Sugaring vs Escorting : what do you prefer?

[Frenchy]

As of now we are still In the pay per meeting stage. Could it progress further? Yes. I am nervous about that though. Am I really ready for something like this? It is a relationship brought about by money, but a relationship nonetheless. She also reminds me a lot of my wife, and that is both good and bad.

If it’s the lady we discussed privately, whom is quite a legend now in the “SD community” here, then have no worries : she is not really expecting monthly allowances as far as I know, and her schedule would probably make it difficult to be that regular. In any case , no fear to have with her, she’s deviant in bed but straight as an arrow otherwise. Have fun!

 

[IchigoDave]

If it’s the lady we discussed privately, whom is quite a legend now in the “SD community” here, then have no worries : she is not really expecting monthly allowances as far as I know, and her schedule would probably make it difficult to be that regular. In any case , no fear to have with her, she’s deviant in bed but straight as an arrow otherwise. Have fun!

Merci beaucoup mon ami.

 

[namae]

As to the question of “taking advantage” and “just getting it more cheaply”....

Of course maybe I am just rationalizing, which we humans are experts at, but I feel I am taking advantage of the SITUATION but not taking advantage of the GIRL. The situation is that some girls are quite happy to go out with a non objectionable and charming guy to a nice dinner and drinks and have sex if they like him (and get $400). And I am very happy to take advantage of that situation. The newer girls in fact seem quite grateful to have met a nice guy who will show them the ropes. The fact that the girls remain in touch and want to see me again seems to confirm that they don’t feel team advantage of. My only concern honestly is that it goes so well they lower their defenses and get taken advantage of by someone not so nice.

"Mentor" is the word your looking for Steve. Your work is very similar to that of a highly skilled lapidarist.

Diamonds are forever, hold one up and then caress it
Touch it, stroke it and undress it

 

[Frenchy]

Merci beaucoup mon ami.

De rien!
Come to think of it thats also a big difference between escorts and SBs: the former can be discussed publicly in forums such as TAG , the latter not (on SA you can only complain , and only to the administrators) so from that “transparency” viewpoint I would give the credit to team escorts.

 

[Exnocomment]

good points but I’m not sure I get the last one... does it come at a surprise for you that SBs are indeed less fortunate than SDs ? That’s the whole point of sugaring isn’t it?

Correct, but the last point also deals with people that have funny or odd stories.

One lady had a spouse with terminal cancer and she was looking to move on. Another one was working and then also paying for her brother’s college tuition. Yet another one had a string of bad relationships and sugar relationships were probably better and more stable than her vanilla ones.

Money doesn’t solve all problems but with less of it, the odds increase that there’s other stuff in the closet..

 

[Frenchy]

Correct, but the last point also deals with people that have funny or odd stories.

One lady had a spouse with terminal cancer and she was looking to move on. Another one was working and then also paying for her brother’s college tuition. Yet another one had a string of bad relationships and sugar relationships were probably better and more stable than her vanilla ones.

Money doesn’t solve all problems but with less of it, the odds increase that there’s other stuff in the closet..

ah ok I see what you meant now , I had a too limited view of the word “fortunate”

 

[Rusty Trombone]

Apart from a few trips to Thailand, and the Chinese HE massage places, it's hard to remember the last escort I was with.
I have a couple of freebee FWB that I meet from time to time, but I actually prefer the SB relationship, as it does keep them at arms length.

I only do PPM and my cash gift is 50,000yen, and that doesn't matter what happens on the date. The current one however, often refuses to take the money if we just meet for a quick lunch. So in general a date with my current SB will cost about 80,000yen per date once food, hotels etc are factored in.

The advantage for sugar for me is that I'm in Tokyo once / twice a month. And having a real date (dinner, bars, etc + a bit of sex) is very appealing to me. Also I'm a morning glory fellow, and like waking up with a bang. Current SB is an overnighter most of the time. Her place or my hotel depending on what the evening plan is. Also had nights where she cooks for me and we just chill. I've also met her mum who is only about 10 years older than me.

It's not perfect as she is doesn't have as much sex drive as I do, but I like that she can hold her drink, and is soooo nice to me (brings me highball when I soaking in her bath etc).
She asked me to buy her a new outfit once, and she led me to a boutique where I only dropped 25,000yen. She also wanted to do this facial treatment, so I got that for her for her birthday. 80,000yen.

Also I like how there is no need to text constantly. We talk on line about once a week, and text every 2nd or 3rd day. When she is out with her friends I also get lots of nice videos.

