Addicted to Escorts- advice please

[Mischa Maxwell]

I'm struggling at the moment with a client that I have in Australia who I believe *is* addicted to escorts. He's seeing 2-3 different girls per week. Total expenditure this year over $100k AUD. He's not a millionaire and has a wife and 3 kids. I've told him to slow down, but he won't/can't. He's also taking risks that could lead to his real identity being revealed (going to Sexpo, getting photos with escorts and pornstars etc).

He's in his late 40s, educated, a partner in a company. He started seeing escorts in January of this year while out of town on business. He initially swore that he would never see any escorts in his home town. But now he does. He's actually confessed
to me that he is *in love" with a high-profile escort that he books regularly.

I did an overnight booking with him last week and we had sex three times. However, he also had a booking every day that week with different girls. Does this not seem like a bit too much sex for the average middle-aged male?

To me, it looks like his house of cards is about to collapse. He has been close to being caught by his wife once this year.
He is the sweetest, most beautiful man. He is taking too many risks in regard to his identity being known. I"m not sure that he knows how to stop, or even believes that he needs to stop.

I'm very fond of him, both as a client and as a friend of sorts.

 

[meiji]

I'd refuse to see him again, and tell him why. But DEFINITELY don't get mixed up in his drama. It's not going to help him until he hits bottom or has some other realization. People will only accept help when they realize they have a problem and apparently he isn't at that point yet.

 

[Wwanderer]

Seems like a pretty normal monger to me; we all slow down a bit as we get older!

More seriously, my "vote" was to talk to him again, perhaps more than once, and I'd suggest trying to point out the rational reasons for your concern in a friendly but not overly aggressive or judgmental way. Unless you are A LOT closer to him than your post suggests or unless you have some reason to doubt his competence to make life decisions for himself, it seems to me inappropriate to go any further towards intervening.

You might also try to get him to explain to you the reason he is behaving in this unusual (and yes, it is quite unusual) way. Maybe there is some major fact of which you are unaware or maybe trying to articulate the reason to you will help him have more insight into his behavior himself.

My two yen worth...

-Ww

 

[Exnocomment]

I'd say talk to him again and if you are close friends with any of the other ladies he sees maybe you guys could confide in each other, like a mini-intervention, but at the end of the day he's an adult, he's gotta do him..

I find many people can be easily controlled by their impulses and dopamine is a very powerful drug that can lead us to do some very silly things.. Especially if you've been "deprived" for much of your life. It's like lottery winner syndrome, right?

 

[owlet]

but by talking with him you are really blurring the lines of provider and friend.. I guess its too late to keep the right distance?

can't you refer him to a sex therapist?

 

[User#8628]

I always tell myself that guys' financial situations are not my concern. But of course i'm only human so i think i wouldn't be able to stop my concern and talk to him about it.
I would definitely keep bringing it up in a soft tone. I wouldn't refuse him services until being around him makes you very uncomfortable, some girl is gonna take his money anyway and this way you can keep an eye on him! If i'd see he really doesn't have money to spend i wouldn't take it, but if he does need someone, better someone who is actually concerned about him unless it takes a huge toll on you.

 

[e-smile]

but by talking with him you are really blurring the lines of provider and friend.. I guess its too late to keep the right distance?

can't you refer him to a sex therapist?

why a sex therapist ? his problem is not sexual, would you advise him a nutritionist if he was going to high end restaurants and spend 100k$ a year on 5 stars food ? he's not doing it in an excessive rate.
2-3 times a week is an average rate for sex relations.

the problem is not about sex, it's about his expenses and my point is that it's not a problem if he can afford the expenses.

also she says he's taking too much risks, what risks is it about ? the risk of having his wife find out ? maybe he wants her to find out (consciously or unconsciously).

 

[daniel.d871]

I'm struggling at the moment with a client that I have in Australia who I believe *is* addicted to escorts. He's seeing 2-3 different girls per week. Total expenditure this year over $100k AUD. He's not a millionaire and has a wife and 3 kids. I've told him to slow down, but he won't/can't. He's also taking risks that could lead to his real identity being revealed (going to Sexpo, getting photos with escorts and pornstars etc).

He's in his late 40s, educated, a partner in a company. He started seeing escorts in January of this year while out of town on business. He initially swore that he would never see any escorts in his home town. But now he does. He's actually confessed
to me that he is *in love" with a high-profile escort that he books regularly.

