Sexless Student

[Asylm57]

So the other day, I was having a private lesson with one of my Japanese students(34years old) at a Cafe and during the lesson she showed me a news article about "Sex-less" foreign women living in Japan. Right after showing me article, she told me she is Sex-less as well and hasn't had sex in two years!
Why would she tell me this? Have any of you been in a similar situation? Is she hinting at me for sex or simply would like some advice?

 

[owlet]

I wouldn't assume there is any hidden / deeper meaning ..

 

[roots reggae]

So the other day, I was having a private lesson with one of my Japanese students(34years old) at a Cafe and during the lesson she showed me a news article about "Sex-less" foreign women living in Japan. Right after showing me article, she told me she is Sex-less as well and hasn't had sex in two years!
Why would she tell me this? Have any of you been in a similar situation? Is she hinting at me for sex or simply would like some advice?

Since she brought the subject up, you may consider her asking her if it's by choice. That's the only way to know if she has ulterior motives.

 

[meiji]

Why would she tell me this? Have any of you been in a similar situation? Is she hinting at me for sex or simply would like some advice?

Or perhaps neither, and she just wanted to discuss something she was interested in. In my experience, Japanese people can often be unnervingly direct about personal issues at times. When I was taking some Japanese tutor sessions at a Japanese school I went to, one of the female instructors regularly used the age and marital status of the other female instructors as discussion fodder.

 

[grimjim]

So the other day, I was having a private lesson with one of my Japanese students(34years old) at a Cafe and during the lesson she showed me a news article about "Sex-less" foreign women living in Japan. Right after showing me article, she told me she is Sex-less as well and hasn't had sex in two years!
Why would she tell me this? Have any of you been in a similar situation? Is she hinting at me for sex or simply would like some advice?

Sounds crazy. But whatever the reason, don't let her swallow your sword. Crazy is as crazy does.

 

[MossBoss]

If you like her invite her out for a drink one day. You might lose a student and gain a lover.

 

[DeepStick2020]

From my buddies perspective, one I net in Japan, this student is just practicing her conversation skills. Think nothing of it. He told me that he had a student bring up her cycles and ovulation. Perhaps you are misunderstanding her.

 

[patty diaz]

I'm more interested in the sound of this sexless foreign women article lol
Cause I've never had an issue getting laid

 

[User#8628]

I'm more interested in the sound of this sexless foreign women article lol
Cause I've never had an issue getting laid

My first thought exactly!!

 

[faboo2001]

So the other day, I was having a private lesson with one of my Japanese students(34years old) at a Cafe and during the lesson she showed me a news article about "Sex-less" foreign women living in Japan. Right after showing me article, she told me she is Sex-less as well and hasn't had sex in two years!
Why would she tell me this? Have any of you been in a similar situation? Is she hinting at me for sex or simply would like some advice?

If having sex with her was something you'd consider, I would've jokingly ask if that wanted to "fix" that issue and taken it from there...But then again, her response to it may not reflect how she really feels so you might end up being in the same situation anyway.

 

[BIPSY]

Its been a really long time since I've done any teaching but stuff like that is always really hard to read into - it seems like some people will spend an inordinate amount of time trying to find coy ways to bring things up or introduce topics of conversation while others just bring stuff like that up because it randomly caught their eye or is interesting.

Very loosely related but my first job after moving to Tokyo was teaching at a small school that did lots of loose group lessons. I had one that met during the morning on a weekday and the bulk of the students were housewives but there was one middle aged guy in there (maybe early 50's?) who used to love bringing up "edgy" conversation topics to try and get a rise out of the other students. I remember him asking me one day what I thought about "selling spring" in English and having no idea what he was talking about - his English level was high enough that he wouldn't mistakenly bash two unrelated words together but I had no idea where he was going with this. Turns out he was trying to find a cute way to introduce prostitution into the conversation - the traditional (read: rarely ever used) word for prostitution in Japanese is 売春 and the kanji are literally "sell" and "Spring" (referring to youth, in this case).

The rest of the students took to this conversation topic about as well as you would imagine, haha.

 

[meiji]

I'm more interested in the sound of this sexless foreign women article lol
Cause I've never had an issue getting laid

I dunno. I've met several attractive somewhat unhappy foreign women. There was this one stunning blonde that I coincidentally met at a "breastaurant" in the US who said that she either intimidated Japanese guys and/or they treated her like crap, and she finally started dating a Scottish guy who she said she probably wouldn't have ordinarily dated outside of Japan.

