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White Day 2017

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Don't you ever stop to think that just MAYBE, just MAYBE... some Japanese women marry westerners because they want a different life than what they grew up with. And by marrying a non-Japanese, this gives them a better opportunity to have that new life and see more of what variety of the western world has to offer. ;)

Yes!! I can accept this and there are Japanese who do follow what you have suggested, but at some point they always want to return to Japan as they feel the need to look after aging parents.

But you also have to consider that there are those Japanese that marry foreigners because they are attracted to the differences, but once married they expect their foreign partner to be Japanese.

Nearly all the married foreigners I met when I came to Japan over a decade ago are now divorced, and that includes those who said their wife was different because she had lived outside Japan.
 
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You're absolutely right. But that doesn't prevent some of those "some" to become ice-cold bitchy entitled queens once they get the ring or later, after kids are born. I don't mean that "all" of the "some" are like this though.
I just don't see this happening my social circles where there is a mixed couple. I know it does happen though...
 
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You're absolutely right. But that doesn't prevent some of those "some" to become ice-cold bitchy entitled queens once they get the ring or later, after kids are born. I don't mean that "all" of the "some" are like this though.

And that only happens to Japanese women? I could have sworn I heard that same story from other parts of the world as well ;)
 
But you also have to consider that there are those Japanese that marry foreigners because they are attracted to the differences, but once married they expect their foreign partner to be Japanese.
Yeah, I don't see this happening very much.
Nearly all the married foreigners I met when I came to Japan 16 years ago are now divorced, and that includes those who said their wife was different because she had lived outside Japan.
That's a shame... bad judgement on many levels then.
 
I've never given much importance to valentine or white day.
just like Halloween these are recent stuff that doesn't belong to neither Japanese culture nor mine and even when I used to live in France it still wasn't a thing at that time, now it's gotten popular (same for Halloween). commercial stuff.
I would have probably played that game if I lived in the US.
 
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It's fine to live in the moment.

I am just saying that it is some thing to be aware of, as I have seen it far too often and most foreigners do not want to accept
that Japanese woman have different views/values about marriage than western women.
you can't generalize, there are many kind of western women and many kind of japanese women.
 
Very true , but to be fair mine was never much attracted by my country to start with. She wanted an American dude, too bad, she got none and I ended up with an American GF (Alas in a LDR)
I don't expect anyone close to you to be attracted by France seeing how you always complain about your country. :D
 
Please do not make assumptions about my marriage based on my posts, I am only discussing what can happen if some one is not aware of the possibilities of how a marriage can turn out with a Japanese partner, as there are cultural differences at play that would not be experienced in a marriage with a western partner.

In fact we are very happy.
marriage can turn out badly regardless of the citizenship of you partner.
 
I don't expect anyone close to you to be attracted by France seeing how you always complain about your country. :D
Ah ah , true. Hence I live in Japan. But there was another French guy here (forgot the user name) who was even more anti-French than me. He sounded a bit like Trump talking about Chicago.
 
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you can't generalize, there are many kind of western women and many kind of japanese women.

I am not generalizing, I am just saying that while there are different kinds of Japanese women and western women, both follow different cultures and hold different values based on their culture, but ignoring these cultural differences is where most make the mistake.

marriage can turn out badly regardless of the citizenship of you partner.

I am not talking about citzenship, I am talking about culture, like you said Valentines day and white day are not part of the Japanese culture, its some thing they borrowed from western culture and adapted to suit their way of thinking, the same as the love marriage concept.
 
I am not generalizing, I am just saying that while there are different kinds of Japanese women and western women, both follow different cultures and hold different values based on their culture, but ignoring these cultural differences is where most make the mistake.



I am not talking about citzenship, I am talking about culture, like you said Valentines day and white day are not part of the Japanese culture, its some thing they borrowed from western culture and adapted to suit their way of thinking, the same as the love marriage concept.

The love marriage concept is in danger everywhere , to be honest. Divorce rates are high and still rising in most developed countries now (countries who supposedly have more "love marriages" than in more traditional cultures where they are still arranged between families - not that I think this is better). I'm sure future generations will invent some kind of interpersonal contracts which still allow for co-parenting but with less Disney happily ever after fluff and less monogamous requirements .
 
And that only happens to Japanese women? I could have sworn I heard that same story from other parts of the world as well ;)
Yes, of course. Should have added some words about that too. And men are not perfect either of course , we also get less considerate or patient after marriage and kids, point taken. "L'amour dure 3 ans" as we say in my dialect...
 
