/3BA home stateside to a 1-room shoebox that was, literally, like 150sf total. You learn to be very efficient. Of course, I put up with that shit for a year and then wised-up and moved into a 2K in the suburbs and spent the rest of my years in Japan there.

If I were forced to move back to Japan and was single again I'd probably go with a nice 2DK just outside the city. Ask your ex to stop by any local fudosan shop in your desired neighborhood and find something suitable with an owner who's agreeable to renting to a foreigner with a Japanese wife. No idea what rent is like in Tokyo now but you should be able to find something quite nice for under $1500/month in the suburbs. Not sure you want to be just two stops from your kids, however. During my years as a high school teacher in Osaka, I lived over ten miles from my school yet somehow, some way, my kids would still manage to see me staggering through the main station, drunk as fuck with some awful skank I picked up at HUB or The Blarneystone, beer in one hand and her bony ass in the other, and rest assured half of my 2-nen students had heard about it before class started the next morning. Shit, once I had gone all the way to Tokyo just for some adult entertainment and was on the train making my way to Shinjuku around noon, pre-gaming like a champ with a couple Asahi tallboys, when one of my former students who was now attending Waseda caught me. Tight jeans, cowboy boots, leather jacket, reasonably drunk...I was obviously not up to anything the principal would approve of.

As the saying goes, you don't shit where you eat.

we both made the same mistake (for once! )
I’ve re-read his post and he was talking about a mortgage, not getting a rental apartment. Yeah mortgage is much harder to get here.

 

[TAG Manager]

the biggest challenge most gaijin face is finding a Japanese citizen to act as guarantor.

To be fair - There are plenty of guarantor companies out there now that will do this pretty easily these days. Also, it's worth noting that even Japanese people have a hard time (in some cases) to find a guarantor as well. If they don't have any family or any close friends willing to do it, they have to go with the guarantor company.

Taking out a mortgage to buy a house/mansion, that's whole other ball of wax. Those working for large Japanese corps will have the easiest access to loans (and good rates) and everyone else down the scale faces some challenges to make it happen. In all cases, having a significant amount of up-front cash for a downpayment, will grease the wheels for a smoother process.

 

[Keihan]

To be fair - There are plenty of guarantor companies out there now that will do this pretty easily these days. Also, it's worth noting that even Japanese people have a hard time (in some cases) to find a guarantor as well. If they don't have any family or any close friends willing to do it, they have to go with the guarantor company.

Guess a bit can change in a decade. Don't believe I ever heard of guarantor companies but that would've made things much, much easier for me back in 2003. In Osaka at that time, there were quite a few middleman operations that catered to foreign teachers, where Japanese slumlords would pay bi-lingual expats a commission to set up naive eikaiwa newbies in their shithole apartments and charge them double what Japanese would pay, using the lack of key money to justify the price difference if anyone was silly enough to do research and complain. They did quite well, actually, until the eikawa market bust and recession. Hopefully the OP doesn't run into any of these operations.

 

[California Coast]

Thanks for the words of encouragement, everyone. I'm currently working with a few different agencies to find something, but it's definitely looking like a 1dk at best, where I want to be. Seeing the kids every day is of primary importance, so it looks like I'm going to make a sacrifice to make that happen. Going from a 2,000sq ft 5 bedroom house in the LA suburbs to a studio is going to be an adjustment to be sure, but eh, the things we do for the people we make.

While my CIS white maleness and healthy savings is mitigating my concern, I am still well outside my comfort zone, and to be honest, it's exciting. Haven't lived like this in a long time. Professional sports teams would call this a "rebuilding year".

 

[MikeH]

Professional sports teams would call this a "rebuilding year".

Hope that yours don't end up like my team's rebuilding year: outside of the playoffs for several years in a row.

 

[Yanchan]

I'm in a somewhat similar boat, and just recently short-term rented myself a 1K apartment for 7man a month in Gotanda, The management company had someone speaking English so working out the details was a breeze. No guarantor needed, no key money, no other BS.
It seems due to the Corona and lack of tourists, there's quite a lot of short-term rentals on the market.

 

[shadowboxer]

Hope that yours don't end up like my team's rebuilding year: outside of the playoffs for several years in a row.

Are you talking about serious sports or about the Eredivisie?