 

[Wwanderer]

See this old thread on the topic

https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/dating-scene-for-western-women-in-japan.5560/

and this article which instigated that thread:

http://www.vagabondish.com/female-foreign-japan

I might add that I know two Western women who have both lived in Japan for over a decade, over two decades in one case, and who say that they have never been approached by a Japanese man, not even when they dressed to attract male attention and hung out in "pick-up bars and clubs". One of them told me that she has a friend who has had the same experience. Both the ladies I know are tall and gorgeous. One is blonde and the other brunette. Some of their Japanese girlfriends have told them that their height intimidates Japanese men. Btw, they don't know each other (or about each other!).

-Ww

 

[phil3k]

I wouldn't assume there is any hidden / deeper meaning ..

Said no man ever!

 

[patty diaz]

I dunno. I've met several attractive somewhat unhappy foreign women. There was this one stunning blonde that I coincidentally met at a "breastaurant" in the US who said that she either intimidated Japanese guys and/or they treated her like crap, and she finally started dating a Scottish guy who she said she probably wouldn't have ordinarily dated outside of Japan.

See this old thread on the topic

https://tokyoadultguide.com/threads/dating-scene-for-western-women-in-japan.5560/

and this article which instigated that thread:

http://www.vagabondish.com/female-foreign-japan

I might add that I know two Western women who have both lived in Japan for over a decade, over two decades in one case, and who say that they have never been approached by a Japanese man, not even when they dressed to attract male attention and hung out in "pick-up bars and clubs". One of them told me that she has a friend who has had the same experience. Both the ladies I know are tall and gorgeous. One is blonde and the other brunette. Some of their Japanese girlfriends have told them that their height intimidates Japanese men. Btw, they don't know each other (or about each other!).

-Ww

I guess that's true with very attractive women...Japanese men wont approach you, from working in kyaba customers tell me that they think the girl wont be interested in Japanese men or shes too good for them. The height thing is also true lol. I'm naturally very shy and don't get male attention so I had to start coming out of my shell (I got japanese friends to introduce me if I was interested etc.) You either have to start pursuing them or they wont come to you....Usually the ones they do approach are creepy gaijin fetish guys that try to practise their english lol

 

[vondoom]

why dont you have any problem getting laid here?

and, how about relationships? most japanese do date foreigners, but wouldnt marry them, unless they couldnt find a japanese partner abd hit the 35 mark...

 

[patty diaz]

why dont you have any problem getting laid here?

and, how about relationships? most japanese do date foreigners, but wouldnt marry them, unless they couldnt find a japanese partner abd hit the 35 mark...

Trust me a lot of Japanese men want to try having sex with a foreigner ...its the dating them part thats harder. I think that once your japanese is at a higher level your playing field opens to a lot more guys(especially ones that maybe never considered a relationship with a foreigner) he can communicate smoothly with you and feels more at ease knowing you understand cultural customs etc.

 

[vondoom]

thats exactly what i wanted to say... i see that more in jwomen and foreign men though (the dating thing)...

it doesnt surprise me at all that the ops student didnt habe sex in two years, since shes 34...
most of the women i know gave up obve they hit the 30, because apparently japanese men dont seem to be interested anymore...

 

[User#8628]

Usually the ones they do approach are creepy gaijin fetish guys that try to practise their english lol

Gaijin hunters :')

Trust me a lot of Japanese men want to try having sex with a foreigner ...its the dating them part thats harder. I think that once your japanese is at a higher level your playing field opens to a lot more guys(especially ones that maybe never considered a relationship with a foreigner) he can communicate smoothly with you and feels more at ease knowing you understand cultural customs etc.

True. I found that Japanese guys are interested in sex, and even in having two or three nice dates, like dinner, karaoke, bars, beach and such things, so they seem interested in fun and company as well. But after the first few dates, most guys stop contacting.

There are definitely guys that can date for the longer term though, although marriage can be a problem if their family is conservative.

And yes, in Japan, guys prefer cute over sexy. So trying to look young and fresh works well. I don't really wear makeup and heels for example. It saves me effort and it makes me less intimidating to guys.