 

[SoapFTW]

These responses are all really interesting to read! Thanks for sharing, everyone!

Personally I've only delved into the world of P4P this past year, and I'm getting to the point where honestly it's a little boring. Mainly I go for the same soapland almost every time, and my one experiment with an indy escort was ok but not special enough to leave me wanting more.

I've thought about this SA option, but the limits on my time and the way my wife seeks to control every aspect of my time and money down to every last yen makes it very difficult to properly consider moving on to sugaring or nanpa, not to mention the crap that could be heaped on me if she finds out about it when I'm finally able to divorce her.

Case in point on the above control issue: I didn't have any cash left on me one day at work. Literally none. So I used my credit card to buy an onigiri at a convenience store for 140yen. A few days later I was interrogated about the 140 yen charge on the card and when I was going to pay it back out of my allowance. Yes...fuck my life, indeed.

 

[MikeH]

when I was going to pay it back out of my allowance.

Allowance? Last time I heard that word it was a soon-to-be-retired Japanese guy. Even the younger locals don't do that anymore. My condolences.

 

[just4fun]

These responses are all really interesting to read! Thanks for sharing, everyone!

Personally I've only delved into the world of P4P this past year, and I'm getting to the point where honestly it's a little boring. Mainly I go for the same soapland almost every time, and my one experiment with an indy escort was ok but not special enough to leave me wanting more.

I've thought about this SA option, but the limits on my time and the way my wife seeks to control every aspect of my time and money down to every last yen makes it very difficult to properly consider moving on to sugaring or nanpa, not to mention the crap that could be heaped on me if she finds out about it when I'm finally able to divorce her.

Case in point on the above control issue: I didn't have any cash left on me one day at work. Literally none. So I used my credit card to buy an onigiri at a convenience store for 140yen. A few days later I was interrogated about the 140 yen charge on the card and when I was going to pay it back out of my allowance. Yes...fuck my life, indeed.

Ok, you have jumped into 1st place on my WTF list. Sorry mum.

 

[Frenchy]

Allowance? Last time I heard that word it was a soon-to-be-retired Japanese guy. Even the younger locals don't do that anymore. My condolences.

Well I am neither young nor a local but there is an allowance with paper-wife... Which I pay to her. Not looking into her bank or credit cards statements though , some things I prefer not to know...

 

[IchigoDave]

.....some sad things...

Hang in there, man. One day you will be free. Until then enjoy the soaps.

 

[Rusty Trombone]

Personally I've only delved into the world of P4P this past year, and I'm getting to the point where honestly it's a little boring.

Why are you getting bored with p4p?
Is your allowance enough to cover what you want to do?

 

[Hellotokyo69]

These responses are all really interesting to read! Thanks for sharing, everyone!

Personally I've only delved into the world of P4P this past year, and I'm getting to the point where honestly it's a little boring. Mainly I go for the same soapland almost every time, and my one experiment with an indy escort was ok but not special enough to leave me wanting more.

I've thought about this SA option, but the limits on my time and the way my wife seeks to control every aspect of my time and money down to every last yen makes it very difficult to properly consider moving on to sugaring or nanpa, not to mention the crap that could be heaped on me if she finds out about it when I'm finally able to divorce her.

Case in point on the above control issue: I didn't have any cash left on me one day at work. Literally none. So I used my credit card to buy an onigiri at a convenience store for 140yen. A few days later I was interrogated about the 140 yen charge on the card and when I was going to pay it back out of my allowance. Yes...fuck my life, indeed.

Sorry to hear this, it sounds so controlling. I hope things get better soon.

 

[SoapFTW]

...My condolences.

Thanks Mike.

Ok, you have jumped into 1st place on my WTF list...

A list I'd be happier to not be #1 on, but still...a win's a win! lol

Hang in there, man. One day you will be free. Until then enjoy the soaps.

That's my plan, at least as long as we're in Japan.

Why are you getting bored with p4p?
Is your allowance enough to cover what you want to do?

