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So what's with the myth that Japanese women like gaijin?

Perhaps I am raising this thread from the dead but as it comes up pretty high on a search for looking for tips on how to find Japanese ladies I thought I would throw in my perspective. The below applies to "good girls" the type of which you are more likely to encounter while doing day game at cafés or on the street. I have no comment about Roppongi other than to say Mid Town can be a good jumping off point and Havana Cafe serves a good Mojito. Roppongi is dead to me.

I first came to Japan in 1991. I was a foreign exchange student not in Tokyo--Kansai actually--and quite insecure but blessed with good looks. I used to get a lot of comments about looking like a certain actor who I won't mention out of anonymity concerns. I got a lot of smiles and attention but no dates. The above is absolutely right and if you do not know the code you will just be swimming blind. Add to that that the value a 19 year old female attributes to a 19 year old male and let's just say the field was difficult. I didn't get laid in Japan, though I did have some tokimeki toward a nice girl who I thought liked me (the classic mistaking a lady's desire to be a tour guide as bedroom interest) but actually had a LDR. Imagine my disappointment when shown where I would be sleeping when she invited me to her family's house for a weekend (her bed) and there was a pic of this J-Bohunka on the nightstand. We had been dating for weeks. This kind of insane bullshit will happen if you don't set frame properly, push for sex early, and get the answer you want or don't want. Kuki yomenai is right.

It was easier a year later when I landed a job in the tourism industry. I was meeting with increased success in a location (tropical island) where the narrative was not about being serene and serious and studious but letting loose and having adventure. That said I will attest to the fact that Japanese ladies in groups are highly defensive. If you can't get them all laid good luck. The slow game that was discussed earlier is the way to go. Give them your contact information, don't ask for theirs. There is a very handy phrase you can use. "Jama shitakunai kedo..." Which means "I don't want to be a bother" or "I don't want to intrude." Use it, tell the person you want to get with your name and contact info, maybe a little elderly chat about her and yourself, a minute or two tops, and then split. If you can't go, You might make incidental eye contact, but don't initiate. Be cool. Don't care.

The two things I suggested above will immediately communicate this:

1. You are being considerate of her group identity prerogative. You are not imposing meiwaku on the girls' night out. This is polite and polite works in Japan.

2. You are putting the furtherance of this thing on her. You are giving her a pretty strong signal that you yourself have the courage to deal with her not contacting you. This will possibly stimulate some theorizing on her part that she has been given control but in fact you can't care.

So let's go back to Guam circa 1992. My first J-girl experience. Imagine my pleasant surprise to get a call at 11:00pm from a very shy young lady (my age) asking to meet me at her hotel. I had literally given up on her and as a desperation move just slipped my business card into her purse. We went to a beach and made love. But I theorize that she had to slip away from her friends (unbeknownst to them?) in order not to cause meiwaku.

Now, in that case: Even though she called me. Even though she was running off into the night in a foreign country with a foreigner she had only met three hours ago, for no possible purpose BUT sex, the amount of leading that I had to do was astounding. I found myself troubled because my feminist rearing had told me that women are equal and she should be participating. It felt creepy and I worried that any moment she might run off into the night shrieking that she was being raped only to be actually raped by the grandsons of some folks who the Imperial Japanese Army had brutalized.

Fast forward 22 years. I meet a 38 year old woman for the third time from an online dating site. This is a straight sex relationship. Meet at the station exit, 75 steps to the hotel, split the bill, bang three times in three hours, and say our goodbyes in the elevator on the way out. She's married to a guy 25 years older than her and thinks I'm 33 when in fact I'm 43. A solid 5, nothing special and in fact a little chubby but she is very aggressive and good at what she does. We do our business, we go our separate ways, and I go to a gokon bar.

If you don't know what this is, basically dudes pay a cover charge or whatever, you and you can say "Hey I would like to go sit with those ladies over there." It's handholdy, sure. It's structured and safe for the girls with rules like "Don't ask for sex" and such. But having fed the lizard three times already I'm not really interested anyway and this is important--it's always easier to get results when you don't care. I am a bit of a regular there and it's off the beaten path so I still have some gaijin cachet. Since I wasn't helping the establishment make money (you of course pay more when you are chatting the ladies) a sweet little waitress who I may stop ignoring later sometime introduced me to a nice loner girl (rare in that environment) we started talking about stuff completely unrelated to sex. She gave me the opening when she said "Hey have you gone to this bar? It looks good but I haven't gone. Kinda expensive." I look around kinda dismissively and look back and say "Want to go? My treat (Boku ga gochisou)." This can be risky because many ladies want to control frame by paying their fair share. They want to signal that they are not sugar babies. Fine by my wallet but I didn't want her to balk, thus my concern that she might go tharn and say "I want to but can't afford it so...no."

