Heart Smashed

[jayjaytokyo]

Hi everyone.

This is just a sympathy, pitty me, thread that i need to get off my chest in some form or another.

I met this Chinese girl in Tokyo 2018 and we started casual.
Started dating serious the next year.
Moved in with her for a bit, but went back to home country to settle divorce with ex.
Covid happens so stuck at home.
Obviously this is really difficult for both of us, but we try our best.

Move back but to my own place.
Then, I start to ignore the obvious red flags;
delayed and unresponsive replies
quickly annoyed at nothing
moody and distant
not answering phone calls, then trying to be a victim
Found out she had went to Okinawa, she said on her own and I knew she was lying.
Anyway, after months of begging and pleading I forgave her and we moved on.
We decide to enjoy sex with couples and other people as long as we are open and honest about it and only use hotels (less personal).



Anyway, fast forward to 2023, we're still together, we've spoke about sex with other people and had a pretty open and honest relationship.
Had some good sex adventures were totally open with each other.
We supported each other through a lot (work, mental stress, finance) and spoke about marrriage earlier this year.
All good.
September she suddenly does the whole avoidance thing again, so I just ask her bluntly as I'm prepared mentally.
She denies it.
OK.
Then, I found some sex videos on her harddrive and ask if she ever recorded any at her apartment, and she says no.
So i tell her I have seen the videos, and found the videos of her in Okinawa wit some other guy.

Another argument about trust and openess ensures.
I say that i thought we could just be open and honest about it. She cries says sorry.
Again.

I go back to my home country for a funeral and get a message on IG to the effect of;

''I'm dating someone else, we plan on getting married, this is the end. Goodbye.''
The next IG story is her cat on some moving boxes in a new apartment...

So, that's where I am now!
Ha!
Back in my home country, lost what i thought was my future wife, heart broken and annoyed at myself for sticking around for so long becasue the sex was amazing. How's your day going guys?


Edit for replies;
Thanks for all the replies people. Sucks but most of you are right!

 

[Durg50]

Hi everyone.

This is just a sympathy, pitty me, thread that i need to get off my chest in some form or another.

I met this Chinese girl in Tokyo 2018 and we started casual.
Started dating serious the next year.
Moved in with her for a bit, but went back to home country to settle divorce with ex.
Covid happens so stuck at home.
Obviously this is really difficult for both of us, but we try our best.

Move back but to my own place.
Then, I start to ignore the obvious red flags;
delayed and unresponsive replies
quickly annoyed at nothing
moody and distant
not answering phone calls, then trying to be a victim
Found out she had went to Okinawa, she said on her own and I knew she was lying.
Anyway, after months of begging and pleading I forgave her and we moved on.
We decide to enjoy sex with couples and other people as long as we are open and honest about it and only use hotels (less personal).



Anyway, fast forward to 2023, we're still together, we've spoke about sex with other people and had a pretty open and honest relationship.
Had some good sex adventures were totally open with each other.
We supported each other through a lot (work, mental stress, finance) and spoke about marrriage earlier this year.
All good.
September she suddenly does the whole avoidance thing again, so I just ask her bluntly as I'm prepared mentally.
She denies it.
OK.
Then, I found some sex videos on her harddrive and ask if she ever recorded any at her apartment, and she says no.
So i tell her I have seen the videos, and found the videos of her in Okinawa wit some other guy.

Another argument about trust and openess ensures.
I say that i thought we could just be open and honest about it. She cries says sorry.
Again.

I go back to my home country for a funeral and get a message on IG to the effect of;

''I'm dating someone else, we plan on getting married, this is the end. Goodbye.''
The next IG story is her cat on some moving boxes in a new apartment...

So, that's where I am now!
Ha!
Back in my home country, lost what i thought was my future wife, heart broken and annoyed at myself for sticking around for so long becasue the sex was amazing. How's your day going guys?

You got amazing sex and learned a lesson.
Onwards and upwards!

 

[CharlieSimms]

Sounds like you had wild, free sex with a bona fide freak (in all the good senses of the label) for a good number of years. I appreciate it has come to an end, but a bit hard to pity you. Sure beats having had to jerk off daily to the latest issue of ヤングジャンプ. That I would pity. 👍

 

[Cinnabums]

Sure beats having had to jerk off daily to the latest issue of ヤングジャンプ.

