Sugar Daddy Questions

[Wwanderer]

I would think the opposite action is more reprehensible though ("doxxing" a SA member as escort on SA)

Yes, probably so since SA forbids escorts from having profiles on their site and will ban an SB if they are presented with convincing (to them I guess) evidence that she is an escort. I know one woman to whom this happened. But the fact that there is worse forms of doxxing does not make other forms ok surely.

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

Guessing we were both senile enough not to learn it but still able to forgot it by that time!

Gee, thanks for explaining that to me...

-Ww

 

[Frenchy]

Yes, probably so since SA forbids escorts from having profiles on their site and will ban an SB if they are presented with convincing (to them I guess) evidence that she is an escort. I know one woman to whom this happened. But the fact that there is worse forms of doxxing does not make other forms ok surely.

-Ww

Of course, and in any case I would certainly not do any kind of doxxing as defined by Meiji.
For the rest I think SA is a bit hypocritical on that matter. But I understand they are subject to US law

 

[Wwanderer]

Of course, and in any case I would certainly not do any kind of doxxing as defined by Meiji.

Perhaps I misunderstood, but I thought you did exactly that.

For the rest I think SA is a bit hypocritical on that matter. But I understand they are subject to US law

Right, SA is based in NYC and has to be very careful about legal issues there. I'm confident that is the only reason they have such a rule and practice.

-Ww

 

[Frenchy]

Perhaps I misunderstood, but I thought you did exactly that.

-Ww

Errr no, but perhaps I misunderstood too. I dont know any private information to start with (real names, addresses etc)

 

[Wwanderer]

Errr no, but perhaps I misunderstood too. I dont know any private information to start with (real names, addresses etc)

Well, @meiji can figure it out, no doubt. I thought he was saying that it was doxxing to connect an escort advertising on TAG to an SB persona.

Anyway, I contend that it is best/right and at the very least more polite to ask a person before posting info that they might consider personal. Escorts have to contend with so much stigmatization of their work that the last thing they need is for someone to link it to other parts of their lives, and while I understand that sugaring might not seem to some to be a different part of their lives, I'd say that that is their call. That was my basic point all along on this issue.

-Ww

 

[Frenchy]

Well, @meiji can figure it out, no doubt. I thought he was saying that it was doxxing to connect an escort advertising on TAG to an SB persona.

Anyway, I contend that it is best/right and at the very least more polite to ask a person before posting info that they might consider personal. Escorts have to contend with so much stigmatization of their work that the last thing they need is for someone to link it to other parts of their lives, and while I understand that sugaring might not seem to some to be a different part of their lives, I'd say that that is their call. That was my basic point all along on this issue.

-Ww

Then probably most reviews and comments about other persons' sexuality , physical appearance etc here should be pulled out...

 

[Wwanderer]

Then probably most reviews and comments about other persons' sexuality , physical appearance etc here should be pulled out...

I don't follow your logic in that mentioning someone's physical appearance doesn't seem to be connecting two parts of their life they'd prefer to keep separate, so not really the same issue as far as I can see. However, at the same time, I think @meiji expressed the underlying principle very clearly:

Just because someone, provider or hobbyist, posts here doesn't make their life an open book and fair game for posting here.

My interpretation of this is that I would NOT post information about another TAGer (including physical appearance or sexuality) without their permission and would not expect them to do so with any information of mine that I prefer to keep private either...just normal internet manners/ethics actually.

To give a specific and real example, I have had escorts ask me not to mention some sexual activity we enjoyed together if I post a review or not to go into any details about the sex etc. I feel bound to honor such restrictions of course.

Anyway, the topic of the privacy rights of sex workers has been debated before and at length in a TAG thread a while back, and I have no desire to replay it. Here's a link to one of the relevant threads if anyone wants have a look:

https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads...erences-vs-sex-worker-personal-privacy.11107/

This post is one to which I'd call your attention to particularly:

https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads...sex-worker-personal-privacy.11107/#post-63752

But in practical terms currently, it is up to TAG management to decide what constitutes doxxing on this board and how it will be handled. I have opinions, but mine are not the ones which count here.