We go, it's fifteen minutes on foot, her pushing her bike. When we get to the restaurant, and are show our seats, I offer her the wall bench seat and then slide in next to her. Not across. We have sake, a light meal, and during it I am paying attention to what she is saying, but being SUPER careful not to lean in or look at her too much. Light incidental touches, especially at moments when by seeming coincidence we like the same things as we quizzing each other. Unlike in many places, you can go full interview mode in Japan, and in fact I recommend it as a pretty safe default mode because it opens up opportunities to go "EHHHH?" with her and touch her elbow and initiate physical contact.

She asks what kind of wine I like. I notice she has a glass of white. DUH. I like white wine (true). She mentions that she likes wine but it's tough to down a whole bottle by herself and she ends up wasting it. I say "You have a bottle right now?" She says "Yeah" and bam there's the next step: Drinking wine. But here's where she throws me a curve: She says "Where do you live?" which I've come to understand is an invitation to invite her over. Small indications of interest must be automatically upgraded to moderate to high depending on factors like body language and tone. The problem is I don't have a place to take her back TO. There's another woman sleeping in my bed and she don't play well with others. I decide to bullshit: "Uhhh...my place is pretty not clean right now. I wasn't expecting company." The same kind of bullshit line a woman will throw up as a barrier to filibuster or delay I turn to my purpose. Since it's so reasonable to her--after all it IS a woman's line--I move on: "But we could always just get a room for a couple hours. (Hoteru de kyuukei shimasen ka?)"

Until now, everything has been ambiguous--and that's the way you want it. We're just two innocent strangers who met at a bar and are going to a love hotel to watch a movie and drink a bottle of wine. Riiiiiight. In Japan the explicit is overwhelming. If I had said "Do you want to have sex?" it's fairly likely she would have bolted. The kinds of women I am looking do not look like SDB material and so I play it cool especially when I JUST got laid. In a perfect world, you want to look at her and she nods, and you do it. I don't shoot for SDBs. They happen, but it's a surprise when they do. I find SDB to be a little close to STD for my comfort. 43 and clean, I must be doing something right.

Logistics not being my strong suit--really I need to work on this--I do a quick maps search for ラブホテル and discover that the nearest one is fifteen minutes back the way we came. But, J-girls are walking champs and forgiving of such distances bless their stick legs. The rest of the story proceeded pretty apace. She thought the Ofuro was big and so I filled it, she thought the bubble bath feature was cool so we fired it up, we drank a little wine and then I kissed her. Very virginal 27-year old which is not impossible to find but odd to do a SDB on. When you find yourself having to teach a grown woman how to kiss you know you are through the looking glass.

Overcoming LMR or not inducing it in the first place is key. If you are with a non-English speaking J-girl and she suddenly gets a case of the heebie-jeebies Google translate is a pretty long shot to suave your way back into action. Be prepared to switch into super low gear. The above lady was giggly as hell. As it turns out she was a virgin. That's when I stopped the SUV, got out, locked the hubs and engaged the mountain climbing gears. But a very slow approach and cautious, perceptive movements (continuing in the same vein as was just said above) will get you where you need to go. Haste makes waste.

ALL if this is GREATLY aided by solid language skills. You're going to find difficulty dealing the deal with anything but notch collectors and trying to get out of the English Speaking Friend Zone if you don't speak Japanese. Haven't had the first (that I care to know about) and have been there brother on the second.

Looking back on what I just wrote, a couple of things are apparent. The first is you have to be willing to be flexible. In my book, J-girls get an automatic 1-2 point upgrade because they are generally very sweet and have the nicest pussies I've seen. Neither of the women I were with were "Hawt." 5-6 range. The first was definitely pocchari and the second was a bit otaku cute stick figury, but neither were offensive and had good personalities. If you have pangs of pride remember what Marcellus said about pride in Pulp Fiction. Hell, even Alexander the Great took his boys on a romp and stomp of some local Macedonian hillbillies before taking them on the road for prime time. Build great success from small success and get moving in the direction you want. If that means taking one for your own team, so be it. Even mediocre or kinda ugly women can teach you something of use. Just don't go full retard. Some memories cannot be rationalized away.