My everyday, aint that bad to be honest!

 

[AghostAghast]

As a great writer once said: So it goes.

Give yourself time to grieve (Funeral, + lost relationship, a double whammy... sounds very rough).

 

[hrbb]

You'll get over it.

 

[requiemmorrow]

Hi everyone.

This is just a sympathy, pitty me, thread that i need to get off my chest in some form or another.

I met this Chinese girl in Tokyo 2018 and we started casual.
Started dating serious the next year.
Moved in with her for a bit, but went back to home country to settle divorce with ex.
Covid happens so stuck at home.
Obviously this is really difficult for both of us, but we try our best.

Move back but to my own place.
Then, I start to ignore the obvious red flags;
delayed and unresponsive replies
quickly annoyed at nothing
moody and distant
not answering phone calls, then trying to be a victim
Found out she had went to Okinawa, she said on her own and I knew she was lying.
Anyway, after months of begging and pleading I forgave her and we moved on.
We decide to enjoy sex with couples and other people as long as we are open and honest about it and only use hotels (less personal).



Anyway, fast forward to 2023, we're still together, we've spoke about sex with other people and had a pretty open and honest relationship.
Had some good sex adventures were totally open with each other.
We supported each other through a lot (work, mental stress, finance) and spoke about marrriage earlier this year.
All good.
September she suddenly does the whole avoidance thing again, so I just ask her bluntly as I'm prepared mentally.
She denies it.
OK.
Then, I found some sex videos on her harddrive and ask if she ever recorded any at her apartment, and she says no.
So i tell her I have seen the videos, and found the videos of her in Okinawa wit some other guy.

Another argument about trust and openess ensures.
I say that i thought we could just be open and honest about it. She cries says sorry.
Again.

I go back to my home country for a funeral and get a message on IG to the effect of;

''I'm dating someone else, we plan on getting married, this is the end. Goodbye.''
The next IG story is her cat on some moving boxes in a new apartment...

So, that's where I am now!
Ha!
Back in my home country, lost what i thought was my future wife, heart broken and annoyed at myself for sticking around for so long becasue the sex was amazing. How's your day going guys?

Thanks for sharing your story.
I know what it’s like to suddenly get dumped too and it sucks.

I hope the next one works out better for you. 😊

 

[DrCoffee]

I know it hurts but you've dodged a bullet. Move on. She's now someone else's problem. She's hardly likely to be loyal to him but that's his problem.

 

[Fukuoka Jones]

You got amazing sex and learned a lesson.
Onwards and upwards!

Thanks for the story JJT ❤️
If I may share my perspective on the lesson as I had a similar experience...
I was in a relationship that involved a lot of long distance and great sex whenever we met. But when I discovered her videos of sexcapades with another guy I confronted her about it, too. I regret the emotional mess I created by doing that, but you did better than me by coming to a resolution that accepted the fooling around. We instead resolved not to fool around. I believe I should have let her keep her little secret and just enjoy her videos on the sly. The long distance, and not the extracurriculars, would have eventually been our undoing either way.

Anyway I wanna spell out the lessons as I see them:
A) Enjoy things while they last, especially a steady girlfriend who keeps secret videos of her sexcapades. That's a rare bird. Bird's gotta fly.
B) Joy is always being chased by sorrow, and when it finally catches up, you can move on and be grateful for that.
C) Recognize the signs of impending tragedy when they present themselves so that you can have more say in your fate.

Something like that.

 

[Alice]

I know it hurts but you've dodged a bullet. Move on. She's now someone else's problem. She's hardly likely to be loyal to him but that's his problem.

Oh yeah, we’re the loyalty moral police on here now.

 

[Cinnabums]

Oh yeah, we’re the loyalty moral police on here now.

Morals are morals even when corrupt!

 

[klesu42]

Should have just ignored The videos and just kept banging her. I mean can always break up later If you find a better replacement

 

[kirayamato]

''I'm dating someone else, we plan on getting married, this is the end. Goodbye.''

I swear I read this somewhere.

seems like my friend experienced similar case.

if you are dating someone and unless you live together and can see them everyday, it is a competition for who will put the ring first.

 

[Durg50]

Oh yeah, we’re the loyalty moral police on here now.

Yep. Judges, juries and executioners.
Now how can we help?

