GoldenDalton
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Great info and a good read, too. Thanks for taking the time.Perhaps I am raising this thread from the dead but as it comes up pretty high on a search for looking for tips on how to find Japanese ladies I thought I would throw in my perspective. The below applies to "good girls" the type of which you are more likely to encounter while doing day game at cafés or on the street. I have no comment about Roppongi other than to say Mid Town can be a good jumping off point and Havana Cafe serves a good Mojito. Roppongi is dead to me.
I first came to Japan in 1991. I was a foreign exchange student not in Tokyo--Kansai actually--and quite insecure but blessed with good looks. I used to get a lot of comments about looking like a certain actor who I won't mention out of anonymity concerns. I got a lot of smiles and attention but no dates. The above is absolutely right and if you do not know the code you will just be swimming blind. Add to that that the value a 19 year old female attributes to a 19 year old male and let's just say the field was difficult. I didn't get laid in Japan, though I did have some tokimeki toward a nice girl who I thought liked me (the classic mistaking a lady's desire to be a tour guide as bedroom interest) but actually had a LDR. Imagine my disappointment when shown where I would be sleeping when she invited me to her family's house for a weekend (her bed) and there was a pic of this J-Bohunka on the nightstand. We had been dating for weeks. This kind of insane bullshit will happen if you don't set frame properly, push for sex early, and get the answer you want or don't want. Kuki yomenai is right.
It was easier a year later when I landed a job in the tourism industry. I was meeting with increased success in a location (tropical island) where the narrative was not about being serene and serious and studious but letting loose and having adventure. That said I will attest to the fact that Japanese ladies in groups are highly defensive. If you can't get them all laid good luck. The slow game that was discussed earlier is the way to go. Give them your contact information, don't ask for theirs. There is a very handy phrase you can use. "Jama shitakunai kedo..." Which means "I don't want to be a bother" or "I don't want to intrude." Use it, tell the person you want to get with your name and contact info, maybe a little elderly chat about her and yourself, a minute or two tops, and then split. If you can't go, You might make incidental eye contact, but don't initiate. Be cool. Don't care.
The two things I suggested above will immediately communicate this:
1. You are being considerate of her group identity prerogative. You are not imposing meiwaku on the girls' night out. This is polite and polite works in Japan.
2. You are putting the furtherance of this thing on her. You are giving her a pretty strong signal that you yourself have the courage to deal with her not contacting you. This will possibly stimulate some theorizing on her part that she has been given control but in fact you can't care.
So let's go back to Guam circa 1992. My first J-girl experience. Imagine my pleasant surprise to get a call at 11:00pm from a very shy young lady (my age) asking to meet me at her hotel. I had literally given up on her and as a desperation move just slipped my business card into her purse. We went to a beach and made love. But I theorize that she had to slip away from her friends (unbeknownst to them?) in order not to cause meiwaku.
Now, in that case: Even though she called me. Even though she was running off into the night in a foreign country with a foreigner she had only met three hours ago, for no possible purpose BUT sex, the amount of leading that I had to do was astounding. I found myself troubled because my feminist rearing had told me that women are equal and she should be participating. It felt creepy and I worried that any moment she might run off into the night shrieking that she was being raped only to be actually raped by the grandsons of some folks who the Imperial Japanese Army had brutalized.
Fast forward 22 years. I meet a 38 year old woman for the third time from an online dating site. This is a straight sex relationship. Meet at the station exit, 75 steps to the hotel, split the bill, bang three times in three hours, and say our goodbyes in the elevator on the way out. She's married to a guy 25 years older than her and thinks I'm 33 when in fact I'm 43. A solid 5, nothing special and in fact a little chubby but she is very aggressive and good at what she does. We do our business, we go our separate ways, and I go to a gokon bar.
If you don't know what this is, basically dudes pay a cover charge or whatever, you and you can say "Hey I would like to go sit with those ladies over there." It's handholdy, sure. It's structured and safe for the girls with rules like "Don't ask for sex" and such. But having fed the lizard three times already I'm not really interested anyway and this is important--it's always easier to get results when you don't care. I am a bit of a regular there and it's off the beaten path so I still have some gaijin cachet. Since I wasn't helping the establishment make money (you of course pay more when you are chatting the ladies) a sweet little waitress who I may stop ignoring later sometime introduced me to a nice loner girl (rare in that environment) we started talking about stuff completely unrelated to sex. She gave me the opening when she said "Hey have you gone to this bar? It looks good but I haven't gone. Kinda expensive." I look around kinda dismissively and look back and say "Want to go? My treat (Boku ga gochisou)." This can be risky because many ladies want to control frame by paying their fair share. They want to signal that they are not sugar babies. Fine by my wallet but I didn't want her to balk, thus my concern that she might go tharn and say "I want to but can't afford it so...no."
