Getting girl to dress sexier

[biggiesmallpop]

Hey folks wanted a blind opinion. I met a girl I am romantic who has a decent body but dresses like a grannie. It is a deal breaker for me so I'm pondering just break it off or ask her about it.

Most folks will say I got no right to push my ideals on her blah blah blah. Fair but I dunno it doesn't bug me if a girl I like asks me to dress differently, shave or change my hair - but yes that's me. I think compromise and doing things to make your mate happy the right way to live (within reason).

I am leaning towards not asking her and letting the relationship die out as a result (I feel I've done this before but want to try something new) -- anyone have success stories to share on influencing dress ups in a good nice way?

 

[Danbo]

This is a clear no for me.

Asking somebody to shave is very different because it is about taking care of yourself....asking someone to dress differently is like criticizing their character. Clothing is an expression of who you are. That is what makes fashion so interesting and you can't force people into cloths that doesn't represent their character.

You want her to dress sexy because YOU like it, not because she wants to. She is not your dress up doll.

 

[Alice]

I guess you could always suggest in, might even be better than breaking the relationship off.
Try to get her own opinion on how important her fashion style is to her before doing so and don’t try to forcibly change it.
Just show her some pictures of clothes and ask what she thinks about it. If she is like “wow, no self respecting woman would wear that”, just give up. If she says she likes it, offer to buy her some maybe (of a reasonably priced brand).

A lot of Japanese girls like granny fashion nowadays, it’s sadly very trendy. It might be either a fashion culture she is deeply into, or conservative beliefs. Or she might just not like to stand out, in which case you can try a subtle glow up with more form fitting but still non revealing stuff.
I feel like it could be that she just dresses that way because it’s easier with dresscodes from work or school, but it could also be something she is really into.
You could also just buy her certain items or pick some of her clothes out that you do like and suggest she wears these things when meeting you. No need to care about what she wears otherwise.

 

[Ken4fb]

who has a decent body

I don't understand why you even want her to be dressed? 🧐

 

[jhingy567]

What kind of relationship is this to you? If it's meant to be a long term thing and you want to break up because of her fashion style then do it sooner than later, because guaranteed there will be something else that will come up as a 'dealbreaker'. Save yourself some time!

 

[Hughty]

To my opinion, quite a lot of Japanese girl (young especially) like large (or even extra large) clothing. That makes them indeed look like grannies.

I guess the trends are different here so I guess I picture how your girlfriend/date is dressing and what you mean by "sexy" too.

I've heard many times, especially from girls that have a bit more "flesh" than the norm, that it is a way to hide what they hate about themselves. The average Japanese dude image of what is sexy (super skinny, etc) is far from the western standard codes. Most of us are more open when it comes to the definition of beauty.

If it's about what's going on in the bedroom, then you can always buy her some lingerie (and so on) and explain what you'd love her to wear. Be patient and nice and I'm sure she can be open to way more than you think.

 

[biggiesmallpop]

Clothing is an expression of who you are. That is what makes fashion so interesting and you can't forc

I find it interesting how much this ignites people I've seen it on Reddit threads. Is it a man and women difference because to be honest with you most guys I know don't care if their mother daughter sister girlfriend dress them up they just wear what's in the closet.

You want her to dress sexy because YOU like it, not because she wants to. She is not your dress up doll.

Yes that's right I like it. I also don't like wearing pants but she likes it so I do it so she's happy. Why is this bad ? If she doesn't want to that is fine too but we all need to give where we can.

Btw shaving isn't a grooming thing. Beard/goatee is a style thing too. Showering now that is different and also had a gf who didn't shower enough too. Deal breaker !! Lol that's why I'm single I know fml.

(Btw I didn't say I want her wearing stripper shorts just dress sexier or just nicer - again maybe it's a woman thing being resistant after thousands of years of being told what to wear by evil men).

 

[Jugemu]

I also don't like wearing pants but she likes it so I do it so she's happy.

… and also had a gf who didn't shower enough too.

Suddenly i have a lot of questions…

 

[MikeH]

Asking somebody to shave is very different because it is about taking care of yourself....asking someone to dress differently is like criticizing their character. Clothing is an expression of who you are.

What I did just read? How is a beard less important than clothes or less of an expression of your character? If you criticize my beard it is not about taking care of myself. No my sir, it is a strike against all human rights!

Full disclosure, I don't have a beard but I would never suggest my lady friends that they would need to shave their beards!

