Terrible Dad Jokes Thread

[just4fun]

 

[impish]

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and Woody from Toy Story? Woody goes limp when a child walks into the room.

 

[Sudsy]

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and Woody from Toy Story? Woody goes limp when a child walks into the room.

Not a dad joke...

 

[SugoiBoy]

Not a dad joke...

Agreed. This is not the first time something like that happened. We have a different thread for adult jokes.

 

[MikeH]

3026 years from today, life will either be really good or really bad.

It's 5050.

 

[Sudsy]

What do dwarves and midgets have in common?

Very little.

 

[Sudsy]

So, today I learned the difference between a Vietnamese restaurant and an Indian restaurant.

A Vietnamese restaurant is pho profit.

An Indian restaurant is naan profit.

 

[Sudsy]

Everyone knows that Luke Skywalker's favourite shop is the second hand store, but how about a Stormtrooper's favourite?

The one next to the Target.

 

[Majestyk]

😁

 

[MikeH]

The nazis don't care about linguistics and logic concerned with meaning.

They are very anti-semantic.

 

[TheLetterD]

 

[DireWolf98]

View attachment 25808

Old joke lol

 

[TheLetterD]

 

[just4fun]

I have a pet termite.
I named him Clint.
Clint eats wood.

 

[Nikkei Guy]

 

[Sudsy]

A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

There's never been a failure before. But because you cannot punish a person twice for the same crime, the court is forced to let him go free.

Within a week's time, naturally, the man, who is obsessed with trains, goes and steals another one. He doesn't care that he can't drive it or that he failed catastrophically before; he is obsessed with trains and his only desire is to operate one. As before, he crashes it, and kills several people. Again, he stands trial, and again, he is sentenced to death, showing no remorse, only delight that he got to operate the train.

His last meal request is a single banana.

When he goes to the chair, the executioner pulls the switch, but nothing happens. He goes free again.

The train-obsessed maniac, once more on the loose, wastes no time in hijacking a train and crashing it.

His trial is speedy, because this has already happened twice, and he is sentenced to death. They ask him what he'd like for his last meal.

"A single banana," he says.

"Oh, no you don't, you sonofabitch. We're on to you, now. We know all about your little banana trick, and you're not escaping this time!" The guards refuse his request, and instead serve him a standard last meal of steak, potatoes, and berry cobbler.

The next morning they strap him into the electric chair, pull the switch, and... nothing happens.

"Did you give him the banana?" demands the head guard.

"No, sir! He asked for the banana but we didn't give it to him, we swear!" says one of the guards.

Turns out the banana had nothing to do with anything.

He just was just a really bad conductor.

 

[TheLetterD]

 

[bombaleyo]

What do you call a Magician who loses his magic? Ian.

 

[just4fun]

 

[AMcguyver]

 

[TheLetterD]

 

[Rusty Trombone]

Some guy in the Middle East has been converting Landmines into Prayer Mats.

Prophets have been going thru the roof.

 

[SugoiBoy]

 

[TheLetterD]

What do you call a woman that burns all her bills?

Bernadette.

 

[Sudsy]

Lance isn't a very common name these days, but in medieval times, people were called Lance a lot.