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Where Are You From?

Grew up in a small town in Hawaii, Ewa Beach, and surfed at a place called, Shark Country-appropriately named:

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Most of my adult life before Japan in Santa Cruz, California, where I was a volleyball bum:

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Is this going to be German girl wrestling a bear PPV?

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It'll be on Periscope. With oomphbaba in the background ...
 
Is there anyone from a Spanish-speaking country (or someone who understands Spanish) who could tell me what this means:
"asi como tienes tu piernas abiertas le meterias todo esto"

Some moron DMed me dick pics on my work Twitter account with that message. I couldnt care less about the pics, but i'm curious to know what it means (and Google translate was a fail)...
 
Lubbock, Texas.

And then fourteen other places and now, finally, Tokyo. I'm sick of moving, I'm just going to stay here.
 
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