I'll answer the second question first - No, it isn't. Which is why I use my overseas savings to fund my exploits. I'm the only one with access to that money, and it's kind of "out of sight, out of mind" for her so she almost never asks about it. I don't think she realizes I can use my card from that bank to access it at ATMs in Japan. Long may her ignorance last. If she ever does ask, I'll tell her I gambled it at pachinko.
As for the first question, depending on the person they might see my answer as either simple or complicated. I'll do my best to be brief, so I guess the essence of the situation is firstly the repetition of the soaplands, i.e enter / pay / go to room / bath, toothbrush, etc. / fuck / leave, with some conversation thrown in. I wish I could vary the place and activities a bit more. Secondly, as naive as it sounds, after I find a lady I (seem to) click with, I find myself just wanting to see more of her, much like before I was married and when I would meet a new girl and try to pursue her. Basically I fall for them easily. The most frustrating thing is that I know those feelings are at least 99% guaranteed to be only one way (from me to her). I honestly just wish I could be in a relationship where we both appreciate each other, want to be together, and fulfil each other's needs to the best of our mutual abilities. That's what I stupidly thought my marriage would continue to be even after kids, that we would continue to put each other first(-ish). A year ago when I started P4P I was at the end of a 7 or 8 month dry spell (once wifey got pregnant with our second and last child, she shut her legs tighter than a clam), so the sex alone was deliriously good for me at soaplands. Now, I guess I just want more.

Sorry to hear this, it sounds so controlling. I hope things get better soon.

Thank you. I hope it does, and I'm doing all I can think of, but I think it's all in vain now. She literally told me just about a month ago that (1) She doesn't see me as a "lover" or "husband", but just as another family member, and (2) I'm so fat that she's embarrassed to be seen in public with me (which I think is a bit unfair. Yes, I've put on a bit of weight, but only because I'm working my ass off to support her and build a future for us and the kids while also helping a lot at home. For the record, I'm just over 6ft tall and I weigh about 100kg, but I have been working out for a number of years too. Working out less nowadays, but I guess the foundation is there).

 

[Frenchy]

Thanks Mike.

A list I'd be happier to not be #1 on, but still...a win's a win! lol

That's my plan, at least as long as we're in Japan.

I'll answer the second question first - No, it isn't. Which is why I use my overseas savings to fund my exploits. I'm the only one with access to that money, and it's kind of "out of sight, out of mind" for her so she almost never asks about it. I don't think she realizes I can use my card from that bank to access it at ATMs in Japan. Long may her ignorance last. If she ever does ask, I'll tell her I gambled it at pachinko.
As for the first question, depending on the person they might see my answer as either simple or complicated. I'll do my best to be brief, so I guess the essence of the situation is firstly the repetition of the soaplands, i.e enter / pay / go to room / bath, toothbrush, etc. / fuck / leave, with some conversation thrown in. I wish I could vary the place and activities a bit more. Secondly, as naive as it sounds, after I find a lady I (seem to) click with, I find myself just wanting to see more of her, much like before I was married and when I would meet a new girl and try to pursue her. Basically I fall for them easily. The most frustrating thing is that I know those feelings are at least 99% guaranteed to be only one way (from me to her). I honestly just wish I could be in a relationship where we both appreciate each other, want to be together, and fulfil each other's needs to the best of our mutual abilities. That's what I stupidly thought my marriage would continue to be even after kids, that we would continue to put each other first(-ish). A year ago when I started P4P I was at the end of a 7 or 8 month dry spell (once wifey got pregnant with our second and last child, she shut her legs tighter than a clam), so the sex alone was deliriously good for me at soaplands. Now, I guess I just want more.


Thank you. I hope it does, and I'm doing all I can think of, but I think it's all in vain now. She literally told me just about a month ago that (1) She doesn't see me as a "lover" or "husband", but just as another family member, and (2) I'm so fat that she's embarrassed to be seen in public with me (which I think is a bit unfair. Yes, I've put on a bit of weight, but only because I'm working my ass off to support her and build a future for us and the kids while also helping a lot at home. For the record, I'm just over 6ft tall and I weigh about 100kg, but I have been working out for a number of years too. Working out less nowadays, but I guess the foundation is there).

sorry to read all this ... it reminds me a bit of what I went through before the split
Remember that you can always change things and it’s not because you are in Japan that you should always put up with the local ways , which, as Mikey rightly mentioned, are changing fast anyway
Good luck !

 

[SoapFTW]

sorry to read all this ... it reminds me a bit of what I went through before the split
Remember that you can always change things and it’s not because you are in Japan that you should always put up with the local ways , which, as Mikey rightly mentioned, are changing fast anyway
Good luck !

Cheers @Frenchy . I'm well aware that I'm not the only one, nor will I be the last to suffer through this sort of thing. The sooner I can escape the better, it's just how do I do that and maintain access to my kids? (young enough for the Japanese courts to almost certainly award custody to their mother, unless I can prove her narcissism and unbalanced emotional state).