We go, it's fifteen minutes on foot, her pushing her bike. When we get to the restaurant, and are show our seats, I offer her the wall bench seat and then slide in next to her. Not across. We have sake, a light meal, and during it I am paying attention to what she is saying, but being SUPER careful not to lean in or look at her too much. Light incidental touches, especially at moments when by seeming coincidence we like the same things as we quizzing each other. Unlike in many places, you can go full interview mode in Japan, and in fact I recommend it as a pretty safe default mode because it opens up opportunities to go "EHHHH?" with her and touch her elbow and initiate physical contact.
She asks what kind of wine I like. I notice she has a glass of white. DUH. I like white wine (true). She mentions that she likes wine but it's tough to down a whole bottle by herself and she ends up wasting it. I say "You have a bottle right now?" She says "Yeah" and bam there's the next step: Drinking wine. But here's where she throws me a curve: She says "Where do you live?" which I've come to understand is an invitation to invite her over. Small indications of interest must be automatically upgraded to moderate to high depending on factors like body language and tone. The problem is I don't have a place to take her back TO. There's another woman sleeping in my bed and she don't play well with others. I decide to bullshit: "Uhhh...my place is pretty not clean right now. I wasn't expecting company." The same kind of bullshit line a woman will throw up as a barrier to filibuster or delay I turn to my purpose. Since it's so reasonable to her--after all it IS a woman's line--I move on: "But we could always just get a room for a couple hours. (Hoteru de kyuukei shimasen ka?)"
Until now, everything has been ambiguous--and that's the way you want it. We're just two innocent strangers who met at a bar and are going to a love hotel to watch a movie and drink a bottle of wine. Riiiiiight. In Japan the explicit is overwhelming. If I had said "Do you want to have sex?" it's fairly likely she would have bolted. The kinds of women I am looking do not look like SDB material and so I play it cool especially when I JUST got laid. In a perfect world, you want to look at her and she nods, and you do it. I don't shoot for SDBs. They happen, but it's a surprise when they do. I find SDB to be a little close to STD for my comfort. 43 and clean, I must be doing something right.
Logistics not being my strong suit--really I need to work on this--I do a quick maps search for ラブホテル and discover that the nearest one is fifteen minutes back the way we came. But, J-girls are walking champs and forgiving of such distances bless their stick legs. The rest of the story proceeded pretty apace. She thought the Ofuro was big and so I filled it, she thought the bubble bath feature was cool so we fired it up, we drank a little wine and then I kissed her. Very virginal 27-year old which is not impossible to find but odd to do a SDB on. When you find yourself having to teach a grown woman how to kiss you know you are through the looking glass.
Overcoming LMR or not inducing it in the first place is key. If you are with a non-English speaking J-girl and she suddenly gets a case of the heebie-jeebies Google translate is a pretty long shot to suave your way back into action. Be prepared to switch into super low gear. The above lady was giggly as hell. As it turns out she was a virgin. That's when I stopped the SUV, got out, locked the hubs and engaged the mountain climbing gears. But a very slow approach and cautious, perceptive movements (continuing in the same vein as was just said above) will get you where you need to go. Haste makes waste.
ALL if this is GREATLY aided by solid language skills. You're going to find difficulty dealing the deal with anything but notch collectors and trying to get out of the English Speaking Friend Zone if you don't speak Japanese. Haven't had the first (that I care to know about) and have been there brother on the second.
Looking back on what I just wrote, a couple of things are apparent. The first is you have to be willing to be flexible. In my book, J-girls get an automatic 1-2 point upgrade because they are generally very sweet and have the nicest pussies I've seen. Neither of the women I were with were "Hawt." 5-6 range. The first was definitely pocchari and the second was a bit otaku cute stick figury, but neither were offensive and had good personalities. If you have pangs of pride remember what Marcellus said about pride in Pulp Fiction. Hell, even Alexander the Great took his boys on a romp and stomp of some local Macedonian hillbillies before taking them on the road for prime time. Build great success from small success and get moving in the direction you want. If that means taking one for your own team, so be it. Even mediocre or kinda ugly women can teach you something of use. Just don't go full retard. Some memories cannot be rationalized away.
This was rambling and a little stream of conscious, and there are holes and exceptions to the things I purport. Remember these points in all this: Having is not necessarily the same as wanting, and: It's not getting a J-girl that's hard it's getting rid of them. Consider the possibility that you may have to "Drop your phone" into the river.
Good luck and play friendly.