I did an overnight booking with him last week and we had sex three times. However, he also had a booking every day that week with different girls. Does this not seem like a bit too much sex for the average middle-aged male?

To me, it looks like his house of cards is about to collapse. He has been close to being caught by his wife once this year.
He is the sweetest, most beautiful man. He is taking too many risks in regard to his identity being known. I"m not sure that he knows how to stop, or even believes that he needs to stop.

I'm very fond of him, both as a client and as a friend of sorts.

He is either really Loves the wife and kids but, does not get the sex life he WANTS from his wife and can only find that freedom or pleasure in seeing escorts. In another sense it like some form of liberty of doing what ever pleases him, of course, it is mutual. He doesn't know how to get it from her or neither does she also know how to get him coming back for more. Or just an ordinary monger at the peak stages of his mongering journey. (Normal for mongering). Not sure if it's the best way but Seeing a therapist might be helpful. Thus if he has realized his position or accepts there could be something going over the bar in his life.

 

[Kulbutor]

I was in the exactly same case for 7 years,

was totally addicted, just after come back from a meeting at home, i jumped on my laptop to book the next...

i ever planned to meet 1000 girls, for making Jagger or Curtis some little monks in comparison with me, hahaha,

and at a moment ( after about 800 meetings ), the excitement begin lower and lower, i found every meeting was identical,


so i made the mistake to try some drugs for boost my libido, not only viagra, and it was the beginning of the end...

I know some punters i was chatting with, are still active after 10 or 15 years, so its depends of the personality...

and even if i failed for my target, it was my trip in Japan recently that gave me a new motivation , to meet different girls boosted me again, thanks ladies and guys to help me for that here

Everyone is different, but for sure if this guy dont earn enough money for any reasons in the futur, he will stop.

Just my 2 cents

 

[Kulbutor]

So my advices are :

- To alert his wife ( ex-mine knew and was ok ), will you do that for him?
- Manage to make his budget tiny, his dick will follow

 

[Wwanderer]

- To alert his wife ( ex-mine knew and was ok ), will you do that for him?

If you are seriously suggesting that @Mischa Maxwell tell his wife, that is among the worst advice to anyone I've ever seen on TAG...but maybe the smiley face means you were joking...I hope.

-Ww

 

[Kulbutor]

If you are seriously suggesting that @Mischa Maxwell tell his wife, that is among the worst advice to anyone I've ever seen on TAG...but maybe the smiley face means you were joking...I hope.

-Ww

No, i was serious, its my advice, and the smiley means that i know she wont do it
btw, she asked for advices ... so let her manage on the other way.

Come on, this guy dont need a therapy, he just have a dick...
And i suppose he dont have any sexual with his wife, so if she is not a moron, she knows already

Just my 2 cents.

 

[Wwanderer]

No, i was serious, its my advice, and the smiley means that i know she wont do it

To state the obvious, telling his wife could very well make one or both of them seriously, perhaps even dangerously, angry with her. There is a reason for the cliché "Don't shoot the messenger", namely messengers are often the ones who get blamed...and occasionally even shot!

-Ww

 

[Kulbutor]

To state the obvious, telling his wife could very well make one or both of them seriously, perhaps even dangerously, angry with her. There is a reason for the cliché "Don't shoot the messenger", namely messengers are often the ones who get blamed...and occasionally even shot!

-Ww

Come on, its possible to do that anonymously btw.
but its just my advice, he! just my 2 cents...

 

[MikeH]

However, he also had a booking every day that week with different girls. Does this not seem like a bit too much sex for the average middle-aged male?

Hmm, no? I am older than him and if I had the time I would be happy to have sex every day with a different, or the same, girl. But as I have other more important things to do I limit myself to 1-2 girls per week. And to be honest hopping in to a hotel every day of the week would seriously cut into my beer money .

It seems you have two different concerns here; his money and him getting caught. He has only started this year and while he has run through quite some more money than an average guy maybe he can afford it having been saving all those years?

And as @e-smile suggested maybe he actually wants to get caught? Not everyone is good with words and if he is not happy with his life and/or marriage he might want to force his and her hand by getting caught?

Anyway sounds like something is going to give up sooner rather than later; my suggestion would be to stay out of the way not to be hit by the debris.

