Baldness?

[honra123]

Hi guys and girls of TAG

I'm a 28 male who just arrived in Tokyo and I'll spend the next at least 3 years here. If I like it and the job prospects are good, I'll stay for more.

Now, the genetic lottery wasn't that gracious to me so after balding for a few years, last year I finally shaved my head. I'm rather slim, borderline skinny, but at least I'm not pasty and I'm rather tall.

I know a great chunk of what constitutes us is confidence, social skills etc., but I was wondering on the additional effect of baldness here. In my country it's not something that uncommon, but I've heard in Japan it's a different case. People judge you more, put some additional years on your age count and all that jazz.

Any personal experiences or observations would be highly appreciated!

 

[MikeH]

Any personal experiences or observations would be highly appreciated!

First of all, if I ever start balding, and due to the genetics it's a pretty good percentage bet I will, I will absolutely shave it all off like you did. After that it all comes down to the shape of your head, the locals have very round ones so that's a bit unfortunate. So it could go horrible wrong or be really great. Think young Sinead O'Connor!

But you are right the attitude towards balding is different here. Last month I casually mentioned to one of my FWBs that I should really get couple of pounds of my midsection as I have been eating too much lately. She immediately responded "I don't care at all even if you get really fat, but if you get bald I'm out!".

Well, thanks for being honest, I guess?

 

[honra123]

Haha, it's good that she's being honest though! I've noticed that younger women <24 are the ones most put off by this. With the age rising, it becomes less of a problem. Maybe because when we're nearing the 30ies a bigger portion of men starts getting bald?

In any case, we can't blame people for their preferences, right?

Even though I'm pretty slim, at least I have strong cheekbones and tan plus a slightly oval face. Not the best case scenario, but it works averagely fine. You deal with the cards you've been given - better than fretting over your hair, taking medications or populating your scalp with grafts...at least for me.

 

[MStingray]

Sir. Patrick. Stewart.

Enough said.

 

[vondoom]

my former coworkers always said that baldness wasnt any issue, they said that many women even preferred that on foreigners...
on the other hand, one of my female friends complains about having no boyfriend at least two times a week, not without stating that she doesnt want a fat dude, or a bald dude... that is the worst thing ever for her... she wouldnt date foreigners, though...
i think that sums it up, pretty much...

 

[Wwanderer]

Different women like and dislike and care and don't care about different things. It is the same for different Japanese women. It may odd to some, but women and Japanese women both are a whole lot like individual people.

-Ww

 

[TheScientist]

I regularly see locals with shaven heads accompanied by women.

 

[honra123]

Different women like and dislike and care and don't care about different things. It is the same for different Japanese women. It may odd to some, but women and Japanese women both are a whole lot like individual people.
-Ww

Of course! That was a harsh generalization on my part, but I just wanted some (any) input. Searched around the web and it was full of doomsday proclamations. Kinda thought it's a bit excessive, so I turned to TAG

my former coworkers always said that baldness wasnt any issue, they said that many women even preferred that on foreigners...
on the other hand, one of my female friends complains about having no boyfriend at least two times a week, not without stating that she doesnt want a fat dude, or a bald dude... that is the worst thing ever for her... she wouldnt date foreigners, though...
i think that sums it up, pretty much...

Ouch, I understand her, but being way too picky will leave you waiting forever. Personally, I've met quite a few women I *shouldn't* have liked due to personal preferences, but when things click, they just click, regardless of some of our preferences.

 

[vondoom]

yeah i guess she knows that, too, but what can you do... desperate anyway, since shes 30 now...
but that was only an example... i wanted to say that you shouldnt be worried about getting bald... and if you shave it anyway, it looks like you did on purpose, hopefully...

 

[Tokyodude]

look around ..very, very few local guys go bald before their 50's..they have the best genes in the world for that so of course women don't need bald guys if 99% percent of guys aren't ..

Would you want to go date a really fat Japanese lady instead of picking any of the 90% slim/normal Japanese..

Even the least superficial, well educated Japanese women are quick at pointing out how they don't like bald guys in my experience. I'd do anything to keep my hair IMO ..propecia/rogaine etc.. whatever it takes

 

[Tokyodude]

 

[User#8628]

look around ..very, very few local guys go bald before their 50's..they have the best genes in the world for that so of course women don't need bald guys if 99% percent of guys aren't ..

Would you want to go date a really fat Japanese lady instead of picking any of the 90% slim/normal Japanese..

Even the least superficial, well educated Japanese women are quick at pointing out how they don't like bald guys in my experience. I'd do anything to keep my hair IMO ..propecia/rogaine etc.. whatever it takes

There are quite some bald guys in Japan. AND a lot of guys use wigs and toupets to cover up baldness here, because it is kinda embarrassing to some people, but i think no issue if you carry yourself with confidence. (And they know foreigners have different genes and fashion and respect that.)

 

[Tokyodude]

Precisely - men in Japan are openly made fun of being bald and need to cover up with wigs a lot more than in Europe / USA

And these men will have to resort to paying for sex hence you probably met more than the average person would ...