 

[Frenchy]

Apart from a few trips to Thailand, and the Chinese HE massage places, it's hard to remember the last escort I was with.
I have a couple of freebee FWB that I meet from time to time, but I actually prefer the SB relationship, as it does keep them at arms length.

I only do PPM and my cash gift is 50,000yen, and that doesn't matter what happens on the date. The current one however, often refuses to take the money if we just meet for a quick lunch. So in general a date with my current SB will cost about 80,000yen per date once food, hotels etc are factored in.

The advantage for sugar for me is that I'm in Tokyo once / twice a month. And having a real date (dinner, bars, etc + a bit of sex) is very appealing to me. Also I'm a morning glory fellow, and like waking up with a bang. Current SB is an overnighter most of the time. Her place or my hotel depending on what the evening plan is. Also had nights where she cooks for me and we just chill. I've also met her mum who is only about 10 years older than me.

It's not perfect as she is doesn't have as much sex drive as I do, but I like that she can hold her drink, and is soooo nice to me (brings me highball when I soaking in her bath etc).
She asked me to buy her a new outfit once, and she led me to a boutique where I only dropped 25,000yen. She also wanted to do this facial treatment, so I got that for her for her birthday. 80,000yen.

Also I like how there is no need to text constantly. We talk on line about once a week, and text every 2nd or 3rd day. When she is out with her friends I also get lots of nice videos.

you sir found a real gem, respect!

 

[Merica]

Cheers @Frenchy . I'm well aware that I'm not the only one, nor will I be the last to suffer through this sort of thing. The sooner I can escape the better, it's just how do I do that and maintain access to my kids? (young enough for the Japanese courts to almost certainly award custody to their mother, unless I can prove her narcissism and unbalanced emotional state).

So sorry to read this bro. I myself just got out of a sexless marriage that started after kids. We shared money though but she didn’t control it, I did what I wanted but she didn’t know about P4P and I didn’t tell her, though if she found out I would have happily owned it. We are both in USA though so I know things are different in Japan.

Your story scares the shit out of me ever wanting to marry a Japanese woman there, or have kids with one.

I know it’s very hard with kids but my only advice would be to pull the trigger sooner than later. You’ll never get this time of your life back. And you’ll be shocked at how much money you have when your money is 100% yours (other than child support or alimony).

And you don’t sound fat for your height. Don’t let her pull that shit. I’m a bit taller than you and 40 pounds heavier than you. I do lift a lot of weights so I have muscle but still chubby too. I’m trying to get to your weight now, but women still find me attractive and it’s not a problem if you are confident and just own it.

Anyway, best of luck to you getting out of this. I know your kids are important but your life is waiting for you...

Better to see them less but have really quality time than sacrifice all of your happiness to be with them all the time but be miserable.

And if you want a little more inspiration, how about this statistic: Some marriages are great and kudos to those people, however many are not great. I’ve NEVER met a guy who got divorced who regretted it. In fact, I’ve never even heard of one. Their only regrets is that they didn’t do it sooner... Think about that for a minute.

 

[MikeH]

She literally told me just about a month ago that (1) She doesn't see me as a "lover" or "husband", but just as another family member, and (2) I'm so fat that she's embarrassed to be seen in public with me

If she told you these things up front I think it would be justified to tell her then that you'll be happy to be just another member of the family as before but also look for occasional companionship that doesn't feel bad seen walking with you.

The numbers you gave will make your BMI to be below 30 which still doesn't even get the doctors unhappy with you. And the girls care even less, I have been told by several Japanese girls they don't mind a bit of soft buffer when fucking really hard.

 

[Hellotokyo69]

Thanks Mike.

A list I'd be happier to not be #1 on, but still...a win's a win! lol

That's my plan, at least as long as we're in Japan.

I'll answer the second question first - No, it isn't. Which is why I use my overseas savings to fund my exploits. I'm the only one with access to that money, and it's kind of "out of sight, out of mind" for her so she almost never asks about it. I don't think she realizes I can use my card from that bank to access it at ATMs in Japan. Long may her ignorance last. If she ever does ask, I'll tell her I gambled it at pachinko.
As for the first question, depending on the person they might see my answer as either simple or complicated. I'll do my best to be brief, so I guess the essence of the situation is firstly the repetition of the soaplands, i.e enter / pay / go to room / bath, toothbrush, etc. / fuck / leave, with some conversation thrown in. I wish I could vary the place and activities a bit more. Secondly, as naive as it sounds, after I find a lady I (seem to) click with, I find myself just wanting to see more of her, much like before I was married and when I would meet a new girl and try to pursue her. Basically I fall for them easily. The most frustrating thing is that I know those feelings are at least 99% guaranteed to be only one way (from me to her). I honestly just wish I could be in a relationship where we both appreciate each other, want to be together, and fulfil each other's needs to the best of our mutual abilities. That's what I stupidly thought my marriage would continue to be even after kids, that we would continue to put each other first(-ish). A year ago when I started P4P I was at the end of a 7 or 8 month dry spell (once wifey got pregnant with our second and last child, she shut her legs tighter than a clam), so the sex alone was deliriously good for me at soaplands. Now, I guess I just want more.