This was rambling and a little stream of conscious, and there are holes and exceptions to the things I purport. Remember these points in all this: Having is not necessarily the same as wanting, and: It's not getting a J-girl that's hard it's getting rid of them. Consider the possibility that you may have to "Drop your phone" into the river.

Good luck and play friendly.
Great info and a good read, too. Thanks for taking the time.
 
@Scotty

Your experiences and the lessons you draw from them bear little resemblance to mine and to what I feel I have learned along the way, but for exactly that reason I am all the more appreciative of your time and effort in writing them up. Thanks!

With apologies for going all zenish on you all, I think the best approach/system for meeting women and having relationships with them is not to have one.

-Ww
 
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@Scotty

Thanx for your contribution. Always good to hear about another guy's honest experiences (y)

Since u r new here, u probably wont have had time 2 read all the old shite which has been posted here. What I find interesting about the regular posters here, other than the fact they are a very educ8d bunch, is that we all appreci8 what J-girls are capable of offering but are realistic and critical at the same time.

There is a certain type of J-woman who prefers a foreigner to one of her own. Irregardless of what u think the reasons mite be, this should alert at least some healthy suspicion.

I just spent over a month in Thailand, Indonesia and Myanmar, and it is interesting to hear what the local gals say about Japanese men. Many girls prefer them over westerners bcoz they are polite, generous, and easy to handle. The final reason is the 1 which I think is gonna prove my point. J-men are used to being controlled and bossed around by women, 1st their mothers and sisters, then their own wives. J-women may look mild and obedient in public but in priv8 it is a different matter. 4 this reason, many J-men lack initiative and come across as kinda weak and wimpy to outsiders. I feel sorry for them. Many gaijin who have not been in Japan long enuf 2 see the reality marry J-women who turn out to be nitemares. These women want the best of the Japanese system - control hubby's money supply and decide on the kid's education - and the best of the western system, a husband who helps with the housework and treats her as (more than an) equal.

The married guys here on this forum have generally made good choices and found a J-wife who gives them freedom as well as love and companionship. This is not easy 2 find :whistle:
 
Beam u up Scotty! (n)

U pretty much touched on all the bases there and I agree with most of what u say.

For me these days, the key is not to give too much thought 2 what u r doing and be prepared 2 give up quick if u rnt getting n e where and move on.

As bro Solong often sayz, its a numbers game. Eventualy u will come across 1 who does it 4 u. Just be prepared to discard the time wasterz :joyful:
 
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@Scotty

My experience is that Japanese women, and oddly the younger generation, have a tendency towards some extremes that foreigners in Japan might not be aware of.

1) Excessively paranoid and easily becoming hysterical about meeting new people.

What is simply dinner and talk, some women work themselves up into a crazed hysteria, like nearly every guy is a serial rapist and killer who will chop them up and put them in a refrigerator.

Then there are all types of body issues that Japanese women take to the extreme. I'm too fat, too flat, too short, too tall, breasts too small, etc... They drive themselves nuts, and then cancel dates.

It also doesn't matter so much if the Japanese woman is a 5 or a 9, as they both can have nutty paranoia and hysteria issues. Dating a lower scoring woman will not help this, and can actually be worse, as she can be even more self-conscious.

2) Excessively sadistic, arrogant, and/or "mean" girl types.

Some Japanese have a type of personality, where if you appear to want something from them, they automatically think they are above you or see this as an opportunity to play weird games. You might be approaching them under friendly terms, but they see you as a target to abuse, especially if you are a foreigner.

It's kind of like an asshole in a Western country that sees a Mexican, Chinese, or foreign immigrant as a target to be abused. Such people can see this as an opportunity to play sick racist jokes.

This can be encouraged by racist and assholes in their circle of friends.

"Oh, I met this foreign guy today. He tried to speak Japanese, but sounded like a retard, hehehe... Why is he even in Japan? Don't come to Japan! He must be a loser. All foreigners stink. He smelled like garlic. I hate garlic smelling foreigners. He wants to go out on a date Friday. Look at the message I sent him. I will PRETEND to like him, and then cancel 5 minutes before we meet. Hehehe... We Japanese girls are so smart and sneaky like that. Go back to your country, here is for Japanese only."

