What Is The Difference Between Being In A Open Relationship And Having A Sex Friend?

A relationship (open or not) implies a far deeper, stronger and more important connection than a friendship (sexual or not) to me and as I understand the common usage of the words.

An open relationship can be as fundamental to one's life as the sorts of partnerships @roots reggae described briefly here:

https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/how-strict-is-your-wife.11401/#post-67980

I would not describe such a situation as a friendship; it is something (much) more, though it likely involves strong elements of friendship too.

-Ww

danthrope said:

im having trouble separating the two.. And basically thinking of seeing her only every two weeks as way of keeping the right level of separation between friendship / relationship

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What is the purpose of trying to control or limit the relationship in this way?

-Ww

It's totally different.
An open relationship is a serious partnership in which people often have goals like staying together for the long term, having children, that kind of stuff. Its not abnormal to be married or live together in such a relationship. Only difference with a regular relationship is that you can play with other people as well.

Sexfriends means that you see that person to hang out together and have sex, it's not a relationship. You probably don't see a serious future together or do super romantic dating things.


SexFRIENDS
Open RELATIONSHIP

There is the difference.

Thank you, @User#8628, for taking the effort

@User#8628 Pretty much nailed it.

danthrope said:

she doesn't meet my requirements for a long term / committed relationship

as much as I enjoy her company

also, to protect her from me / avoiding pain on the way out

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Wouldn't it be best to just find someone else you have less attachment to/or she has to you perhaps? Maybe consider what she wants/needs rather then assume (im assuming you're assuming) she wants long term? If she doesn't meet your requirements now could she potentially in the future if that is what she also wants?

The reason my partner and I decided on an open relationship was that we knew we'd be in it for the long haul and decided to live independently to be able to avoid the shackles of a conventional relationship (whatever that may be) but still be together. Without going in to too much detail this has probably been the best relationship dynamic I have ever been in. We have both been grown in ways we needed to (study, financial, basically getting shit together) but cut out the co-dependency and an open relationship has been instrumental in that.

As for sex friends.....it can get messy if its not clear from both sides on the get go.

Good luck!

@Whateveryouwant - Bravo and best wishes moving forward with your lucky partner!

-Ww

danthrope said:

im having trouble separating the two.. And basically thinking of seeing her only every two weeks as way of keeping the right level of separation between friendship / relationship

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Wwanderer said:

What is the purpose of trying to control or limit the relationship in this way?

-Ww

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@danthrope, I kind of agree with your thinking, as frequency of meeting tends to separate the two, particularly in Japan. However, as sex-friends, I would make the argument of 1X a week. If 1X per 2 weeks, don't be surprised when those sex-friends stop contacting after awhile, unless she has a truly unusual situation like stewardess or constant business travel. And such infrequent meeting type relationships will usually fall off at the wrong time. It's often better to put a little bit more maintenance effort into them, to keep women around.

At 1X a week, in Japan, it tends to allow the relationship to go multiple ways. Open, sex-friend, or committed. So it's a matter of what you both agreed on or what you both really want to do. Because one person might think or say it's a committed relationship, when they really are all about being sex-friends or are cheating.

The other issue is that I've noticed that the other person can suddenly try to change the nature of the relationship, test its boundaries, or some women will try to pull more out of the guy. For instance- complain you only have sex, so not want to have sex on the day you meet. This tends to happen if you have a more "meet at hotels" type of relationship, and the guy is more of a lets go straight there and have sex type. Even if she's a sex-friend, it can work out better to take her to dinner/lunch first and enjoy a talk, before heading to the hotel. Not every woman needs that, but be clear she doesn't.

How to tell if a sex-friend, when the lines are blurry or conversations are ambiguous?

With a sex-friend, we tend to not meet at each other apartments. It tends to be hotels (or happening bars, outside...). We tend to have very frank and graphic sexual discussions and tendency towards sexual fantasy play.

After a while, she tends to be able to talk about her other boyfriends or husband. For various reasons, it's far more dangerous for the guy to talk about his girlfriends. If the guy is married, that seems to work out differently. Women appear to understand being married more. There appears to be more contentment to be the mistress, IF she assumes it's just her and the wife. But if the guy has other girlfriends, this appears to put the guy in the "playboy" category. Even if she's a "playgirl" and playing with many other guys, it's been my experience that a lot of women will be selfish, jealousy, competitive, or be uneasy about this. Often it seems better to allow her to discuss her boyfriend first, allow her to talk/admit her other relationships, or the guy limit talking about what he does (as one wrong word can be the end).

In open-relationships, we tend to come to each other apartments. The rules can be more flexible in the relationship, as we started out as sex-friends or going to swinging/sex-parties. If swinging/sex-parties, it's the most relaxed, as we've seen each other have sex with other people. Example of other ways to enter open-relationships is if she had another boyfriend previously (so "allowed" the guy another girlfriend) or she's admittedly bi-sexual. After that, it's more an open and frank talk, where we've openly declared its an open relationship.

There is also "don't ask, don't tell", where he or she ignores the significant other playing around. But I don't consider that truly an open-relationship. However, in the common Japanese 1X a week meet pattern, this can happen easily. If a serious relationship, in Japan, tendency to meet 2X or more in a week. For various reasons, frequency of meeting is more relevant to seriousness here. Then there is off course living together. A guy must be careful here, as this tends to be seen more as a step towards marriage. If living together and an open-relationship, it should be really clear. This combination has only worked out for me with bi-sexual or swinger women.