-Ww

 

[Frenchy]

I don't follow your logic in that mentioning someone's physical appearance doesn't seem to be connecting two parts of their life they'd prefer to keep separate, so not really the same issue as far as I can see. However, at the same time, I think @meiji expressed the underlying principle very clearly:



My interpretation of this is that I would NOT post information about another TAGer (including physical appearance or sexuality) without their permission and would not expect them to do so with any information of mine that I prefer to keep private either...just normal internet manners/ethics actually.

To give a specific and real example, I have had escorts ask me not to mention some sexual activity we enjoyed together if I post a review or not to go into any details about the sex etc. I feel bound to honor such restrictions of course.

Anyway, the topic of the privacy rights of sex workers has been debated before and at length in a TAG thread a while back, and I have no desire to replay it. Here's a link to one of the relevant threads if anyone wants have a look:

https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads...erences-vs-sex-worker-personal-privacy.11107/

This post is one to which I'd call your attention to particularly:

https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads...sex-worker-personal-privacy.11107/#post-63752

But in practical terms currently, it is up to TAG management to decide what constitutes doxxing on this board and how it will be handled. I have opinions, but mine are not the ones which count here.

-Ww

Ok, but this is also how some members (me included) may sometimes find your reviews and comments as objective as the praise of North-Korean poets for their dear leader... anyway I agree with the respect of a person's privacy (just not so sure that a SA profile with same name/pic as a TAG profile should be treated that differently) , also with the fact that we don't make the rules here. Would be nice if they were all listed somewhere though

 

[Wwanderer]

Ok, but this is also how some members (me included) may sometimes find your reviews and comments as objective as the praise of North-Korean poets for their dear leader...

As I've mentioned many times elsewhere, you should never depend entirely on just one guy's opinion/review. YMMV is the most important and universal truth in sex worker reviews and should never be forgotten. But yes, I will omit information from my reviews if requested (unless it is something like she looks nothing like her photos or stole my wallet or stabbed me), but as I've also said numerous times elsewhere, I do honestly believe the things I say in my reviews. Anyway, I rarely write reviews these days, so you needn't worry too much about my objectivity.

we don't make the rules here. Would be nice if they were all listed somewhere though

When I first became active on TAG, I was rather surprised to find that there is no list of rules anywhere to be found. I came to the board after a long history of involvement (in various ways) in adult oriented boards in the US, and they nearly always had elaborate lists of written rules. But I eventually realized that both fit the cultures; Americans tend to think legalistically and procedurally whereas Japanese tend to focus on individual judgements and appropriate outcomes. In other words, TAG management mostly runs things based on judgement calls rather than on following some well define and explicitly announced set of regulations that could be applied almost automatically. Imo, this creates a lot of avoidable work (for them) and drama, but of course, it also gives them more flexibility and power. And in any case, how to run the board is also their call. Seems to be working ok so far.

-Ww

 

[Frenchy]

As I've mentioned many times elsewhere, you should never depend entirely on just one guy's opinion/review. YMMV is the most important and universal truth in sex worker reviews and should never be forgotten. But yes, I will omit information from my reviews if requested (unless it is something like she looks nothing like her photos or stole my wallet or stabbed me), but as I've also said numerous times elsewhere, I do honestly believe the things I say in my reviews. Anyway, I rarely write reviews these days, so you needn't worry too much about my objectivity.



When I first became active on TAG, I was rather surprised to find that there is no list of rules anywhere to be found. I came to the board after a long history of involvement (in various ways) in adult oriented boards in the US, and they nearly always had elaborate lists of written rules. But I eventually realized that both fit the cultures; Americans tend to think legalistically and procedurally whereas Japanese tend to focus on individual judgements and appropriate outcomes. In other words, TAG management mostly runs things based on judgement calls rather than on following some well define and explicitly announced set of regulations that could be applied almost automatically. Imo, this creates a lot of avoidable work (for them) and drama, but of course, it also gives them more flexibility and power. And in any case, how to run the board is also their call. Seems to be working ok so far.