 

[patty diaz]

Gaijin hunters :')


True. I found that Japanese guys are interested in sex, and even in having two or three nice dates, like dinner, karaoke, bars, beach and such things, so they seem interested in fun and company as well. But after the first few dates, most guys stop contacting.

There are definitely guys that can date for the longer term though, although marriage can be a problem if their family is conservative.

And yes, in Japan, guys prefer cute over sexy. So trying to look young and fresh works well. I don't really wear makeup and heels for example. It saves me effort and it makes me less intimidating to guys.

Too true too true. I'm more of the sexy look so I attract creepers, gaijin hunters or oraora guys haha. Being in the lgbtq scene is soo much easier

 

[User#8628]

Too true too true. I'm more of the sexy look so I attract creepers, gaijin hunters or oraora guys haha. Being in the lgbtq scene is soo much easier

I wish i attracted more oraora guys, lol.
It's funny because my friend likes cute babyface guys and i like oraora, but they always hit on the wrong one of us because she has a lot of tattoos and i look young and "innocent".

How about the lgbtq scene? Do you think Japanese woman generally like foreign women and what type of foreign women is popular?

 

[patty diaz]

I wish i attracted more oraora guys, lol.
It's funny because my friend likes cute babyface guys and i like oraora, but they always hit on the wrong one of us because she has a lot of tattoos and i look young and "innocent".

How about the lgbtq scene? Do you think Japanese woman generally like foreign women and what type of foreign women is popular?

I've only dated half Japanese girls but from what I know and have seen (compared to the gay community) there are a lot less foreigners and it really just depends on the person. I have a lot of new halfs tell me they're into gaijin women haha

 

[roots reggae]

why dont you have any problem getting laid here?

and, how about relationships? most japanese do date foreigners, but wouldnt marry them, unless they couldnt find a japanese partner abd hit the 35 mark...

Guess I was super lucky...

When we met, back in 2002, my wife was 25 and I was 49.

We married when she was 26 and I was almost 50.

She's intelligent, a university graduate, and we still have weekly relations- for the most part, amazing!

 

[Wwanderer]

She's intelligent, a university graduate, and we still have weekly relations- for the most part, amazing!

I don't understand (at all) the connection between your comments on the one hand about your wife's intelligence and education and, on the other hand, about your sex life with her. Other than both being among her good traits (presumably she has many others), do you see some connection I am missing here?

-Ww

 

[roots reggae]

I don't understand (at all) the connection between your comments on the one hand about your wife's intelligence and education and, on the other hand, about your sex life with her. Other than both being among her good traits (presumably she has many others), do you see some connection I am missing here?

-Ww

Ww,

Yes, you are missing a connection and on one level this is surprising.

Now, what I am about to write does not apply to everyone, however it does relate to the personal success of the relationship between my wife and me.

And, it does relate to the general topic of this thread which deals with women with sexless lives.

What surprises me, is your apparent failure to connect the whole person of a female with her sex life. Sexual satisfaction is much more complex, at least in ongoing relationships, than the mere physical act.

For many women, there are other factors, e.g. emotional attachment, shared values, share experiences, and on the intellectual level, which is your missing connection, the ability to meet each others intellectual needs, through conversation and discussion. To me this is a sign of respect to her, conveying,"I value you as a whole person."

Rowan Pelling, writing in the Journal, Psychologies article, Great Sex is all in the Mind notes:

As editor of The Erotic Review magazine for eight years, I had noticed that smart women often seemed well equipped to enjoy rewarding sex, particularly the academics who wrote regularly for me. The fact that they were intellectually adventurous led them to be sexually daring, too. A good education is, of course, a form of liberation and the best kind of sex generally involves a corresponding sense of abandonment, as well as a sophisticated imagination.

Psychotherapist and sex therapist Martin Lloyd-Elliott agrees. ‘The brain is key, ranging from the pituitary gland, which can significantly affect your libido, to your imagination,’ he says. ‘And the quality of your imagination is a crucial element in being able to achieve satisfactory orgasms.’

https://www.psychologies.co.uk/love/great-sex-is-all-in-the-mind.html

I will continue this discussion in a more relevant thread, Which Do You Prefer: Long Term Relationship Or P4p? when I have more time. It will expand the discourse, as well as explain the level on which I am not surprised at your apparent missing connection.