 

[Sudsy]

I would never suggest my lady friends that they would need to shave their beards!

Ladybeard approves of this message.

 

[kirayamato]

how about taking her to buy a dress and ask her to try some dresses you prefer.

if it doesnt work, maybe you guys are not compatible.

I think it is perfectly fine to prefer a certain things, such as no beard, fully shaved etc. For some people it is optional, for others it is deal breakers.

Different folks different stroke I guess.

 

[kirayamato]

Most folks will say I got no right to push my ideals on her blah blah blah. Fair but I dunno it doesn't bug me if a girl I like asks me to dress differently, shave or change my hair - but yes that's me. I think compromise and doing things to make your mate happy the right way to live (within reason).

I think they key here is compromise. would you compromise your preference of having a girl that dress sexy or she compromises and change her "granny" style .

 

[biggiesmallpop]

I think they key here is compromise. would you compromise your preference of having a girl that dress sexy or she compromises and change her "granny" style .

Agree on compromise but your idea of compromise is funny

"Can you dress sexier?"

"Let's compromise how about I don't?"

"Great love you !"

A compromise is give/take or middle group ie she dresses a little more maybe on date nights only and I do something for her like throw away the ugly soccer shirts she hates. I'm all about compromise baby!

 

[Kuromi]

This thing is happening to me, but inversely. She said she doesnt want to hang out with me if i don't change my clothing style. I'm trying to convey to her that if she likes me, she likes me as i am.

First is the clothing style, then she may start nitpicking other things, then she complains about personality or whatnot, then she starts transforming you into what she wants, kind of like " a la carte" boyfriend.

Don't let people impose you the false image of you that they made themselves, that is what i think.

So, OP, if you don't like her dressing style, maybe you dont like her as she is and maybe it's better to search for another person who fulfills your clothing expectations.

 

[kirayamato]

Agree on compromise but your idea of compromise is funny

"Can you dress sexier?"

"Let's compromise how about I don't?"

"Great love you !"

A compromise is give/take or middle group ie she dresses a little more maybe on date nights only and I do something for her like throw away the ugly soccer shirts she hates. I'm all about compromise baby!

it is more like :

"Can you dress sexier?"

"I could but I dont feel comfortable. Do I really have to?"

"Ok you dont have to if you dont feel comfortable about it." or "If you dress sexier I will shave my beard".

behind the compromise there are also bargaining power.

 

[biggiesmallpop]

This thing is happening to me, but inversely. She said she doesnt want to hang out with me if i don't change my clothing style. I'm trying to convey to her that if she likes me, she likes me as i am.

I don't think "take me as I am" is wrong but it is inflexible and might mean hey then you get nobody. I have guy friends who want someone to love their fat, ungroomed, poorly dressed self but guess what the dude has been single for a decade. I want my partner to bring out the best in me and ask or even push me to improve or change (within boundaries). But fair enough -- philosophical questions to be true to yourself without compromise or conform. I'm a middle road kinda person I think you can be yourself and also appease society or your gf/bf.

As kirayamato said if it makes someone truly uncomfortable then it sure it's a no go.

I thought about why it maybe different for women. Perhaps looks, style, fashion, makeup is highly personal, sensitive and something they are judged on thru life hence is taken as a personal blow when asked to change. To guys it is much less important and many wear what their mom wife gf tell them to hence didn't think it's a big deal but apparently it is? Wydt

I totally get this escalating into turning someone into a puppet. But let's take the one off for what it is and not turn it into a what if this is the beginning of an abusive situation.

 

[Kuromi]

I don't think "take me as I am" is wrong but it is inflexible and might mean hey then you get nobody. I have guy friends who want someone to love their fat, ungroomed, poorly dressed self but guess what the dude has been single for a decade. I want my partner to bring out the best in me and ask or even push me to improve or change (within boundaries). But fair enough -- philosophical questions to be true to yourself without compromise or conform. I'm a middle road kinda person I think you can be yourself and also appease society or your gf/bf.

As kirayamato said if it makes someone truly uncomfortable then it sure it's a no go.

I thought about why it maybe different for women. Perhaps looks, style, fashion, makeup is highly personal, sensitive and something they are judged on thru life hence is taken as a personal blow when asked to change. To guys it is much less important and many wear what their mom wife gf tell them to hence didn't think it's a big deal but apparently it is? Wydt

I totally get this escalating into turning someone into a puppet. But let's take the one off for what it is and not turn it into a what if this is the beginning of an abusive situation.

