Why are there so many trashy people at cafes in Japan?

[jhingy567]

If what you say is true, then it must be something to do with your appearance. If i remember right, you've mentioned having long blonde hair with a resemblance to Jesus. How do you dress? My theory is they've actually mistaken you for the second coming...Or maybe a transvestite. Either way, this would explain the hysterical laughter.

 

[Sudsy]

I was looking for intelligent responses

No, you were looking for validation and/or an echo chamber.

Which you aren’t going to find, because you’re the only one experiencing this sort of thing to the degree that you describe.

Seriously - talk to a therapist. Work some stuff out.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

If what you say is true, then it must be something to do with your appearance. If i remember right, you've mentioned having long blonde hair with a resemblance to Jesus. How do you dress? My theory is they've actually mistaken you for the second coming...Or maybe a transvestite. Either way, this would explain the hysterical laughter.

I don't have the long Jesus hair anymore. I have short, really normal looking hair. I don't dress like Jesus either. I have a really casual, fashionable style. I don't look like Jesus, a tranny, Tranny Jesus, a hobo, etc.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

No, you were looking for validation and/or an echo chamber.

Which you aren’t going to find, because you’re the only one experiencing this sort of thing to the degree that you describe.

Seriously - talk to a therapist. Work some stuff out.

Once again, you are wrong. I received some insight into the lives and experiences from Alex and Unicornhunter. Maybe you can talk to them about seeing a therapist and see how they respond.

 

[Rusty Trombone]

I don’t think anyone is denying that sometimes Japanese react to the presence of a gaijin on occasions.
This is not a Japanese thing! Mixed race couples probably get comments too.
Fat people get comments too.

The thing is, most people just think “what a twat!” And move on.

I’m overweight, and when we all get together after our little locality autumn matsuri and get to the after match function where everyone gets blind, a lot of the dudes want to have a sumo tournament in the kominkan.

It’ hilarious , and much fun is had by all.
I always seem to come out on top as I have a weight advantage and have played a lot of rugby.

If it were you I’d imagine you’d think they were picking on you for being the fat gaijin.

But these dudes make sure I get home at the end of the night, even if they drop me on the front doorstep, ring the bell and run.

Stop being a negative cunt!

Edit. I’m a few highballs in

 

[Hellotokyo69]

When I was younger if I sensed that people were talking about me I would walk past and give them a big friendly smile and say hello. In turn it would seem to make them feel embarrassed or taken aback. Either way you’ve shown that you’re confident and that their “negativity” has no power over you. Fight fire with fire and you’ll just get burnt.

 

[Ken1988]

So this means tons of Japanese people are complete cowards, because I experience this almost every time I go to cafes to teach private lessons.

Yes, they are. As fear is the fundamental emotion, cowardice is the fundamental characteristic of any human, which stems from our brains' self-defense mechanism. They must have been just too honest to their brains.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

Yes, they are. As fear is the fundamental emotion, cowardice is the fundamental characteristic of any human, which stems from our brains' self-defense mechanism. They must have been just too honest to their brains.

Well, in modern society their brains should also tell them not to react in ways that will obviously come off as rude to others...but that is obviously asking too much haha.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

When I was younger if I sensed that people were talking about me I would walk past and give them a big friendly smile and say hello. In turn it would seem to make them feel embarrassed or taken aback. Either way you’ve shown that you’re confident and that their “negativity” has no power over you. Fight fire with fire and you’ll just get burnt.

But why would I want to be friendly or nice or at least seem that way to people that are annoying and that I hate?

I would rather just tell them off.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

I don’t think anyone is denying that sometimes Japanese react to the presence of a gaijin on occasions.
This is not a Japanese thing! Mixed race couples probably get comments too.
Fat people get comments too.

The thing is, most people just think “what a twat!” And move on.

I’m overweight, and when we all get together after our little locality autumn matsuri and get to the after match function where everyone gets blind, a lot of the dudes want to have a sumo tournament in the kominkan.

It’ hilarious , and much fun is had by all.
I always seem to come out on top as I have a weight advantage and have played a lot of rugby.

If it were you I’d imagine you’d think they were picking on you for being the fat gaijin.

But these dudes make sure I get home at the end of the night, even if they drop me on the front doorstep, ring the bell and run.

Stop being a negative cunt!

Edit. I’m a few highballs in

You actually sound a lot like one of my best friends. He is an overweight dude that used to do wrestling and football (not rugby though). He enjoys drinking. I wish my good friends were here in Japan so I could at least drink with them and enjoy life more. There is a he might live in Japan in the future. He is the guy that might open a bar in Tokyo in the future.

Highballs eh? At this point in my life...I wouldn't mind doing some 8balls.

 

[Ken1988]

Well, in modern society their brains should also tell them not to react in ways that will obviously come off as rude to others...but that is obviously asking too much haha.

Yes, you don't have to give a damn about them.

 

[Hellotokyo69]

But why would I want to be friendly or nice or at least seem that way to people that are annoying and that I hate?

I would rather just tell them off.

You’ve missed the point but, whatever.

Just out of curiosity how would you “tell them off”?

 

[MikeH]

But why would I want to be friendly or nice or at least seem that way to people that are annoying and that I hate?

Because if you start hating some random people you meet briefly and randomly you'll just end up unhappy yourself.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

You’ve missed the point but, whatever.

Just out of curiosity how would you “tell them off”?

I didn't miss the point. I understood clearly that you mean to feign friendliness to throw them off and embarrass them. I can't muster up such fake feelings when I'm angry.

