Tinder -> Strategies To Move To Irl Meetings?

[okayspot]

I have hundreds of match on tinder, only about three of which I'm actually interested in.

On the practice with the ones I don't care about I've found just inviting them out for coffee largely leads to rejections.

Would like to not just shoot blindy at the ones I'm actually interested in.

What types of strategies can you use on tinder to make you it seem like you are worth meeting in real life?
As part of a PUA strategy do you need an instragram and making your own self seem popular?

 

[4vibes]

I don't do online, but women think in terms of experiences: emotions/feelings. Research what kind of experiences the woman you want to meet wants. Look for key words she uses. Use those words when you communicate with her. Communicate in terms of experiences you want to share with her.

 

[Solong]

I have hundreds of match on tinder, only about three of which I'm actually interested in.

On the practice with the ones I don't care about I've found just inviting them out for coffee largely leads to rejections.

Would like to not just shoot blindy at the ones I'm actually interested in.

What types of strategies can you use on tinder to make you it seem like you are worth meeting in real life?
As part of a PUA strategy do you need an instragram and making your own self seem popular?

1) Send her a kind of introductory message.

Hi X. I'm Y living in Tokyo, from Z (whatever country/state)

Then see if she replies. This is the first level filter, because a lot of Tinder girls seem to mindlessly press the "like" button as if a video game, then never respond.

2) If she responds, ask for her and/or send your LINE or e-mail

The reason for this 2nd filter, is a lot of Tinder girls are playing and attention-whoring on the app. They are playing with you and many other guys.

If she's more serious about you, then she will communicate with you OUTSIDE of the Tinder application. Women who only want to play IN the Tinder application tend to be silly and wasting the time of guys.

3) From LINE or e-mail, ask her out. Preferably that week or within 7 days.

Tinder girls tend to have short attention spans (all of my friends that use Tinder pretty much agree on this) and are jumping between a lot of guys. You need to meet in person as soon as possible, otherwise you tend to lose the girl, as some other guy catches her eye.

 

[Randy Jinx]

1) Send her a kind of introductory message.

Hi X. I'm Y living in Tokyo, from Z (whatever country/state)

Then see if she replies. This is the first level filter, because a lot of Tinder girls seem to mindlessly press the "like" button as if a video game, then never respond.

2) If she responds, ask for her and/or send your LINE or e-mail

The reason for this 2nd filter, is a lot of Tinder girls are playing and attention-whoring on the app. They are playing with you and many other guys.

If she's more serious about you, then she will communicate with you OUTSIDE of the Tinder application. Women who only want to play IN the Tinder application tend to be silly and wasting the time of guys.

3) From LINE or e-mail, ask her out. Preferably that week or within 7 days.

Tinder girls tend to have short attention spans (all of my friends that use Tinder pretty much agree on this) and are jumping between a lot of guys. You need to meet in person as soon as possible, otherwise you tend to lose the girl, as some other guy catches her eye.

I'm just curious about this so I took @Solong 's message and gender swapped it

1) Send him a kind of introductory message.

Hi X. I'm Y living in Tokyo, from Z (whatever country/state)

Then see if he replies. This is the first level filter, because a lot of Tinder guys seem to mindlessly press the "like" button as if a video game, then never respond.

2) If he responds, ask for him and/or send your LINE or e-mail

The reason for this 2nd filter, is a lot of Tinder guys are playing and attention-whoring on the app. They are playing with you and many other girls.

If he's more serious about you, then he will communicate with you OUTSIDE of the Tinder application. Men who only want to play IN the Tinder application tend to be silly and wasting the time of girls.

3) From LINE or e-mail, ask him out. Preferably that week or within 7 days.

Tinder guys tend to have short attention spans (all of my friends that use Tinder pretty much agree on this) and are jumping between a lot of girls. You need to meet in person as soon as possible, otherwise you tend to lose the guy, as some other girl catches his eye.

Just for the record, I don't fundamentally disagree with any of the advice @Solong gives above. I'm not a massive Tinder user (married, not looking). Just seems like it might be an interesting conversation.

