Terrible Dad Jokes Thread

[Sudsy]

A guy is having a check up at the doctor's...

"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?", he asks.

"I doubt it.", says the doctor shaking his head, "Mercury is in Uranus right now."

"I don't believe in that astrology crap, doc."

"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke".

 

[TheLetterD]

My friend died so I had to go to his funeral. He died because a tennis ball hit him in the head. Can you believe that? To be honest it was a beautiful service.

 

[uktrav]

My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, it's also terrible.

 

[just4fun]

 

[TheLetterD]

Why couldn't the Italian chef get into his apartment?

He had gnocchi.

 

[TheLetterD]

I can't take my dog to the park anymore. The ducks keep biting him. I should've known this will happen.

He's pure bread.

 

[Sudsy]

Why did The Rock go to the toilet?

To Dwayne his Johnson.

 

[Stephan anderson0111]

When did japan discover eggs?

a long tamago

I think this is so adorable!!

 

[Stephan anderson0111]

View attachment 14525

Absolutely!!!!

 

[Frenchy]

 

[Osaka Boy 97]

 

[TheLetterD]

Whenever I go from one country to the next I have to get drunk. I am a borderline alcoholic.

 

[Durg50]

Whenever I go from one country to the next I have to get drunk. I am a borderline alcoholic.

Er, arent you a pilot?

 

[TheLetterD]

Er, arent weren't you a pilot?

 

[MikeH]

Er, arent you a pilot?

That just gave him more chances to do what he loved the most.

 

[Frenchy]

That just gave him more chances to do what he loved the most.

God blesss him . Thr gyy glguckrd in Antarctique and im drukn in forgotten where

 

[TheLetterD]

God blesss him . Thr gyy glguckrd in Antarctique and im drukn in forgotten where

I want what you are drinking.

 

[MikeH]

I want what you are drinking.

That would probably be everything.

 

[TheLetterD]

That would probably be everything.

"What do you want to drink?"

"Yes."

 

[Frenchy]

"What do you want to drink?"

"Yes."

I luv you guyz
We ate brothers in arm

 

[MikeH]

We ate brothers in arm

I personally prefer to eat girls but if you promise to cuddle me later I can be talked into pretty much anything.

 

[Sudsy]

That just gave him more chances to do what he loved the most.

But what does erotic hedge trimming have to do with alcohol and piloting?

 

[MikeH]

But what does erotic hedge trimming have to do with alcohol and piloting?

Did you forgot that you are supposed to ask only questions you want to have the answers to?

 

[AMcguyver]

I asked a pilot once, how often do these things crash?

He replied "just once usually"

 

[MikeH]

I asked a pilot once, how often do these things crash?

He replied "just once usually"

Like they say, any landing you can walk away is a good landing, any that let's you reuse the plane is a great one.