I tell people off all sorts of ways. I flip people off, I yell insults, I get right up in peoples' face, sometimes noses almost touching and sometimes I only stare people down.

 

[TAG Manager]

I can't muster up such fake feelings when I'm angry.

Life's too short to get angry at things you can't control.

I tell people off all sorts of ways. I flip people off, I yell insults, I get right up in peoples' face, sometimes noses almost touching and sometimes I only stare people down.

But what's the point? That makes you just as low as them and you've already got negative points as a foreigner to begin with.

All of this angry energy can be redirected into something useful. Acting out and causing further friction in public won't solve the problem and won't make you feel better in the long run. Just that moment of self-satisfaction which quickly dissipates.

IMHO, Japan isn't the country for you if you feel such anger on a regular basis because you think people are laughing at or talking about you.... but then again, I don' t know which country would work better for you. You'd probably be happier or more comfortable back in America... again IMHO.

There's a name for this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotlight_effect

 

[MikeH]

I tell people off all sorts of ways. I flip people off, I yell insults, I get right up in peoples' face, sometimes noses almost touching and sometimes I only stare people down.

So after all it could be that those people you see now talking about you are just saying "look there goes that guy who yells insults to people and gets right up the everyone's face".

 

[Frenchy]

I didn't miss the point. I understood clearly that you mean to feign friendliness to throw them off and embarrass them. I can't muster up such fake feelings when I'm angry.

I tell people off all sorts of ways. I flip people off, I yell insults, I get right up in peoples' face, sometimes noses almost touching and sometimes I only stare people down.

Oh boy, we should go to bars and cafés together then. I am not sarcastic here. Have a milder (I hope) yet similar issue: always thinking people want to take advantage of me. And guess what... sometimes its really the case. And Im not very good at turning the other cheek. I wonder how long it would take for the two of us to get kicked out of most places when drunk

 

[Sudsy]

So after all it could be that those people you see now talking about you are just saying "look there goes that guy who yells insults to people and gets right up the everyone's face".

In a smaller city like Shizuoka that’s actually a very good point.

I remember back when I lived in the countryside, one time I walked in to work, and my boss called me over to her desk to let me know that I shouldn’t buy my vegetables at XYZ market, but that I should buy them at ABC market instead. She had heard through the grapevine which market I was buying my groceries at.

If something that innocuous can get around, seemingly random aggressive outbursts are definitely going to cause a few tongues to wag.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

Life's too short to get angry at things you can't control.


But what's the point? That makes you just as low as them and you've already got negative points as a foreigner to begin with.

All of this angry energy can be redirected into something useful. Acting out and causing further friction in public won't solve the problem and won't make you feel better in the long run. Just that moment of self-satisfaction which quickly dissipates.

IMHO, Japan isn't the country for you if you feel such anger on a regular basis because you think people are laughing at or talking about you.... but then again, I don' t know which country would work better for you. You'd probably be happier or more comfortable back in America... again IMHO.

There's a name for this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spotlight_effect

Yes, I know I have a problem with this. I have outlets. I have been playing a lot of Mordhau recently...really fun and addicting game. I have also been composing music as well, which is like self-therapy. It works a lot better for me than going to talk to some psychologist.

 

[Hellotokyo69]

I didn't miss the point. I understood clearly that you mean to feign friendliness to throw them off and embarrass them. I can't muster up such fake feelings when I'm angry.

I tell people off all sorts of ways. I flip people off, I yell insults, I get right up in peoples' face, sometimes noses almost touching and sometimes I only stare people down.

C’mon, be honest. You don’t do any of those things. You probably ran through tons of fictional scenarios in your head winding yourself up more and more then your only release was to write said fictional scenario online to seek gratification. Dude maybe lay off the violent video games for a bit and go and make some friends.

 

[jhingy567]

@TokyoJoeblow , one of these days you really should start video recording these experiences. Then people won't question whether it's just a figment of your imagination. Wear a bodycam or use your phone. The world can witness the horrible,racist,fucked-up shit you endure everyday. No need to be a farmer. Set up a TJB livestream and make some $$$

 

[Mr Cat]

I tell people off all sorts of ways. I flip people off, I yell insults, I get right up in peoples' face, sometimes noses almost touching and sometimes I only stare people down.

Seriously though, that sounds like what crazy people do.

 

[MikeH]

Seriously though, that sounds like what crazy people do.

Well at least it's safe to do that in Japan. Where I come from the second guy would call your bluff and beat the shit out of you.

 

[rubbersd]

Paranoia is a totally natural part of culture shock. It stems from an awareness of who you are, and that you somehow don't belong. Power through it, realize that your mind is playing tricks on you, make some genuine friends, and stop frequenting the more risque parts of life (like this site) until you're comfortable.
One of the best things you can do when the feelings start creeping in is knowing that by leaving your home country and living somewhere else, you're already far more advanced and adventurous than most of the people you will see in Japan. Keep your head high and your self-esteem higher.

 

[TokyoJoeblow]

C’mon, be honest. You don’t do any of those things. You probably ran through tons of fictional scenarios in your head winding yourself up more and more then your only release was to write said fictional scenario online to seek gratification. Dude maybe lay off the violent video games for a bit and go and make some friends.

Actually, I'm trying to make friends with Alex and Unicornhunter because I can relate to them with regard to this topic haha.

Sadly, I have actually done all those things. I'm not proud of this behavior though. Well, I'm always proud at first but hours later I end up just feeling shitty about it haha. I'm going to try and play less violent videogames, compose more music and put more effort into making more friends instead of enemies (which I seem to be to be Jedi-level at doing).