And Japanese women can play these dumb cancel games on JAPANESE guys too. They can target the Japanese guy for not being cool enough, for not having the "right style", where he was born, how he speaks, etc....

It's her sick idea of fun, though it's just showing how screwed up she is.

Note- The Japanese version of the sadistic or arrogant mean girl has DIFFERENT mannerisms, than what is often seen in the West. Where her Western version may roll her eyes, suck her teeth, act snobbish, etc... The Japanese version can SMILE in your face and play cute, while telling bold faced lies and scamming you.

3) Have a plan B

As a foreign person, you are not going to win with certain sly sneaky mean Japanese women. Protect yourself by having a backup plan and talking to other women.

Confirm if she is going to meet, the night or morning before the date. Give an asshole or excessively paranoid type of female a chance to cancel early, so that you can make plans with another woman.

Don't get caught up with playing games with such women. Tell her how you feel, and then move on.
 
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Interesting read, but am I the only one who has no clue what LDR, SDB, LMR, and DTF mean? I thought Meiji once posted an acronym dictionary on this site, but I can't find it.
 
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Mine is here, but doesn't have those particular terms. Most of which have to do with Pick-up Artists (PUA)

LDR= "Long Distance Relationship"
SDB = "Stupid Dumb Bitch", I think. Not really appropriate, IMO.
LMR= "Last minute resistance", a PUA term for women who stop guys after they've started making out, etc.
DTF= "Down to fuck" = ready/willing to have sex
 
Go For Sex

A huge mistake guys make is not going for sex when the woman shows clear female style interest or when they have the opportunity. I say "female style" because women tend to give signals to guys and not realize that guys are NOT picking up on them.

Disclaimer- Going for sex has NOTHING to do with rape. If a woman says no, especially repeatedly, then stop. In fact, break it off and LEAVE or get her out of the room and send her home, as she might be crazy or emotionally unbalanced. I'm talking about being assertive and escalating to sex where both people want to do it.

The mood and sexual desire of women goes up and down, and can change extremely quickly. This is how the sexes are different. Men are more constant in this regard and changes in mood are much slower. A woman can be DTF within a 30 minute period, then NOT DTF in the next 30 minutes. When the woman is offering to you, take what she is offering, because you might NOT get another shot.

Some guys don't pick up on female signals that she is offering herself to them or the guy is TOO FEARFUL of losing the woman by showing any assertiveness or sexual interest (trying to play the good boy / nice guy).

Failure to go for it sexually when she is making a female style COY sexual offer is often unconsciously interpreted by women that the guy is WEAK or STUPID (and women can phrase it as the guy is dumb). Often the woman unconsciously feels REJECTED by the guy, as he failed to take her female style offer.

The guy might just be trying to be polite or respectful, but many women are too ignorant about guys to understand that. Women misinterpreting guys and guys misinterpreting women.

When you have a long kiss and tongue session, that means you can GO FOR SEX, within 30 minutes if possible. Go for it that night, if possible.

If you do NOT want to have sex with her that night, better to AVOID heavy kiss sessions. Light quick kisses, hugs, and hand holding are better. If you are not going to sexually escalate, then better to keep things light.

If the guy just plays with the woman for hours. Feels her body up, heavy kissing, heavy petting... The woman can incorrectly think your penis doesn't work (weak). She can feel rejected, so now her mood shifts to SHE doesn't want sex and wants to reject you back. A guy can get into a bad subconscious game with her of ego and rejection.

Insecure Women

It can help you to build her ego up, but ONLY in the context of her performing for you sexually or doing good things for you. "I like how you dress up in lingerie for me." "You know how to take care of my penis well." "Buying me a gift shows you are very thoughtful."

The wrong type of comments are: "You are so smart!" "You look so pretty!" "You have a great body." This type of stuff can create a female MONSTER. Especially with Japanese women. They tend to more easily go from one extreme to the other.

Because now she thinks ALL guys or all foreign guys will want her. She can get a big head and start jumping from guy to guy, behind your back. You gave her the confidence to start cheating on you or she thinks that she can find a better guy than you. It can also lead to her starting to look DOWN and talk down to you.
 