So, does the advice apply equally to girls seeking Tinder advice?

 

[4vibes]

I'm just curious about this so I took @Solong 's message and gender swapped it

1) Send him a kind of introductory message.

Hi X. I'm Y living in Tokyo, from Z (whatever country/state)

Then see if he replies. This is the first level filter, because a lot of Tinder guys seem to mindlessly press the "like" button as if a video game, then never respond.

2) If he responds, ask for him and/or send your LINE or e-mail

The reason for this 2nd filter, is a lot of Tinder guys are playing and attention-whoring on the app. They are playing with you and many other girls.

If he's more serious about you, then he will communicate with you OUTSIDE of the Tinder application. Men who only want to play IN the Tinder application tend to be silly and wasting the time of girls.

3) From LINE or e-mail, ask him out. Preferably that week or within 7 days.

Tinder guys tend to have short attention spans (all of my friends that use Tinder pretty much agree on this) and are jumping between a lot of girls. You need to meet in person as soon as possible, otherwise you tend to lose the guy, as some other girl catches his eye.

Just for the record, I don't fundamentally disagree with any of the advice @Solong gives above. I'm not a massive Tinder user (married, not looking). Just seems like it might be an interesting conversation.

So, does the advice apply equally to girls seeking Tinder advice?

The key is can the woman deal with rejection. Its just so much easier to do the rejecting.

 

[Solong]

I'm just curious about this so I took @Solong 's message and gender swapped it

1) Send him a kind of introductory message.

Hi X. I'm Y living in Tokyo, from Z (whatever country/state)

Then see if he replies. This is the first level filter, because a lot of Tinder guys seem to mindlessly press the "like" button as if a video game, then never respond.

2) If he responds, ask for him and/or send your LINE or e-mail

The reason for this 2nd filter, is a lot of Tinder guys are playing and attention-whoring on the app. They are playing with you and many other girls.

If he's more serious about you, then he will communicate with you OUTSIDE of the Tinder application. Men who only want to play IN the Tinder application tend to be silly and wasting the time of girls.

3) From LINE or e-mail, ask him out. Preferably that week or within 7 days.

Tinder guys tend to have short attention spans (all of my friends that use Tinder pretty much agree on this) and are jumping between a lot of girls. You need to meet in person as soon as possible, otherwise you tend to lose the guy, as some other girl catches his eye.

Just for the record, I don't fundamentally disagree with any of the advice @Solong gives above. I'm not a massive Tinder user (married, not looking). Just seems like it might be an interesting conversation.

So, does the advice apply equally to girls seeking Tinder advice?

And yes. It can work even better, for a woman being proactive and contacting guys.

However, women tend not to so. Arguably, because many women take less agency and responsibility for their actions, and can handle rejection even less.

Another way to see this. If she initiates, then many women can arguably feel she's the "slut" or "bad girl", because she "asking" for it. Where as men, we don't feel or care about such restrictions. Therefore a woman has to be more mentally comfortable with her sexuality to successfully initiate contact with men.

Note- Also the Internet is more anonymous, so it's interesting many women don't use that to their advantage more, versus overly worry about outdated stigmas or what others might think.

If he rejects her, it's often more emotionally devastating and hurtful to the pride or ego of women. Where if he asks her, then whatever happens is more his fault, and/or she feels "empowered" because she can press the reject button at whim.

I also notice some women online tend to attempt a kind of halfway measure, like dipping one's toe in the pool. They will send a very short one line message, like "Hi" or "Hey". Also because she's playing with so many guys, don't want to take the time to write more. I find this quite interesting, because many other women complain massively if men send such simple-minded one liners or one word messages. And after sending a simple message, many women will expect the guy to take over from there. So she may do the 1st step, but less likely the 2nd or 3rd step.

Lastly, when women are proactive, they tend to cluster and go after the same guys, who are already very popular with women or even "above their level". It can become a self-defeating loop. As the very popular high level guys have his choice among women and her competition with other women is heavy. Many women don't proactively choose "average joe", where they are more likely to be successful.