The love marriage concept is in danger everywhere , to be honest. Divorce rates are high and still rising in most developed countries now (countries who supposedly have more "love marriages" than in more traditional cultures where they are still arranged between families - not that I think this is better). I'm sure future generations will invent some kind of interpersonal contracts which still allow for co-parenting but with less Disney happily ever after fluff and less monogamous requirements .

Your missing the point.

The love marriage concept was borrowed from the west and adapted by the Japanese to replace the arranged marriage system, but they still use the same values as was used in arranged marriages when deciding on a marriage partner.

Most foreign partners ignore these cultural differences, because they feel it will not affect them or that there GF/Wife is different.
 
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From my experiences going to bars, I think a lot of Japanese girls that hang out at these "foreigner-friendly" places will have the attitude where they're positive towards foreigners but I think the reason that most of the Foreigner-Japanese marriages fall apart is lack of clear communication. If you both don't speak your mind, and you don't do it when a problem presents itself, then theres gonna be problems down the road. If you both speak different languages, then its harder than normal. That's all. Relationships are hard cause we all have to take care of family.

For White day, I plan on just returning some people some cards and giving them some chocolate as well. Its mainly giri choco anyway, and most of the people I give cards to really seem to like my cards cause I try and put a lot of heart into them. I don't much care about valentines day or white day, like I gave some people chocolate on valentines day even though its "anti-traditional" or whatever but if someone gives you a nice message and chocolate you should return the favor, I think.
 
From my experiences going to bars, I think a lot of Japanese girls that hang out at these "foreigner-friendly" places will have the attitude where they're positive towards foreigners but I think the reason that most of the Foreigner-Japanese marriages fall apart is lack of clear communication. If you both don't speak your mind, and you don't do it when a problem presents itself, then theres gonna be problems down the road. If you both speak different languages, then its harder than normal. That's all. Relationships are hard cause we all have to take care of family.

I think it goes without saying that any Japanese women that visits foreigner-friendly bars would be positive towards foreigners or they would not be their. But while its fair to say that there should be more communication between a couple, most of the problems come about because both make false assumptions about the relationship they share, with the result being that the foreign partner assumes that their Japanese partner is no different than a western partner and the Japanese partner assumes that their foreign partner is no different than a Japanese partner.

The result is that neither feel the need to understand that there are cultural differences in play, but in my experience when these differences are realized the Japanese partner does not feel they have to change to accommodate the foreign partner, even more so when they live in Japan.

As for white day I have nothing planned, as its not some thing my wife and I follow.
 
I am not generalizing, I am just saying that while there are different kinds of Japanese women and western women, both follow different cultures and hold different values based on their culture, but ignoring these cultural differences is where most make the mistake.
I've been married to a Japanese woman for more than a dozen years and the cultural differences is not a issue. culture is not concerned when it's about common sense.
what could cause problems would be the lack of open mind rather than the difference itself.

I am not talking about citzenship, I am talking about culture, like you said Valentines day and white day are not part of the Japanese culture, its some thing they borrowed from western culture and adapted to suit their way of thinking, the same as the love marriage concept.
you can replace "citizenship" with "culture" in my sentence. divorce also exist between people coming from the same background. I even know of married cousins who divorced.

also there is no "western culture". France, UK, Spain, Italy, USA, Canada ... are all western countries with different cultures.
 
Ah ah , true. Hence I live in Japan. But there was another French guy here (forgot the user name) who was even more anti-French than me. He sounded a bit like Trump talking about Chicago.
I wish you both to find inner peace :D
 
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I've been married to a Japanese woman for more than a dozen years and the cultural differences is not a issue. culture is not concerned when it's about common sense.
what could cause problems would be the lack of open mind rather than the difference itself.

So based on your common sense views within your marriage how would you over come a situation were your wife would sleep with the children?
 
So based on your common sense views within your marriage how would you over come a situation were your wife would sleep with the children?
most importantly I wouldn't take culture for an excuse for that cause that's not a cultural thing.

ps : "my" common sense would tell me that it means she doesn't want to sleep with me and I'd react depending on how motivated I am to fix that. Maybe I won't want her to sleep with me either and I'll adapt or leave.
 
most importantly I wouldn't take culture for an excuse for that cause that's not a cultural thing.

ps : "my" common sense would tell me that it means she doesn't want to sleep with me and I'd react depending on how motivated I am to fix that. Maybe I won't want her to sleep with me either and I'll adapt or leave.

As I thought I am wasting my time.