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Using deai sites: some observations

joeking

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Well, here is where I put all my hard earned knowledge on display, but it may be me telling you things not to do.

First, I'm using the deai sites to find 浮気 partners. If you are single and aren't worried about people seeing you on a dating site, you've got a lot more scope, photos, backstory, etc. Honestly, if I lived in the big city, I'd just hit all the places that everyone else is talking about here (that's how I found this place) but I don't get to Tokyo or Osaka very often or even to smaller cities.

I'm going to talk about the site I use the most, Jmail, and if you send me a private message, I can send you some screenshots to help you navigate, but I don't want to post them here. I'm also happy to send you an invite, let me know by PM. The 'buy-in' is usually about 3000 yen for these sites, and J-Mail has, as do others, various schemes for you to get freebies. Also, these deai sites are tied into other internet services, so you often have the possibility of using a particular service and getting points for that. You also know how many points

When I started, I'd start writing to someone and then tell them I'm a foreigner (I'm nikkei) but this got a lot of rejections. 日本語めちゃくちゃ one sniffed. I certainly don't possess fluent Japanese, but I wonder if some of these reactions were because they thought they were speaking to a Japanese person and got mad that they were wrong. So I put it in my profile up front, and now, if there is someone who isn't interested, they just won't reply. I'm curious if one could operate all in English and garner interest.

I also have to be a bit oblique with my profile, which again is unfortunate. Being more open is going to be a lot more appealing.

At first, I chose women who listed lots of options, but I found that these women were the ones who usually wanted 割り切り i.e. free lance prostitution. A better option was to choose people who only had one or two choices (for me 不倫/浮気, but there were a few other possibilities as well) as they were on the site for a particular reason rather than to make some money. Categories vary from site to site.

Also, I stuck with older women, ideally who were married because I think they would be better at keeping secrets. Again, if I were single (and young) there seems to be a lot more choices. There are some things that are supposed to indicate an interest in sex, including healing (癒し), dry relationship (ドライな関係), trouble consultation (悩み相談), especially for older women. And I'm shying away from people who say they are looking for a marriage partner, but there are a lot on these sites.

These sites are also rich in terms of networking. Jmail, like others, has footprints, where you see who visited you and they see if you visited them. You can favorite people. You can look at newly signed up folks and send them a message. Again, I'm not going to do this, but you could post your own call, (and if you do, I'd love to hear how that works out)

Optimistically, I thought that everyone wanted the same thing, but these sites make me realize that men and women are from different planets. Or at least older Japanese women are. Women write straightforwardly that they want sex, you write and try to meet them and they say that they aren't going to exchange messages with someone so impatient. I suppose that some (many) of them want to know that they can be propositioned, and perhaps actually meeting the person making the propositions isn't really necessary. I guess this is part of the power play, Japanese women don't have a lot of power, so in an area where they do have it, they aren't going to throw it away.

YYC, when you join, has a series of videos helping you set up your profile and helping you communicate with potential 相手 (it says something that in English, it would be your partner, in Japanese, it's your opponent) Despite the fact that the information is delivered by a woman in a teddy with one of those high pitched voices, there is actually some good points.

Hope that is of interest. Happy nampa-ing!!
 
Thanks for your feedback about the deai sites - I don't think it's really different than any other dating site.
I wonder if some of these reactions were because they thought they were speaking to a Japanese person and got mad that they were wrong
Hard to say... :/

For some women, it could be just a ego boost when they receive certain offers... but I assume that there are still hidden successes to be had.