If a woman is comfortable with her sexuality, female agency, doesn't fear rejection, and makes good choices among men that will appreciate her then she can have an advantage over other women. But that's a lot of "ifs", so very likely why there are fewer of such women.

 

[Randy Jinx]

Interesting. However, I do have doubts as to whether a Tinder rejection really affects many (men or women) at all. The whole swipe left/right is such an easy and fast method of selecting. Those I've seen using it amongst my friends and coworkers don't seem to be pining over any one match. More of just next, next next...

 

[Solong]

Interesting. However, I do have doubts as to whether a Tinder rejection really affects many (men or women) at all. The whole swipe left/right is such an easy and fast method of selecting. Those I've seen using it amongst my friends and coworkers don't seem to be pining over any one match. More of just next, next next...

Rejection doesn't come from her selecting "like", as if a video game. That's an easy game. It comes more from the risk of her showing any female agency or being proactive. When she contacts guys, asks them for personal contact info, or asks them out and they "unmatch" her in Tinder, or reject her request. And if she asks for the date, but he's a no-show or he ends the date early as not impressed with her physically. Arguably, women tend to get more hurt or hold it against guys in general when things go "wrong", so tend to avoid making 1st moves or exposing themselves to rejection versus toughen up and deal with it as guys are pushed or learn to.

 

[User#8628]

The key is can the woman deal with rejection. Its just so much easier to do the rejecting.

Ah yes, because men can deal with rejection so well.
Thats why they shoot women who reject them and do mass shootings.

Women CAN handle rejection better than guys.
Guys whine about women politely rejecting them but less than average women get rejected and insulted a lot.

The tables turn when we get adult but during their school time almost every girl experiences boys saying flat in her face "you like me, haha, you are FAT" and that kind of things.

I have had it personally happen a few times as well. For example i liked a boy but he was popular and i was quite a weirdo so of course i didn't tell him. My friend told him anyway, and he laughed about it with his friends, send them public messages on social media and so on. We were not close so he never said something to my face (he was probably embarrased as well) but i read those public messages, i knew they were making fun on me. And i know worse cases of girls liking boys and boys laughing it off in their face.

Of course these are boys, not real men. And once they grow up the tables turn. But boys bullying girls who like them to save face teaches girls they cant show that they like someone.

I DO want to approach guys im interested in by myself. But for street approach thats totally unaccepted and i'm too shy.
As for serious dating site, women DO approach guys. I dont know about tinder, its shady to me, maybe the types i like are not on there i think.
When i did gyaruru i tried to talk to boys with nice pictures. I usually didn't have the guts to plan a meeting. I almost met up with someone but then he canceled.

 

[NormalGuy]

Women CAN handle rejection better than guys.

I think a lot of women know this, so that's why they don't send those rejection messages on Line, but then guys moan anyway so they can't win.

I think for a lot of guys once they've shown interest in a woman it's a no win situation unless the woman reciprocates. A lot of men are terrible at rejection, often becoming abusive and denigrating the woman because she's not into him.

My understanding of Tinder was that both parties need to "like" in order to communicate, so I guess just swiping "like" at every person (man or woman) and then not wanting to talk to them does show that people aren't really paying any attention to who they are "liking"

 

[Sudsy]

Ah yes, because men can deal with rejection so well.
Thats why they shoot women who reject them and do mass shootings.

To be perfectly fair, women do engage in similar endeavours, they just tend to prefer less confrontational methods, like poison or arson.

 

[User#8628]

To be perfectly fair, women do engage in similar endeavours, they just tend to prefer less confrontational methods, like poison or arson.

Women haven't done any mass shootings though. And i haven't heard of mass poisoning either.

But i agree it depends more on the person if they can handle rejection, not on if they are men or women.

Only locos make such a big deal out of rejection that they become dangerously violent anyway.

 

[Sudsy]

Women haven't done any mass shootings though. And i haven't heard of mass poisoning either.

This one was big news here...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masumi_Hayashi_(poisoner)

 

[User#8628]

This one was big news here...