Don't think you get a special pass for being white and bald unless you are also very wealthy perhaps

 

[User#8628]

Precisely - men in Japan are openly made fun of being bald and need to cover up with wigs a lot more than in Europe / USA

And these men will have to resort to paying for sex hence you probably met more than the average person would ...

Don't think you get a special pass for being white and bald unless you are also very wealthy perhaps

I think its more about their age and convience if they do p4p or not.
Married salary men are not gonna start a love affair and are not gonna get much at home.

 

[honra123]

Excuse me if it's an uneducated guess - as you all have already been living in Japan for quite a while.

The thing with insecurities is that usually there's a huge market creeping on every single one of them - cosmetics, baldness, whatever you wish. Every part of our life can be exploited to leave us with a chunk of dissatisfaction so we can turn to <something>. Ain't nothing wrong with that and I sure have my little escapism moments, but from what I've heard/read about East Asia (especially South Korea/Japan), there seems to be an even greater exploit of the people's insecurities.

With baldness, I encountered the good ol' fork in the road:

a) You either let something exploit your insecurity (medications, transplants, whatever you wish)
b) Or take on it cue ball head on and shoot for the best. Sure, some people's perspective on you will be a little bit different, but that's how life is.

Picked b) because it would cost me way less stress in the long run (while it surely took a little bit of an adjustment because I liked my hair). Prefer to leave the wigs and come in terms with someone laughing at me than fretting every single day.

By the way, thanks to everyone participating in the thread so far!

 

[User#8628]

Excuse me if it's an uneducated guess - as you all have already been living in Japan for quite a while.

The thing with insecurities is that usually there's a huge market creeping on every single one of them - cosmetics, baldness, whatever you wish. Every part of our life can be exploited to leave us with a chunk of dissatisfaction so we can turn to <something>. Ain't nothing wrong with that and I sure have my little escapism moments, but from what I've heard/read about East Asia (especially South Korea/Japan), there seems to be an even greater exploit of the people's insecurities.

With baldness, I encountered the good ol' fork in the road:

a) You either let something exploit your insecurity (medications, transplants, whatever you wish)
b) Or take on it cue ball head on and shoot for the best. Sure, some people's perspective on you will be a little bit different, but that's how life is.

Picked b) because it would cost me way less stress in the long run (while it surely took a little bit of an adjustment because I liked my hair). Prefer to leave the wigs and come in terms with someone laughing at me than fretting every single day.

By the way, thanks to everyone participating in the thread so far!

It's true. Oh, the complexes the people here in Asia have about every single thing.. Please love yourself!
Thats why i think you'll do well with just confidence.
Maybe people will laugh at first but if they realize you are not embarrassed and you're comfortable with how you look, they'll respect that i think.
And women like confidence, so that shouldn't be a problem. Maybe you'll get a few less women than the gaijin model with the full, wavey blond hair, but you might appeal to some girls.

Things like makeup should be fun to play with and to accentuate your best features, not something you feel horrible without.

Same with hair pieces, full hair looks great, and like you said, its hard to give up (i cant imagine cutting my hair short!) so nothing wrong with filling it up but if a guy is almost in tears because the wind blew off his wig and the whole street is laughing at him thats not ok. >.<

 

[honra123]

A friend of mine who actually lives here (other prefecture, though), is a bit like the Ken model you described - throw in some green eyes and beautiful curls instead of the blond waviness. He scores as much as you can imagine, but he also told me that he's gotten tired at some point due to the high amount of total airheads who wanted to date him only as a souvenir of sorts. Recently he found his lucky charm so everything is alright, to both my and his relief

If we're trimming the quantity of that kind of airhead-foreigners-are-a-decoration-to-show-off-with girls, it's alright. Even for casual dating/FWB, I need someone interesting. Back at home I've always been surrounded by intelligent, charming women (I admit, not every one was top in terms of looks, but stimulating company ranks higher for me) so my bar is a bit high.

Oh, the makeup thing! Please add high heels to that -- it's my limited experience, but a lot of women here simply KILL their legs with the way they're walking on high heels. All in the name of vain, I guess, but I was shocked at how their poor ankles twist. Gah.

 

[User#8628]

A friend of mine who actually lives here (other prefecture, though), is a bit like the Ken model you described - throw in some green eyes and beautiful curls instead of the blond waviness. He scores as much as you can imagine, but he also told me that he's gotten tired at some point due to the high amount of total airheads who wanted to date him only as a souvenir of sorts. Recently he found his lucky charm so everything is alright, to both my and his relief

If we're trimming the quantity of that kind of airhead-foreigners-are-a-decoration-to-show-off-with girls, it's alright. Even for casual dating/FWB, I need someone interesting. Back at home I've always been surrounded by intelligent, charming women (I admit, not every one was top in terms of looks, but stimulating company ranks higher for me) so my bar is a bit high.