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Sometimes its the guyz as well as galz who dont quite know what they want :cool:

From my vast experience of dating J-women, u will get a shag if u make it thro 2 the 2nd date (if thats what u want). Sometimes she will make it happen even :)

If she refuses sex, best tactic is to politely ditch her on the spot :finger:

Then b prepard 2 move on. If she dont get back in contact, u know u done the rite thing:D

2 bad if u were realy fond of her :vamp:
 
Last Minute Resistance (LMR)

Some thoughts on this that guys might find helpful. From my experience and observations, LMR comes from 3 things:

1) Too quick a transition for a woman from "friend zone/friendly/formal" to sexual.

From sitting across the table in a bright restaurant to trying to go to the hotel, without touching, holding, or kissing.

Many guys don't realize there are 3 types of sexual escalation, and even many PUAs, are not aware of. As I'm into swinging, I'm very aware of all 3.

1) Physical- The touching and kissing
2) Verbal- Talking/hinting about sex
3) Geographical- WHERE you are at for sex

Guys can make the mistake of bringing women to a PLACE where they can have sex, but have not prepared or checked her physically or verbally for sex.

Like sit across a table in a bright restaurant, then bring her to a hotel or apartment. Then they try too quickly to have sex with her, and she starts freaking out.

A guy should be checking a woman in terms of verbally AND physically, so she is COMFORTABLE. Go through touching and kissing for a while and get her horny.

2) Giving an obvious impression to a woman that you are untrustworthy or it feels like you are trying to scam them.

When a woman doesn't feel she can trust a guy or feels he might be tricking them out of sex, they tend to freak out at the last second, even if horny. It's often a fear about her reputation and him saying bad things about her or that the guy might run off afterwards.

A guy should have laid the foundation PRIOR to initiating sex, where the woman TRUSTS you and feels you will STAY around after sex IF you both get along.

Some things guys can do is tell a story that demonstrates how trustworthy a person that you are.

3) Overly self-conscious, paranoid, hysterical, or weird women.

This is something that can catch any guy by surprise. For example, the woman has extreme issues about her breast being too small and nipples too big. It can be her weight, her butt, even craziness like she thinks her vagina might smell or gets too wet.

It doesn't have to be physically based. Maybe she was brought up by overly religious parents and think sex is wrong or by a feminist single mother and has a lot of anti-sex and anti-male ideology swimming around in her mind. A lot women can be stuck in a state of confusion about what she wants to do.

The guy, say in a hotel trying to have sex with a woman for the first time, will have no idea she has these kinds of issues.

To prevent LMR, it's good if a guy demonstrates that he is accepting of her as she is, and make her comfortable with you. Some guys use humor, some naturally have relaxing personalities, and it's possible to use stories about how you make people relax around you. It's definitely a skill, but like anything, you can improve on it when you focus on it.

4) Time is less relevant than the vibe, feeling, and chemistry between the man and woman.

A guy can definitely have sex with a woman on the 1st date. It doesn't take 5 dates of wasting time and money.

The key is the guy building comfort AND sexual excitement with the woman, so if she is in a sexual mood, she will take a man up on the opportunity presented to have sex.
 
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@Solong You make many good points. I agree that most Japanese women in general have zero interest in foreigners (or they sure put on a good front). Also, that there is a small group that seem really fascinated by foreigners.

I guess the honne/tatemae behavior is a sort of micro-aggressive racist retaliation in response to all the talk of Japanese women being "easy".

My current sex friend tends to always throw herself at me publicly? I just met with her at a cafe yesterday. We were just talking and drinking coffee at first, but she started holding my hands and even pulled my hands against her breasts. She also started playing footsie with me...not my feet though. She pulled me close to her and started making out with me...right in the middle of the cafe. The Japanese girls around us were giggling and chatting but didn't seem offended (maybe they were). This woman I know has traveled to Europe and Canada more than once, so she is really open minded. My question is...could she be displaying sexual affection towards me in public on purpose to piss off other Japanese? She often tells me how much she likes western culture...so I think she isn't too fond of Japan. Anyone else meet a Japanese woman like this?
 
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Nope. She doesn't sound Japanese at all.

And wow, necro bump...

Yes, I even questioned her to see if maybe she was nikkei or like half Korean or Chinese since she is so open. She was born and raised here in Shizuoka, but I guess she has always enjoyed other cultures and traveling abroad. She just talked with me about having a long-term, sex friend/bf,gf type relationship with her. It would be great if I can keep this going. So far so good.