-Ww

Yes, agreed on both points

 

[Frenchy]

As I've mentioned many times elsewhere, you should never depend entirely on just one guy's opinion/review. YMMV is the most important and universal truth in sex worker reviews and should never be forgotten. But yes, I will omit information from my reviews if requested (unless it is something like she looks nothing like her photos or stole my wallet or stabbed me), but as I've also said numerous times elsewhere, I do honestly believe the things I say in my reviews. Anyway, I rarely write reviews these days, so you needn't worry too much about my objectivity.



When I first became active on TAG, I was rather surprised to find that there is no list of rules anywhere to be found. I came to the board after a long history of involvement (in various ways) in adult oriented boards in the US, and they nearly always had elaborate lists of written rules. But I eventually realized that both fit the cultures; Americans tend to think legalistically and procedurally whereas Japanese tend to focus on individual judgements and appropriate outcomes. In other words, TAG management mostly runs things based on judgement calls rather than on following some well define and explicitly announced set of regulations that could be applied almost automatically. Imo, this creates a lot of avoidable work (for them) and drama, but of course, it also gives them more flexibility and power. And in any case, how to run the board is also their call. Seems to be working ok so far.

-Ww

Coming back to the main topic , I admit I still struggle with the number of inquiries from SA, various messages threads, and managing appointments etc... looks like I am the escort now!

As SD, how did you manage this? Did you adopt a strict policy of "no interactions with more than x ladies at a time" or did you try to follow all tracks?

 

[wraithfive]

Coming back to the main topic , I admit I still struggle with the number of inquiries from SA, various messages threads, and managing appointments etc... looks like I am the escort now!

As SD, how did you manage this? Did you adopt a strict policy of "no interactions with more than x ladies at a time" or did you try to follow all tracks?

I admit to sometimes feeling overwhelmed. Especially as I don't really want to maintain a lot of sugar relationships. But at the same time when someone with a profile who seriously interests me contacts me I feel compelled to engage. Things get tricky when we get to the point of talking about meeting and I too would like to hear how others handle it.

So far I've just been upfront with them that they aren't the only girl I'm talking to, I don't want to be exclusive, and that at the moment I have all the SB's I am looking for but would love to meet them when that changes. Doesn't really seem to be the right way to handle it though as most of them seem to move on totally at that point. A few stay engaged and talking to me until I'm free to meet them.

 

[Wwanderer]

Coming back to the main topic , I admit I still struggle with the number of inquiries from SA, various messages threads, and managing appointments etc... looks like I am the escort now!

As SD, how did you manage this? Did you adopt a strict policy of "no interactions with more than x ladies at a time" or did you try to follow all tracks?

First of all, the "challenge" has changed a lot over time and changes with location. I put up my SA profile over ten years ago, and at that time there were only a handful of active SBs in Tokyo, not many inactive ones either. So at that time and for years afterwards as the number of Tokyo SB profiles on SA slowly grew, I could pretty well pursue every single one that seemed at all interesting to me. It is only within the last few years that it has become necessary to manage or be selective about the number of SBs I deal with in Japan.

As I said, location also has a big impact. The NYC metropolitan area has a few hundred thousand SBs on SA (!!!), and the volume of inquires I get when I list it as my location is just crazy, far more than I get from a Tokyo location and more than I can find time to even glance at briefly. I end up just picking a few at random to check out. The volume of interest I see in NYC may be driven up a bit by the fact that my profile mentions spending a lot of time in Tokyo, and a good fraction of the NYC SBs who contact me seem to be hoping that I will bring them to Tokyo for a visit at some point after we establish a happy arrangement. And I might indeed do exactly that at some point and with some SB, but so far I haven't.

You are also likely to see a drop-off in the number of inquiries you are getting as you have your profile up for a longer period of time. When you first put up a profile, you are a "new face" among the SDs in the/an area, so you naturally get inquiries (or make them) from (or to) all of the existing SBs. But after a while, you are mostly getting them from (or giving them to) only the new or returning (after ending an arrangement) SBs in your area. SA also tries to manipulate the number of inquiries you get by "featuring" or not your profile. You will probably notice getting more right before and/or after your current "premium" membership expires...and also right after you renew it. Obviously they are trying to give you an incentive to stay a paid member.