Thank you. I hope it does, and I'm doing all I can think of, but I think it's all in vain now. She literally told me just about a month ago that (1) She doesn't see me as a "lover" or "husband", but just as another family member, and (2) I'm so fat that she's embarrassed to be seen in public with me (which I think is a bit unfair. Yes, I've put on a bit of weight, but only because I'm working my ass off to support her and build a future for us and the kids while also helping a lot at home. For the record, I'm just over 6ft tall and I weigh about 100kg, but I have been working out for a number of years too. Working out less nowadays, but I guess the foundation is there).

Aww bless you, that doesn’t sound enjoyable at all. Maybe in the meantime you can come to some sort of platonic “family” agreement, where you both put in and equally share the load but still have your own independence while remaining loyal to the family unit. This stance might be a bit too progressive for the typical J mindset but it might be worth a try if it means you can achieve a bit more happiness and independence. Good luck

 

[Simonka]

Thank you. I hope it does, and I'm doing all I can think of, but I think it's all in vain now. She literally told me just about a month ago that (1) She doesn't see me as a "lover" or "husband", but just as another family member, and (2) I'm so fat that she's embarrassed to be seen in public with me (which I think is a bit unfair. Yes, I've put on a bit of weight, but only because I'm working my ass off to support her and build a future for us and the kids while also helping a lot at home. For the record, I'm just over 6ft tall and I weigh about 100kg, but I have been working out for a number of years too. Working out less nowadays, but I guess the foundation is there).

That’s a very cruel thing to say. I’ve dated someone bigger than you and he was the sweetest person who helped me go through my past trauma and made me the happiest person. I’m not saying this for moral signaling, well maybe I am a bit moral signaling but we would constantly get unsolicited comments or advice from supposed friends, outsiders etc. about his weight or how our bodies looked different and I’d always be very quick to shut them off. If you love someone, you should stand by them and shield them from judgement. A fat guy with a golden heart wins over a self absorbed dead beat boyfriend with a six pack anytime and fat shaming is disgusting.

God. Is it so hard to open the door with a big smile and say “welcome home honey, how was work today? Thank you for everything you do for us.”

 

[UnicornHunter]

,
(2) I'm so fat that she's embarrassed to be seen in public with me here.

Whatever you do, don't watch "My 600 Pound Life" with her. She'll look at the show in disgust, then start eyeing you up and down shaking her head....

 

[Sudsy]

She literally told me just about a month ago that (1) She doesn't see me as a "lover" or "husband", but just as another family member, and (2) I'm so fat that she's embarrassed to be seen in public with me (which I think is a bit unfair. Yes, I've put on a bit of weight, but only because I'm working my ass off to support her and build a future for us and the kids while also helping a lot at home. For the record, I'm just over 6ft tall and I weigh about 100kg, but I have been working out for a number of years too. Working out less nowadays, but I guess the foundation is there).

I rarely refer to women as "bitches". Your wife's apparently entitled to that epithet.

Good luck in extricating yourself from the situation.

 

[Rusty Trombone]

@SoapFTW
Feel for you bro, but I dare say quite a few blokes on here have been thru very similar circumstances. Most have come out the other side at least a bit happier, either thru separation or other means.
It's weird but since I started sugaring, my relationship with the wife has improved out of sight. Once you get what you are missing from your life elsewhere it is easier to overlook the shortcomings at home, and see your wife in a more positive light. I'm not sure if that is across the board but it is what happened for me.
However the fat shaming (and I'm sure I'm bigger than you) is not something I could live with. My wife sometimes mentions my weight, but it is more of a "you should lose some to be healthier" vibe.

If you can't afford the sugar bowl then why not try and get a FWB. The 2 I've had in the last 12 months like having a meal, and heading to a LH. Very light hearted, and just good fun. One is 25, the other is 37. Both are hot and have good banter.