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What does she think?

Harlem Blade

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So the last few nights been out with a lady. Felt like a date each time. A few hours together each evening. Drinks and eating. Lots of smiling and winking. Elbows knocking and knees bumping. Touching and feeling. No kissing or cuddling. Bothof us married with other partners! Asked her what it was, and she said she was like this with everybody. Me left confused.
 
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Good point. If we were both single I would have kept it going an eternity. But each of us knowing the other was tied down I felt I had to bring it up. Plus we work in the same office.
 
So the last few nights been out with a lady. Felt like a date each time. A few hours together each evening. Drinks and eating. Lots of smiling and winking. Elbows knocking and knees bumping. Touching and feeling. No kissing or cuddling. Bothof us married with other partners! Asked her what it was, and she said she was like this with everybody. Me left confused.

Hard to read the situation given the limited facts and details. But your question, "What it was?" seems as if your asking her to put her cards on the table before you show yours.

Would the outcome have been different if you took a more direct route - telling her where you were at, and what you wanted?
 
What would you guys have done?

Same office; wouldn't have gone to those dates in the first place.

Otherwise in similar situation; after the second date would have walked her to a hotel and said that I always wanted to know how these places work so let's study together.
 
Same office; wouldn't have gone to those dates in the first place.

Otherwise in similar situation; after the second date would have walked her to a hotel and said that I always wanted to know how these places work so let's study together.

Yeah, if we were single and/or not working together, that second part would have been a no brainer.

Given the circumstances, I thought I should at least ask first. Maybe I am too old-fashioned.
 
So the last few nights been out with a lady. Felt like a date each time. A few hours together each evening. Drinks and eating. Lots of smiling and winking. Elbows knocking and knees bumping. Touching and feeling. No kissing or cuddling. Bothof us married with other partners! Asked her what it was, and she said she was like this with everybody. Me left confused.

Just adding a bit of spice, to your daily life. If she would turn up by a bit more of sexy clothes or more make up, you get more of eye contact, more personal emails, that'd be a go sign... but just as same as usual, it was just a lil spice, I guess. How nice to have a bit of excitement in the office!! I'm Jealous!!(^_-)
 
Yuriko
Funnily enough I would say she does put more energy into makeup and clothes when we are together on trips or meetings. A lot of eye contact as well and winking and smiling. That is why when the touching and leaning started I felt like I should find a way to bring it up that would not scare or embarrass either of us.

Not a lot of personal mails or chats outside of work hours, but the same goes for me. I don't want to be caught texting a lot with somebody else with the wife around. :)
 
Yuriko
Funnily enough I would say she does put more energy into makeup and clothes when we are together on trips or meetings. A lot of eye contact as well and winking and smiling. That is why when the touching and leaning started I felt like I should find a way to bring it up that would not scare or embarrass either of us.

Not a lot of personal mails or chats outside of work hours, but the same goes for me. I don't want to be caught texting a lot with somebody else with the wife around. :)


Hmmm...she's definately enjoying flirting with you! Realised not in jailed up by ordinary marriage life. There's a man that finds her attractive, even she's married!

It must be so exciting. I'm so jealous at her. I'm single, but my work place, always tend to be away from flirty moment. (No need to mention, that work is surposed to be like that! I've been an OL for 15 yrs! I am experienced and have common sense!) But, definately, should keep in control of, not leading into a private matter! Stay safe! Ganbatte!
 
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What would you guys have done?

Yeah this is definitely a tough one. To begin with I wouldn't have been so upfront and asked what was going on. It put your potential infidelity in the spotlight and naturally she gave a safe response. With that said, from what you're explaining, she very much could be interested in you. If something happens and she works at your office it could go either way. Is the type of person who can keep her mouth shut? Or is she going to tell everyone and ruin your relationship with your wife?

I've always said, when it comes to something like this the best approach is to just let things happen naturally. Take her out. Get drunk. Try making a move if you feel it can be done and see how she reacts. If it's a nay then you have your answer. If she's up for it, well.. .then you know.
 
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Yeah, if we were single and/or not working together, that second part would have been a no brainer.

Given the circumstances, I thought I should at least ask first. Maybe I am too old-fashioned.

Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes you gotta be direct for sure, but as I'm sure you know, Japan is anything but direct and for some people it can put them off a bit. Good luck!
 
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Given the work situation I think you did it right. I think you got your answer too. She's probably comfortable with the status quo. But that doesn't mean things can't escalate in the future.
 
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sorry to be a downer...but you have heard the expression, "you never eat where you shit.." right?

considering workplace and being married... while you both have something to lose if things go astray..you don't know how she (or you for that matter) will react if things turn south...
 
As a few people gave mentioned, the way forward, if that is the path you want to take, is with alcohol.
I'm not saying get her plastered and take advantage of her, but you gotta know that alcohol is the great excuse here in J-land.

Honestly, the way you tell it, she had no option but to say what she said, but the seed has been planted, and you may find that if she is interested, next time you're out, Ian's if a few drinks are involved, then you may get lucky.
The drinking works both ways here, cos if she rejects your move you too can fall back on "being drunk" as your excuse.
 
"What are we? -We are farmers bum ba dum dum dum dum dum" lol but seriously you guys are both married you are basically her getaway from seriousness then you gotta go and get serious.

Is the "We are farmers" a movie reference to the 1980s movie, Sixteen Candles?
 
Given the work situation I think you did it right. I think you got your answer too. She's probably comfortable with the status quo. But that doesn't mean things can't escalate in the future.

A nice response from the Doctor and other late comers as well. I did not intend to go for a one night stand with my question. I was hoping to drop a hint and plant a seed. If she was all for it, I would known and been able to react.

Now I know that at "worst" she is happy with the way things are and no need for any drastic changes. And hey even if it did "spook" her it was better than me trying something physical, etc., and she will probably re-evaluate how she acts around me. If she did not intend to send those signals, they will probably stop.

So a win-win I think and we continue as is knowing that things are okay as is. We shall see.
 
Yeah, it sounded like a mood killing question to me.

The other comment about making her show her cards first was a good analogy too.

It put her on the spot and frightened her.

Agree. Even if she is interested, I don't expect a married lady would be so open and aggressive, what if you can't keep a secret?
 
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