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Advice for dating Japanese women

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gagababa

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Hi,
I'm in my early twenties. I don't have much experience asking out women on dates and I'm pretty anxious about it.

My japanese level is pretty decent. I can hold daily conversations.

I would like to meet and go on dates with Japanese women. Where is it recommended that I meet new women? I sort of have an idea about nanpa but does nanpa actually work? Or should I try apps like omiai or pairs? What about going using meetups(the app) to meet women I might find interesting? And how do I go from talking to random Japanese women to actually asking her out on a date.
Thanks.
 
gagababa said:
And how do I go from talking to random Japanese women to actually asking her out on a date.
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If you are already talking to random girls then you are more than half way there. For the rest I have a neat little trick that is actually a secret but if you promise not to tell anyone I can reveal it to you.

After I have talked with a girl enough to guess she is nice and I would like to meet her again I use my secret trick. The trick is to say to her: "Would you like to go out to dinner with me?".

Of course I don't always say it exactly like that, if it's early I say "lunch" instead of "dinner". The neat thing about the trick is that sometimes they say yes and then you get to eat with an interesting lady. And if they say no then you eat alone like you would have if you didn't use the trick. So there is no downside on this.
 
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Picking up random women from public places works for some people but you need a very high degree of confidence and prepare to fail far more often than you succeed. It's a numbers game as much as it is anything else.

I'd recommend apps or events where you're meeting people that expect to be met and are more receptive to being talked to rather than random chicks trying to go about their business.
 
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There are lots of ways to meet new women, places of shared interest, through friends, at work and so on. Be interesting and be interested in them for a start. Once you've hooked them into a conversation and want to carry things on either offer to take them somewhere else or get their contacts if that's not possible at the time. Everyone uses LINE and getting that contact is usually not difficult. You can use this to follow up,tell them how much you liked your conversation and offer to take them somewhere to continue.

Nanpa is simply going to an area where you know a lot of women will be around like places with lots of women's clothing stores and cute cafes and then randomly approaching one you like the look of. See those groups of guys with fancy hair and nice clothes hanging around on streets in Shibuya? They are probably doing that. It's about being confident and not being afraid of rejection because you can move on to somebody else after. Smile and approach, say hi and ask what they are doing then make conversation from that. Introduce yourself and get their name all while keeping them talking. Eventually you'll move the conversation with asking if they'd like to go somewhere with you for lunch or drinks. If it's on an evening at weekends and you offer drinks be careful of the young women who kinda counter nanpa to get a free night out lol. There are attractive women who seek out guys doing it so their night out is paid for and they often will make their excuses and bail before you got a single thing out of it. You need to keep things moving at your pace and don't get yourself left with a check when she decides she has to go meet up with her friends or something. You want her to keep having fun being with you and keep building sexual tension but you can't outright say you want to go somewhere and sleep with her at any point. I usually have things more or less planned out with how I'll set up the night and have it end up in a hotel.

Nanpa is always a gamble though, it might take a while just to be able to get women to randomly take you up on lunch and then getting them in bed after that can also go completely wrong. You could have a great night out,get all the way to a hotel and suddenly she becomes fussy and pulls away lol. At that point you probably can't do anything to convince her to sleep with you and you have to give up. I've read advice that it's better to lead her to a hotel and walk in without telling her you intend to take her to one but I've had about the same success/fail ratio in saying I want to go somewhere with a bath/bed because I'm tired without explicitly implying we will have sex. Even if they know they want to sleep with you they might back out if you ask them directly.In Japan it seems like women want the illusion of it just happening without intending it because they don't want to seem easy to men they sleep with. Or at least they don't want it to look like they are easy to people they know by them learning they agreed to sex and went to a hotel with a guy they just met.
 
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FallenLaughter said:
Nanpa is always a gamble though, it might take a while just to be able to get women to randomly take you up on lunch and then getting them in bed after that can also go completely wrong. You could have a great night out,get all the way to a hotel and suddenly she becomes fussy
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@FallenLaughter Thanks for the advice. Just curious though, how long did it take for you before you tried Nanpa for the first time in Japan and eventually actually took the girl out for lunch?

Lukes said:
I'd recommend apps or events where you're meeting people that expect to be met and are more receptive to being talked to rather than random chicks trying to go about their business.
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Makes sense. I guess I'd first start off trying to meet women in events etc before trying out Nanpa. Probably that would be a better start rather than try cold-approaching women randomly.

MikeH said:
If you are already talking to random girls then you are more than half way there. For the rest I have a neat little trick that is actually a secret but if you promise not to tell anyone I can reveal it to you
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Haha you're funny man. But no, I am not already talking to random Japanese chicks. I want to but I am not lol. I guess asking someone out on a date so soon after meeting isn't very common in the culture that I am from. Its more common to first get to know them first through common social groups or informal conversations for like a few weeks rather than fixing a date explicitly. And then I would proceed to telling her know that I like her and ask her if she wants to go out with me.
 
gagababa said:
And then I would proceed to telling her know that I like her and ask her if she wants to go out with me.
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That's where you are taking it too seriously. The idea is not to ask a girl you like out, the idea is to ask a girl out in order to figure out if you would like her.

You should be more relaxed and stop overthinking; after all you are not asking her to marry you, you are asking her to eat with you.
 
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With the exception of the fuckwits who wear silly baggy suits, have fiber glass hairdos, stand on Shinsaibashi and chat up every girl who passes, nampa in Japan is really no different in Japan than it is anywhere else. My opinion: If you are consciously doing pick up or nampa or whatever you want to call it, you are over-thinking. Just make a point of being open and gregarious with everyone. Men, women, attractive or not. Just be open and friendly and talkative. You will meet people and make friends and some of them will want to fuck you. Some of them you will want to fuck. Hopefully there will be a overlap.
 
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gagababa said:
@FallenLaughter Thanks for the advice. Just curious though, how long did it take for you before you tried Nanpa for the first time in Japan and eventually actually took the girl out for lunch?
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The first time I randomly started talking to a girl and asked her to lunch it was successful. I wasn't going out my way to pick up anyone it's just an opportunity walked onto the subway and I tried making conversation. She was responsive, we got food and went clubbing. Think of it as taking the chances that come your way instead of sitting back and looking at a pretty girl vanish forever.
 
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You can also take up a hobby that can be done with groups of people. Specifically, hobbies that are popular amongst women. Like dancing or taking cooking classes or something along those lines.
 
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