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masumi_Hayashi_(poisoner)

Woah

 

[Randy Jinx]

Rejection doesn't come from her selecting "like", as if a video game. That's an easy game.

Fair enough regarding Tinder. Like I said I don't use it myself. It's just that everyone whom I know uses it doesn't seem to care one way or another about rejection before or after a date. Your observations may differ.

I am a little intrigued about this part tho...

And if she asks for the date, but he's a no-show or he ends the date early as not impressed with her physically.

Is this what women have told you as reasons guys cut the date short or is it your reasons for cutting a date short? Are there no other reasons a guy might cut a date short? If she's a hottie but complete nutter off her meds, you'd stay? Intriguing...

Anyway, no need to have anyone turn this into yet another +/- PUA debate.

Arguably, women tend to get more hurt or hold it against guys in general when things go "wrong", so tend to avoid making 1st moves or exposing themselves to rejection versus toughen up and deal with it as guys are pushed or learn to.

I'd be hurt too if someone left the table half-way through a date because they thought I wasn't up to their standards physically
But seriously, as mentioned above by others, there are very very few women who will take out their rejection grudges physically to the extent that men do. Overall, I definitely feel that women handle rejection much better.

You do make a very good point that men, starting as boys, are taught to toughen up and deal with it. And perhaps therein lies some of the issues pertaining to women approaching men first: they are never taught to do this and in fact still highly discouraged in many situations from showing initiative here in Japan (and elsewhere to both greater and lesser extents). Is that women/girls' fault? No. Can we all be part of the solution? Definitely.

 

[Vulkan]

@User#8628 hey rejection in school happens to both sex i can guarantee

I think as well that women get over rejectiin easily than men in general... Not sure why though

 

[User#8628]

@User#8628 hey rejection in school happens to both sex i can guarantee

I think as well that women get over rejectiin easily than men in general... Not sure why though

Yes, i'm sure about that.
It used to always be a big thing for boys to make fun of girls who like them as far as i remember. Also "couples" got teased a lot. Oh how the times have changed ^^

 

[Sudsy]

Woah

I've always held the opinion that women are every bit as murderous as men - perhaps even more so. They're just better at not getting caught.

 

[User#8628]

I've always held the opinion that women are every bit as murderous as men - perhaps even more so. They're just better at not getting caught.

I dont know about that.. There seem to be a lot more male killers than female. Especially serial killer killing just for sick joy and stuff like that (with female serial killers there is usually money involved as a main reason, although they do bear hatred for they victims as well usually).
But maybe you are right about the getting caught thing.
Maybe you know the joke "because women have periods we are very good at removing bloodstains from things.." Haha

 

[Randy Jinx]

I've always held the opinion that women are every bit as murderous as men - perhaps even more so. They're just better at not getting caught.

Indeed there are many women killers out there. For me the key difference is that women tend to kill those they think wronged them. Men will kill those plus a bunch of others who had nothing to do with it.

 

[Solong]

Luckily Japan is a safer country. Lower crime rate, less murder, and almost no guns.

Meeting people in Japan is way safer than in other countries.

 

[User#8628]

Luckily Japan is a safer country. Lower crime rate, less murder, and almost no guns.

Meeting people in Japan is way safer than in other countries.

Yes, it's really good for escort as well as for safety.

 

[Manfreidi]

Back on topic?

I think the online thing is much harder than in person. I suspect I just need to experiment more and figure out what works and what doesn't.

I am exploring it as a way to create a bond with someone before visiting a city I am unfamiliar with.

 

[just4fun]

I've always held the opinion that women are every bit as murderous as men - perhaps even more so. They're just better at not getting caught.

I think they're verbally more murderous (women)

 

[DarkKnight]

Maybe you're smart, but you are overthinking this. Post your actual conversations if you want tips on what you're doing wrong. It's quite possible that you are doing nothing wrong, but you just aren't that interesting or attractive. Build up your value and watch your success come.

Tinder is "harder" for guys...Women get a seemingly unlimited number of matches... lots of guys on there have no standards or are willing to spend $$$ .