Cautionary Tale

[User#4542]

Some of the downfalls of acting in the manner I have over the past seven or so months, just as a warning to you all, is that you might destroy your marriage, lose your children, wreck a car, catch an STD, get your secret apartment discovered, and basically have your whole family and friends told about it thus making yourself a pariah.

So, just check yourself before you wreck yourself, as the wise man said. You can look upon my posts here as the words of a madman.

 

[Minato Namikaze]

Goddamn.

Did all of this actually happened to you in the past seven months because of P4P?

I am interested to know more.

 

[Manny]

Me too! What happened to you? Please share

 

[Hamerare]

Some of the downfalls of acting in the manner I have over the past seven or so months, just as a warning to you all, is that you might destroy your marriage, lose your children, wreck a car, catch an STD, get your secret apartment discovered, and basically have your whole family and friends told about it thus making yourself a pariah.

So, just check yourself before you wreck yourself, as the wise man said. You can look upon my posts here as the words of a madman.

I know what ur talking about

Mongering can be dangerous in many ways.

 

[Username1]

Some of the downfalls of acting in the manner I have over the past seven or so months, just as a warning to you all, is that you might destroy your marriage, lose your children, wreck a car, catch an STD, get your secret apartment discovered, and basically have your whole family and friends told about it thus making yourself a pariah.

So, just check yourself before you wreck yourself, as the wise man said. You can look upon my posts here as the words of a madman.

Sorry to hear about your situation - especially about your marriage and children. Your advice is absolutely a great one for those here with a marriage and children and should infact be in the Nampa section too.

If I may add to Scotty's advice. If the idea of potentially losing your family means something to you, don't be foolish and try to mess around and follow the suggestions of some on this board. You have to realize that some are single or no longer care about their marriage or have been cheating for a long time before even marriage and are very skilled. Cheating and not being caught is a skill that needs to develop over years and not something you practice whilst married. If this is not you, just go the P4P option.

Hope you get your stuff sorted Scotty. Depending on how bad it is, you may be able to save something. Good luck.

 

[Minato Namikaze]

Sorry to hear about your situation - especially about your marriage and children. Your advice is absolutely a great one for those here with a marriage and children and should infact be in the Nampa section too.

If I may add to Scotty's advice. If the idea of potentially losing your family means something to you, don't be foolish and try to mess around and follow the suggestions of some on this board. You have to realize that some are single or no longer care about their marriage or have been cheating for a long time before even marriage and are very skilled. Cheating and not being caught is a skill that needs to develop over years and not something you practice whilst married. If this is not you, just go the P4P option.

Hope you get your stuff sorted Scotty. Depending on how bad it is, you may be able to save something. Good luck.

Goddamn!

It actually did happen.

I am so sorry, @Scotty. I hope you get back on your feet soon.

 

[johnnyboy84]

Sorry about that.

Thankfully, I am not married, don't have any children (at least none that I know if), have a secret apartment (more tax burdens), nor tested for any diseases.

I'm the type of person that will give up on mongering if or when I settle down.

 

[Ohmygod]

Scotty, I have been where you are. You're probably feeling pretty shitty and ashamed. It won't last forever. If you want to repair things, it's possible, no matter how bad things look right now, with effort, you can turn things round. People can be very forgiving. They may never forget, but most people will forgive even the worst of crimes if you are truly sorry.

 

[Hamerare]

It always happens to someone else until it happens 2 u. No matter how clever u think u have been in covering ur trax.

Married guys who really value their marriage family and status shud think 2ce about mongering

 

[Hamerare]

In Scotty's situation, the vast majority of Anglo-Saxon wives wud bail. Asians are more 4giving n some Japanese wives wud even blame herself 4 the whole thing happening in the 1st place

In Scotty's case, a lot depends on how the relationship was b4 he got found out, n what kinda woman his wife is

In general, husbands r much more 4giving of wife infidelity than the other way round but all is not lost

 

[Minato Namikaze]

Reading this thread every single time reminds me to be thankful that I divorced my wife.

 

[IronGiant]

Scotty, Scotty! Your posts have been by far among the most useful on this forum. I'd hate to think that all the good you've done here has caused you harm.

When you say you have become a pariah, I hope you understand that that probably only is true in the eyes of a relatively small proportion of your friends and acquaintances. The reason for this is that many people, or perhaps even the large majority of people, all have their own sexual secrets. I only began to realize this once my wife cheated on me. Until then, I thought that my marriage had to be like a Disney fairytale. Now I have realized that for many (or most) people it is far from that, and that the most surprising people can still act like real sexual animals.

For example, I found out that one of our secretaries at work did porn for half a year. A little searching online was all it took to discover several dozen videos of her. Except for one other person in our office, no one else here knows anything about it. (Or, at least, I don't think they do.)

Bit by bit over the last two or three years I have gradually discovered that many people whom I previously thought of as morally upstanding, or even prudish, actually have pretty steamy histories. Colleagues have slept with one another, have hit on one another, have become so infatuated with one another that spouses have had to write tear-filled letters to superiors, etc. One gorgeous young mother of two turned out also to have come within a hair's breadth of a sex offender conviction by sleeping with a minor in a previous job. And these are all people whom I see almost every day.

So for every person who might think that you are a pariah, there probably are two people who wish that they had had the balls that you have, and another two people who are thinking "there but for the grace of God go I..."