And to finally answer your actual question, no, I don't have any strict (or even lax) policy about the how many SBs whom I am sugar dating or even just interacting with on the site at any given time. I do it on whim and depending on how busy I am with work and other parts of my life. I often feel that the number is a bit too large, but if I don't have enough time, the issue tends to resolve itself because I end up not seeing enough or not giving enough attention to the ones that are not as compelling to me, and they lose interest and drift away. I try to avoid offending anyone or creating any hard feelings when this happens, but I am not always successful. Like @wraithfive (no surprise there!) I feel almost compelled to pursue a connection with each SB who seriously interests me, despite the fact that I may already feel "over subscribed". To be clear, I don't particularly recommend being as haphazard and disorganized as I am about sugaring, but fwiiw, that's how I do it. The best I can say for my approach is that sugaring is suppose to add fun and pleasure to life while creating as little pressure, stress, drama etc as possible, and I guess the way I handle the numbers reflects that attitude and goal.

-Ww

 

[Frenchy]

The good thing about SA is that first meeting is basically free (apart from drinks , meal etc) so you can see if there is chemistry or not without too much damage. Which is good for both sides.

The not so good thing is that it's much harder to arrange than a quick call or text to usual providers or agencies.
Example: Today was supposed to meet this lady, supposedly very sophisticated and smart etc (her own description). Ok so meeting set at the Peninsula bar. Just told her I would re-contact if late but if no news it's a sure thing.
While I was working (and unfortunately not checking SA) she texted me on their app that:
- there are 2 Peninsula in Tokyo (there is only one)
- the other one is in Mitsukoshimae (it's the Mandarin Oriental)
- i should have told her which one (my text mentioned Peninsula in Hibiya, just in case)
- she needs confirmation
- she will come later , she thinks it's the Hibiya one but not sure
- she cancels as I didnt answer
- so when I finally answer and point all her mistakes she wants to see me again , to which I answered something like "no , tonight's the niiiiiight baby" coz she really started to annoy me now (I have a low patience threshold , too old to change that)
- her answer "you need another woman, have fun" to which I reply "indeed, you too"
- then she texts immediately "please lets meet again next week bla bla bla"
Convo deleted , Next victim please.

(Sorry, just venting , i try hard to avoid being an asshole but sometimes i just cant help it , it's coming back )

 

[MikeH]

Hmm, to me it sounds you just dodged a bullet there. So instead of lost one possible SB you actually saved some time and cost.

The outcome would not have been any different anyway.

 

[Frenchy]

Hmm, to me it sounds you just dodged a bullet there. So instead of lost one possible SB you actually saved some time and cost.

The outcome would not have been any different anyway.

Yeah and fuck it I prefer greasy old-fashioned rock bars anyway. Crowdaddy, Kabukicho, the best! ,

Lol! Theyre playing "pour some sugar on me" now

 

[Wwanderer]

The good thing about SA is that first meeting is basically free (apart from drinks , meal etc) so you can see if there is chemistry or not without too much damage. Which is good for both sides.

How is it good for the SB side?

In any case, while many SA SBs will do a first meeting to "check chemistry" etc without any allowance, many others will not, and the latter group includes many of the most experienced ones who are the most serious about developing a substantial and long term sugar relationship. So, there is a cost associated with refusing to ever provide a first date allowance.

-Ww

 

[Frenchy]

How is it good for the SB side?

In any case, while many SA SBs will do a first meeting to "check chemistry" etc without any allowance, many others will not, and the latter group includes many of the most experienced ones who are the most serious about developing a substantial and long term sugar relationship. So, there is a cost associated with refusing to ever provide a first date allowance.

-Ww

So far it hasnt been an issue with any of the ladies I wanted to meet, none even required it (or maybe one , I forgot).
Anyway I think it's also good for the lady in this case to have a first no-string attached meeting because they can assess the guy too, whether they want to do anything more with him or not , and also often they are so vocal about the "I am not an escort" thing.

