Terrible Dad Jokes Thread

[TheLetterD]

Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He couldn't budget.

 

[uktrav]

An alternative is : Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

He worked it out with a pencil.

 

[Cinnabums]

 

[AMcguyver]

Mattel just introduced the new Afghan Barbie.

It's a blow-up doll.

 

[TheLetterD]

It's not salad with chicken.
It's breast in plants.

 

[impish]

They're called "Dad Jokes" because if you can make her laugh she can make you a dad.

 

[Sudsy]

Geography teacher asked if I could name a country with no R in it.

I said, "No way."

 

[clover]

For the kanji readers:
What's the name of the British singer who doesn't know about old Tokyo?

Ed Sheeran (江戸知らん)

 

[Alice]

For the kanji readers:
What's the name of the British singer who doesn't know about old Tokyo?

Ed Sheeran (江戸知らん)

Why doesn't Ed have a girlfriend?
Because She(e)ran.

 

[impish]

What do you get when you cross an angry sheep and an angry cow?

Two animals in a baaaaaad moooooood.

 

[MikeH]

Why doesn't Ed have a girlfriend?
Because She(e)ran.

Dad jokes are supposed to be so bad that you laugh but you also feel shamed and embarrased of yourself for laughing.

So now, please tell me if that wasn't really funny? Like you can laugh without guilt?

On another thought, please do not let me know. As if it was a dad joke then it means I have just turned to an ojisan who has no shame.

 

[TheLetterD]

What type of apple grows on trees?

All of them.

 

[uktrav]

Why is a potato called pomme de terre in France?

Because pomme de terre is the French for potato.

 

[Frenchy]

View attachment 21591

 

[TheLetterD]

 

[TheLetterD]

Never challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you're prepared for the reaper cushions.

 

[AMcguyver]

Why does Norway have barcodes on the side of their ships?

To Scandinavian.

 

[TheLetterD]

What do you call a flat-chested emo chick?

A cutting board.

 

[SugoiBoy]

Not sure if this one has been posted already.

 

[TheLetterD]

I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with. She said yes.


The others were nines and tens.

 

[AMcguyver]

 

[YokoMonger]

View attachment 21822

These aren't the 'roids you're looking for.

 

[just4fun]

 

[TheLetterD]

I wrote a book on how not to fall down the stairs.


It's a step-by-step guide.

 

[SquidCity]

What's the best thing to put behind your ears?

Your legs