However, I agree with you that the risks are considerable. Unless, of course, you convert your marriage to an open marriage before proceeding. I presently am working on this. (It doesn't hurt that my wife was the first one to cheat, and it also doesn't hurt that she actually has told me a couple of times that I should go and find other women -- I just need to work toward the point where she and I both are sure that when she says this, she really means it.)

 

[GoldenDalton]

Scotty-
Did all those things you mentioned happen to you?
I just now found out you were going through these difficulties.
If you need someone to confide in/bitch at, feel free to message me.

Did all of this blow up at once randomly or was there a chain reaction to all of this?

 

[matt_j]

I think everyone is curious to hear the full story as to what happened, if only as a truly cautionary tale, because many here could be in the same boat if the chips fell in a different way.

Regardless, godspeed, User# 4542.

 

[Minato Namikaze]

PLEASE TELL THE STORY.

 

[R.O.B]

Why on Earth would User#4542 want to give details about what had obviously devastated him. Isn't his warning sufficient and the fact he feels the need to cover his tracks?

 

[Minato Namikaze]

Why on Earth would User#4542 want to give details about what had obviously devastated him. Isn't his warning sufficient and the fact he feels the need to cover his tracks?

He can use nicknames, fake places and such. There are a lot of ways to tell a real story without actually giving information regarding the true people behind it.

Also, it is an excellent way to vent.

 

[Username1]

He can use nicknames, fake places and such. There are a lot of ways to tell a real story without actually giving information regarding the true people behind it.

Also, it is an excellent way to vent.

Who knows what he is going through. In Japan if you are caught cheating, the courts will intervene with a hefty fine - this goes to the cheater as well. It's all speculation but he probably needs to cover his trail and sort his life out. The last thing he is or needs to be thinking about is the guys on this site.

 

[Minato Namikaze]

Who knows what his

Who knows what he is going through. In Japan if you are caught cheating, the courts will intervene with a hefty fine - this goes to the cheater as well. It's all speculation but he probably needs to cover his trail and sort his life out. The last thing he is or needs to be thinking about is the guys on this site.

Agreed.

@User#4542 my apologies if I seem pushy regarding the details of your encounters. I hope you recover soon,

 

[Solong]

Scotty, Scotty! Your posts have been by far among the most useful on this forum. I'd hate to think that all the good you've done here has caused you harm.

When you say you have become a pariah, I hope you understand that that probably only is true in the eyes of a relatively small proportion of your friends and acquaintances. The reason for this is that many people, or perhaps even the large majority of people, all have their own sexual secrets. I only began to realize this once my wife cheated on me. Until then, I thought that my marriage had to be like a Disney fairytale. Now I have realized that for many (or most) people it is far from that, and that the most surprising people can still act like real sexual animals.

For example, I found out that one of our secretaries at work did porn for half a year. A little searching online was all it took to discover several dozen videos of her. Except for one other person in our office, no one else here knows anything about it. (Or, at least, I don't think they do.)

Bit by bit over the last two or three years I have gradually discovered that many people whom I previously thought of as morally upstanding, or even prudish, actually have pretty steamy histories. Colleagues have slept with one another, have hit on one another, have become so infatuated with one another that spouses have had to write tear-filled letters to superiors, etc. One gorgeous young mother of two turned out also to have come within a hair's breadth of a sex offender conviction by sleeping with a minor in a previous job. And these are all people whom I see almost every day.

So for every person who might think that you are a pariah, there probably are two people who wish that they had had the balls that you have, and another two people who are thinking "there but for the grace of God go I..."

However, I agree with you that the risks are considerable. Unless, of course, you convert your marriage to an open marriage before proceeding. I presently am working on this. (It doesn't hurt that my wife was the first one to cheat, and it also doesn't hurt that she actually has told me a couple of times that I should go and find other women -- I just need to work toward the point where she and I both are sure that when she says this, she really means it.)

I find this to be true, where a large percentage of people have secret sex lives, fetishes, or sexual practices not deemed socially acceptable. These are non-dangerous consenting adult sexual activities that I'm referring to. My guess is 65% of people in many industrialized societies are severly to significantly affected. 65% is also the percentage of people that cheat in marriage. That's not even getting into homosexuality, bisexuality, swingers, polyamory, non-monogamy behaviors, BDSM (S&M), etc...

I think the main problem is that the form of marriage and ideal relationship that is deemed cultural and social acceptable is at odds with human nature and reality. Often a specific religion or rigid traditionalism has been written into law and forced upon the population, that is unaccepting of diversity and differences in beliefs. So that there is constant struggle for most people when they attempt to live a more sexually satisfying lifestyle and existence. Many feel or fear guilt, shame, and public humiliation. From both internally, psychologically, and externally as religious, parental, and social pressure.

The only way change will happen, is more people will have to embrace the reality of human sexual nature and push for more flexibility in socially acceptable marriage and relationships. The current rigid and inflexible ideal of how relationships are "supposed" to be has to be changed. It will take courage and overcoming prejudice and stigmas to do so. Alternative, non-religious based, marriages have to become legalized, and alternative relationships socially acceptable. Not just gay marriages, but bigamy/polygamy has to be accepted and laws against it struck down. And this includes wider acceptance of polyamorous relationships, which would include swinging. Prostitution should definitely be legalized. I think BDSM will always be fringe, as the subculture naturally gravitates in that direction, but a greater acceptance of those that have a different lifestyle. Interestingly, until the proliferation of Christianity, human societies were much more "liberal" or accepting of human sexual diversity. Simply, everyone shouldn't be forced by their government to live by a religious or rigid belief system that they don't believe in.

 

[Desktop]

They should lock this out of respect for dude.