Is The Natural End Result Of Romantic Relationships A Monogamous Pair Bond / Marriage?

[Sinapse]

I thought about making this a poll but I think the options wouldn't really convey much depth of thought. So here is the question:

Is the most natural, noble, and best outcome of one's romantic life to end up in a long term monogamous pair bond (such as marriage)? Please explain your answer as well

 

[Frenchy]

I would say yes as long as love is still there and mutual. How "long term" can that be is the big question. As for monogamous im not sure its always needed, if both sides agree its not then so be it.

 

[Wwanderer]

Is the most natural, noble, and best outcome of one's romantic life to end up in a long term monogamous pair bond (such as marriage)?

My answer is "yes and no", partly because it depends on the what exactly you mean by some of the words in your question...such as "natural" and "noble" and even "best" (best for whom?). In other words, I could argue for either "no" or "yes" depending on what exactly is meant by those words.

I would say that when a relationship is achieved about which both people are and remain enthusiastic and happy throughout their lives it usually produces among the happiest and most contented of human life experiences for both the people directly involved and for members of their immediate family (especially their children, if any)...so, yes, one might call such an outcome about the "best" one could hope to achieve. And I think the "out years", the situations and experiences of the people long years and decades after the pair bond first formed, are very important...weigh heavily in what one might reasonably mean by "best". Fwiiw, I don't think perfect monogamy is an essential component of these most rewarding romantic outcomes. Maybe they have to be perfectly monogamous to be considered "noble"...but I don't know what you mean by that word in this context.

That said, I think only a minority (but not a tiny minority) of people achieve that sort of outcome in their romantic lives, so I don't know that I would call it "natural". More common and thus, in my definition, more "natural" are relationships that fall short of such a perfect or idealized one in various ways. But this is hardly news...

-Ww

 

[Frenchy]

My answer is "yes and no", partly because it depends on the what exactly you mean by some of the words in your question...such as "natural" and "noble" and even "best" (best for whom?). In other words, I could argue for either "no" or "yes" depending on what exactly is meant by those words.

I would say that when a relationship is achieved about which both people are and remain enthusiastic and happy throughout their lives it usually produces among the happiest and most contented of human life experiences for both the people directly involved and for members of their immediate family (especially their children, if any)...so, yes, one might call such an outcome about the "best" one could hope to achieve. And I think the "out years", the situations and experiences of the people long years and decades after the pair bond first formed, are very important...weigh heavily in what one might reasonably mean by "best". Fwiiw, I don't think perfect monogamy is an essential component of these most rewarding romantic outcomes. Maybe they have to be perfectly monogamous to be considered "noble"...but I don't know what you mean by that word in this context.

That said, I think only a minority (but not a tiny minority) of people achieve that sort of outcome in their romantic lives, so I don't know that I would call it "natural". More common and thus, in my definition, more "natural" are relationships that fall short of such a perfect or idealized one in various ways. But this is hardly news...

-Ww

Omg Wanderer, please dont tell me its so hard. Im still a huge believer in Disneyesque Happy Endings
I am trying hard to find Princess Charming. Not much success so far on TAG, i must admit...

 

[User#8628]

I don't know what works well for other people but i personally would really hate to settle for monogamy, it would probably be impossible or make me very unhappy. It may work if we were the last two people on earth, lol.
Being loyal to someone means other things to me than having an exclusive sexual relationship with them.

As for marriage, i feel like its a bit outdated and unless there are practical reasons i wouldn't need it, but i dont dislike it either. It has some charm.
But Most marriages dont last a lifetime anymore nowadays...

 

[RightOn6975]

I thought about making this a poll but I think the options wouldn't really convey much depth of thought. So here is the question:

Is the most natural, noble, and best outcome of one's romantic life to end up in a long term monogamous pair bond (such as marriage)? Please explain your answer as well

This is a touchy subject to say the least for a lot of people. Many of the things that I will say more then likely will offend but they need to be said. Hell most of the scenarios and topics that I will say have more then likely been the premise of many books, movies, and plays.

I believe that it is in the best interest for both parties to end a relationship that is going no where. I say this because if 1 or more parties involved do not see eye to eye or no longer love each other and are purely together because it is convenient for you or themselves, worried for the well being of the other party or if it is better for the kids, all it is going to do is turn what could have been a decent ex relationship into a relationship were both parties despise each other. Many people will hold on to relationships because they do not want to lose what the thought was their soulmate, the only person in the world that gets them and they do not know how to move on with their lives or will not be able to date again. On the flip side of that coin, the partner who thought that he found his soulmate may have found someone else who completes them in more ways then their current partner and are having thoughts about breaking up with their partner because they found someone better.

Perhaps that person does not motivate you or make you strive to improve yourself and is nothing but a black hole of depression, sorrow, and despair. Relationships especially marriage I characterize as hey you are this and I am this, what are you doing to support me or remind me of my end game? What am I doing to support and remind you of your goals?

There are plenty more reasons why people leave each other that I can go on and on about however I am going to end it here and if you want more reasons I will add on at a later time.

I WILL however say there are two reasons that I am thinking of right now which are inexcusable and those are cheating on someone purely out of lust and domestic violence. Now before you start to take my head off and call me every name in the book, my reasons behind that are simple. I had two friends, first one fell madly in love with this girl. He marries her. He deploys. He comes back. He notices wife is not on pier to greet him. He heads home. He finds wife and some random guy balls deep inside of her. He leaves home. He commits suicide 2 days later. 2nd friend again almost same scenario but essentially what happen was that he once again caught his wife in the act after coming home once again from a deployment. Instead of getting depressed he focused on himself. Not only did he divorce his wife and take the sole custody of their child, he left the military and he started going to school and going to the gym to improve himself. After about 4 years of work my friend found a 6 figure a year job, a new wife, has 2 kids with her and a 3rd on the way, bought a house and travels the world with his family and he couldn't be happier meanwhile his wife got a huge dose of Karma as boy toy ended up not being what she wanted and tried coming back into my friends life a few short months later. He told her no, last I check she is still single and complains that she can not find a good man anymore, I laugh because she had a good man she just decided to throw it all away. Well anyways that is just me.

 

[hkAlone]

I'm not sure to know exactly what you mean by a romantic relationship.
Does it refer to the first period of passion/infatuation of a relationship? This is damned good... Yeah...
Too bad it cannot last more than two years, if you're extremely lucky.
After that you end up with nothing or a strong attachment for another human being. Then comes another kind of situation.
You end up with still some strong desires for other women and at the same time you need to nurture a relationship that should make you and your partner feel more secure. Solutions are : extreme self discipline, no natural interest for sex, discreet p4p, open relationship (your partner is so secure that she doesn't feel frightened by your affairs or your partner is so insecure that she can accept anything), etc...

 

[Shades Of Jae]

I'm with Metellus on this:

If we could survive without a wife, citizens of Rome, all of us would do without that nuisance; but since nature has so decreed that we cannot manage comfortably with them, nor live in any way without them, we must plan for our lasting preservation rather than for our temporary pleasure.

 

[vargas]

I don't think monogamy is any more natural than the society we've built on top of it. Humans certainly don't pair-bond like some animals do. My personal belief is humans would naturally form harems with the strongest men having many partners and the weakest men having none, leading to endless violence and no security for women and children.

I think it's unlikely civilization could be built on top of that. Marriage & monogamy are a useful structure because they provide stability the husband, wife, and and their children as well plus a guarantee (given the relative 50/50 gender ratio) that most people can find a partner which provides an outlet for sexual desires.

The interesting question is that now that we have civilization, can we get rid of marriage and retain it?