@Ww, unless you have a very straight talk, there is a tendency of standard relationships, open-relationships, and sex-friends to get mixed and confused. And the guy has to be careful about having a straight and honest talk, because the woman can get offended or he has destroyed a dream or vision of how she expected the relationship to be or progress. And even if one person is being open and honest, there is no guarantee that the other person is too. So actions will speak much louder than words.

@Solong
On average, how many of these sex friend / open relationships would you have going on at the same time?

Kegger said:

@Solong
On average, how many of these sex friend / open relationships would you have going on at the same time?

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I can only juggle seeing 2 or 3. And 3 steady girlfriends can be really pushing it to the max (for a working guy, as it's different for women), in terms of attention, time, or money. Tends to cut into work or time for other interests. If the woman is bi-sexual and shares or into swinging, then it's much simpler for her to be the 1 or main one.

danthrope said:

thanks solong

she said she basically wanted to end it (fine with me and tbh a bit of a relief).. I think she was a little surprised I didn't chase her.. Then after a few day where i guess she mulled it over, decided to change her mind and said she would still like a "physical" relationship "sometimes"

once every 2 weeks or so feels right to me as I want to pursue other women, but do enjoy this ones company also

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From how it sounds, you have the advantage here, where she is admitting her desire for sex with you. Among my swinger pals, such relationships are an opportunity to have a fun, where you can do some experimenting and sexual fantasy play. You might want to see what are the possibilities with her, but it still depends on the woman, as various ones are very limited.

However, 1x per 2 weeks, think you are much more susceptible to her suddenly disappearing, if/when she finds some other guy. In this regard, if she gets addicted to good sex or certain types of sex with you, then she may keep you around even after she finds other boyfriends.

Solong said:

If 1X per 2 weeks, don't be surprised when those sex-friends stop contacting after awhile... Even if she's a sex-friend, it can work out better to take her to dinner/lunch first and enjoy a talk, before heading to the hotel. Not every woman needs that, but be clear she doesn't.... For various reasons, it's far more dangerous for the guy to talk about his girlfriends.

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I generally agree with all you said, but as you said every woman is not the same. A bit over a year ago I met a girl, we ended up in a hotel and I remembered also to get her contacts. We met the second time and me being the perfect gentleman I always am (or maybe not ) I asked if she would like to get some dinner. She tells me she just ate at home before leaving. So I ask her where she would like to go or do. She goes "Couldn't we just go straight to a hotel?". I assured her that is achievable too .

As our schedules don't line up too well we meet just once per two weeks. Normally meet at the station, go directly to a hotel and emerge after 2 or 4 hours depending on the schedule and go back to the station and our separate ways. Well, we get something to eat maybe once in two months. First time a month ago when we met after a three week break she asked me while I was relaxing after the first round and so pretty much vulnerable if I had slept with anyone in between. All kinds of alarms go off in my head but in the end I decide to just tell her honestly that yes, indeed I did as it was such a long break. Her answer "just always remember to use a rubber, will you?" and then she jumps me for the round number two.

MikeH said:

I generally agree with all you said, but as you said every woman is not the same. A bit over a year ago I met a girl, we ended up in a hotel and I remembered also to get her contacts. We met the second time and me being the perfect gentleman I always am (or maybe not ) I asked if she would like to get some dinner. She tells me she just ate at home before leaving. So I ask her where she would like to go or do. She goes "Couldn't we just go straight to a hotel?". I assured her that is achievable too .

As our schedules don't line up too well we meet just once per two weeks. Normally meet at the station, go directly to a hotel and emerge after 2 or 4 hours depending on the schedule and go back to the station and our separate ways. Well, we get something to eat maybe once in two months. First time a month ago when we met after a three week break she asked me while I was relaxing after the first round and so pretty much vulnerable if I had slept with anyone in between. All kinds of alarms go off in my head but in the end I decide to just tell her honestly that yes, indeed I did as it was such a long break. Her answer "just always remember to use a rubber, will you?" and then she jumps me for the round number two.

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I know that situation. At the most unexpected moment, various sex-friends have asked me about my other relationships. When younger, I tried to be direct and honest about it, and a lot of women appeared to get jealous or give me problems. It was the selfish game of "she wants the privilege to do whatever, but won't grant a man the same."

I learned the hard way and through experience, to be more cautious. I'm honest about it, but learned ways to soften the jealousy and selfishness issues. It's usually better, on average and if you keep doing this relationship style, to get women to tell about themselves first.

Once she confesses, it often limits the jealousy or selfishness issue. Note- another way, for swingers, is let her play at a happening bar or sex party. Even after confessing she has another guy, she might still be insecure, based on female competition or her worrying if the other woman is better. If so, a guy may have to help boost her ego, by telling her she compares well or better than any other woman you may have. The thought of competition scares some women, and they worry they can't compete, where with other women they will do more sexually and in general to be your number 1.

The issue can also involve safe sex or feeling safe. So, if you are no rubber with her, she usually wants the guy will to use rubbers with other women. So guys might want to clarify this or assure her. It can be the opposite to, where say she knows that you are married, so wants you to use a rubber for vaginal sex. In the reverse, she has a boyfriend or husband, so wants you to wear a rubber with her. Note- she might let you do anal sex with no rubber (some guys don't realize this), if she trusts you.