If they accept money upfront in exchange for a service (whatever it is) with an unknown guy well , for me that's escorting pure and simple.
After the first meeting , if there is chemistry and an arrangement is agreed upon, the story is slightly different. Still P4P in a way but as you so eloquently wrote many times yourself, different than escorting. Verstanden Mein Herr?

 

[Snuggles]

How is it good for the SB side?

In any case, while many SA SBs will do a first meeting to "check chemistry" etc without any allowance, many others will not, and the latter group includes many of the most experienced ones who are the most serious about developing a substantial and long term sugar relationship. So, there is a cost associated with refusing to ever provide a first date allowance.

-Ww

How much should one pay for this first date allowance? I imagine you will say it varies. But I wanted to ask anyway. What price range in your experienced opinion?

 

[Wwanderer]

So far it hasnt been an issue with any of the ladies I wanted to meet, none even required it (or maybe one , I forgot).
Anyway I think it's also good for the lady in this case to have a first no-string attached meeting because they can assess the guy too, whether they want to do anything more with him or not , and also often they are so vocal about the "I am not an escort" thing.

If they accept money upfront in exchange for a service (whatever it is) with an unknown guy well , for me that's escorting pure and simple.
After the first meeting , if there is chemistry and an arrangement is agreed upon, the story is slightly different. Still P4P in a way but as you so eloquently wrote many times yourself, different than escorting. Verstanden Mein Herr?

Yeah, I understand, but that only makes sense if accepting an allowance for a first meeting obligates the SB to do something more than just meet the SD, in other words if it obligates her to provide him with any service at all. So, I get why at least some SBs would prefer not to get an allowance in those circumstances. So, I now see what you were saying.

However, many SBs ask for some at least minimal allowance at the first meeting with the explicit or implicit understanding that they are not committing to anything at all by accepting it. Basically they want it as a show of good faith by the SD. These SBs have often encountered SDs previously who had no intention of, and perhaps not even an ability to, given them any allowance...guys whose only purpose on the site was to spend a bit of time with pretty women who are trying to make a positive impression etc.

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

How much should one pay for this first date allowance? I imagine you will say it varies. But I wanted to ask anyway. What price range in your experienced opinion?

It varies.

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

How much should one pay for this first date allowance? I imagine you will say it varies. But I wanted to ask anyway. What price range in your experienced opinion?

More seriously, I of course know but would prefer not to say in detail what I do...but it does indeed vary.

A *minimum* figure would be ¥10,000 imo, but it could certainly be more...assuming the SB wants or is willing to accept a first date allowance at all. Less than that sounds sort of crass to me, but no doubt other people will have other opinions.

-Ww

 

[Frenchy]

Yeah, I understand, but that only makes sense if accepting an allowance for a first meeting obligates the SB to do something more than just meet the SD, in other words if it obligates her to provide him with any service at all. So, I get why at least some SBs would prefer not to get an allowance in those circumstances. So, I now see what you were saying.

However, many SBs ask for some at least minimal allowance at the first meeting with the explicit or implicit understanding that they are not committing to anything at all by accepting it. Basically they want it as a show of good faith by the SD. These SBs have often encountered SDs previously who had no intention of, and perhaps not even an ability to, given them any allowance...guys whose only purpose on the site was to spend a bit of time with pretty women who are trying to make a positive impression etc.

-Ww

Maybe it happens in NYC more than Tokyo?
Honestly (no bragging etc) I never proposed it here and apart from one occasion (which I declined) the lady never asked for it either.
But i treat them well: nice dinners or lunches or upscale bars etc... for one (with whom I may actually get more serious) i paid her trip back because she lives relatively far away , although she didnt come primarily to see me. You can be nice without having the feeling to be taken advantaged of...

 

[Wwanderer]

Maybe it happens in NYC more than Tokyo?

I haven't kept track, but you're probably right about that. There is a lot more people trying to scam others and thus more attempts to avoid being scammed in NYC culture than in Tokyo in general, not just in a sugar context.

But the scamming does happen some in Tokyo too, perhaps more often with traveling SDs who are just passing through Tokyo (perhaps from NYC!).

-Ww