 

[rawralien]

She was never yours. It was just your turn. Enjoy the moments you were inside her.

 

[MikeH]

Oh yeah, we’re the loyalty moral police on here now.

I am the obvious choice for the sheriff as I am loyal to all my girls at the same time!

 

[Maxblack]

What’s that song “love the one you’re with”?

 

[Rusty Trombone]

Hi everyone.

This is just a sympathy, pitty me, thread that i need to get off my chest in some form or another.

I met this Chinese girl in Tokyo 2018 and we started casual.
Started dating serious the next year.
Moved in with her for a bit, but went back to home country to settle divorce with ex.
Covid happens so stuck at home.
Obviously this is really difficult for both of us, but we try our best.

Move back but to my own place.
Then, I start to ignore the obvious red flags;
delayed and unresponsive replies
quickly annoyed at nothing
moody and distant
not answering phone calls, then trying to be a victim
Found out she had went to Okinawa, she said on her own and I knew she was lying.
Anyway, after months of begging and pleading I forgave her and we moved on.
We decide to enjoy sex with couples and other people as long as we are open and honest about it and only use hotels (less personal).



Anyway, fast forward to 2023, we're still together, we've spoke about sex with other people and had a pretty open and honest relationship.
Had some good sex adventures were totally open with each other.
We supported each other through a lot (work, mental stress, finance) and spoke about marrriage earlier this year.
All good.
September she suddenly does the whole avoidance thing again, so I just ask her bluntly as I'm prepared mentally.
She denies it.
OK.
Then, I found some sex videos on her harddrive and ask if she ever recorded any at her apartment, and she says no.
So i tell her I have seen the videos, and found the videos of her in Okinawa wit some other guy.

Another argument about trust and openess ensures.
I say that i thought we could just be open and honest about it. She cries says sorry.
Again.

I go back to my home country for a funeral and get a message on IG to the effect of;

''I'm dating someone else, we plan on getting married, this is the end. Goodbye.''
The next IG story is her cat on some moving boxes in a new apartment...

So, that's where I am now!
Ha!
Back in my home country, lost what i thought was my future wife, heart broken and annoyed at myself for sticking around for so long becasue the sex was amazing. How's your day going guys?

What color is the cat?

 

[jayjaytokyo]

What color is the cat?

You can guess. That's the kind of question a suspicious person would ask 😂

 

[Sudsy]

What’s that song “love the one you’re with”?

Ummmm....

It's either this one;


Or this one:

 

[Rusty Trombone]

You can guess. That's the kind of question a suspicious person would ask 😂

Gray?

 

[jayjaytokyo]

So it seems like a lot of guys have been fucked over by girls on this way, and it really sucks man.
My DM's are always there if anyon needs to get shit off their chest.

Actually just remembered that he has a load of my things and I'll probably not get them back, so if anyone does know [Redacted], tell her I want my shit back
Normally wouldn't name, but fucking heart broken at the shit she done.

 

[Durg50]

So it seems like a lot of guys have been fucked over by girls on this way, and it really sucks man.

From what i read, she didnt fuck you over at all. She just chose someone else. Its rough but it happens. Doesnt make her or you a bad person.

 

[jayjaytokyo]

From what i read, she didnt fuck you over at all. She just chose someone else. Its rough but it happens. Doesnt make her or you a bad person.

Well we were together for 5 years. Engaged.
And she was having a secret relationship/affair for fuck knows how long..presumably a very long time to have already moved in and planned a wedding with him within a week of me being gone.
That's fucking someone over.

That's not even including all the shit of mine she still has that I'll never get back as she's went ghost (like limited vinyls!)

 

[Durg50]

Well we were together for 5 years. Engaged.
And she was having a secret relationship/affair for fuck knows how long..presumably a very long time to have already moved in and planned a wedding with him within a week of me being gone.
That's fucking someone over.

That's not even including all the shit of mine she still has that I'll never get back as she's went ghost (like limited vinyls!)

Ok, you never said you were engaged in the original post. Weird to leave that information out as its pretty major. You just said ‘talked about marriage’. You mentioned all the major milestones of your relationship but omitted the fact you got engaged?

You were not engaged.

Also naming her (now redeacted) wasnt cool.

You got rejected, maybe even played. Not gonna help yourself by being bitter or exaggerating things.

Believe me, ive done all of the above.