Terrible Dad Jokes Thread

From a JNTO marketing seminar for sushi restaurants

1. The best message for advertising
Our fish are fresh from the market!

2. The worst message for advertising
Our chef is refreshed, just out from the toilet!

3. Answer to the most FAQ
No. We don't provide a naked woman.

4. Answer to the least FAQ
No. Kamakura is not the next station by train.
 
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A health conscious woman was on a first date with a man. She was really into the guy but didn’t want things to go too far if he wasn’t equally health conscious. She asked him, “Do you smoke after sex”?

He replied, “I never checked”.
 
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Willie1 said:
A health conscious woman was on a first date with a man. She was really into the guy but didn’t want things to go too far if he wasn’t equally health conscious. She asked him, “Do you smoke after sex”?

He replied, “I never checked”.
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That jokes maybe older than me :p
 
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AMcguyver said:
I tried phone sex once.

But the holes in the dialer were too small.
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Well that joke is older than just4fun. The current designers are much smarter, or why do you think every smartphone now has a vibrator inside?
 
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Well hell, I've just come from my health check.

At the end of the check the doc asked some pretty personal questions, but the most annoying one was when he asked me if I could see my own penis when I stood up, and I had to admit I couldn't.

So he told me I need to diet.

And he didn't even tell me what colour...
 
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104209707_10222348243596981_1725375438751380464_n.jpg
 
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Son asks his dad: “What is the difference between rape, romance and marriage?”

Dad: “Clothes, my son. It’s mainly about the clothes.”

Son: “Wait ... what?”

Dad: “In rape, the perpetrator usually tears off the clothes. In romance, you help remove the clothes. In marriage, you wash the clothes.”
 
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namae said:
What is brown and sticky?

A stick
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Speaking of sticks, the other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn’t talking to me.
 
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LIE CLOCKS

At the end of his life, a man found himself in front of the Pearly Gates where St. Peter welcomed him.
Upon entering heaven with St. Peter, the man noticed a vast wall of clocks on both sides of the entryway.

Man: “What are those clocks for?”

St. Peter: “Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on earth has one. Every time you lie, the hands of your clock move. On the right hand side are the Lie Clocks of those who are in heaven, while those on the left belong to those still on earth.”

Man: “Oh ... Who does that lovely blue-and-white clock on the right belong to?”

St. Peter: “That’s Mother Theresa’s. The hands on that clock have never moved, which indicates that she never told a lie.”

Man: “Incredible! What about that tall black clock?”

St. Peter: “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s. The hands have moved only twice, which means Abe told only two lies his entire life.”

Man: “So on the opposite wall, which one is Donald Trump’s Lie Clock?”

St. Peter: “It was moved to Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”
 
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Majestyk said:
LIE CLOCKS

At the end of his life, a man found himself in front of the Pearly Gates where St. Peter welcomed him.
Upon entering heaven with St. Peter, the man noticed a vast wall of clocks on both sides of the entryway.

Man: “What are those clocks for?”

St. Peter: “Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on earth has one. Every time you lie, the hands of your clock move. On the right hand side are the Lie Clocks of those who are in heaven, while those on the left belong to those still on earth.”

Man: “Oh ... Who does that lovely blue-and-white clock on the right belong to?”

St. Peter: “That’s Mother Theresa’s. The hands on that clock have never moved, which indicates that she never told a lie.”

Man: “Incredible! What about that tall black clock?”

St. Peter: “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s. The hands have moved only twice, which means Abe told only two lies his entire life.”

Man: “So on the opposite wall, which one is Donald Trump’s Lie Clock?”

St. Peter: “It was moved to Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.”
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I have to object - this is not a dad joke. I mean, it's funny, but it's not a dad joke.

A dad joke about fans....

Two wind turbines are standing in a field and one asks the other, “What kind of music do you like?”

The other says, “Can't you see I’m a big metal fan?”
 
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