 

[meiji]

Sex addiction like most other addictions are generally defined as doing something that you can't really stop/are compelled to do and it is seriously affecting your life or others.

Guys that make a great living and are banging women every night have 'a healthy libido'. Guys that are banging women every night and spending their kids' college fund to do so likely have some emotional problems compelling them to ignore reality, and hence are probably addicts.

If the dude has some other source of income (inheritance or whatever), that's a different story. Him being infatuated with an escort and/or seeing a bunch of escorts all the time might have other issues, but it's probably not addiction.

 

[Sudsy]

The sad truth is that the only person who can help an addict is themselves.

This holds true for alcoholics, dope fiends, and sex addicts - it's the anture of the beast.

Until he decides enough is enough, no amount of advice or close calls will make him stop.

He has to decide for himself that the time has come to reign it in.

All you can do is distance yourself so that you're not pulled down with him when he hits rock bottom.

 

[PunishaSnake]

Hmm, no? I am older than him and if I had the time I would be happy to have sex every day with a different, or the same, girl. But as I have other more important things to do I limit myself to 1-2 girls per week. And to be honest hopping in to a hotel every day of the week would seriously cut into my beer money .

It seems you have two different concerns here; his money and him getting caught. He has only started this year and while he has run through quite some more money than an average guy maybe he can afford it having been saving all those years?

And as @e-smile suggested maybe he actually wants to get caught? Not everyone is good with words and if he is not happy with his life and/or marriage he might want to force his and her hand by getting caught?

Anyway sounds like something is going to give up sooner rather than later; my suggestion would be to stay out of the way not to be hit by the debris.

Well said.

 

[Mr Cat]

My advice would be to stay out of drama as much as possible, but try talking to the guy.
If he doesn't get it and seeing him makes you feel uncomfortable, then stop seeing him.

Under no circumstances contact any of his friend/family/work, do not get involved in something that doesn't concern you and might end up getting you in trouble as well as hurting his life.

 

[Wwanderer]

My advice would be to stay out of drama as much as possible, but try talking to the guy.
If he doesn't get it and seeing him makes you feel uncomfortable, then stop seeing him.

Under no circumstances contact any of his friend/family/work, do not get involved in something that doesn't concern you and might end up getting you in trouble as well as hurting his life.

Just exactly that imo too.

-Ww

 

[Wwanderer]

I did an overnight booking with him last week and we had sex three times. However, he also had a booking every day that week with different girls. Does this not seem like a bit too much sex for the average middle-aged male?

Definitely more than typical/average but not outside a "normal" (reasonably common) range imo. I'm currently drifting into my late 60s and can still manage and enjoy at least 6 times per week. Just a few (less than five) years ago I could go at least once per day and often twice with the right partner and motivation (which I happened to have at that time).

Basically I agree with this:

Hmm, no? I am older than him and if I had the time I would be happy to have sex every day with a different, or the same, girl.

But am totally baffled by this!

But as I have other more important things to do

I infer that there is some activity available to guys of which I am unaware!

-Ww

 

[MikeH]

I infer that there is some activity available to guys of which I am unaware!

Unfortunately nothing that exiting, I'm afraid. Just long term planning; everyday until run out of money or few times per week forever.

Of course I'm approaching the age where "everyday" starts to feel more attractive as "forever" gets shorter and shorter.

 

[owlet]

I'm edging towards the idea of.. Just take his money why you can.. This situation is not going to last long by the sound of it..

from what you said I think you met your "responsibilities" in term of soft guiding him to a healthier place .. But ultimately its his choice

either that or send him synapses way

 

[User#8628]

To state the obvious, telling his wife could very well make one or both of them seriously, perhaps even dangerously, angry with her. There is a reason for the cliché "Don't shoot the messenger", namely messengers are often the ones who get blamed...and occasionally even shot!

-Ww

It would also seriously damage her reputation as an escort.
He could get angry and complain about it on the forum and all potentional customers would get scared away by the thought she can't keep a secret.
One of the most important parts of the job is to be discrete with your client's personal information and not get them in trouble.

 

[Kulbutor]

It would also seriously damage her reputation as an escort.
He could get angry and complain about it on the forum and all potentional customers would get scared away by the thought she can't keep a secret.
One of the most important parts of the job is to be discrete with your client's personal information and not get them in trouble.

Thats why its better to keep your life secret with escort girls