Oh, the makeup thing! Please add high heels to that -- it's my limited experience, but a lot of women here simply KILL their legs with the way they're walking on high heels. All in the name of vain, I guess, but I was shocked at how their poor ankles twist. Gah.

I barely wear heels. Such a torture >.<
Haha

 

[Quietlife]

One of my customers is a European guy, balding and so has a shaved head. His girlfriend is absolutely gorgeous AND a really lovely person. In my view, if you dress well, take care of your hygiene and have a positive attitude you may find you will attract women easily, especially among the 'alternative' crowd. Music scene girls are a possibility, or arty girls too. Or anyone who isn't looking for a stereotype. Good luck!

 

[honra123]

I barely wear heels. Such a torture >.<
Haha

One of my exes was especially keen on learning to walk on heels and whatnot. After a few days of frustration, she gave up and reserved it for only the most special of occasions. Kinda understand you keeping in mind what I saw throughout these few days

One of my customers is a European guy, balding and so has a shaved head. His girlfriend is absolutely gorgeous AND a really lovely person. In my view, if you dress well, take care of your hygiene and have a positive attitude you may find you will attract women easily, especially among the 'alternative' crowd. Music scene girls are a possibility, or arty girls too. Or anyone who isn't looking for a stereotype. Good luck!

Sounds exactly my kind of crowd, given the fact I'm interested in the local (non J-pop) music scene. Thanks for the comment and sharing your observations, mate!

 

[Jbagz]

Own your baldness and embrace it. It is part of who you are.

I shaved my head at 30 because of thinning hair and the first few years were an adjustment. I wasted too much time feeling bad about it.

Some ladies don't like bald guys, but plenty of them have no problem with it. You'll do fine with the ladies in Japan as a charming and confident bald guy.

Don't worry about it.

 

[TheHunter]

I worked with a guy that has the most awkward shaped heads I've ever seen. He shaves his head, but yet has the best possible outlook on life. He is seriously the nicest person in the world and everyone (Japanese) in the community I've talked to know him by name and think greatly of him. He met a really beautiful girl and they are still quite the couple. Even her family really likes him.

How much hair you have is the least of your problems.

 

[Tokyodude]

All things being equal Japanenese women don't really dig the bald look unless you are over 50 and she is too desperate/old to be too picky .

Again things in Europe are different just becuase there are so many of young bald guys

Yes a confident super nice but bald guy may still manage somehow to get a nice girl but he needs to make the extra effort to be nice all the time to compensate for that flaw.
If not she will probably dump him for being not nice AND bald while the hairy guy does not have to make the effort to be as nice and still get the girl and even treat her like crap and she will ask for more

Frankly most guys just don't feel like being nice everyday sometimes I just want to be mean and not give a fuck all day that's just the way it is

My point was that you should try anything you possibly can to keep the hair - money should not be an issues as those drugs can be ordered cheap from abroad- and they work I have been using those myself since the 1990's there are a even a few new options even better than finasteride and those are allowed to be imported to japan in reasonable amounts - typically up to months of usage for a single shipment

It's nice to be confident and all but again the confident hairy guy will have it a lot easier than the confident bald guy that's the hard truth

 

[User#8628]

All things being equal Japanenese women don't really dig the bald look unless you are over 50 and she is too desperate/old to be too picky .

Again things in Europe are different just becuase there are so many of young bald guys

Yes a confident super nice but bald guy may still manage somehow to get a nice girl but he needs to make the extra effort to be nice all the time to compensate for that flaw.
If not she will probably dump him for being not nice AND bald while the hairy guy does not have to make the effort to be as nice and still get the girl and even treat her like crap and she will ask for more

Frankly most guys just don't feel like being nice everyday sometimes I just want to be mean and not give a fuck all day that's just the way it is

My point was that you should try anything you possibly can to keep the hair - money should not be an issues as those drugs can be ordered cheap from abroad- and they work I have been using those myself since the 1990's there are a even a few new options even better than finasteride and those are allowed to be imported to japan in reasonable amounts - typically up to months of usage for a single shipment

It's nice to be confident and all but again the confident hairy guy will have it a lot easier than the confident bald guy that's the hard truth

Hah this is so stupid. Who wants to be around someone who's mean?
If you are in a bad mood, just avoid your girlfriend for a while and go to the gym to get the frustrations out.

Having to be nice and looking good are hardly related.
You fall for someone because of their looks, then your relationship developpes by their character.
For example: if i'm not attracted to someone, i don't go out with them (i dont do the "give him a chance, he's nicr" thing. I can imagine that some people fall in love with someone in their social circle just for their character, but personally i have to be at least a bit attracted to someone's looks.) If i do go out with someone but he does something mean i stop seeing him. I don't take shit from no one. Yes i think the "badboy" type, but the "me and you against the world" badboy, not people who ignore me or insult me.

Bald doesn't even always equal ugly. Some people can pull it off.
How many famous westerners are there with bald/buzz cut hair.
Also ones that are popular in Japan

 

[MossBoss]

Alice rescues the thread from being a bunch of half-baked homespun philosophies.

Regards,

MossBoss