Being polite or just not interested?

[SugoiBoy]

From time to time, I go on dates with Japanese women that I’ve met online. Typically, the first date involves a meal. The restaurants are always somewhere nice, but never too fancy.

On more than one occasion, when the bill comes, the lady offers to split it. However, I always insist on paying the whole thing anyway.

In such cases, is a Japanese woman just being polite by offering to pay her share of the bill? Or, does it mean that she is not really interested in me?

Perhaps some of ladies think that I’m showing off?

In certain other parts of the world the man typically pays for everything at least for the first few times. Later, if a relationship has been established, then the woman might pay for some of the expenses.

The actual amounts involved aren’t a big deal. I don’t expect any woman to “put out” simply because I bought her a meal and drinks, taken her to the movies, or whatever.

Maybe this also has something to do with meeting first online rather than offline?

 

[MikeH]

Or, does it mean that she is not really interested in me?

It means exactly nothing .

It's just the way things work out here. I can refuse their money by telling that the older, and in the case of me and my dates, the much older, person will pay.

If you are about the same age than the girl then if you let them pay half or part of the bill they won't think any less of you. And if you pay it all they won't think any more of you.

If it's the first date but you think you can get away with a joke tell then you'll pay this but they can pay the drinks at the love hotel .

 

[Frenchy]

It means exactly nothing .

It's just the way things work out here. I can refuse their money by telling that the older, and in the case of me and my dates, the much older, person will pay.

If you are about the same age than the girl then if you let them pay half or part of the bill they won't think any less of you. And if you pay it all they won't think any more of you.

If it's the first date but you think you can get away with a joke tell then you'll pay this but they can pay the drinks at the love hotel .

Good one. I will remember it , thanks!

 

[thor]

This is the thing I find greatly amusing about these new times. I'm not making this declaration from a position of experience within this realm, but in America simply attempting to be chivalrous can invite quite a screeching headache. Third-wave feminists often equate the phrase "I'll pay the bill" with "This secures my right to rape you, later."

And then freak the FUCK out.

 

[Jbagz]

This is the thing I find greatly amusing about these new times. I'm not making this declaration from a position of experience within this realm, but in America simply attempting to be chivalrous can invite quite a screeching headache. Third-wave feminists often equate the phrase "I'll pay the bill" with "This secures my right to rape you, later."

And then freak the FUCK out.

I've never ran up against that in America and it sounds like you haven't either.

Militant feminists are certainly easy targets for humorous barbs, but I haven't found them in great numbers in the American dating pool.

Outside of a protest rally at UC Berkeley, that type of female is pretty damned rare.

 

[Sudsy]

Militant feminists are certainly easy targets for humorous barbs, but I haven't found them in great numbers in the American dating pool.

That would likely be because most of them aren't dating men....

 

[just4fun]

I've never ran up against that in America and it sounds like you haven't either.

Militant feminists are certainly easy targets for humorous barbs, but I haven't found them in great numbers in the American dating pool.

Outside of a protest rally at UC Berkeley, that type of female is pretty damned rare.

I have in America. I used to do some p/t work at a place with a lot of older female office staff and when I'd show up I'd always say "Hi Girls" and this one fat bitch one day said....."We're women! Not Girls". Several of the other women there later found me alone and said "thank you" to me for calling then girls.....it said it made them feel young again.......and that's exactly what i was trying to do.

 

[TAG_Member]

They are just being polite. They will almost always offer to pay by starting to take out their purses but wait.

 

[Frenchy]

I've never ran up against that in America and it sounds like you haven't either.

Militant feminists are certainly easy targets for humorous barbs, but I haven't found them in great numbers in the American dating pool.

Outside of a protest rally at UC Berkeley, that type of female is pretty damned rare.

Yeah and that's too bad coz I would be happy making them feel totally comfortable and safe by asking them to pay for the whole bill themselves. With a straight face.

 

[faboo2001]

This is the thing I find greatly amusing about these new times. I'm not making this declaration from a position of experience within this realm, but in America simply attempting to be chivalrous can invite quite a screeching headache. Third-wave feminists often equate the phrase "I'll pay the bill" with "This secures my right to rape you, later."

And then freak the FUCK out.

That would likely be because most of them aren't dating men....

I laugh, but sadly there's some truth in that as well.

Any back on the original question, I think you may be just overthinking it in this case. Pretty sure she was just being polite and were willing to pay for their share...unless there's some Japanese cultural thing I'm not aware of.

 

[TAG Manager]

They are just being polite. They will almost always offer to pay by starting to take out their purses but wait.

All show, no go.