For me, changes have to come from inside and from oneselve's desire to change. I would rather be alone than with someone who does not see me as i am.
Then again, i am not a person who judges people on appearances, which makes me a little bit inflexible in terms of what i consider a hard line or not personality wise...

Like, for example, if the person i'm dating says "Hey, i dont like your style, please change it or i will distance myself from you" , it means to me that they have been spending too much time putting attention on my appearance instead of focusing on my inside. Meanwhile, if that person says instead " Hey, what are your tastes, what other options do you have or what other things do you like about clothing? (for example)" it is way way better and opens the door for exploring other options and it may trigger my inner desire to change.

At the end of the day, it all comes to personal values and sharing the same values or not. I am a little bit weird when it comes to dating because i prefer to do it over the internet first and then meet in person, and i am not a player by any means so my experiences vary from everyone else's

 

[Joe2017]

Considering that she has the right to dress however she wants, and assuming that you already knew her dressing in boring clothes. Talk about it with her, without pressure, to understand her better with empathy.
You have the option of taking her to H&M or Zara one day and telling her that you would like to buy her something to go out.
Perhaps she dresses like this because of the Japanese social norms of dressing up discrete and hiding the female body, but maybe because she does not have a developed taste for fashion, or because she doesn't have money for that.
If she remains the same and that really worries you, think about what she will dress after getting married and having children. If that image can break your libido, think about why you really love her.

 

[MikeH]

Like, for example, if the person i'm dating says "Hey, i dont like your style, please change it or i will distance myself from you" ,

I think we are talking about a totally different thing here already; you can make clothes for all of your extended family from that size of a red flag.

Any threat of "if you don't change X I will leave you" can only be countered with "don't let the door slap you on the back on your way out".

Pretty different than if you get a shirt as a present from your girl and a suggestion you use it the next time you go out for a party.

 

[Kuromi]

I think we are talking about a totally different thing here already; you can make clothes for all of your extended family from that size of a red flag.

Any threat of "if you don't change X I will leave you" can only be countered with "don't let the door slap you on the back on your way out".

Pretty different than if you get a shirt as a present from your girl and a suggestion you use it the next time you go out for a party.

Well, OP said that the person he is spending time with dresses like a granny and that it is a deal breaker for him so... 🤔

 

[MikeH]

Well, OP said that the person he is spending time with dresses like a granny and that it is a deal breaker for him so... 🤔

Still totally different in my mind. Being really fat is a deal breaker for me (*) but I would still not go to a girl and say "lose weight or I will leave you". I would just walk away (no need to run if she is that fat, she won't be able to catch you).

Also one might wonder how do you end up with a girl who you don't like in the first place? Did she start to dress like a granny only after they starting going out?

(*) In my bed, or dining room table, there is only room for one fattie and that place is already taken by me.

 

[Kuromi]

Also one might wonder how do you end up with a girl who you don't like in the first place? Did she start to dress like a granny only after they starting going out?

Yeah, i dont know, maybe she transitioned from summer attire to autumn/winter, prioritizing confort over fanciness? 🤷

 

[MikeH]

Yeah, i dont know, maybe she transitioned from summer attire to autumn/winter, prioritizing confort over fanciness? 🤷

Then just do as @Ken4fb discreetly suggested and spend the winter with her indoors naked.

 

[Kuromi]

Then just do as @Ken4fb discreetly suggested and spend the winter with her indoors naked.

"Look at the suit i just brought to impress you. It is my birthday suit!"

 

[biggiesmallpop]

Appreciate the honest inputs all. The take it or leave it on both sides isn't the right way for me.

Also one might wonder how do you end up with a girl who you don't like in the first place? Did she start to dress like a granny only after they starting going out?

I met this girl at a bar she just finished work and was dressed casually. That's fine I'm only 50% shallow and can't be chasing every slutty skirt at the bar that also doesn't work. She seemed interesting so we went out a few more times. I think personality is good, compatibility also good, but each time she dressed bit worse and worse lol. It is a deal breaker so now I ask her nicely or drop it.

I don't have a full checklist handy when I meet girls so sometimes the deal breakers don't dawn on me right away.

If a girl I was into liked me but didn't like some changeable thing like my clothes my God please tell me before ghosting -- I'll give her my visa and send her shopping for both of us.