A little off topic, but has anyone noticed that the J-women supposedly the least interested in foreigners...are the ones trying to look like...foreigners? They dye their hair various shades of brown or blond even. They put in cheap-looking blue, green eye contacts, yet they don't want to even look at or speak to a person...that has real blond hair or blue eyes? I always get a kick out of that lol.
 
A little off topic, but has anyone noticed that the J-women supposedly the least interested in foreigners...are the ones trying to look like...foreigners? They dye their hair various shades of brown or blond even. They put in cheap-looking blue, green eye contacts, yet they don't want to even look at or speak to a person...that has real blond hair or blue eyes? I always get a kick out of that lol.

They are yankees, generally the lower class of society.
vast generalizations but they generally don't really want to talk to anyone outside of their social group and are close-minded . Thier style is more indicative of trying to look like 90's Pop stars Hamazki / Amuro and not so much foreigners.
 
@Solong You make many good points. I agree that most Japanese women in general have zero interest in foreigners (or they sure put on a good front). Also, that there is a small group that seem really fascinated by foreigners.

I guess the honne/tatemae behavior is a sort of micro-aggressive racist retaliation in response to all the talk of Japanese women being "easy".

My current sex friend tends to always throw herself at me publicly? I just met with her at a cafe yesterday. We were just talking and drinking coffee at first, but she started holding my hands and even pulled my hands against her breasts. She also started playing footsie with me...not my feet though. She pulled me close to her and started making out with me...right in the middle of the cafe. The Japanese girls around us were giggling and chatting but didn't seem offended (maybe they were). This woman I know has traveled to Europe and Canada more than once, so she is really open minded. My question is...could she be displaying sexual affection towards me in public on purpose to piss off other Japanese? She often tells me how much she likes western culture...so I think she isn't too fond of Japan. Anyone else meet a Japanese woman like this?

You are confusing 2 elements:

1) Honne/Tatemae is a part of Japanese culture that has nothing to do with foreigners. It's supposed purpose is to create group harmony and be for the greater good of the group, even if that means acting fake, lying, or suppressing ones true personality.

2) Yes, there is micro-aggressive or over-the-top anti-foreign male behavior exhibited by various Japanese women.

This is an exaggerated xenophobic or racist display to show the group or other Japanese around them who they think care (though many don't) or are watching that they are not a "slut" or "easy". This partially comes from the media and Japanese right-wing conservative and ultra-nationalistic groups. In order to stop international or interracial relationships, they put out the propaganda and lie that "all" foreigners think Japanese women are "yellow cabs" (another word for sluts). It has somewhat backfired against Japanese men, as many Japanese women try to prove they are anti-sexual, period.

What this negative propaganda and lies do, is make many Japanese women overly self-conscious and paranoid about their sexuality or destroys natural interactions with the opposite sex. A lot of Japanese women take it to the extreme of trying to prove they are anti-sexual (even against Japanese men) in the hopes of being perceived as or projecting the fake image of being "almost virgin pure". Some Japanese women take it even further, by being overtly or overly racist towards foreign men.

3) There are always REBELS

No matter how much organizations, institutions, or governments try to oppress or control a group, there will always be people to rebel against it. "The tighter you squeeze your fist, the more that can slip through your grip."

Some Japanese women are independent and mentally strong enough to rebel or be critical of such negative programming or propaganda. They will embrace their sexuality, be positive towards sex, not worry about public displays of affection, or be open to dating internationally or interracially.
 
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They are yankees, generally the lower class of society.
vast generalizations but they generally don't really want to talk to anyone outside of their social group and are close-minded . Thier style is more indicative of trying to look like 90's Pop stars Hamazki / Amuro and not so much foreigners.

Yes, but just because they are Hamazaki, Amuro or even Utada wannabes, doesn't mean their little dress ups don't reflect deep physical insecurities within themselves. I would have to ponder why these J-pop stars also dress up to look more foreign. They may not be aiming for the foreign look, but they are wearing foreign physical traits.
 
My current sex friend tends to always throw herself at me publicly? I just met with her at a cafe yesterday. We were just talking and drinking coffee at first, but she started holding my hands and even pulled my hands against her breasts. She also started playing footsie with me...not my feet though. She pulled me close to her and started making out with me...right in the middle of the cafe. The Japanese girls around us were giggling and chatting but didn't seem offended (maybe they were). This woman I know has traveled to Europe and Canada more than once, so she is really open minded.

I have had similar experiences and would go as far as saying that you are much more likely to find sexual openness and indifference to the opinions of others (in both sexuality and other context) among Japanese who have traveled extensively abroad...and even more-so if they have lived abroad for extended periods of time.

My question is...could she be displaying sexual affection towards me in public on purpose to piss off other Japanese? She often tells me how much she likes western culture...so I think she isn't too fond of Japan. Anyone else meet a Japanese woman like this?

Yes and yes.

And as Japan has become wealthier and more cosmopolitan over the years and decades, the fraction of Japanese, especially young Japanese, who have extensive international experience has increased steadily and continues to do so.

-Ww
 
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A little off topic, but has anyone noticed that the J-women supposedly the least interested in foreigners...are the ones trying to look like...foreigners? They dye their hair various shades of brown or blond even. They put in cheap-looking blue, green eye contacts, yet they don't want to even look at or speak to a person...that has real blond hair or blue eyes? I always get a kick out of that lol.

You're talking about the yankee or gyaru crowd. Your foreignness has nothing to do with them not having any interest in you - you just aren't part of their subculture. It's the same thing as punk, goth, and heavy metal chicks having zero interest in jocks and suits. You're on the same page as a middle aged salaryman or the corner fishmonger to them. Full stop. The bleached hair and coloured contacts are just more of the same thing as punks with mohawks and spiky leather, what my (anti?)social circle used to call "showing some class" back in the day, anything that will unnerve or confound the general population and reinforce their "membership" in their subculture.
 
I've had conversations with Brits who seem confused when foreigners who use the Union Jack liberally in punk fashion aren't really interested in UK.
 
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You're talking about the yankee or gyaru crowd. Your foreignness has nothing to do with them not having any interest in you - you just aren't part of their subculture. It's the same thing as punk, goth, and heavy metal chicks having zero interest in jocks and suits. You're on the same page as a middle aged salaryman or the corner fishmonger to them. Full stop. The bleached hair and coloured contacts are just more of the same thing as punks with mohawks and spiky leather, what my (anti?)social circle used to call "showing some class" back in the day, anything that will unnerve or confound the general population and reinforce their "membership" in their subculture.

Alright, that makes sense. You can't blame a guy for they do look a lot less Japanese or Asian even with their chosen looks lol.
 
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My bald fat american friend absolutely crushes it with 10's in japan using tinder.

Ain't no myth all asian girls love white dudes.
 
Above all, after intense Dmt sessions I can assure you that the Japanese guys have used their future past collective mind to keep nearly all of those super sweet super cute girls aged 18 -24 to themselves. The stereotype that sweet guys like foreigners is wrong. We been duped on the other side.
 
It seems that most of the people are talking about 'white guys' and their experience. What about gaijins from other groups such as South Asians? Anyone here would like to share the experience?
I'm from South Asia and have been living in Japan for couple of months. I've had couple of Japanese girl friends but I met all of them back in Australia. Would love to hear the experience here in Japan from a South Asian or from anyone who has South Asian friends. I went to a club the other day and talked to couple of girls. But I think girls were maybe just being friendly.
 
I've been here a month and it's 2016. There are no shortage of women. From 22 to 42 I've dated so many . I don't speak a word of Japanese and took a 22 year old girl home from an odd cafe type club; she only spoke Japanese.

Basically without writing to much about myself they like fun, confidence, and for you to not be eager. Hard to get, you have to have the cash, a good job helps enormously, no great desire to become Japanese, and somewhat mysterious (eg helps if you are moving from big city to big city and are here to check out of Tokyo is someplace you would like to live - their mission becomes to make you want to pick Tokyo/them).

I have a girlfriend now, yes she speaks English, has a good job (not much time they are workaholics) but equally I'm not at all convinced I couldn't have had the barely speaking English cute hot Japanese waitress as my girlfriend either).

So for me just boils down to being who you are, don't contact the girl eagerly, if she gives you the come on make a light joke of it like no I would am going to take my time to find the right girl and I don't know you so well, and mean it. Sure enough, she'll decide why on earth you aren't picking her as the right girl. Expect a message sometime thereafter.

Think this generally works everywhere but it's far more systematic in Japan.
 
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